ugh!
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some mom - wow you are so patient with FIL. He wanted you to model a topless thong?Yikes!
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That’s pretty damn creepy.
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Was it here on CC where I read about someone who had fun with weird clothing gifts like that? They would wear the ridiculous outfit whenever they saw the other person, so I think this would be a fabulous chance to have the entire family wear the transparent t-shirts the next time they visit the ILs… and maybe even pose with them for a family photo.
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With easy return policies these days I just buy the same item in multiple sizes for W, which actually makes for a more fun experience since she gets to try them all and pick the best fit. It worked great the past few years until this year Lululemon sizing tripped me up. Apparently XS does not translate to a Lululemon 0 or 2 
Apparently that’s like XXXS for normal people - how’s an H to know?
Anyway, W loved the jacket and fortunately her size was available online and even better was 40% off after Christmas.
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DH is a gem – he bought me new jeans once, to replace my favorite ratty ones (because I kept saying they were good for a bit longer). He couldn’t take them with him, so he secretly made a paper template and took THAT to the store, where the salespeople were highly amused but charmed. And the new jeans were a perfect fit!
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That man deserves 
!!
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When people tell you who they are, believe them! And I did, ever after. 
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I finally caught up reading these - some are hysterical.
At least he didn’t say, “You’ll grow into it.”
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Not so much insulted as disappointed.
I enjoy trying to find good gifts for people - I listen to what they are interested in, I take notes all year, and I do a lot of research. For example, my H and son are going on a big camping trip later this year. I joined a FB group of people who have been on that trip, I looked at the suggested packing list, and I read posts about what items people found helpful, and then I purchased those items. My H was very pleased with his gifts.
However, for my gifts, my H goes shopping the weekend before Xmas. He goes to Target and Kohls and gets whatever he sees there that is still left on the shelves. This year I got a very cheap Xmas necklace, slippers that are too large and a mushroom game, among other gifts. The necklace is something a middle school girl might buy to wear for Xmas. If he paid more than $9.99 for it he got ripped off. The slippers are actually a nice choice but because they are too large for me (and were clearly marked as fitting a shoe size larger than mine) they fall off. I probably should have exchanged them but we were heading out of town right after our gift exchange and I wanted to bring them. Also, I am responsible for any exchanges or returns - if I get him something that doesn’t fit right, I always take care of the exchange but if he gets me something that doesn’t fit right he just shrugs and so then I have a chore to go with my gift.
I find that I’m getting resentful of this inequality of gift giving. I told him before that I don’t want whatever is left on the shelves at the last minute and he got mad about it. I can send him links to specific items I want and he’ll get those items if there is time to order them, but then I end up spending a lot of time researching those items to find what I want and where to get it. And I have to keep doing it. For example, I like to get the new White House ornament every year for my tree. EVERY YEAR I have to send him a link for where to purchase that year’s ornament. If I don’t do that, I don’t get that year’s ornament. It’s frustrating.
This isn’t just Xmas either. One year I planned a big family trip for the week before my birthday. I had to work in another city and I brought the family - I gave them lots of ideas for fun things to do in the city while I worked during the day and then asked my H to plan a fun day for my birthday at the end of my work week. He made no plans ahead of time so we spent a long time in the hotel room that day trying to buy tickets online to do the one thing I wanted to do. Then he suggested eating dinner in the cafeteria of that place because he had made no dinner plans. I ended up sitting on the ground outside the venue researching nearby restaurants and planning my own birthday dinner. And then he and the kids gave me no cards or gifts at all even though they had just spent the whole week in this city going to shops and places with gift stores. I was so mad about that and let him know it. Since then he has always made sure to acknowledge my birthday in some way with at least a small gift.
I have been thinking that for Xmas next year I might just buy my own gifts as I shop for others and give them to him that weekend he usually goes shopping, telling him that I’m saving him some time.
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I buy my own gifts and wrap them of have H or D wrap them and write that they’re from H. It works great. I’m not surprised but the items are what I’d like and generally fit. H is great in many ways but he’s not much of a shopper or gift giver.
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I can understand how you feel hurt especially since it seems that gift giving is your love language to others.
But after all these years and all your hints and planning I don’t think he’s going to change. He doesn’t get it. If it was me I would just request “no gifts please” and go into the holiday knowing I don’t have to worry about getting upset. Just try and enjoy the giving to others part.
I’ve always had a Hang up over receiving gifts. I’d rather shop on my own. My kids now they are adults are much better at getting small gifts they think I’d like - and I usually do! But it’s kind of a family joke on Christmas when I grab a gift or two and say “oh look here’s one for abasket….from abasket!!! 
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Many many years ago, when DS was still quite young, he wanted to buy DH a bowflex because he thought he needed it. (Remember all those ads? The muscular guys?) It was a gift that didn’t happen, but the the idea behind it - hey dad, no need to look so wimpy! - still cracks me up.
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I mostly buy my own presents, but my husband does wrap them.
@Starski I think you should find something luxurious and extravagent for you (could be anything, as long as it is special to you) and get it, and give it to your husband to give to you.
It’s an interesting exercise, to think about what we really want.
Three years ago I said I wanted a second dog as my birthday present. This was a double gift, as my husband usually fights me on any new animal. She also turned out to be the most expensive present I’ve ever got – we’ve spent close to $10,000 in vet bills for her!
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Would your husband care if you didn’t give him a present?
Like others said, I would get yourself a very nice present rather than worrying your H if it’s not a big deal to him. You need to take care yourself when others won’t.
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My birthday is Christmas Eve, making it really hard for others to get me good gifts for both Christmas and my birthday. I always buy myself some things which I wrap and put under the tree, or wrap and give myself for my birthday. We have drastically cut down on gifts the past few years, after downsizing we realize we want nothing. Most of our gifts are consumable - food, drink, etc.
I suggest buying your own gifts, wrapping them up, and putting them under the tree from “SANTA”. Order the white house ornament for yourself when it comes out and tell your husband it is done.
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Some would call the lack of planning as weaponized incompetence
I choose to accept this deficiency as a character flaw among a bunch of good characteristics that my husband has. He’s a good husband who does lots of good things.
The other positive is that he doesn’t buy stuff that we can’t afford. I had a friend who said it was great her husband sent her flowers, except that she was the one who had to pay the credit card bill. I had another friend who’s husband bought her extravagant gifts at a time they couldn’t really afford.
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D1’s husband gets her very thoughtful gift. For the baby’s first xmas he made a photo book for D1. They weren’t just photos, he wrote something on each page. It’s not the money, rather the thought.
There was one year when my kids and their dad didn’t do much for my birthday. I was very upset and said to them, “I plan all other holidays for you guys and make sure you all have nice birthdays. My birthday is the only day that’s mine, why couldn’t you do something nice for me.”
Since then my kids have made sure my birthday was celebrated. When I have been out of town (country) they have sent flowers/champagne to my hotel. I have stayed at hotels where they didn’t speak English too well. My kids said it was challenging.
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I so remember that change of thinking about gifts once we got married. When we were not married? Great to get gifts that may be pricey! When it was OUR money? That took a different mental spin!
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