Have you ever known someone who has committed suicide

Parent Cafe
41

<p>I have known of two suicides, my H’s brother and a coworker. I am afraid that I wasn’t much support to my H at the time of his brother’s death, because I was so angry and grieving for myself.</p>

<p>People put a lot of power into suicide by keeping it secret and not calling it what it is. My H also has a mental illness and I know has considered suicide himself. He was very annoyed with me when I openly told people how his brother died. I told him that I believe it takes some of the mystique out of it by saying out loud what happened. I think that also took some of the thrill out of it for my H, and so he does not think about doing it himself as much anymore.</p>

<p>As far as interacting with your co-workers, I would just listen. Take the time to not be too busy the next few days and just listen. People will want to share stories and memories. Laugh with them if they tell a story about the coworker that they think is funny. Don’t necessarily bring him up, unless you feel a need to discuss him, but be willing to talk about him with the others who may bring him up. Maybe also make yourself available to go to the visitation or funeral with a coworker who may otherwise have to go alone.</p>

42

<p>Several…</p>

<p>One was a classmate who committed suicide right after high school. He was teased through school and bullied by his dad. I don’t think he ever felt accepted for who he was. </p>

<p>A friend of my kid’s committed suicide in his early 20s a few years ago. Brilliant kid, lots of friends, loving family that has been forever transformed through his loss. I understand it was depression although I don’t think he looked outwardly depressed and the trigger was a break-up. </p>

<p>And last, one of the moms of my kids’ school committed suicide. I didn’t know her personally but my kids knew her from around school. She was very involved, very giving, very committed-- but struggled with bipolar. </p>

<p>None of those people were selfish. They were just very sensitive souls who didn’t quite make it through with the rest of us. In some of the cases, I think they weren’t able to put their pain in perspective. </p>

<p>I do know several people who have threatened suicide to manipulate a situation. None of these ever committed it but they were taken seriously.</p>

43

<p>Probably depends on your age and other things, but I know/ was acquainted with several.</p>

<p>Uncle-gunshot
HS acquaintance-rumored despondent over break-up
HS acquaintance-home from Ohio State thanksgiving break freshman year
distant cousin, female-nurse who had developed addiction problems
two college sports teammates, one a successful MD–happened decades after graduation
one college acquaintance who finished his senior project and took pills</p>

<p>Wasn’t super close with some of these victims, but knew them well enough to greet them by name. Others I knew quite well.</p>

<p>I think depression can take a toll that most normal people literally cannot understand. I have a very close friend who has been on medication for years, and has had episodes where he literally cannot rise from bed because of how “low” he feels. Incomprehensible to me, but real. </p>

<p>My sympathies go out to those affected by these conditions.</p>

44

<p>

Thank you for this generous comment, dmd77.</p>

<p>Shortly after we were married, nearly 35 years ago, my husband’s brother killed himself at the age of 24. Within the next 3 years, male first cousins on both his mother’s and his father’s sides of the family also committed suicide in their early 20s. Can anyone here speak to the possibility that genetics play a role in suicide?</p>

<p>I believe that people who attempt suicide truly cannot see another way out, and truly can’t imagine that the pain they’ll cause could in any way be greater than the pain they’re experiencing.</p>

45

<p>I have thought about this all afternoon. I was in a work situation where we lost someone unexpectedly, (not a suicide). For us it helped to do special things, breakfast, lunches,where we all brought a dish to pass. Some people brought in special treats, candy, fruit, flowers, notes for staff, small kindnesses that meant a lot.</p>

<p>I have 2 favors to ask. Mental illnesses is such a terrible disease. People deny they are ill, refuse treatment and many times, treatment doesn’t work. That doesn’t mean they are not in terrible pain. Please try to treat the mentally ill with compassion.</p>

<p>Secondly, I have found that everyone has a story. We never know what the people we meet are dealing with. I wish we could all treat those we encounter with a little more respect and kindness. It might make a difference in someone’s life.</p>

46

<p>I have known four people who have committed suicide: two co-workers (different companies), a college friend, and my aunt. Since this has touched my family I do think about this topic a lot and the only way I can wrap my head around this topic is by thinking these people were all very, very ill and had to be in incredible pain. </p>

<p>To the OP I would proceed as you would with any death. Maybe attend a service if there is one or send a sympathy card to the family or make a donation to a charity. Death is a difficult topic but it becomes more so when a suicide is involved because it adds another level to the sitution…maybe feeling stigmatized or not worthy of grieving ( I am having a hard time explaining the feeling). In the end the deceased person’s family still lost a husband, a father and somewhere along the way there were better times, happy times and by sending a card or attending a service it is honoring the life and helping the family by letting them know that people care and support them. Suicide is very difficult on the survivors.</p>

<p>As a side note, if anyone out there is reading this thread and has thought about suicide or is thinking about it----- PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE------ talk to someone, tell someone! Everyone is important to someone! Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem!</p>

47

<br>

<br>

<p>“How do we know that genes play a role in causing depression? Scientists look at patterns of illness in families to estimate their “heritability,” or roughly what percentage of their cause is due to genes. To do this we find people with the disease who have a twin, and then find out whether the twin is also ill. Identical (monozygotic) twins share 100% of their genes, while non-identical (“fraternal” or dizygotic) twins share 50% of their genes. If genes are part of the cause, we expect a patient’s identical twin to have a much higher risk of disease than a patient’s non-identical twin. That is the case for major depression. Heritability is probably 40-50%, and might be higher for severe depression.”</p>

<p>[GenRED</a> - Major Depression and Genetics - Genetics of Brain Function - Stanford University School of Medicine](<a href=“Genetics of Brain Function | Genetics of Brain Function | Stanford Medicine”>Genetics of Brain Function | Genetics of Brain Function | Stanford Medicine)</p>

<p>Also:</p>

<p>Flu in Pregnancy May Quadruple Child’s Risk for Bipolar Disorder</p>

<p>May 14, 2013 — Pregnant mothers’ exposure to the flu was associated with a nearly fourfold increased risk that their child would develop bipolar disorder in adulthood, in a study funded by the National Institutes of Health. The findings add to mounting evidence of possible shared underlying causes and illness processes with schizophrenia, which some studies have also linked to prenatal exposure to influenza.</p>

<p>[Flu</a> in pregnancy may quadruple child’s risk for bipolar disorder](<a href=“http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/05/130514101459.htm]Flu”>Flu in pregnancy may quadruple child's risk for bipolar disorder | ScienceDaily)</p>

<p>“Epidemiological studies indicate that maternal influenza viral infection increases the risk for schizophrenia in the adult offspring. The serotonin and glutamate systems are suspected in the etiology of schizophrenia, as well as in the mechanism of action of antipsychotic drugs. The effects of hallucinogens, such as psilocybin and mescaline, require the serotonin 5-HT2A receptor, and induce schizophrenia-like psychosis in humans. In addition, metabotropic glutamate receptor mGlu2/3 agonists show promise as a new treatment for schizophrenia. Here, we investigated the level of expression and behavioral function of 5-HT2A and mGlu2 receptors in a mouse model of maternal influenza viral infection. We show that spontaneous locomotor activity is diminished by maternal infection with the mouse-adapted influenza A/WSN/33 (H1N1) virus. The behavioral responses to hallucinogens and glutamate antipsychotics are both affected by maternal exposure to influenza virus, with increased head-twitch response to hallucinogens and diminished antipsychotic-like effect of the glutamate agonist. In frontal cortex of mice born to influenza virus-infected mothers, the 5-HT2A receptor is upregulated and the mGlu2 receptor is downregulated, an alteration that may be involved in the behavioral changes observed. Additionally, we find that the cortical 5-HT2A receptor-dependent signaling pathways are significantly altered in the offspring of infected mothers, showing higher c-fos, egr-1, and egr-2 expression in response to the hallucinogenic drug DOI. Identifying a biochemical alteration that parallels the behavioral changes observed in a mouse model of prenatal viral infection may facilitate targeting therapies for treatment and prevention of schizophrenia.”</p>

<p>[Maternal</a> Influenza Viral Infection Causes Schizophrenia-Like Alterations of 5-HT2A and mGlu2 Receptors in the Adult Offspring](<a href=“http://www.jneurosci.org/content/31/5/1863.full]Maternal”>http://www.jneurosci.org/content/31/5/1863.full)</p>

48

<p>heavyheart, thank you for your thoughtful and emotional post. You are clearly speaking from your heart.</p>

49

<p>My ex-H’s sister drank muriatic acid when she was 29, but her parents told people she died in a tragic accident when she mixed cleaning materials and was overcome by fumes. She had bipolar disorder, which runs rampant in ex-H’s family as well as mine. Considering the high suicide rate among people with bipolar disorder, I worry about my S because he has refused to take his meds since freshman year.</p>

50

<p>When suicide “runs in families” it’s hard to know whether it’s mostly genetics or is it mostly a cycle of behavior that the family exhibits and “passes on” to the next generation…or is it a little of both?</p>

<p>I think mental illness and PDs run in families, but environment plays a role as well. </p>

<p>There was a time when people didn’t want to marry into families where there had been a suicide because it was believed that future children would be more likely to do so as well.</p>

51

<p>I wish I could figure out an obvious explanation for why one of my kids has bipolar disorder and another has schizoaffective disorder. I’ve done a lot of reading. I didn’t have flu while I was pregnant. Nothing traumatizing happened during their childhoods. Their great-uncle had schizophrenia, but that relationship is really too far removed to have much effect on the genetics. The boys’ first cousin, though, has also developed mental illness, so it looks like it runs in the family now!</p>

52

<p>There were 2 parent suicides in my daughter’s 5th grade class (this was 10 years ago). I didn’t know the dad, but I knew the mom. She was Japanese; her husband had relocated here for work. 4 kids. I think she must have felt isolated, or overwhelmed (I’m guessing). She was always friendly to me and D. She hung herself. I took D and some classmates to the wake. D said the woman’s son seemed so happy to see his schoolmates there.</p>

<p>I wish I had picked up on her sadness. I think heavyheart has the best insight - people who are that depressed often feel shame for not being able to pick themselves up and turn it around. The depression and feeling of hopelessness is bad enough; the feeling that you should be able to withstand it is worse.</p>

<p>I also think we live in a “put on a happy face” culture. There should be more acceptance of sad feelings, bad feelings, and feeling down. Everyone feels blue now and then. Our feelings are our feelings, and they need to be felt (to paraphrase Dr Seuss).</p>

53

<br>

<br>

<p>There has been considerable research into heritability and environmental factors for mental illness over the past 50 years. There is slow progress being made on the actual chain of biochemical events that can cause the three big disorders. The chain apparently isn’t simple. Some of the know risk factors are maternal influenza or other trauma during pregnancy, living in the city vs living in a rural area, and parenting style (these are the ones that I recall off the top of my head from reading research papers many years ago).</p>

54

<br>

<br>

<p>What we know now are a few risk factors. There may be others that we don’t know about. It’s still early in figuring out the chain of events for these disorders but they affect so many people and their families that it’s an area with a fair amount of research work going on.</p>

55

<p>To OP’s qn, I know of two cases - a coworker in Hong Kong who I thought I was good friends with because we would spend a lot of time during and after work. He had problems with GF, but none of us saw anything that drastic till he didn’t show up for work one day. We were both just under 30. The other case was a former classmate who I wasn’t close to, but it was what I consider to be a “reasonable” suicide if there is any such thing - had terminal cancer and was apparently suffering a lot.</p>

56

<p>I have not been personally touched by suicide, but my students have been. I remember one father particularly. Attending his funeral Mass was very difficult, but the priest did a wonderful job talking about the wonderful life the man had and that the man KNEW he had, and also the crippling depression he had dealt with his entire life. This man fought his demons admirably for many years. He could objectively say there was no particular reason he should be depressed, but that didn’t make it go away. The priest likened it to cancer - said there are some people who get cancer and have absolutely no risk factors. They fight it every way they know how and sometimes it is still a fatal disease. He asked everyone to look at this wonderful man’s death in the same way. He fought it with medicine and therapy and discussions with his priest, but it was still a fatal disease. </p>

<p>To all you who have spoken of close friends and sons and other relatives who have committed suicide, I hope you can forgive them if you are still angry.</p>

<p>And I am so sorry for your great loss.</p>

57

<p>A friend in high school. His suicide triggered at least two more. Many, many relatives and friends have been affected by suicide. </p>

<p>When one is depressed, the hole is so deep and dark that there seems to be no way out; that everyone else will be happier if you weren’t around. Some are able to dig themselves out. Others aren’t. Like heavyheart wrote, show compassion for the mentally ill.</p>

58

<p>I’m only about 50 pages in, but reading " The Other Side of Normal".
Lots of good information about brain chemistry and how we work.
Unfortunately too many kids I know have died this year…15 to 25 are danger years.</p>

59

<p>My dad committed suicide when I was 12. I have known others as well.</p>

<p>I have always said that it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. In the movie,“Little Miss Sunshine,” a main character’s mother had committed suicide, and she was asked if she could say anything to her mother what would it be. Her answer was that she would tell her that she missed out on a lot. That is how I feel about my dad. He was obviously in a place where he could see no way out and it was at a time when the attitudes toward mental illness were much less than forgiving. </p>

<p>To me, those who are not close to the suicide are best just keeping some distance.</p>

60

<p>Four in the past six years. </p>

<p>A senior guy who was having issues with his girlfriend shot himself in the woods. </p>

<p>A guy in my year hung himself in his closet. No one understood why he did it. Completely devastated my incredibly small high school. </p>

<p>A family friend who dealt with manic depression. He drove his car into a telephone pole. </p>

<p>My brother’s best friend from Basic Training overdosed on pain medication. He was injured in Iraq and the last wounded soldier to leave the country. He was paralyzed from the waist down. </p>

<p>I went to this diversity education thing when I was a freshman in college and they did one of those stand until it doesn’t relate to you exercises. I stood until the end as they asked how many had known someone who had taken their own life. It is not something I like to broadcast. Each of these deaths have factored into my life in some way or another. </p>

<p>As someone who deals with major depression disorder I know the statistics and have talked with psychiatrists about my own capacity into whether I would ever kill myself. I know that I could never do it. My depression works me into the hermit, sleeping, not eating mode. In a weird way I think as I watched these families deal with these deaths I knew that I myself could never do that to them.</p>