Wise words from “Youdon_tsay.” 
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These are a hoot to read. Well done in the badly done department of gifts!!!
I love giving gifts, don’t like receiving them much of the time. I think I’m picky and no matter what it is (candle, clothing, home decor) I want to pick out the exact one that I want!
H learned this pretty early so gifts are not a regular thing between us at all.
BUT….
When dating (so I was like early 20’s) I opened up a gift at his parents house that he handed me. Upon opening it I found a blouse (I never wore blouses), white with big red polka dots in a silky fabric (a fabric I never wore or print I never wore) with a big giant bow that tied in front (ugh). I quickly apologized and said “omg, I mistakenly opened the present you got for your mother!” NOPE. It was meant for me.
Just a couple of years ago he got me a gift card to a local landscape store. I was surprised since while I do a lot of gardening, I don’t buy my plants/supplies at this store. Then he told me it was so I could buy the exact mulch I wanted in the spring to lay in the flower beds. 
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Back when my husband and I were just dating and living in NYC, he told me that he thought Valentine’s Day was just a corporate holiday and he didn’t get me anything. That evening we were taking the subway back to Brooklyn and everyone on the train had roses and balloons and packages. He looked at me and said something along the lines of “I’ve really screwed up, haven’t I?” I said “YES” and he hasn’t forgotten one since then.
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Oh boy!
No one should give a gift that requires another to do work. Laying mulch is work!
The correct answer if compelled to give mulch 
is to take on the labor of spreading said mulch. Which is a no fun job ever!
My husband early in our relationship gave me a sweater that was pastel, I have never worn pastel in my life, then or now.
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My MiL /FiL have given me:
- a bright black satin trenchcoat with a brighter purple satin lining which my kids ever after referred to as “Mom’s hooker coat”
- a fire engine red culotte set with bright gold buttons, because my clothes “are so boring”
- A pair of brown tweed capris which I could barely zip (clothes gifts are always modelled) and she asked me to give back since she had bought them in her size.
- At least on three occasions, she modelled for us the clothes she had intended to give me but instead kept because she liked them so much
- They always give DH 5 or 6 things, S1 2 or 3, and S2 and I usually get a single box with something odd – pantyhose one year for me, pads of paper for him. The assumption is they forgot and were making do at the last second.
They also gave my son a sailboat once. We live in a landlocked state. I want to stress that none of this was meant with malice; they just are the oddest gifters. Gave DH a big bronze statue of a horse, once. My in laws are in their 80’s and he still buys her a swimsuit every year that I wouldn’t let my daughter wear in public…
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I cannot IMAGINE my in laws ever buying me a piece of clothing. That would be so not ok!
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I think you are a saint to let those odd gifts/weird gift-giving go, greenbutton! Kudos
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Well…if we are including in-laws…
Everyone who has ever met me knows I don’t like most shades of green. It’s just not a color I prefer.
The first year we were married, my MIL gave me a jadite necklace. I mean…it’s green. I remember thinking I wanted to write a thank you note that said “thank you for the jadite necklace. It will give me a good reason to go clothing shopping because, as you know, there isn’t anything in my closet that goes with this green.”
Of course I didn’t write that…but in the 43 years that we have been married, that was probably the best gift she sent🙄
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I picked up my mother yesterday for a day of shopping and she showed me the present my brother and SIL sent her – a miniature agave with an eye dropper to water it with. Like this:
Seriously, this fits in the palm of your hand. What’s odd about it? First, she doesn’t care for succulents. Second, she lives in ARIZONA! The desert. You know, where these plants abound and can be bought at the dollar store if they aren’t already growing like weeds in your yard/neighborhood and there for the taking. And my brother and SIL, who spend weeks every year at her house, can’t fail to know this. My mom thanked them but is just baffled. As am I. SMH.
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@greenbutton , thank you for what is undoubtedly the most hilarious post this year. Truth trumps fiction every time. I am often amused, but rarely laugh out loud - but I am literally rofl (out loud).
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My H gave me a lovely ring he bought overseas — only it was a size 10! I’m a size 5! Fortunately our jeweler friend was able to resize it so it fits and doesn’t fly off my hand. (Resize made it oval because it was the only way for it to sort of fit and still keep character of ring.)
To be fair, H was (and remains) fairly oblivious to sizing. He thought the ring was pretty — it is. It only came in the size of the display case—he liked it so he bought it.
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I’d give money to see you modeling that black satin trench. Or the red culottes!
How your children kept from laughing, I don’t know.
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A friend of mine said that her ILs sent her, her DH, and their 4 kids this year for Christmas a family matching set of see through white t-shirts. Like, that was it. See through t-shirts. She was like, “Um…thanks?” 
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My mom went through a stage of wanting me to branch out in clothes. I’ve always been casual except for special occasions, but she loved clothes and loved shopping for them, and thought I should be more stylish. Once in the eighties she got me one of those windsuits that were in style then–in watermelon pink with chartreuse trim. The opposite of anything I would ever wear, but she and my sister thought I was being stubborn (“maybe you could just try something different.”) Nope. I tried to be gracious, but it was just a bit aggressive in being so much not would I would like.
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Oh don’t get me going about sizes. For many years, my husband did his holiday shopping on Christmas Eve. I used to quip that the clerks waited for him…and then knew they could close.
For many years, he bought me size medium or large sweaters. Most were very nice. BUT I wear a size small. His comment year after year was “you can exchange it for the right size after Christmas”. Ahem…if they didn’t have the size small before Christmas, it’s highly unlikely they would have it after…and they never did.
So…I had store credits every year meaning eventually I picked out my own gifts.
I finally suggested he stop buying me clothes. Whew.
So then he started earrings. And they are lovely too…but he can’t seem to remember what he has already given me. It’s ok. I now have teardrop and round garnets. And I like them both!
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My MIL would always buy me size medium sweaters (she knew I wore a large but “the large looked SOOO big”!).
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OMG that is sooooo offensive.
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Yep, my mom buys everyone clothes in the size she THINKS you should wear. XL? She’ll give you a size four. Because “no one should wear more than a size 4”. If you wear a 4, you get a 0. She’s a never too thin/ never too rich type of woman. If I see it’s clothing, it doesn’t even get taken out of the box.
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My SisIL tried but gave me whatever size was on sale the thought MIGHT fit. Fortunately she never tried buying for my size OO D or my S that I can’t even find things that fit. Her heart was in the right place but I rarely ever got any of her gifts.
In the '80s, when my in laws traveled to Brazil. my FIL brought us sisters in law (married to brothers) the newest Brazilian bathing suit- yep, thongs and no tops and wanted us to model.
We cut the sides off, sewed those together and dressed the toddler girls in them to model. Thanks FIL 
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