<p>Basically: I hate feeling so disgustingly apathetic. What the heck do I do? How do I make myself less apathetic? </p>
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<p>But if you want to torture yourself by reading my terrible writing, go ahead:
I’m a high school senior. Right now, as the title says, I’m so apathetic about everything that I disgust myself. But I have no idea what to do about it.</p>
<p>I want to finish up this semester strong, I really do. I told myself I would start studying for finals since Friday, when I finished my college essays. I was working pretty hard up until that point, stressing out over if I could truly balance school and college essays for all 24 schools. But when I finished, I basically collapsed. I’ve basically done nothing but read crappy fanfiction/teen novels, bum around on CC and Facebook, sleep, and eat. </p>
<p>My finals are coming up on the week of December 16, with the exception of my math final which is on December 10. I only have final exams in three of my classes: AP Econ, AP Chem, and math. My grades in those classes, respectively are B (86%), B (86%), and A (94%). For Econ, I basically have to get 100% on the final (which I think I can pull off if I feel right that day). For AP Chem, I have no idea if that’s actually my grade (lots of ungraded assignments/tests and lots of other grading mishaps). For Math, I’m not really that worried about the final, but I still feel I need to study. </p>
<p>All I did was make some semblance of a plan for studying during this break. And the problem is I don’t feel like following through with it. </p>
<p>And it’s not just about academics I feel apathetic about. I feel apathetic towards my friends who I am supposed to see after finals. I feel apathetic towards college acceptances. I feel apathetic towards things I used to like. I just don’t have energy to do anything.</p>
<p>Usually the little things make a big difference (at least for me). Eat healthy. Sleep, shower, wear comfy clothes. I always feel great after I exercise. I was stressed out this past weekend and went for a run and shot some hoops earlier today and felt much better. Not sure if you do a sport or anything but find some sort of constructive hobby that makes you feel good (running…).</p>
<p>Ugh running isn’t cutting it for me lately. I bike to school, but it hasn’t been doing anything either. I tried showering out of frustration and it worked… for 20 minutes. My comfy jeans that feel like sweats are ruined because of this one time I hit a car with my bike and not even my PJs are that comfy. </p>
<p>Sleep – I wish that were an option. I can’t get myself to sleep before 11:30 but then my body’s clock wakes me up at 7 if not earlier, even when I try to sleep in (as I did this Thanksgiving). And taking naps has suddenly not become an option. My brother keeps being sick and when he’s sick he keeps wandering towards the walk in closet where his bed is in which happens to be in the room I study/sleep in. And my mom keeps needing to “talk” to me about college apps so I’m basically never alone for more than 5 minutes. Besides, my mom doesn’t approve of my taking naps, even if they’re only 15 minutes. </p>
<p>I have no idea what’s wrong with me. Even when I was diagnosed with depression back in sophomore year, I was not this bad. The funny thing is that right now I don’t feel depressed. I just feel… apathetic.</p>
<p>Think positively, think how once this is all over you’ll be free in the college you attend. You’ll be going to a great one for sure, use that as motivation to get you through the tough times. The time you are in is one that many seniors go through, and eventually they all push through it. No one has it easy, do your best.</p>
<p>I’ve gotten a lot of people telling me to think of my “dream school” but I honestly don’t have one. I know I’m so close to being through with this, which is what makes this even more frustrating. Before it used to be enough to think “oh I will try my hardest b/c at the end I will see my really good friends back from college” but for some reason after finishing college apps it isn’t. </p>
<p>man i totally relate. except for me the apathy is coming earlier when i really cant afford for it to…</p>
<p>all i can tell you is just keep chugging. mindless chugging. yeah its kinda meh but at the end of the day that’s all you can do. just go through with your plan for the sake of finishing something. just convince yourself its a quasi job that you have to complete. and then hopefully the enthusiasm will come in later/you’ll be thankful you accomplished so much so you can truly appreciate moments in the future when you dont have to worry about that stuff</p>
<p>Aww, poor quidditchcat. I totally get the feeling. In your case, I think it has a lot to do with your mom…being home with her 24/7 could be leeching away all your lust for life. </p>
<p>Hopefully things will perk up if you try to focus/socialize more at school!</p>
<p>How about treating yourself at the end of each week until winter break if you follow through with your plans? Perhaps going out to watch a movie (There are a lot of good ones out now. I saw Frozen and Catching Fire a few days ago, and they were AMAZING!) or getting ice cream… whatever you really like to do. No matter how apathetic you feel right now, you must like something.</p>
<p>Well, if you’re disgusted with yourself, it’s hardly apathy, is it? You’re probably just feeling a little burnt out or something. Try setting up regular time to just do something you enjoy. It will make the work a lot easier.</p>
<p>Everyone, including me, told my mom it was a bad idea for me to fill out 24 different apps for colleges, but she didn’t listen. So I guess it is.</p>
<p>Honestly, I’m not sure. Like I don’t feel depressed at all, I don’t really feel much of anything. Except frustration at myself. I guess the apathy really set in after I’d finished writing my last college essay (so about halfway through Thanksgiving break).</p>
<p>Sometimes when you have been working really hard and pouring so much energy and thought into something, it’s hard to know what to do with yourself when you finally finish. Maybe you just need to ease back into the activities you probably neglected while you were working on that mountain of applications. But since you have been diagnosed with depression already, you should probably speak to your medical professional about this. Also, consider that many people struggle with the short days of winter. You might want to discuss getting a daylight-type lamp with your doctor or therapist, see if that helps. </p>
<p>I have to say, I’d be seriously burned out too, if I had to complete so many applications. Seems like a bit of overkill. My daughter has been stuck in her room for weeks and she’s only done 6 or 7, not even finalized most of them yet.</p>
<p>well sometimes depression is just feeling numb. i feel like it might be a stereotype that depressed people just feel sad. a lot of the times, they feel nothing. it makes sense that the essays could burn you out, but to ignore that you were depressed and then this happening? it just seems like too coincidental…idk, i would do as the person above advised and talk to a medical person about this, just to make sure.</p>
<p>but maybe after the holidays you’ll start to feel better, and maybe this was all just from stress? who knows…?</p>
<p>Yeah, I mean after the next 18 days (actually it’s now like 17 days), all I plan to do for the first two or three days of break are to sleep. Like a lot. And read about a dozen books that I’ve been recommended since about freshman year. </p>
<p>Also, I guess the reason why I wasn’t sure if this is depression is because it’s a lot different from the type I had back in sophomore year/part of junior year.</p>
<p>Winter days could be a possibility too, given that like a week ago I was pretty good spirits due to it being brighter in the mornings and hence a lot easier to get up. </p>
<p>Ugh, during this whole essay process my mom made me reschedule most of my therapist appointments so I’ve effectively only had one appointment during the month of November, and I’m supposed to end therapy in December due to insurance/money things.</p>