<p>There are resources other than parents to help students who have weak job-hunting skills. A starting point would be the college career center – but if a student’s college was weak in that area, one could hire a private career counselor to work with the student. </p>
<p>And of course parents can offer helpful suggestions to their kids. For example, when my son was age 20 and unemployed, I helpfully suggested to him that perhaps it would improve his job search if he woke up each day and started looking at some time earlier than 4pm.</p>
<p>My parents helped my sister with her job search. They gave her some names and helped with her resume. They didn’t call the recruiter and ask why she didn’t get the job. That is just wrong.</p>
<p>Now that our friends have kids in college we are frequently being asked by both parents and kids for internship connections that my husband might have. The first thing I do is tell the parent (if that’s who’s asked) to have their kid contact my husband directly and I give them his email address at work. The rest is up to them.</p>
<p>Every once in a while my husband will call me from work and ask me if “we” know so-and-so because he just got an email from them asking for work or if he knows anyone in their particular area of interest. It’s usually a kid in town who knows one of my kids and assumes my husband knows who they are. He very often doesn’t but knows enough to contact me and get a quick review of the kid. I guess the one thing I might suggest is that when looking for contacts you make sure to explain how you know the person you’re contacting unless you’re absolutely certain they know who you are by name. And even then it would probably be helpful to place who you are as it might be out of context and it’s the right thing to do.</p>
<p>Been on both sides of the ‘connection’ debate. </p>
<p>D1, with great grades but only a fair MCAT, is admitted on her own for the fall at one med school & presently waitlisted at 3 others, each of which she would prefer to attend in lieu of the admittance. Wife has asked me to possibly inquire about contacting associates that might or might not help get her off one of those waitlists. To date I have not, don’t feel right about doing so, because I do NOT believe in feeding that cop-out “it’s not what you know, it’s WHO you know”. Benefactors of that b.s. need to have karma hit them upside the head, and too much of that crap has gone on in our home state anyway (Illinois).</p>
<p>Conversely, D2 just finished her freshman year at a highly-ranked OOS state U., and started her volunteer and/or paying job search for the summer in April, REALLY late in the game, as we told her more than once. We saw an ad in a local paper at a hospital near our home that looked good, so we simply sent her an EMail with the link. She followed up by sending a resume and cover letter with her school logo on it. The NEXT day she gets a EMail, then call by the person who placed that ad, and it so happens that she was a graduate of the same department at the same U. that D2 attends–they even had some of the same professors.</p>
<p>Needless to say, D2 got the volunteer position, which has morphed into a real paying job in the last week. I guess this one can be chalked up to who you 'didn’t even KNOW you knew…". I just told her she has a horseshoe you-know-where…:)</p>
<p>Our middle son just interviewed today for his first internship. He is a rising hs Sr. He was very fortunate, however it was not totally random. The president of the company is a neighbor and friend, however not close. I ran into him over spring break with his kids and we stopped to talk. I mentioned my son may come knocking on his door looking for work in the summer. He asked about his skills (which are very specific to his company). That was it. Last week S2 received a call from the architect in the firm asking him to come in to interview. He fixed his resume, dressed appropriately, and we talked about some questions he might be asked in the interview. Basic stuff. I did drive him because it’s 20miles and he had never made the drive that direction. I did stay in the car, sending him on his way with a ‘Good luck.’. He was gone much longer than I thought. It went very well. The president of the company did come out to the car with my son to say hello to me. He asked why I didn’t just come inside. I smiled and let him know I was a one time taxi and neither S2 nor he needed me around. He completely got my position.
We were very proud of S2. Do I feel bad about putting a word in for him. No. Do I feel bad about light prepping for a 16yo’s first job interview. Absolutely not. Did I know when to step back. I certainly hope so. Nothing undermines a young person more than having a parent overly involved in their professional life… even if that’s bagging groceries.</p>
<p>I am not as defensive as most parents on this board. All I care about is for my kids to get their first job, with or without my help. Sooner that happens, sooner they’ll be off my payroll.</p>
<p>blueiguana…sounds like it worked out perfectly and appropriately. I hope your son gets the internship. When my D was his age (16, a rising senior), she blindly wrote a whole bunch of architects in our tiny rural town (it’s tiny but there are a lot of architects) and sent a resume (we did proof the resume and letter she wrote) to ask if they would hire her to intern. We had no connections and were not directly involved. It is a small town and it would not be far fetched at all that those architects would recognize D’s name or at least her last name. She met with a few and chose one who offered her an internship. This is the field she went into as well. </p>
<p>We have never been directly involved with jobs for our kids. I don’t think I could even if I wanted to as they have worked every college summer, as well as since graduating, away from home and not in our state or our fields. They have found every job on their own. We surely discuss it with them as they share with us and we proofread their resumes as they ask us to. </p>
<p>oldfort…with my kids, they are off our payroll during the summers of the college years if not living at home (they never have been home) and from the day they get out of college or grad school. So, I don’t have to help them get a job. They know we don’t support them when not in school. We have fully funded their education. They have managed to find work and support themselves every summer and once out of college. The work is in their fields as well and they build their resumes. It is an expectation. Our paying their expenses when not in school is not an option.</p>
<p>Soozievt, in all fairness, you probably wouldn’t let your either one of your kids go homeless or starve. I think Oldfort was just referring to the reality that most of us face – an unemployed kid is also an uninsured kid, and rents are expensive. The most logical economic choice for a kid may be simply to move back home until they find a job. </p>
<p>My d. was intent in staying in NY when she graduated – so I tried to make it very clear to her that I had no intent whatsoever on subsidizing a NYC rent if she didn’t line up a job. But I did tell her that I would continue to subsidize her health insurance and cell phone for at least 6 months post grad. And of course my front door would be wide open if she had given up on that dream and decided to search for work locally. </p>
<p>My son was gainfully employed, living on his own and out of school from ages 20-22 – but when he decided to quit one job and look for another, and that decision coincided with a difficulty in finding a place to live – I was happy to have him move back home for a couple of months. My kids now have the “looking for work” thing down well enough so I don’t worry that they will take advantage of my good graces – and they both contribute enough to the household, such as picking up groceries and household supplies with their own money and pitching in with some cooking and cleaning – so I don’t feel any need to charge them rent for the privilege of keeping me company.</p>
<p>Now I have been lucky – my kids both now have full time jobs with health insurance. I won’t have to give them continued financial support. But if the situation was different, I would give them whatever support I felt I could afford and was appropriate. I wouldn’t fund either one of them to laze around the house and party all night – but we all pull together. As you know very well, life sometimes doesn’t go as planned. </p>
<p>Do also keep in mind that because you live in a more rural, small town area – your community is not the best place for your kids to follow their career aspirations. So it makes economic sense for your kids to NOT return to the nest, because the best job prospects are elsewhere. I’m in a little different situation – I’m in a suburb that is not too convenient for commuting, but its close enough to a large urban area that it makes a good way station. So I would expect my kids to be a little more likely to come back, but not stick around too long.</p>
<p>Calmom, all you say is true. No, I would not let my kids go homeless or starve! They know we are here to help if things do not go as hoped. I just meant that our daughters do not expect us to support them financially when they do not live at home during the summers during the college years, and not after graduation day. So, the expectation is ingrained (they ain’t complainin’ and aren’t lazy types and they don’t even need us to motivate them about this as this is what they expect as adults who are not in school). But yes, if they had done all they could and were down on their luck, they know they can always count on us. Right now, we are still paying health insurance, btw. And I am more inclined to help them here and there with something when I know they are working as hard as they can to earn money. For example, one of my kids is about to leave to work in Europe for a year and I know can’t really put money into clothes and she is coming home in two days for a week before she leaves and I am sure I will buy her a few things. She doesn’t expect it and is not depending on it. She works very very hard. So, yes, I agree with what you say. </p>
<p>My kids could have worked and lived at home during their college summers but never considered it. They find enriching experiences, jobs, internships, etc. and know they can only take such opportunities that will pay all their expenses. They have had some exciting summers throughout college. While I have missed them, I am glad they sought out interesting experiences. MANY of their local friends have come home in the summer and worked locally. Nothing wrong with that but not what my kids opted to do. That meant they had to find jobs that could support them away from home in the summer. A job with no pay would not work, in other words, due to their choice to not live at home and work. </p>
<p>One of my kids has been in NYC since age sixteen (when she left for college) and I predict for a long while will be based there (she is out of college but stayed on) because NYC is the center of the theater world (her field) and she loves it. I have no idea where my other daughter will settle. She is not up to that point yet. She surely could live right where we live as there is a lot going on in her field (architecture) and her speciality…sustainable design. You would be surprised but in our teeny little town, we have an abundance of architects. She has never talked about where she will land. She is also not entirely done with her schooling. She has lived a lot of places in her young age (23) and coming up is her fifth time living overseas in fact.</p>
<p>We have lived around NYC since kids were born. D1 could get any kind of work around where we live. For 2 summers she lived at home in the summer and worked in NYC and around our town. This summer (her junior year), all of her friends from high school to college are going to be in NYC. We are moving out of the area, but even if we were still around, D1 would have moved into NYC for her internship. </p>
<p>A good friend’s son will be interning in NYC, and they live in the city, so their son will be living at home. They love having him around, and it makes sense for him economically. </p>
<p>While a kid is still in college it doesn’t mean a kid is more self sufficient because he/she decide not to come home for the summer. Heck, D1 prefers to live in NYC because she could be with her friends and less commute time. I think if we lived in NYC, she would have lived at home. We are not paying for any of D1’s expense this summer (well, just all of her work clothes).</p>
<p>oldfort…I definitely never meant to imply that a kid who lives away from home in summer during college is more self sufficient!! I just meant that IF my kids CHOOSE to live away from home in summer (and that was what they chose every summer), they have to find a way to pay for that, whereas if they got a job at home, their living expenses would be covered (they could even intern for free, if they wanted). I just meant that we did not finance their summers away from home. But I never meant to imply that kids who work away from home are more self sufficient. They simply have to fund it (meaning they can only take a job that will support their summer’s living expenses).</p>
<p>Have to disagree with a lot of you about keeping out of the childrens’ career plans. My S was doing fine and landed several internships by himself and we stayed behind the curtains. </p>
<p>D tried by herself and didn’t get any that she fancied, so W stepped in with her contacts and landed one for her. In the business world, I’ve found networking to be as important a tool as any in landing positions, and kids in school haven’t really had much of a training in that aspect. If the lesson D learns is the importance of making contacts, it’s something vital she wouldn’t readily have picked up in the classroom.</p>
<p>Will we do some of the things listed in this thread - no. Basically we won’t accompany our child to a meeting with some stranger. But using our connections to place her (as we would for ourselves) - yes.</p>
<p>When your W stepped in with her contacts… who made the calls? Did your W. call the contacts and ask that they consider your d. for a job? Or did your W. give your daughter the names of the contacts and let W. follow up?</p>
<p>Networking is important and parental contacts are as valuable as any other network – but the parents should be providing the information, not taking charge of the networking process.</p>
<p>It is quite true that networking is VERY important in job searching!! I have discussed that with my kids. THEY network a lot. </p>
<p>I’m also not against if a parent has a resource or knows someone, then telling their kids about it and the kids take it from there. Anyone can network and be a resource, parents included. I don’t feel parents should get their kids the jobs. Passing on contacts is fine as what parent wouldn’t suggest it to their kids, if they knew of someone their KIDS could contact.</p>
<p>I happen to not have personal contacts for either of my kids but if I did, I would pass on the names of who I knew and where and let them take it from there. But my kids happen to have learned the art of networking and are seeing how important that is and several things they have gotten are through their own networking efforts (ie., peers from college, professors, etc.)</p>
Yes - actually I would say after her discussion, it was my D’s job to lose, and I don’t see anything wrong about it.
And it’s mutual - W & I and sometimes contacted by people we know. Usually W knows an employer who is a fit and arranges for this to happen. Usually it’s primarily short term, part time work or internship, but she has helped people set up their own business or fixed people up with others, and in almost all cases, it’s benefited everyone concerned. </p>
<p>
As I said before, I disagree with the opinions of many of you in this regard, and I respect your view in this matter and know you disagree with our approach.<br>
There may be some who don’t believe parents should buy their kids cars or fund 20-year-olds’ spring breaks, and that’s their choice. For us, establishing oneself in the employment arena is too important to sacrifice because the child lacks the skills to get it on their own. It’s like saying the kid need SAT prep, and if the parent can afford it, there’s nothing wrong in providing the child this leg up.</p>
<p>Dad<em>of</em>3, I agree with you. After a kid gets a job, it’s really up to him/her to keep it. It takes the first job to get another job. A lot of employers want to hire experienced people. It’s not that inexperienced people couldn’t do the job, but with so many people out of work, employers could pick and choose more. If it means calling in a favor to get my kid her first job, I would do it.</p>
<p>When my friends are out of work, they have called me to help out. More often than out, I would make the first contact to see if there is any interest. If there is interest, then I would ask my friend to contact the other party. Every once in a while, if it’s a desperate situation, I have stuck my neck out to ask someone to hire my friend(s). When my friends are looking to hire, they have also contacted me to ask for recommendations.</p>
<p>I think it’s an issue if a kid couldn’t keep a job, and a parent is always responsible for getting another job for the kid. But I don’t think it’s the case with most people. I also tell my kids that there is no shame in asking for help, and hopefully they could repay the favor someday too.</p>