In this house…I’m doing the seating chart. DD and FSIL will help with their friends and his family, but really…they wouldn’t have a clue about the our relatives and our friends!
And we are doing table assignments. Not specific seats at tables.
@romanigypsyeyes even when I’ve been to weddings with a seat assignment…maybe one…folks did move around at the table once they arrived.
I did not realize it until I was involved in the planning of my daughter’s wedding, but now I understand that if guests do this, it can cause problems for the servers and perhaps the hosts as well. If you must move, it is probably best to wait until after the entree is served. The whole point of seating charts, from the venue’s point of view, is to make sure that the right entrees get to the right people.
I’m on team seating chart for all but the most casual events. Otherwise it is a bit of a free for all which can be especially challenging for the elderly and those with mobility/health issues, some of which aren’t always obvious.
The majority of wedding guests are adults. You can make efforts to be social and make conversation at any table. It also doesn’t mean you can’t mix and mingle during the event. People who move seating assignments are gauche.
I’m with you, @doschicos. I assume the hosts have worked hard on the arrangements and wouldn’t think of rocking the boat. I have never been miserable but even if I was, I’d probably be able to last a few hours and appreciate all the thought that went into the wedding plans. This is the same reason I never criticize weddings I’ve been to - it’s really not about me.
I have also seen the free-for-all for open seating at events, and I’m not a fan.
Count me in the group who likes assigned seating. At my own mother’s funeral we didn’t do it of course, and I ended up at a weird table.
It’s just for a meal, afterwards you can mix and mingle, but I don’t want to worry at a wedding that I’ll have to scramble for a seat near people.
The only behavior issue we had at the previous wedding was the sister of my bil coming onto my husband. Can’t wait to see her at the next family wedding.
Back to the guests behavior. I see this more of an issue with evening wedding receptions where there is loud music, drinking and dancing. Some just drink a bit too much and get carried away. Since a wedding is a formal affair I would hope everyone would be on their best behavior and remember that the celebration is a very important day for the couple and their families.
In my experience often the dj or music is so loud that it is difficult to even carry a conversation without stepping out into the hallway. I wouldn’t think to discuss religion or politics at a wedding function. Mostly mingle with people and enjoy the wedding festivities.
@Silpat that priest was outrageous! D and her fiance did ask a priest they don’t know well to be their officiant, because her fiance had a bit of a falling out with the other one in their parish. I can’t imagine he’ll cause trouble, though.
@CountingDown , the spy gear is a brilliant idea! I’ll suggest it to the couple. There are a couple of children who might really enjoy it.
@coralbrook, ah yes, I have a “drunkle” but I don’t think he will be able to make it. He did behave at my parents’ 50th anniversary, though, so if he shows up, there’s hope!
@romanigypsyeyes , I think this is what the couple are hoping. Everyone who is invited will know at least one other person there, even if they don’t get a plus one. They’ve decided to give those only to couples who have been serious for a while, living together or married.
Holy crow, @eyemamom , your BIL’s sister must be a piece of work to come on to a married man! Hope she settles down before the next family event!
Bad behavior? Not me…not I. (See I’ve already deflecting the conversation). We were at one wedding where one groomsmen had to be carried out.
At my son and dil’s wedding…I walked outside and found a few guests getting fresh air. One guest of someone we knew was blotto drunk. He proceeded with a rant about Persians…who were our guests. I went off on him…it wasn’t pretty. Took 5 minutes of my bad behavior and then I told the valet to get him an uber. They didn’t have a hotel room…they planned to return home that evening. The venue had some connections and got them a room nearby for $150…we paid.
Our venue, and ALL seven we went to…ask for seating charts… it they also ask for NAME place cards that the guests can put at the seats they choose at the assigned tables. The venues wanted only to know WHO was going to be at each table and what entree they chose.
When our guests arrive, they will get a thing that has their name…and table number on it. They then go to THAT table number where they are free to choose a seat of their choice…and put their name thing on it to “reserve” their spot.
People here use just cards, little picture frames with cards in them. We went to one wedding where each guest got a CD of music and their table assignment was on that.
Yes, that priest was a real piece of work. He was on the marriage tribunal for the diocese and was a big gossip, too. I tried to steer clear of him, but my mother thought he hung the moon.
I didn’t learn until years later that there had been some interesting goings on at and after our reception. It was the '70s. Some of it didn’t surprise me, but one encounter involved a relative who got very sanctimonious about his ex’s behavior a few years later. None of those people are still married to their then-spouses.
At D1’s wedding we had one “Drunkle” but he just got sentimental and a bit weepy. Dh commented that all of the couple’s friends and coworkers seem much more conservative (socially, not politically) than ours were at that age.
@Momofadult , it’s too bad that the boss couldn’t relax and enjoy the evening without begrudging the younger staff their fun, especially since it doesn’t sound as if anyone got out of hand. Formal doesn’t have to mean stuffy.
@massmomm - she’s a piece of work, she really doesn’t care, married, family, whatever… She’s the type of woman you’d never want as a friend, she wouldn’t think of stealing your husband/boyfriend. And she’s entirely too old to be acting like that. She thinks she’s way hotter than she is - she told him- no one would have to know. Hello - his wife, kids, cousins, in laws, everyone you know IS there, did she think he’d run off to the bathroom for a quickie? I have zero worries with hubby as far as that’s concern, I was only irritated because she did this in front of our kids and all the cousins. My kids weren’t worried either, but I felt badly for them.
“Drunkle”…I have never heard that term! So funny!
The older of my two brothers is the drunkle…we sent him an invitation with deep reservations. S & DIL had many concerns about him, too. Because drunkle has no money and no reliable vehicle, he was going to have to borrow my dad’s car and drive the 600 miles up here for the wedding. S2 promised he’d keep an eye on Drunkle at the wedding. For better or worse, my brother went on a long, serious bender, at which point my dad revoked his offer on the car. Can I admit here I was secretly relieved?
The guest seating was one of the few things S & DIL wanted to do themselves. Most of the guests were their friends, and they did a masterful job of assembling groups of strangers that had various threads in common, and they all had a great time. Worked out wonderfully. No assigned seats, just a table sign (each with a different science fiction starship) and a list of names. I realized afterwards that my family was on the opposite side of the room. Not intentional!
Otherwise, we’ve never witnessed serious misbehavior at a wedding we’ve attended. Even DH’s mother behaved at our wedding. We weren’t sure we’d be that lucky.
I would actually have been a little concerned if it had been done this way at my daughter’s wedding because there were families with small children who needed to sit together at a table so that the adults could assist and supervise the children. If people were only assigned to a table but not to seats at that table, there would be no guarantee that a parent could sit with each child.
“If people were only assigned to a table but not to seats at that table, there would be no guarantee that a parent could sit with each child.”
I bet that, just like on an airplane, if you plop your child down between two other adults that they’ll offer to change seats and accommodate you. 
@Marian why wouldn’t the parents have been able to sit with their kids?
We have a couple of kids coming…they will be assigned to the SAME table as their parents. I’m sure the others at the table will be polite enough to move over a chair if needed…so the parent can sit next to their kid!
We had kids at our wedding. No one had to split tables or split families.
Do you guys have assigned tables at holiday parties? Graduation parties?
People can do whatever they want- assign or not- I don’t care. But I just have never seen it be a problem. That’s all. I would hope people could be adult enough to switch seats if there’s a family that wants to sit together and they can’t. Especially with small children.
“Do you guys have assigned tables at holiday parties? Graduation parties?”
They’re typically much smaller, mainly family, and more casual. And not affairs with dancing and other wedding hoopla. We don’t do grad parties though.