<p>The Kinsey report, while very controversial for the time it was published, it has since been the scrutiny of the scientific community. His data collection was extremely flawed, his personal life hidden from the public and he use many criminals, prostitiutes, pedophies for his research and classified them as “normal males.” So I take his stuff with a grain of salt. I don’t believe his numbers.</p>
<p>OK, so let’s say 10 times that number are not having sex…</p>
<p>redroses, the help is not necessarily so easy. For instance, antidepressants can wreck libido, and heart medications, as somebody upthread mentioned, also cause problems. Diabetes wreaks havoc as well. People with some cancers (breast, prostrate, ovarian) need to take medication that eliminates the sex hormones that aggravate the cancer. For those people, estrogen or testosterone replacement is absolutely contraindicated.</p>
<p>True, but NSM and posters trying to say no intimacy is normal have not mentioned these things.</p>
<p>Kinsey’s report also is from the 1940s and 1950s. That is a long time ago and society has changed, not to mention standards for what constitutes valid methodologies for a study. You can’t just take one of his numbers and multiply it by 10 and say now it has some meaning.</p>
<p>I agree with the posters who don’t see this as an uncomplicated problem. A lack of sex could have a medical explanation or it could be a symptom of deeper problems in the relationship or maybe it just means sex is less important to a couple who has been together for a long time. I don’t know what it means but I don’t think there is necessarily a simple answer.</p>
<p>
Horrible story but it happened:</p>
<p>We know a financial advisor whot allegedly was bicycling in the morning: What was he really doing was going to the wife’s best friends apartment and engaging in sex. It happened twenty years ago and in an affluent neighborhood.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Cardinal Fang already asked for a link for this and none was provided. Right now this is an unsubstantiated assertion.</p>
<p>Pea…I did not post the quote to prove the truth of it…but I posted it because the concern of "cheating.</p>
<p>NSM, related previously in her first post:
</p>
<p>This fact reminded me of the incident stated above.[not saying that NSM’s husband is repeating the story, but something to watch out].</p>
<p>@ Greenery, I know. I just wanted to side with Cardinal Fang about my skepticism of the claim and I would like to see a study to back it up.</p>
<p>We can add so many reasons for men or woman to not have sex:
Short-term reasons
-They are tired
-They have a bad day at work.
-Dinner was not good [LOL]
-Arguments with spouse
-All kind of stress
…
Long-term reasons
-They are mad with the spouse.
-Health problems
-Cheating
-Depression
-Financial problems
-Stress at work
…</p>
<p>From 2003, is this more believable? </p>
<p>[Who</a> is Having Sex and How Often?](<a href=“http://marriage.about.com/cs/sexualstatistics/a/sexstatistics.htm]Who”>How Often Do Married Couples Have Sex? What Stats Show)</p>
<p>Many are trying to tell NSM that her situation is normal, I don’t think it is. It’s especially not normal if she doesn’t want it to be her norm.</p>
<p>I don’t know if her situation is normal but I don’t think it is that uncommon.</p>
<p>Here are two articles from my most recent AARP email (okay, I joined for the hotel discounts). This survey is recent and with the age group we are talking about.</p>
<p>[Sex</a> Survey on Sexual Relationships & Aging, Single & Married Sex Life, Cheating & Infidelity, Boomers, Seniors 50+ - AARP](<a href=“http://www.aarp.org/relationships/love-sex/info-05-2010/2009-aarp-sex-survey.html]Sex”>Sex Survey on Sexual Relationships & Aging, Single & Married Sex Life,...) </p>
<p>[Health</a> Discovery: Talking About Sexual Problems Eases Men?s Anxiety - AARP Bulletin](<a href=“How to Have the Best Sex of Your Life After 50”>How to Have the Best Sex of Your Life After 50)</p>
<p>From the AARP link in post #353:</p>
<p>"Wondering if you’re the only person in the country whose sex life has taken a dive even though you’re healthy, hardy, and still highly interested in your partner? Stop wondering. It seems that there’s been an alarming drop in our nookie sessions. Between 2004 and 2009, the percentage of people in their 50s who say they have sex at least once a week took about a 10-point plunge for both sexes (women dropped from 43 to 32 percent, and men from 49 to 41 percent). The 50-somethings aren’t special; most other age groups saw a drop in their frequency of sex, too.</p>
<p>And guess what? They’re not happy about it. The survey found that only 43 percent of older Americans say they’re satisfied with their sex lives (down from 51 percent in 2004), while the percentage who are dissatisfied with their sex lives increased.</p>
<p>The chill isn’t confined to the bedroom, sadly. The percentage of people who say they engage in affectionate acts like hugging, kissing, and caressing at least once a week also fell between 2004 and 2009. About half enjoy such simple nurturing activities at least weekly, although those with a regular partner are much more likely to report such frequency."</p>
<p>NSM - I think that article is very interesting. I distinctly remember reading it. I was upstairs reading before I went to sleep and my dear H was downstairs simultaneously surfing on the computer and watching the news. And I thought to myself, “Gee, I wonder why we are seeing such a drop???”</p>
<p>NSM, here is another story that your situation makes me think of. My ex-H has a married brother who is a high school teacher. He runs many summer trips with students (variety over the years, some outdoor-adventure type trips, more recently several week trips to foreign countries). I used to be a student on one of those trips, and later worked as a counselor on some, so I am quite familiar with his behavior on those trips. While I love my ex-BIL dearly, I did notice that he definitely liked the attention and adoration he drew from his female students. He was not above a bit of flirting, although I don’t think he ever went beyond that physically. But I am pretty sure that some strong emotional connections have been established over the years on both sides. And this pattern has repeated over and over again with each new group of students.</p>
<p>I often wondered about the impact on his marriage (which is still in existance, and going on about 35 years now… appears pretty solid from the outside). Just makes me think that some men in that situation (might be your H) might just start to prefer that connection with young women, even if they aren’t actually having an affair with any. Although there is certainly opportunity for cheating in those situations! Maybe you are confident that your husband’s affections (and physical desire) are not being siphoned off by those relationships. But just thought I would bring up the possibility.</p>
<p>By the way, I think BIL was more circumspect in his behavior (as were the young women) when his wife was around, as she occasionally travels with him, but not usually. So just because you have observed one set of behavior from him with his students doesn’t mean that it isn’t different when you aren’t there.</p>
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</p>
<p>This presumes that people always tell the cold hard truth when they self report about sex. What people say about their sex lives and what is really happening are not necessarily the same thing.</p>
<p>re: post #356
It was my impression from NSM’s post that her husband wanted her and their son to join him on his trip. He was not trying to get away from NSM by taking the trip.</p>
<p>As was noted earlier, cheating husbands usually do not stop having sex with their wives. Based on what I can gather from NSM’s posts, the “he must be cheating” theory is a completely wrong direction…</p>
<p>Okay, so when I posted a while back that I was concerned that my own level of interest would go down with menopause and that I might be missing my last hurrah, I got mixed feedback – some say yes, some say no. But here is my other concern: after we had already entered a sexual wilderness – long after, so it is not the explanation for the original problem – DH developed diabetes and then had a mild heart attack/angioplasty that landed him on all the standard heart medications. So my other concern is that even if he suddenly had an epiphany, worked out his issues and wanted to sweep me off my feet, that maybe it’s too late. Is anyone married to someone on these kinds of medications, etc. where it wasn’t a death knell for sexual desire and performance? It’s terribly depressing to think that any work towards resolving the issue would be undone by the effects of the medication. This thread has really given me reason to want to stay in a long-term marriage, but is kind of dashing any remaining hopes in this one area at the same time.</p>
<p>Alteridem-</p>
<p>I am very sorry for the years of abuse that your husband suffered. Does he now get flashbacks and hence avoids sexual activity?</p>