HELP! My parents are making me go to a college I don't want to attend!

Applying to College
41

At this point, use Mikemac’s strategy, and if that fails, your best option is a gap year.

Email App State to let them Know your parents were so excited about the award that they responded immediately on your behalf, but that, as for you, you’re still considering your options and are thinking about a gap year to work and test out the professional fields that seem interesting to you for now. Ask if your award would still be held if you deferred for a year and worked.

Is it possible to go from physics into engineering? Yes, if you follow a specific path, like unc-w’s 2+2 program with ncsu - although why you’d do that when you would get in straight for high school and doing that Old mean forfeiting any chance at merit from ncsu, is a mystery. You could have applied to unc-w I’d that’s what they had wanted, since it’s similar in selectivity to app state. However you built your list thinking you could attend college based on your parents’ reassurance they could pay, and now that ship has sailed. Such a program doesn’t exist at App State and anyway you’d end up paying more since you’d be full pay at ncsu for 2 years.
(As a transfer, you aren’t eligible for the big scholarships).

Is it possible? Yes, but it’s indirect.
Fact of the matter is, physics is not engineering and the jobs aren’t the same.

If talking with your father’s friend doesn’t lead to them realizing a compromise (ncsu?) is possible, then you should take a gap year, making sure you take the sat this may before graduation (the score, taken Hike in high school, Will be considered, whereas if taken after graduation, it won’t.) if you got 2140 you may be able to get a bit more even with the new Sat (1450?) then apply in September for the Park scholarship. And, why not, Duke Robertson and all the competitive awards.

42

Darn autocorrect!
doing that Old mean forfeiting => doing that would mean forfeiting…
You could have applied to unc-w I’d that’s what => if that’s what…
taken Hike in high school => while in HS

43

http://cmhcollegeconsulting.com/about-us/

This private counseling firm is in NC. I strongly urge you to give them a call so that you can have a neutral 3rd party involved. Parents generally view adcoms as more informed and educates and many times view them as an authority in the field. This may be the route to go.

44

Do they think you are not cut out for engineering for some reason? Is App State closer to home than the others? There has to be more to this story.

45

If App State pays room board and 2500, most of that is taxable. So not a total freebie. Point that out to the parents too When comparing costs.

If they would pay just room and board, you could likely figure out tuition at NC State. Show them the difference in R&B at NC State vs the tax in R&B at App. They could be arguing over a few thousand a year here and not even know it.

46

You have lots of good advice here, I just wanted to say good luck. You got into so many great schools, congrats on that, I really hope your parents will listen. NSCU or UNC would be such better in state options for your major.

App is not for everyone, but I am sure you would be top of the class if you end up there. But I would fight it, personally.

47

Also, talk to your school psychologist (not guidance counselor) for a referral to a family therapist. Do you think your parents would go with you to see a family therapist a few times? This situation really calls for family therapy for several reasons: 1) You described how you are so very different from them and they can’t understand you; 2) They way they overstepped their boundaries by accepting a college and scholarship on your behalf; 3) They completely are ignoring the person who you are and are dismissive of your interest in biomedical engineering. Family therapy will help resolve these issues.

48

I’d probably try something like, “I really want to go to a college that offers the major I want. Can we look at the next least expensive option and see if we can work something out where I take my federal loans and work summers & part time during the school year to offset some of the cost?” That is assuming that the cost is the issue, and not something about being female, location of school, general dislike of engineers (don’t laugh, my dad worked with a lot of engineers and actively steered all of his kids away from it as a major), something based on your past behavior or conflicts with them that makes them think App State is a better choice, financial issues you are not aware of, or some bias because you are an adopted kid (which I surely hope is not the case). It certainly isn’t like Physics is an easier major – it is about the same as engineering, both are very math intensive and difficult majors.

Regarding how to contact ad-coms at App State, you DO know how to use the internet, right? The admissions contact info is right there. Now if your parents have said yes, you have until May 1 to say yes at another school, and you can then withdraw the App State yes – your parents will lose their deposit, but they will lose it whether you withdraw today or May 1. What you don’t want is them declining at the other schools (which you may also be able to reverse by May 1, but you don’t want to take the chance). But really, you have until May 1 to decide for sure either way. So don’t panic about telling them today.

A few other posters have said you should go to App State and transfer, but I see no point in that strategy. If your parents don’t say yes this year, they probably aren’t going to say yes the next year. As stated earlier in the thread, you will NOT be independent financially from them until you are 24, so you gain no financial aid traction from turning 18.

Sorry your parents are doing this… but if the pocketbook really is the reason for this, I’d aim my arguments there. And also try to get someone (some other adult or relative) they will listen to help with your case. I do agree that Physics majors can get hired by private companies (my kid is a Physics major, so I have looked at this). They tend to have great analytical skills, strong basic science skills, and often some CS type skills as well. So they are hired for those skills. But they aren’t hired as engineers, and can’t just go straight to grad school in engineering.

If this really IS about cost, you need to pick out a grad school with the type of engineering you want (say, NC State if they have it). Print out the entrance requirements if you can find them, and also the cost information. Show your parents the cost if you have to both take additional coursework to get ready to attend, and then the cost of grad school itself.

Another option, although it requires your parents’ cooperation, is to attend a community college for two years and then go to a four year school like NC State to finish your degree.

And it sounds a little petty – and I wouldn’t use it unless you are really losing near May 1, but I would ask your parents why they got the privilege of going to GA Tech and you don’t even get to go to a college that offers your preferred major. Tell them you feel like a second class citizen in your own family. (Wondering - are any of your brothers older? Where did they go to college? I wonder what options they will be given…)

49

If they are suggesting that you go to Appalachian state and major in physics, perhaps they are aware of the following: http://physics.appstate.edu/undergraduate-programs/pre-engineering-program This is a “pre-engineering” program in the Physics Department which prepares you for engineering, but you are expected to transfer after one or two years at Appalachian State. If they won’t relent at all, you could try this.

50

To add a bit of levity to what is clearly a serious situation:

I’m reminded of a bit of dialog from the 80’s movie “Soul Man.”
To recap: A student from a wealthy family is admitted to Harvard Law School, but his parents will not pay for him. He calls up Harvard to see about a scholarship and when his buddy asks him what Harvard said, the reply was:

“They said they have plenty of scholarships for students whos parents are poor. They don’t have any for students whos parents are a–holes.”

51

First of all, try to get help for your anxiety BEFORE you go to college…At college, everything is different…where you live, your friends, your school, what you eat…

“Mom, Dad…I won’t be attending App State as it does not offer Biomedical Engineering. Help me figure out what school you can afford that does. If I need to take a gap year and reapply next year I will do that, or we can pick from where I have been accepted.”

52

You’ve recieved a lot of good advice already.

If your father thinks that you can still be an engineer by getting a masters in engineering (not a bachelors), you might check out your state’s board of engineering and see what their rules say. Or just give the board a call and ask them what the path is in your state. Let them know you are a high school student that wants to know the challenges of becoming an engineer without a bachelor degree in engineering.

It used to be an option in our state - I don’t think it is any longer. I had a coworker that did a BS in math and his MS in engineering. It would’ve taken him so long to get his professional engineers (PE) license that he moved to a different state that had a shorter period of time required. I just checked that state’s rules, and nowadays he’d need 20 - yes, twenty- years of experience before taking his PE exam. That’s even longer than they used to require!

My point is that things may have changed since the time your father went to college and graduated.

53

@MYOS1634 My dad’s friend said that he hires both phycists and engineers, so my parents keep telling me that I would be doing the same work regardless of what degree. It’s really frustrating to me. His friend is someone who owns a bunch of medical supply companies. So I could see why they believe him. But I am aware the work is definitely not the same. I just don’t know how to tell this to them

54

@intparent Thanks for the advice, it is very helpful. The last time I talked to them they pulled the God card on me. They said “God is opening this door wide open for you” I can’t just say no it’s not like that because then they will accuse me of not being religious.

55

If I was you I would take a GAP year and apply to full ride scholarships You might have to apply to lower tier schools to grantee merit but IMO it’s worth it.

56

Why are they only looking at the money and not looking at how the program fits your goals? I, as a parent, cannot simply look at how much money my child is getting from an institution without evaluating what she is going to gain from that institution. And I can’t imagine doing it any other way.

Change all your passwords on your admissions portals so they can’t decline anything or do anything with your apps. Just a suggestion to at least slow them down if they might do that.

57

Oh… that is a problem. You could point out that God has opened all the doors where you are accepted, and that God helps those who help themselves – and since you want to be an engineer, you need to go to a school where you can do that. And that you are helping yourself by at least trying to attend a school that has your major and by being willing to take out your federal loans. Any chance your pastor (or do you have a youth pastor?) could talk to your parents?

58

OP, I know how upsetting this situation is. Your dreams, goals and your faith are very important to you. Faith is very important to your parents. More important to them is you and your emotional well-being. Given that you have struggled with anxiety and depression, it sounds as if they may be very scared to send you “away” to college. Rather than tell you, sounds as if they’ve decided to show you by accepting the Appalachia State offer.

Earlier in this thread, there was a suggestion of sitting down with a family therapist. This is wise advice. If your family is uncomfortable doing this, then please consider a family session with your senior pastor. Use some of the communication tools suggested by other posters. It is important that your parents hear you. It is important that you hear your parents. The therapist or pastor will help make that happen. Then, they will help negotiate a solution that is acceptable to everyone. You may have to have 2 sessions. Sending positive thoughts your way.

59

Your parents should not be accepting scholarships/paying enrollment fees on your behalf, without permission. That’s illegal. If I were you, I’d take out a loan and go to the cheapest college available that has a biomedical engineering program. Or transfer out of Appalachian State, if necessary.

60

I want to add a note of caution here.

I can see that you’re quite upset here, as would be anyone in your situation. But you’ve written things like “Somehow, new cars and dozens of european vacations are important to my parents, but not my education.” I hope you aren’t saying things like this to your parents. And if so, don’t go any farther ! Not only will it not change their mind, but words like this spoken in anger can smolder for years.

I can’t promise you that things will work out ok. But I can tell you that dumping your anger may poison your relationship with your parents for a long time, perhaps forever. Maybe you’re thinking right now you don’t care, but that’s just the emotion and anger speaking.