<p>^ I agree that it’s a different world and your student has to be pretty independent and strong to handle the environment. I am completely not impressed with the page program, but that is just a personal thing. It can be great for some kids, it simply wouldn’t be the choice I would make.
We are local so S2 would not have been mixing socially with the interns any more than the young adults at any other job he may have. With any internship he will be expected to act professionally, or he doesn’t get the job.
btw…not too thrilled with the comparison of lining up an internship at a brothel…not sure that was necessary.</p>
<p>Calmom, agree about the networking in one’s own college, including the alumni. My older D is heading to a job in Zurich this summer where she knows nobody. She told me she saw a notice of a gathering of young alumni from Brown (her alma mater) who are in Zurich in June and she will go to that. There is also networking with your fellow graduates. For my D who went to NYU/Tisch, being among so many talented peers who are doing neat things, they often hire one another for their projects. My D has cast her peers in her shows, and vice versa. My D has paid her peers for jobs she hires them to do for her based on their skill set and other peers have hired her for certain things they pay her for too. The person my older D is working for this summer was a PhD student who was a TA and also worked on a project with her a year ago and he is now a professor in Zurich and so she contacted him about working for him in research. So, they do connect with their peers, fellow graduates, alumni, professors, etc. My other D has a well paying job this summer and a former professor hired her for it, and it also includes a free trip to Abu Dhabi. Another former professor offered her a performance opportunity in Germany this summer too that she’ll go on for free. She isn’t a student any longer but is still connected to many people through her university…faculty, peers, and alumni.</p>
<p>Parents do their children’s homework, write essays, fill out the job and college applications, help college students with college work, including papers, then help them find jobs (this is the one thing I can support). I know of parents who are lawyers who help their children who are lawyers write briefs for the law firms. For years I told my kids when they complained that they were the only kids doing their own science projects, or writing their own papers, that at some point, parental overinvolvement would backfire. I am now waiting for that time. It sometimes kicks in when the kid can’t get to work on time, or needs to write something quickly before mom or day can edit it, or enters the work world with “entitlement” issues.</p>
<p>I talked with a hiring manager at a very large corporation at a social event and she shared that she has had moms show up at job fairs with their child’s resume. She also told me that she trashes those resumes immediately after mom leaves. It is a big turn-off.</p>
<p>I don’t think there is anything wrong with a parent helping a child with putting a resume together by proof-reading it, but the child ought to write their own. Asking a parent or someone else to proof-read it would be wise. That is where it should end.</p>
<p>I have hired many college students and young adults in the past 20 years. One of my favorite stories involves a young parttimer (about 22-23). </p>
<p>I told him that I would be scheduling him to work New Years eve and that I really needed him to work. He said " I need to check with my parents first."</p>
<p>Acccck. I hope there are not that many parents checking in on their college grads’ NY plans.</p>
<p>I know a lot of young employees who consult their parents about their benefits - health insurance, pension, profit sharing… I don’t really blame them because sometimes I get confused myself.</p>
<p>I guess my sister and I were raised to be extremely independent. In both our cases, the schools we attend, the courses/majors we enroll in, and our acquisition of jobs has occurred with almost no input at all from our parents. I myself am working at a top 25 Fortune company this summer, and my parents didn’t even know about it until I told them “I’m flying up for an interview in two weeks”.
To be honest, I am amazed when I see parents posting on CC discussing their kids’ academic/employment situations. I guess I have “anti-helicopter” parents :D. I don’t think mine even know what courses I am taking, etc. I mean no disrespect to them here - we have a good relationship and I personally feel that we have had a fantastic upbringing. There is simply a good amount of decisionary trust between us, and they know that my sister and I are mature/responsible to handle these things.</p>
<p>I agree with Medwell. The more we can let our kids pick themselves up from their stumbles and the more we can let them feel the consequences of their actions, the stronger they will become. Isn’t that the goal?</p>
<p>I transferred to MIT from a community college at the age of 24. My parents only learned about my applying to MIT after I told them I was accepted.</p>
<p>My approach with our son and daughter is: If I can live with the consequences of not trying to help, then I stay out of it. My wife is almost on the same page.</p>
<p>I think there is a happy medium between parents who are not aware of their kids’ applications, etc. and parents who are arranging jobs for their kids. My kids do it on their own. However, they share about it with us and we support them. If asked, we give advice or read over resumes, and such. For example, my D was asked her salary requirements by the person who was thinking of hiring her, and asked us advice on the amount she came up with. We like that our kids share with us and that we can play a supporting role. But they totally orchestrate their own endeavors and we are not actively involved. My kids have gotten every job independent of us. They have created their own jobs several times as well. But they still value sharing their plans with us and listening to any advice if they seek it.</p>
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<p>No, for the most extreme helicopter parents, I don’t think it is. I think their goal is to prevent “harm,” even in situations in which the harm is temporary, albeit very uncomfortable. The fact that experiencing negative consequences, failure, extreme discomfort, disappointment, etc. and coming out of it okay builds character and strength doesn’t really factor into their thinking. They want their kids to be safe and happy all the time and they are willing to do anything to make sure that happens.</p>
<p>I think with some of the most extreme helicopter parents, there may be a subconscious desire to keep their kids dependent on them because it fills their own need to remain “needed” always. I understand it, but I don’t think it is very healthy for their offspring.</p>
<p>^ I think for some helicopter parents there also is an element of intervening to try to make sure every situation comes out as best it can for their child … more focused on the immediate outcome than the growth from a more independent journey to a maybe less optimal short-term outcome.</p>
<p>I see parents here who want to make me feel bad: their kids got their very prestigious job all by themselves and even had that job waiting for them before they graduated. Blah, blah, blah… Yeah for you for having such “great” kids. Good for you. Pat on the back. I don’t call them great, I call them easy. You just don’t know what it’s like to have a not-so-easy kid. Of course you don’t understand. You think it’s me…my parenting if my kid isn’t a success like yours. So why did you bother to write here? To show off? </p>
<p>Then there are those of you who say you “only help” by networking and helping to spread the word. You still don’t understand. My DH could do this, but wouldn’t dare. Is it because he doesn’t want to help his own kid? Is it because he doesn’t want to be associated with his own kid, or is it because my son is so incompetent it would embarrass him? Well, sadly it’s all three.</p>
<p>There are others here too, who watch their kids struggle. </p>
<p>How do you stand by them as they struggle? (Like: They’ll leave a phone message about a job, but forget to leave their name. There are so many initiative skills that it’s impossible to teach.) How do you help a kid who you know will be underemployed all his life? This stage in his life, after college, is one of the hardest and I have no solution, no words of wisdom. I watch with sadness. How do you help a kid who figured he’d be living in a homeless shelter because he didn’t think he could come home after college. It still didn’t motivate him to start thinking about jobs. He’d like a job, but with social enxiety what can he do?</p>
<p>^^Would I fall under that distasteful word, helicopter mom, if I tried to help?</p>
<p>limabeans, I do understand. Every situation is very different. Some kids present challenges in areas such as this and so what has worked fine for other families doesn’t apply to those situations. I can appreciate that certainly.</p>
<p>I would say you’re a very brave parent, limabeans. My heart breaks for you but I know you’ll do what you have to do to support your son.</p>
<p>limabeans–I can fully understand. I have a brilliant S who lacks social skills. He is a complete nerd and either he will figure out what he has to do socially (or be snatched up by a smart female who acts as his aide-de-camp and dresses him for success and reminds him to return phone calls) or he will not rise to the heights of which he is capable. </p>
<p>I plan to watch this unfold, making suggestions, but I will certainly not “get” a job for him. He may be underemployed all his life, or he may get lucky, or he may figure out a few things on his own. Time will tell…</p>
<p>I am comforted by the fact that I was also socially inept in HS, a one-sided musician, and I came out of my shell and developed other interests over the years, and even, I like to think, a personality. So it can happen!</p>
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<p>I’ve been on vacation, so maybe I missed something, but why are you assuming the comments posted here are directed at you?</p>
<p>I haven’t caught up with all the posts, so maybe there are a bunch addressed to limabeans-if so, I guess I can see where you are coming from.</p>
<p>I don’t think anyone set out to make you feel badly, Limabeans. The discussion is about the role of parents (if any) regarding job searches, particularly for post college. We all have different kids and are in different situations and have shared our perspectives and experiences. I welcome hearing yours. It does sound challenging and I understand that.</p>
<p>It’s true that no one directed their “good news story” about their kids’ job successes at me per se. However, I get the sense, after reading anecdote-after-antecdote, that parents here love to tell how their kid got some job all by themselves, but only mention their “I’m just networking” kind of stories when their kid struggles. How about the unemployed kid here? The underemployed kid? How about a story about the kid who can’t make a phone call because he’s frozen?</p>
<p>PS: I know my kid struggles unlike most. I just hate to see it because it hurts so much. Thanks for your best wishes.</p>