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<p>Just remember -going on a long distance trip would be cheaper than the expense of breaking up and a LOT more fun.</p>
<p>Couple of comments - first of all, the whole idea of “dressing up” is funny. I know I am more likely to get a compliment when my hair is pulled up in a short, messy ponytail, I have no make-up on, and I am just wearing my racewalking stuff. I have often been a little hurt when I was really dressed up and DH didn’t notice. He told me that what women sometimes think is sexy is just plain misguided. Not suggesting that you wear sweaty sports stuff to pick him up at the airport, just saying sometimes WE are clueless. </p>
<p>On a more serious note, many years ago there was a decision to be made in our marriage that required both of us to be on board. Not something that could be compromise. After much discussion, DH’s preference prevailed. For a long time, I held a grudge. Oh, I wasn’t angry all the time, I just held on to this resentment. Occasionally, when something was wrong, I would “nurse” it (truly the perfect phrase, “nursing a grudge”). I would think about it, mentally replay discussions, feel self-righteous, think of other times that I gave in, etc. And then, when the moment was right, I would mention it in passing. One day, I made a crack and DH turned to me and asked if I was ever going to let go. He said it was like waiting for the proverbial shoe to drop. He said felt as though no matter what he did for me, what he did for our family, he would forever be diminished for the decision we made. </p>
<p>I was floored. I really pride myself on being straightforward, upbeat, willing to make changes, etc. but I realized that over the years I re-visited that disappointment on maybe a yearly basis. I have never mentioned it since that day, and more importantly I don’t allow myself to feed my resentment of the decision. </p>
<p>Now, I don’t have any idea of what you were like when you were depressed. I don’t know how noble or gracious you have been about your sacrifices. But I do know that nothing kills a man’s ardor than the feeling that they have disappointed you. And even when WE are ready to move on, they can be holding back, waiting to get zapped again. That’s what I did. As I said, this is how I behaved. My DH is a much better partner when he thinks I think he is terrific. He is a good man who defines success by helping others, not making tons of money. When he thought my assessment of him was that he was selfish, he was hurt and angry with me. Does that make sense to you?</p>
<p>You started this thread by asking if we had a midlife marriage crisis. I don’t know if what we experienced was a crisis, but I know that if I hadn’t become aware of how I was denigrating him, our marriage would have eventually suffered. </p>
<p>Little does that spouse of yours know how many people will be waiting for him to come home :)</p>
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