<p>A very dear friend of mine whose husband passed away 10 years ago recently remarried. She seems very, very happy but the road to this romance was bumpy and hilarious. The pickins’ are mighty slim.</p>
<p>I wonder if Calmom’s idea of rethinking the marital options also makes sense, rather than divorce. Once my last child has gone to college, I have thought about spending part of the year in a warmer climate, since I have become averse to cold as I am getting older. My husband may or may not want to do the same. Perhaps separation for part of the year would be healthy for us.</p>
<p>I also think that people have a fantasy of what life on the other side of their marriage looks like. I am a realist, and although I don’t have a fully satisfying marriage, I know that I do have a companion and a long history of almost 30 years together (25 of them married). Divorcing a good man because there is a fantasy that there is a deep love out there for any of us middle-aged women seems a little foolish. I have several divorced friends who are lonely and poor. They left decent men because they were “bored” or had “grown apart”. The alternative of the “greener grass” was actually not so green.</p>
<p>NSM, I suggest you ask your beloved to first get a complete physical exam. Rule out thyroid disorders, etc. Then have psychiatrist eval. Request Viagra for a trial run. He must fulfill his role as a husband and do all he can to get the intimacy back in gear. His not pursuing this is selfish; let’s call it what it is. Meanwhile, you sound very rejected and almost devastated, rightly so. But, control only that which you can control. Get him to the docs; get yourself to a PhD psychotherapist with an outstanding reputation. Yeh, feel free to disregard Christian input. Most people do, because Jesus calls us to be self sacrificing, to live to make others lives more beautiful. He has a tall order. But, your attempt at trying to fulfill yourself sounds so all-about-you. It really sounds pathetic. You sound depressed. Get yourself some good talk therapy that provides healthy coping skills. Dr. Laura espouses very right-on stuff. But, again, she is about honoring your beloved. Right now it only sounds like you wish to honor yourself because you are bitter at feeling rejected. If you don’t want to forgive your hubby, you only damage yourself. Humans were not designed to carry around bitterness. It even makes our face get wrinkly and spirit yucky. Let it all go, move on, and learn how to bring life to your husband in every creative, hard working way. This is the best way you could ever live life and a wonderful way to show you have CHOSEN to forgive your gift of your husband. Treasure him and he will eventually treasure you back. Take care of your best friend. You will feel great about yourself–a true self-esteem booster. Good luck. I am pulling for you!!</p>
<p>When someone brings up Dr. Laura as a model of marriage, it is hard to take that person seriously.</p>
<p>Yep.</p>
<p>10 char</p>
<p>This child is how old?</p>
<p>Talk about truth in advertising.
“Dr” Lauras degree is in physiology- not medicine or psychology.
She does have a therapy license in California. Doesn’t everyone? ;)</p>
<p>She had several affairs while she was married when to her first husband. One of the affairs was with a professor ( who was also married and the father of three at the time).
After they each obtained divorces they lived together for nine years before marrying.</p>
<p>Now " life experience" doesn’t make you incapable of giving advice- but when your advice is hypocritical , it makes you look like a fool.</p>
<p>How often during the week, months or years, do you engage romantically?</p>
<p>um well could be three times a day or it could be once every three weeks.
Just depends.
;)</p>
<p>oh & I am married-</p>
<p>This is truly a wonderful, wonderful thread but right now, I’m laughing my head off over the “yucky spirit” line.
PS I never knew how abhorrent Dr. Laura was until I just read her wikipedia entry. Yikes!</p>
<p>“Dr. Laura” is a punch line in our family, a kind of short hand for when somebody’s getting a little “too”</p>
<p>“Hmmmm…very Dr. Laura of you.” :eek:</p>
<p>Mechanical devices take away the power of withholding. Might be a wake-up call for H, and if not, hey.</p>
<p>Delta, I have to admit to thinking the way you describe when contemplating my divorce. Was I giving up a limping along marriage for a fantasy? My innner drive demanded I take the chance in the end. </p>
<p>I did know if I wanted to achieve the fantasy I needed to be in great shape in every way and truly made the effort. I think many people don’t do this. </p>
<p>It was no fantasy. I’ve met great guys and have had much more satisfying and fun relationships. I can’t see ever being lonely.</p>
<p>Greenery, many, many more times/wk than when I was married! I am the loan voice in this direction on this thread however and got almost no response to a divorced and dating thread.</p>
<p>Redroses, how old were you when you split up from your ex?</p>
<p>I’m feeling the presence of a Stepford wife on this thread. Is that what they mean by a “yucky spirit”?</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I think we now know enough about this kid to ignore everything else.<br>
My “face got wrinkly” despite copious amounts of physical honor to my husband. I thought it might have been due to photo damage to my pale skin. Now I know it’s because we didn’t do it enough…</p>
<p>Calmom, 49, I’m 52 now and have found many quality men to date in the 3 years I’ve been divorced. I do live in an area with a lot of professional men. I’ll also add that current bf is younger than I am, I would not consider dating most 60/70 year old men.</p>
<p>Going back to suggestions:</p>
<p>-Start with a romantic weekend: just both of you.</p>
<p>-Light some candles.
-Wear a beautiful red dress or little black dress. Nice VS lingerie…beautiful shoes.</p>
<p>-Fix the hair, manicure, pedicure and soft makeup…</p>
<p>-Prepare a sexy menu: Nice appetizer, and first course wine; Lobster dinner [hope both like seafood] white wine, scallops…finish with “life by chocolate” dessert wine…</p>
<p>-Play this music: [YouTube</a> - Bryan Adams - Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman](<a href=“http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zeEFHJFUbEg&feature=related]YouTube”>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zeEFHJFUbEg&feature=related)</p>
<p>-Bad experiences and too much talking is banned for that weekend.</p>
<p>Oh my, some recent posters have really not read and/or decided to understand this thread. A little black dress is not going to solve this…</p>
<p>Well, dragonwoman…if you are talking about my suggestions: first of all my suggestions are given with the best intention to help NSM. </p>
<p>I understand that NSM’s H is escaping intimacy, he is to busy working [workaholic]…but bringing him back to good memories, why not? It could work… I believe in recharging energies. I notice that when NSM writes about vacation is work and vacation together. In my opinion that’s not a vacation.
They need to relax and another environment could help. You have to read the suggestion as a whole, do not fraction it: it is not only a black dress–the message is that she would look nice as when she was dating or go to some nice event.</p>
<p>What I get from NSM’s more recent posts is that she really loves this man. I agree that when that’s the case it shouldn’t be too hard to reignite a flame.</p>