<p>The thing that concerns me most about such a serious sports rivalry is that it seems to put the cloak of good-natured competition over what is actually outspoken prejudice and hatred. I mean, when is it ever ok to hate a whole institution, or whole group of people? So while I agree with all who have said this type of attachment is immature, isn’t this extreme sort of biased rabid type college boosterism a way to lump a whole group of strangers into those we can outspokenly bully?</p>
<p>Edit: I just want to say, I am talking about any extreme form of rivalry–not the typical, happy put-downs that come with good competitive spirit.</p>
<p>A little more info…I guess my H was treated rather nastily by several MSU fans during his time there- was spit upon, had beer thrown at him- after a hockey game. It has colored his impression of the school ever since (and it’s been 20+ years!). While I empathize, I guess I can’t relate since it didn’t happen to me. I feel the same rivalry when it comes to my alma mater (UM) and I never want MSU or OSU to win when UM plays them, but I can’t feel the same hatred that he does. </p>
<p>My D won’t look at any of the other directional schools in-state (that would be EMU, WMU, CMU for those non-Michigan folks) and frankly, I think she is more competitive than those schools.</p>
<p>I think it comes down to the fact that my H wants her to go to UM- I just don’t know if it’s her dream. Maybe she’s just shielding herself from the possibility that she won’t get in.</p>
<p>I talked to a parent at orientation that didnt want his daughter attending U of W Madison because he thought the town was too liberal. He thought college would turn her into a democrat. </p>
<p>babyb I think the key thing here is that your H isnt going to college. Your D is. And his money isnt going to be given to the beer throwing a–holes from 20 years ago, its going to pay for your Ds education. </p>
<p>This isnt a bad decision for her. He may want to save his emotional energy for the decisions that are.</p>
<p>What happened to your husband 20 years ago happened to your husband 20 years ago. He needs to let that go. It’s over. If your daughter would be happy at MSU, then so be it. Certainly this was not a pleasant experience for your husband, but does he honestly believe that there are no bad apples at UMich? I can tell you…there have been! And does he believe that what happened to him represents what happens at MSU,the vast majority of the time? I doubt that is the case as well.</p>
<p>I’m not saying that the incident was OK. I’m saying it was a long time ago. It’s like carrying an old grudge.</p>
<p>Of all the schools in the world, why must your daughter choose one that your husband doesn’t approve? Just cross that one off your list and move on. She can be fine and happy somewhere else. If she was paying for it herself, then he really doesn’t have a say, but it seems like he will be writing the checks. Who cares why. Just cross it off and move on. You would want him to respect your wishes if you felt this way. Do the same for him.</p>
<p>It doesn’t sound like your daughter is sold on this college anyway.</p>
<p>From an outsider’s point of view, that this is an issue is surreal. Your H has every right to hope that MSU loses every hockey game from now until eternity. But not letting your D go there if it’s the best place is ludicrous. I just don’t know what to say. </p>
<p>I mean I’ve had garbage thrown at me at Yankee stadium, but if my kids wanted to root for the Evil Empire, I’d still love them just the same. I’d want them to be happy (though not about baseball). </p>
<p>Momtotwins…apparently this OP’s daughter would like an instate option other than UMich. MSU is by far the next best choice for instate universities in Michigan. Perhaps it is her financial safety as well. It certainly will be a lot less expensive than OSU, or any other OOS university, or private university.</p>
<p>This is not just a sports rivalry because if it were, OSU would be OFF the table as well. That is a longstanding Big Ten sports rivalry.</p>
<p>The father has a bad memory because of an incident that happened 20 years ago. While not pleasant, it’s a long time ago. In my opinion, he needs to put this aside if MSU rises to the top of his daughter’s list of acceptances.</p>
<p>If he does not approve of MSU, perhaps ask him if he would be willing to pay extra for her to attend an out-of-state flagship-level university if she did not get into UM. Of course, if the she likes Iowa State or Minnesota, the price may not be too bad, but OSU, UW, and UIUC would likely be more expensive.</p>
<p>My relative went to Berkeley and HATED USoCal. That was his D’s first choice and where she happily matriculated. He dealt with it and has come to appreciate all the great opportunities his D received from attending USC and graduating a proud Trojan. He still roots for Cal but is now also supportive if USC in everything but football. ;)</p>
<p>If you feel this may be the ONLY SCHOOL which will fit her needs and be affordable that she can get into, then at least put in the application. Hopefully when everything is all said and done another school will rise to the top and be just as acceptable.</p>
<p>Heck, at least she doesn’t want to go to Ohio State!
Look, I can understand your H’s feelings. If either of my kids wanted to attend West Virginia University, I would hold my nose as I wrote the necessary checks - but I would write them. Strong loyalties are generally a good thing, but not to the extent that it affects your family’s college decisions. She should go where she wants and Dad should learn to deal with it.</p>
<p>Perhaps daughter should ask dad…“Were you admitted to U Michigan only because you were an athlete recruit and really didn’t have the academic chops to be a regular UM student?”</p>
<p>When kids are fixating on a particular college, CC doctrine is always “there are thousands of colleges”. IMO this is one of those instances. Your DD has a good list of colleges. From your post I didn’t see that $$ were an issue on any of them. So, really, if your DH has strong feelings against MSU, why stress about it. At any rate, I would let this be DD’s fight, not yours. She may get exactly what she wants.</p>
<p>While there are certainly many other colleges, in this case the dad’s unreasonable position is messing up the normal strategy of identifying admissions and financial matches and safeties, because MSU is instate for this family. I think the bottom line here is that the D shouldn’t have to go to a school that’s inferior to MSU because her dad’s position–if he’s willing to pay more to send her out of state in order to avoid MSU, perhaps she should accept that.</p>
<p>If hubby played hockey in the mid 1980s, I can understand his feelings. MSU had a ridiculously good hockey team then and those rivalry games get especially chippy.</p>
<p>If D gets in and it turns out to be her best choice, he will adapt. Fathers tend to not want to disappoint their daughters.</p>
<p>My future children know that they will be welcome to attend any school in the country EXCEPT Purdue. Given the low odds of returning to live in Indiana and subsequently making that a low-cost option…shouldn’t be much of a stipulation :)</p>
<p>The only way I could relate to this was to think of my diehard Sooner friends kids going to Texas…I can’t see it happening…but those kids have been already indoctrinated from birth.</p>
<p>Yes, I almost posted this as well! But even in that case I personally would have been supportive if it was the right academic and financial situation for one of my kids. Can you easily afford other OOS or private options she is interested in? In that case the “there are thousands of other schools” argument makes sense. If not, then… dad either should have spent more time tutoring your D and making sure she had the academic chops to get into Michigan, or gotten a better job so he could easily afford OOS tuition at other colleges.</p>