I know I sound awfully childish saying this but seeing people with worse stats getting into the same schools or even better schools than me just…makes me so upset… GOD, it’s hard to admit these feelings, but they are real, and they are hitting harder than ever post-ivy day…
I know I applied to a competitive major and I know there are so many factors that go into the admissions process but UGH I just can’t help it:((
I understand that my vanity and ego are really contributing to what I am feeling here…
Idk maybe people share these emotions on here or maybe people know how to do deal with it…
OR MAYBE I’M JUST A BAD PERSON HAHAHA:/
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It is perfectjy fine to feel jealous -lean in to it for a few days and then move on. Sorry to say, this will keep coming up in life from internship and job hunting to bidding to buy a house and someone else”wins” to wanting to meet your significant other etc - nothing wrong with the feelings and just don’t let them make you bitter - embrace it, eat ice cream, cry and then move on and remember all you do have in life 
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Growing up my parents always told us “Run your own race”. It wasn’t just a mantra- they lived it, they modeled it. It was easy to do as a kid- but it got harder in HS and then college and then real life.
But once you adopt that attitude, virtually EVERYTHING in your life gets better. I had a flash of jealousy at one point when my kids were very young- a parent in the nursery school class who was VERY nice (so I couldn’t even console myself that she was horrid) but also didn’t make a secret of her new, late model fancy car, the designer “shopping sprees”, the fantastic birthday her husband lined up for her, and a cruise “just because”. She wasn’t condescending at all- if she had been, it would have been easy to dismiss her- but someone so nice and kind and friendly who is also living WAY above everyone else’s means?
Well… they had legal trouble. Serious legal trouble. Not talking tax evasion-- or another “fine and a slap on the wrist” type of crime. The thoughtful and loving husband in jail kind of legal trouble. The “sell your gorgeous house so you can pay your spouse’s legal bills and move to an apartment with your kids” kind of legal trouble.
I’ve had a couple of bouts of jealousy of other people since then, but they pass quickly now when I remind myself that my parents were right. I run my own race. I’m not as thin or young-looking as some of my friends; I don’t have the lifestyle of some of my colleagues or friends or relatives; I have regrets like anyone else.
But by and large I’ve learned to dig deep to embrace and appreciate what my own race looks like- and by any measure, I’m winning big time.
Buy yourself a pint of Talenti or whatever your secret vice treat is. Eat half of it while being miserable about your situation… and then stick it in the freezer for a few days. When you go back to it, remind yourself that you are a winner in your own race, and eat the rest in celebration of what a terrific person you are who is going to do wonderful things in life!
Hugs. It will pass, I promise. The grass is always greener somewhere else but that doesn’t mean it’s better.
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Also admission really isn’t about stats so comparing those isn’t useful. Applicants generally need to meet the school’s benchmark but after that other things come into play.
Once you are on campus at the school you choose, this will evaporate- or maybe it will evaporate tomorrow!
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It’s OK to feel the way you’re feeling. At least you’re being honest, and fully aware these are negative feelings.
You will get over them shortly. Just try and not be too harsh on yourself. Rejections aren’t easy to process. Let your feelings run their course.
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Over the last admissions cycle the single best point was made by an Admissions Counseler from a top-tier LAC during one of the pre-applicant prep sessions. They commented that you may see other students with worse stats or less competitive activities profiles get admitted while you do not. Don’t take it personally as the AOs at each school are curating a class that they seek for a given set of applicants. If what some may see as a lower tier applicant, somehow brings a missing piece for this particular admissions cohort and rounds out the class more than yet another amazing STEM kid or published author, etc, that lower tier applicant will get admitted and the amazing STEM kid will be disappointed. They basically said its not fair, but they are just doing their job to make an interesting admissions class given the applications in front of them and at some level its just luck of the draw on who applies to a particular school during a particular cycle.
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There is always someone taller, shorter, prettier, richer and poorer. “Bet on yourself”. Someone else got in. Congrats to them. The school you will end up at is someone’s “dream” school or at least “target” school.
One of the best things you can do is prove the other school wrong. Get involved with the schools culture and activities. Give it your all to fit in and do well. There are many thing’s in life that won’t work out. The secret is… It makes you stronger.
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So many people have said so many smart things on this thread, and I hope you take them to heart.
One thing I’d add, since I see that you’re putting in a deposit to Berkeley. Here’s an absolute 100% guarantee: at Berkeley, you’re going to have plenty of classes (virtually all of them) where you are not going to be the smartest person in the room. Some classes you’re going to be in the top 10%. Some top third. Some, probably, middle or bottom third. There are a ton of smart people there, and you will learn from them, engage with them, laugh and yell and (probably) drink with them.
That would also have been true at Stanford, or Cornell, or any other Ivy. Not only are you incredibly fortunate to be attending one of America’s top academic institutions, but you will have the opportunity to shine, and also to be humbled. That’s a gift. At some point, while working on a problem set or a project or whatever, you (and your Berkeley friends who also got rejected from Stanford) will turn that into just a part of your story. I’m excited for when that moment happens for you.
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The bad news may be that admissions at selective universities in the US is very hard to predict, and can appear to be random. Sometimes yes indeed students with lower stats might be admitted to a top university while someone else with higher stats might be rejected. There are a lot of reasons for this, some of which might be fair and some of which might not (and my perception of fairness might not agree with your perception, or someone else’s perception).
There was an article on admissions in the Stanford alumni magazine a number of years ago. One thing that they mentioned: In a year where the tuba player in the marching band is graduating, they might admit a few tuba players in the hope of getting someone to replace the tuba player in the marching band. In years where the tuba player is a younger student and intends to continue in the band, they might not. How are you going to predict this? Of course you really can’t.
Perhaps the most important good news is that there are large numbers of very good universities in the US. You really can do very well with a degree from any one of at least several hundred colleges and universities.
If you did attend a highly ranked university, after graduation you would find yourself working with coworkers who attended a very wide range of universities. Some of your best coworkers might have come from relatively average universities. You won’t care where they came from. You will care whether they are reasonable to work with and whether whatever they are supposed to get done actually gets done, and works. If at some point you get to attend a highly ranked graduate program, or a graduate program that is very good at whatever it is that you decide you want to study, you will find yourself studying alongside people who have graduated from a huge range of schools, some of which you probably will never have heard of. It did not matter than they attended an “average” school for their bachelor’s degree. What mattered is what they did while they were there, and what they have done since, and again whether they are reasonable people to work with.
The main point of all the hard work that you put in as a high school student is not which university you get to attend. The main point is that this has helped you to get ready to do well once you get to university, regardless of which university you attend.
UC Berkeley is a great university.
There is an old saying that if you are the smartest person in the room, then you are in the wrong room. For the large majority of us being the smartest person in the room is not usually a problem at Berkeley (as long as you are in a room that contains at least three people).
And yes you should feel free to feel frustrated about this from time to time. Then you get over it and get back to whatever you should be doing.
And you can’t compete with everyone. There are too many of them. You should just be the best version of you that you can be.
And yes this might be a good time for ice cream. I might go with a hot fudge Sundae (perhaps for breakfast).
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This is a normal reaction. It happens to almost everyone at some point in their lives.
I’m going to echo all the people who are saying this is a normal reaction, and it doesn’t make you a bad person to have these feelings.
I will also suggest in almost all cases, this naturally fades away with time and events.
For many, the process starts in coming weeks where people are making their final choices and then really getting engaged in the process of preparing to start college. Already, you start learning more and more about all the opportunities available, and many colleges are quite good about getting their incoming students excited about all that.
Then you actually get started, and as others mentioned, it is usually a mixed bag. On the one hand, reality hits and you realize your college is full of competitive students, that getting the grades you were hoping for might be very difficult, maybe even impossible, that other things you were anticipating might not be as accessible or desirable as you hoped, and so on. But in most cases, you will also start developing interests and aptitudes you didn’t expect, and new possibilities will be opening up in your mind.
Meanwhile, if you are still comparing notes with former HS peers, it will quickly become obvious some are doing better and some worse with the transition to college, and it is definitely not the case that the people who went to the most selective colleges are all having the best time.
Long story short, the challenges of actually being in college can be both daunting and also rewarding, all in unexpected ways. And all that tends to quickly take over who got admitted where, it becomes about how you are actually doing, what you might do in the future, and so on.
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There is this idea that admissions is somehow hierarchical with the applicants who are “best” in some way being admitted. Hence the fact that so many base feelings of personal worth on the results.
Others in this thread have suggested this but I will say again, that top schools are assembling a class with an interesting mix of students. So it is not about the individual merit but how the individual adds to the whole This makes admission very hard to predict or understand but think of it as an “X factor.” Maybe too many from your state, too many violinists, too many interested in archaeology, whatever. Top schools are also using increased financial aid to attract less privileged students and though race is now forbidden as a consideration, improving access still is.
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