I think I was a lot like you when my first went through this process a couple of years ago. I became quite obsessed with research, spent a ton of time here, and badgered my D22 too much. (Not saying you are badgering your kid too much, but looking back, I see that I did.) While I love CC and still visit regularly, I think it’s important to notice how you are feeling when you visit and take breaks if you find it’s riling you up in an unhealthy way. It’s also important to find threads that best represent your student. For example, don’t read the ones with 4.7 GPAs, 1570 SATs, award-winning ECs if your kid is not in a similar boat. Comparison is the thief of joy, as they say.
One takeaway I had from the process and this site is that there is truly a college—usually many colleges—for everyone. My D22 did not end up at her prestigious Ivy dream school and she is glad she didn’t. She ended up at another fabulous school that she has really enjoyed.
I think the 2 pieces of advice that I can offer are:
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Listen to your kid. Put aside your angst, worry, whatever baggage you bring from your own experience and listen. This is stressful for them too and you need to be a safe space to land.
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Letting go of your college age kid happens in baby steps. I find I need to regularly reevaluate how I interact with my D22 when I see she is pulling away or when I see there’s an “adulting thing” where she needs more guidance. You won’t always get it right. My D22 and I are very close and sometimes my feelings get a little hurt when I see her pull away or try on a new way of establishing her independence. But I’m learning to set it aside and be proud that she’s becoming a real adult. We still text most days and we still have our fun when she is home, but it’s changing and I’m trying hard to let it change with some grace.
I say all this knowing how hard it was and is. You aren’t alone. Give yourself some grace—you sound like a loving, wonderful parent who has raised a wonderful child.