I have been to all kinds of events with assigned seats, with the ‘head table’ assigned and one or two tables reserved for the parents/grandparents of the bride and groom but all other seating open, with nothing assigned, with buffets and with table service.
Somehow it all works.
And yes, I’ve been at weddings with guests arguing, but I shouldn’t talk about my brothers…
“When our guests arrive, they will get a thing that has their name…and table number on it. They then go to THAT table number where they are free to choose a seat of their choice…and put their name thing on it to “reserve” their spot.”
I’ve been to a couple of weddings where each of the seat cards had small decorations glued on that were code for the servers - blue “gemstone” for chicken, “pearl” for vegetarian, etc. We just thought these were random ornaments at first, and worked out the code as the plates were delivered.
I asked about that…I was going to use ribbon in different colors. DD said…no need. All the venue needs is the person’s name because we will already have given them a list of who is getting what.
Both kids’ venues wanted a list and coded place cards. The servers can more quickly pick up the color code rather than reading names and it helps if there are 2 John Smiths in the family at one table.
^^ Will the wait persons memorize the guests’ names and their choices? I would check with the venue yourself just to make sure that’s all is needed. I’ve seen mixups even though the place cards stated what should be served.
My 8 year old shy, on the spectrum kid was seated across the room from her parents at a rehearsal dinner with assigned seating once (we were part of the groom’ family, from out of town). Then the next night at the wedding, we were seated at a back corner table (literally back corner in another room) at a dinner for over 300 people with no one we knew at the table. We’d paid thousands to fly our family there, for NYC hotels, new clothes for the kids, wedding gift, etc. There were probablty 50 people we knew there, and somehow they couldn’t seat us with anyone we knew. And I knew I’d be leaving the reception shortly after dinner to take my elderly in laws back to the hotel. Damn straight I swapped our cards to a nearby table where friends were sitting. No one in the bridal party cared (they were in a different room). We had a great time all managed to get the right meals. And I don’t feel a bit bad about it.
I am not a fan of kids at any type of event. We put “Adults only, please” on our RSVPs. The flower girl and the mustached ring bearer were the only two kids at our wedding, and they lived close enough to the venue for the parents to take them home after photos for older siblings to watch. Yes, there were friends and family who declined to attend because they couldn’t find sitters for their children. That was OK.
The servers don’t need to memorize anything at our venue. Each server gets a list of the guests at each table…and what entree they will be having.
We just need to provide those servers with some kind of place card that lets them know who is who. That way they know who to give what to.
At our wedding, H’s cousin had ONE job, which was to get the seating cards I had painstakingly made to the venue. Dinner was buffet so we didn’t have to worry about servers. Said cousin forgot the cards at his house so we wound up with open seating. H’s extremely conservative clients wound up at a table with his rowdy cousins, including the bf whose nickname was after a Southern State. When I realized that, I freaked out. I was afraid that the trashy cousins would turn off the clients, whose business was very important to us at the time. However, it turned out ok. The patriarch of the conservative family, a WWII vet, and the bf, a Viet Nam vet, bonded over their shared experiences and the former wound up offering the latter a job. He didn’t take it, but still… It was back in the day when people put disposable cameras on the tables and we did wind up with a couple of commode hugging shots featuring younger members of the conservative family and H’s cousin’s kids, not all of whom were over 18. Oh, and my really rich cousins took the cameras with them to another wedding and eventually mailed me back 2 photos from the camera - both of their own family!
My H still talks about the wedding, 30 plus years ago, when he literally had to fling his date across the room to get her out of the way of a fight that was heading towards her as she stood staring like a deer in the headlights.
@thumper… at D’s wedding, the servers would have gone nuts with all the same or very similar names (lots of Bill Jr, Bill Sr, John Doe, Jack Doe, Joe Doe, etc.) Of course, this happens with a big Irish Catholic family 
The venue wanted some icon or color for each place cards.
My D tried desperately to get everyone seated with someone they knew. We felt badly that some cousins (family of four, and family of three) ended up being at random tables on other side of room from family…but this was the best we could do … and begged forgiveness and understanding. There were only so many tables and we just couldn’t get it perfect for everyone. Having experienced it, I have tremendous respect and sympathy for anyone doing seating charts…
There are some events where children might not be welcome, but I think of weddings as intergenerational affairs for the most part. Of course, the limiting factor is the budget and the venue. I can’t see leaving a friend off the list just so that a cousin’s 9 year old can attend. Nor can I see including children at a sophisticated venue, such as an art gallery.
One of the most successful parties we have ever hosted was my parents’ 50th anniversary celebration. We held it at Seattle’s Museum of Flight, my dad’s favorite, and the kids were free to roam all over the museum once the brunch was done. (Actually, my teenage nephew with autism left during the thing because he didn’t see the point of brunch and toasts when there were airplanes to see!)
@techmom99 your experience is a reminder that every family has its share of embarrassing members! When we know only the “upstanding” members of a group, it’s easy to forget that every one of those people has a “drunkle” or a racist or a snob or some other obnoxious type of relative.
@gosmom, this is why I like my D’s decision not to do seating charts. It seems like a lot of stress. I’m hoping that like will find like to sit with, but if like finds dislike, that they will also find charity!
I recently went to a brunch wedding with no assigned seating. The reality ended up being that many tables had extra people where guests had added a few chairs to fit a friend in. Other tables sat empty or with just a couple of guests. My H got to talking and by the time we got our food the only available seats were at tables that were totally empty. We ended up eating alone.
This wedding was a two culture event that had a 2nd wedding service and reception that evening. The nighttime wedding had assigned tables and assigned seating. It was a plated meal and the servers knew what entree to bring based on the seating chart. I much preferred the assigned table and seat.
My D has already told her future H that she doesn’t want to invite his racist uncle. I think she is going to lose that battle. I hope he behaves and keeps his opinions to himself.
We attended a reception where you just picked up your colored, tented name card from a table near the door and sat where you wanted. Each entree corresponded to a color, so the servers knew who had the beef, chicken, fish or veggie dish at each table based on the color of the name card. That seemed to work well.
I remember days of long ago when I attended weddings as a single person without escort. Often, I had married friends seated at one table while I as a single got stuck with people I had never met - I always thought of us as “the left-overs”. It also seemed that this was the table in the far corner of the room - another indication of my status. We had no seating chart at our wedding for just this reason. Lots of single friends, many un-partnered, and young marrieds that could sit together and invite others to join in as desired without our deciding for them.
Momof adult, I hesitated to post as another single. Still, I prefer seating charts.
At the wedding of a teacher’s teacher, I was seated with both couples and single teachers. The men weren’t dancers, but we women danced and had fun. At another, I was seated with friends, even though I was the extra. My close friend sat me with her immediate family, where her MIL was also a single.
There were only 2 exceptions, where I was placed in a corner table with unknown people. One had all age females, but the table was half empty. At another, I was with the 90 year old relatives. Across the table was a couple that I could have chatted with, but they were too far away for any conversation. When that husband left after salad, which was 10:30 or 11:00, I went too. After that, I always took my own car. I left the other affair quickly. Hey, not bad averages.
I was working at a temporary job (long term) and was invited to a wedding. I was solo, and I really have no idea where I was supposed to sit as one of the co-workers saw the situation and said ‘oh no, you are sitting with us’ and added a chair to an already overcrowded table. This was at one of those wedding venue places and they’d all been to a million weddings there but for me it was the first. They all knew to order two drinks during the ‘cocktail hour’ as the bar would shut down exactly one hour after we arrived. They all knew the cake would be wrapped up to take home as the flaming dessert would be served.
Our band was one song behind the band in the next room. There was no need for a wedding coordinator as the venue was run like Muselini’s trains. Each bride had her photo time on the ‘staircase to no where’, meals were boxed without your asking for them to be, do this, stand there, don’t get off schedule.
I learned a lot at that wedding, mostly that I’d never have a reception at a place like that, yet the local girls dreamed of that as the perfect wedding place and booked their receptions a year and a half in advance.
The thread title “Guests’ Behavior At Weddings” sounds like it could have been a Seinfeld episode.
I much prefer seating arrangements. Or at least being assigned to a table. I saw someone earlier mentioned that table arrangements were “like fourth grade” but I feel like I’m in middle school when I go to an event and look blankly around, wondering where I can sit. Or I see someone I know and go over, but then notice that the other chairs have purses or napkins on them, indicating they are claimed.
Or DH and I will start a “new” table and then 8 other people who already know each other will say, “can we sit here?” and we are the odd ones out.
Well-considered table arrangements can at least ensure that we can walk in and sit down and hopefully be sitting with people we know or may get along with. And none of the anxiety of walking around looking for a suitable location.