Right? This is so not about some bloke’s comment, this is all about some internal narrative.
Smile. Ah but this time I bought it in Paris.
i have to say, there are some of these that are pretty good! @abasket , my DH would tell me I’m imagining an insult, or that he is just an ass, and why would I want to say anything? Let it go.
But that’s not me. That’s why I want it to be something that seems humorous and if around people everyone would laugh…but it’s a zinger underneath if you’re paying attention. Or one might think I didn’t even mean anything but it. I want to walk that line.
That’s why something along the lines of “Isn’t it great I can still fit into it” or “I’m pleased I can still fit into it” can work. Not snarky, but if this man has gained weight, well then…
It was funny that I stumbled upon this thread today. Tonight my daughter is going to her company holiday party. This will be her third one. She never has occasion to dress up and is wearing the party dress she wore 2 years ago (and hasn’t worn since). I told her nobody would notice that she is repeating it (let’s see if that holds true). With the high staff turnover in her office, most of the people weren’t at the party 2 years ago.
The “my husband’s favorite” comment is spot on and perfect!
Just out of curiosity, I’ve read “my husbands favorite” seems to be a favorite. Why is that? Is it because it’s bringing the husband into the picture?
Yes, because the comment is being made by the husband’s co-worker, bringing the husband back into the picture puts the co-worker in his place. The insinuation is that my husband should be the only one noticing I am wearing the same dress NOT YOU.
I did just tell my daughter if anybody notices she is wearing the same dress to say “It is my favorite” (which is true!)
I’d go with the “It’s my husband’s favorite” suggestion.
“my DH would tell me I’m imagining an insult, or that he is just an ass, and why would I want to say anything? Let it go.” However, you husband has a very good point and he’s the one that has to work with this guy everyday.
“Why, thank you! Straight men don’t usually pay attention to this type of thing!”
As a few other have said, do not say this. It is based on very incorrect stereotypes/prejudices and is more inappropriate and would make you a big boor, IMO, than the the guy commenting on your dress.
@sylvan8798 , not intended to insult, but this guy might wonder, and this could shut him up. That’s the whole point of OP’s question, to silence the guy without being rude. Rightly or wrongly, many straight men are concerned about being perceived as straight men.
I love the “my husband favorite” response. If anyone overhears and thinks the comment rude or odd (which it is IMHO, you have risen above that without rising to his bait. I think the response puts everything in the proper perspective re the relationships: you vis a vis DH vis a vis the co-worker.
^So playing off that concern is right? I don’t think so. I agree with @doschicos, and it could backfire.
It’s not right, of course, but it would be effective if this guy really is a jerk. Personally, I find the entire thing really bizarre, not only that someone would comment if a woman wore a dress more than once, but that it would matter if she did so. Unless you’re royalty or going to the Oscars, there’s no reason why you can’t wear the same outfit 50 times if you want.
How many suits do most men own, anyway?
“Wow - I am so honored your commenting on my attire is becoming a holiday tradition for you. See you next year.”
“It’s not right, of course, but it would be effective if this guy really is a jerk.”
But it would make you look like a jerk, too, IMO.
So the last time you wore this dress was 12 years ago, and he commented on it then. If he does remember it and comments on it this time, I’d find that pretty creepy. And weird.
I don’t have any additional suggestions – I think some of the ones here have been super – but I don’t think he’s going to comment. I notice what people wear all the time (my middle name = Shallow) and I don’t think I’d remember something from 12 years ago.
I’d go with Dear Abby’s “Why do you ask?” Or, if it’s not a question but a statement, “Why do you remember?”
“Thank you, it’s one of my favorites” would be sufficient.
Maybe this guy is just trying to make conversation with you and is too awkward to know what else to say. Is he married? Is his wife or date with him when he makes these comments. Perhaps you can look at her with an I-can’t-believe-he-just-said-that look and she can educate him later about how inappropriate it was.
OR
Respond based on how his comment is directed. If he ASKS a question (Is that the same dress you wore X years ago?) just say, “No,” and leave him hanging. Walk away if you can. Or you can be truthful and just say “yes” and walk away, but I would say no just because I would want to make him think he is wrong.
If he makes a statement (I see your wearing the same dress) just say, “I’m so flattered you noticed. My own husband thinks I bought a new one.”
How about this: when the guy makes his remark, turn to your H with a laugh, hold out your hand palm up, and say “yes!”. Your H reluctantly gives you a $20 bill. Your H can then say something to the guy like, “Bob, you need to come up with something new next year”. Be completely lighthearted about it … not defensive.
“If I didn’t look so dang good in it, I might consider something else!”
Big smile “Yes, why do you ask?” Politely put the onus on him.
Shoot. I wish I fit into my dresses from12 years ago!