<p>Saw this today and thought I should post it</p>
<p>National Hazing Prevention Week</p>
<p>September 23-27, 2013
KNOW. DECIDE. ACT.
Only You Can Prevent Hazing</p>
<p>NEParent has genuine concerns about anonymity which are valid. Do your research. It’s really too bad that “anonymous” doesn’t always mean just that.
I WOULD contact the national organization as well as the college. These days the national organizations take hazing much more seriously than in the past.</p>
<p>Just wondering for the OP - what action have your or your son taken?</p>
<p>Apparently similar hazing has been going on in one of our flagship high schools for decades, and the principal broke up a hazing involving drink, egg-throwing at younger students, smearing them with shoe polish and forcing them to wear diapers. The police say they’ve never been able to prosecute because the younger students are always intimidated into silence. Kids responding via a local blog say they love the fun inclusiveness and that parents know about it in advance (and one wonder where a group of 14-18 year olds got a keg). </p>
<p>My younger D knows many kids at this school but she is away until tomorrow for her own school project. I’ll have to ask her what her friends have to say about it. Most of them are freshmen who would have been on the receiving end if they were there. This hazing nonsense REALLY has got to be stopped-at any age! I hope the OP’s son did the right thing.</p>
<p>We all pick our battles in life. Some things we walk away from and some things we meet head on. I believe it depends on where we are in life and what we are willing to do at the time. How much of ourselves we are willing to risk in taking on the battle.</p>
<p>The OP’s son walked away and decided to not return. </p>
<p>I do not believe that he HAS to report this to be a “good person” or to “do the right thing”</p>
<p>I do not believe if someone gets hurt in the future that it is his FAULT because he did not report this.</p>
<p>It is up to him to decide if he wants this battle. Him and only him.</p>
<p>Do you, have you, always done what others believe you should do? Did you always tell the bully to stop? Did you always stop politically incorrect behavior? Did you always
stop your friends from having a few drinks and then driving home? Did you always tell on the employee who stole a stapler or whatever? Did you tell the wife her husband was cheating?</p>
<p>If this was your son, away for the first time, in a new environment where he has to navigate many new things at once would you demand that he tell? Whether he wanted to or not. Would your son be a bad person if he chose to just walk away and never go back?</p>
<p>Id wonder where high school students got a keg too, although in my day, older brothers & sisters were often accommodating.
I cant imagine having a party at the arboretum though, sounds like they wanted to be caught.
Good for the principal for getting help outside the district, even though that has not been district policy or practice in the past.</p>
<p>However, in domestic abuse cases when police are called, there is always an arrest.
Although I expect the younger kids who chose to attend this party didn’t realize how far it would go, they still should not be given the option to withhold information.
That sets a bad precedent.</p>
<p>My son was seriously hazed and we reported it.</p>
<p>He paid a huge price socially and it came at a huge emotional cost.</p>
<p>But the experience of standing up for himself and doing the right thing, when all others turned their heads, gave him a chance to define his character early on.</p>
<p>And as a parent, standing by him through it all, proved to him he was worth protecting.</p>
<p>Pretty much every other situation he faces now pales in comparison.</p>
<p>And I am sure hazing won’t happen at that school again.</p>
<p>I often wonder what message parents send to their children when they do nothing.</p>
<p>1925Ronan, situations like yours are heartbreaking to me. Why does the onus fall on the teenagers to remedy these situations? And then suffer the repercussions from immature peers? School Administrators and perhaps to some extent parents, need to take the lead here. There is a very high probability that a teenager who stands up and does the right thing is going to suffer a great deal. I don’t like that equation.</p>
<p>There should be harsh consequences in place that act as deterrents to this sort of behavior. Then as a safeguard, some sort of truly anonymous reporting system that allows infractions to be exposed without ruining a child’s life.</p>
<p>1925Ronan, my younger D spoke up about a bullying situation she was experiencing in elementary school and the result was similar. It’s been 5 years and I’m still learning details about things that were said to her-there was quite a cost. Like your son, everything else she has faced hasn’t been a difficult and it helped her shape her life plan as well. </p>
<p>As for the message parents send when they do nothing-how about when they DENY anything happened? The message is that they can do what they want with impunity and having seen the parents, not much changes when they grow up.</p>
<p>Ronan- But in college, it is not about the parent anymore. We are talking about the OP’s son being a legal adult. As sax pointed out, it should be the decision of the OP’s son, alone, and no one else. He would be taking a huge risk of being found out, and could suffer enormously on a social level. If this is a school with big Greek life, he could be an outcast the rest of his 4 years. The fact that he told the OP points to the fact that his parents have instilled a good sense of right and wrong in him. Yes, we all know he “should” report it. As adults, most of us probably would report it. But I am not sure too many of us here would have reported it if the same thing had happened to us as 18-year olds. I don’t think I would have even told my parents. </p>
<p>Being a freshman away from home for the first time is already so overwhelming that I am not sure many 18 year olds would be willing to take this risk during their time at college. As a parent, I would talk to my son and encourage him to take action, but I would not overstep his decision if he chose not to. I would be worried about his emotional well-being after such an experience and would try to assure that he is not beating himself up about not taking action at the time.</p>
<p>I realize that the best thing to do would be to report it to the proper authorities to prevent this from happening in the future. I am just saying that since the OP’s son will be the one to suffer the consequences, it should be his decision as to how he chooses to act, and he should not be made to feel guilty for whatever course he chooses to take.</p>
<p>Your son can contact nationals and report the hazing. My DS group takes this very seriously. the most common discipline is wither a trusteeship or expulsion. Under a trusteeship, all members are interviewed and the charges are investigated. At that time individual members will either be allowed to remain in good standing, suspended, asked to take alum status (and not allowed to participate as an active) or expelled from the chapter and the fraternity. The entire house is then put under trusteeship, where they get additional guidance and must rework the way they recruit and train their members. They have to meet ritual requirements, chapter totals, etc and are on social probation. Once they meet these requirements, they chapter can get to good standing. If if happens again (DS has a 10-year time frame) the chapter is closed for at least 5 years and then can attempt to ask the university for the opportunity to return. In addition, the campus may kick a chapter off campus even if nationals does nothing. </p>
<p>In general the information is confidential, though sometimes actives can figure out who brought the charges based on the information used in the interviews. Some national groups use this as an opportunity to weed out members with grade and participation problems in the effort to make the remaining chapter stronger. </p>
<p>A lot of work has been done to stop hazing and it is a lot better than it was when I was in school. It is much better now that my son is an active. Still, it takes courage. If he wants to continue with the organization, he is in a better position to help drive the change.</p>