<p>That’s great! I had lost track of this thread, last reading that you were going to talk to him when he woke up. I’m going to go back and see how it all unfolded.</p>
<p>Glad to hear things are working out! As long as you can keep him engaged, he should be on the right track. Last year, D1 was a senior and D2 was a sophomore. D2 had a “friend” whose name kept coming up in conversations…I put on my mom-spy hat and asked D1 if she thought D2 was “interested” in this guy. She quickly and firmly said, “NO…He’s NOT her type”, and changed the subject with no further explanation… Fast forward to this year, when his name has come up quite a bit more…I told D1 that her sister had gone to a movie last weekend with her “friend”. She told me, “Good, I’d told him he should ask her if she wanted to see it.” I questioned her and asked what was different between last year and this year. “He was WAY too into WoW last year” was the answer. There is life after WoW, it appears!!!</p>
<p>I am so happy to hear this, ctmom. Please keep posting updates. I have a feeling this thread will be very helpful in the future to others dealing with this issue.</p>
<p>ctmomof3 keep us updated. I went thru some issues with one of my children where they just weren’t themselves - it wasn’t a videogame addiction, but I remember the relief I felt when I began to see that old light in their eyes again after a couple months of anguish. Nothing is as heartbreaking as knowing something is wrong with your child. Good luck and keep us posted.</p>
<p>Oh snap. You better cancel that now. I know kids who were otherwise MIT bound but there grades fell to D’s and F’s after WOW.</p>
<p>His parents had to remove every computer on the house and ensure, via student-friend network that he was attended classes. </p>
<p>Do what yo umust, while you can.</p>
<p>Just read update. Sighing relief for you.</p>
<p>Hi folks not quite out of the woods yet but things are indeed looking up. He did last night tell me he would like to play once ina while under severe time restraints, we had a very civilized adult conversation for about an hour and he explained that this was such a big part of his life that he wants to wean himself off of it, he asked to play for one hour last night after all his homework was done,and he worked out!! I finally gave in, appealing to his plea to give him one chance to show the “new him” and that after a few weeks of going back to socializing,etc…he will not want to play at all. I hope with all my heart. He defenitely looks different, back to taking pride in his looks, dressing better, much happier, amazing that in just a few short days this has happened. I will have to watch this situation carefully, but so far things are much better, after the hour, he did turn it off and went to sleep. I so badly want to believe in him and trust him and he seems very anxious for me to do so, so although I want this out of my house for good…I am going to “work with him” as he said to make this “transition to his old life again” (HIS WORDS). Will keep you posted…thanks for your continued support. You have no idea how wonderful it is.:)</p>
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<p>And these are things you can simply praise and emphasize as he walks through a room. That’s praise for the new “him” rather than praise for “not playing those games anymore” so the focus is where it should be. My teen sons did like to hear me say,
“You look handsome in that shirt” or “that haircut really brings out your features.”
At this juncture, I think you’re not spoiling or praising him vainly to simply say, “Ya look mahvelous…” as Billy Crystal would say. It’s an appropriate confidence builder because of his juncture this week. I bet he feels great just to regain your eye contact and smiles walking through a room. Build it and build it! </p>
<p>I’d read that sometimes boys get pulled into these games to dodge their need to start to look around for dates/mates/whatever. The more he can feel proud of his appearance, grooming and persona, the more attractive he’ll be to other people around him, to rejoin the real world which includes but isn’t so totally dominated by media as was his life last week and for four months.</p>
<p>Let him overhear you on the phone just talking about how handsome he looks these days, but not repeating the episode about unplugging, etc. I know you wouldn’t do that, am just overflowing with too much advice here and it’s really mot needed. Bravo, you!! </p>
<p>What a great chance to reinforce anything positive, sociable, and “in real life” without even mentioning the gaming. As you say, you’re just glad to re-encounter HIM. </p>
<p>The more time you go out together, outside the house, the better. Soo, are you and he about to do some Christmas shopping, go to a live concert or musical at one of the area high schools…anything “IRL” (in real life) is so good for him, just to re-experience the sensory power of the living world once again.</p>
<p>Best wishes. I can’t believe it that CC may have helped you with a screen addiction. Talk about the coal calling the kettle black…</p>
<p>hi well as much as I hoped I would never have to address or update this thread again, we had a huge step backwards. My son literally had a meltdown because his computer was taken away and has behaved extremely horribly, he did not go to school, verbally abused me, I felt threatened physcially and basically things went downhill fast. We have relatives visiting for the holidays who are doing their best to gently intervene and try to talk some sense into him but I am not sure what the outcome will be, its quite stressful. I think he is going through serious withdrawal of sorts and that it is going to take time and a will of iron on our part to help him snap out of it. This acting out is coming at a horrible time because it is critical he pull off a strong quarter in school and this stress is weighing heavily on all of us in our household. I am staying strong and the game is not welcome here, I will not back down especially since I have seen what a monster it has made him. PLEASE PLEASE anyone considering buying this for their child possibly for Christmas, beware this is a toxic form of social isolation, sever mood swings, addictive behavior at its worst, and truly a means to destroying a family. Once this is over, and totally out of our lives, I am going to look into whatever legislation there is out there about banning these games, I know its going against a billion dollar industry but seeing first hand how devastating the effects are has motivated me to help this from happening to others. Plesae keep your fingers crossed for us. Merry Christmas.</p>
<p>Oh! My Stomach clenched when I saw this thread back at the top, but I hoped for good news… maybe he’ll be back on “the wagon” soon. Best wishes!</p>
<p>I was so hoping for good news when I saw this thread back. </p>
<p>I am not surprised that he had a meltdown. I think one was probably do. Remember, he’s going cold off something that he was addicted to. This is also a very stressful time of year, with college applications, harder classes, now home all day for vacation, family at your home for Christmas, and everything else. I think that he will beat this. You are so impressive for remaining strong in the face of your son. I am glad that you have family there to support you and, hopefully, help your son see how much more there is in life than a game. Keep it up. We’re all rooting for you and your son.</p>
<p>Thanks to you all, this board has truly been a source of comfort and inspiration, which I desperately need at a time like this. My resolve is strong but at no other time in my life have I felt so vulnerable and so down about seeing someone I love sprial downwards. Its quite surreal in many ways. I will continue to keep you posted and really appreciate the ongoing support.</p>
<p>The warnings about this game have been very useful. A discussion about a year ago led us to tell S2 that he was not permitted, under any circumstances to play WOW. He was surprised that I knew what that was and promptly told me I had to stop reading these boards as it gave me unfair advantage as a parent. However, he has since seen several friends get sucked in and drop away from everybody and now appreciates that he never got involved. Some people can handle this game and some cannot.</p>
<p>ctmom, I am so sorry that this is happening. You are absolutely right to refuse to allow him to go back to gaming. I’m glad there are other family members around. He could probably benefit from professional help at this point. Please keep us posted.</p>
<p>I hope this works out for your son! I’ve seen several friends of mine get sucked into this game, and have heard of some losing jobs or girlfriends over it so it is definitely bad news.</p>
<p>Ironically enough I actually had a CLASS on this and other similar games for my freshman seminar course. I had to buy the game and some of my friends who already had the game were convinced that our whole class would become addicted. Well, I made it to about level 9 before I got really bored and gave up on the game. I still got enough out of the different games we played to write a good paper on virtual world economics (which is actually really intense). My roommate and some of my other classmates do play it on a daily basis, but nothing to intrusive though.</p>
<p>Thanks for your continued posts, it is true, this game is evil to its core. There is not a single redeeming quality to this game whatsoever. It destroys lives, relationships and any sense of normalcy that is so key to a teenagers life, I WILL not give up and I will keep you posted. I believe in my heart, it will work out but its going to take time, patience and a lot of perserverance. Will continue to update…</p>
<p>The game, in a way, acts as an agent of socialization. I think that part of the addiction is that sense of community it can foster, since he is playing with literally thousands of other people at any given time, and I’d wager he’s in a guild as well. A guild is a formal group of players that accomplish tasks together (such as quests), often talk to each other frequently, and so in a way become confidants. I can picture now the many conversations that begin with “you won’t believe what my mom is doing now…” “Yeah, she sounds psycho.” </p>
<p>One of the dangers of guild play is a part of the game called raiding, which involves a solid chunk of playing time (no time for breaks), often more than three hours, to clear a dungeon. Larger guilds do this more or less 24/7, because the boss at the end of a dungeon will drop high level equipment which is regarded as valuable and a sort of prestige. This system is one aspect of what can truly make the game (as well as other online games of this kind) addictive for some people, as ten players can spend four hours in one dungeon just for a small chance of a particular item to drop (sometimes the percentages are in the single digits). Even if that item they wanted dropped every single time, that’s still forty hours for ten people to get it. Considering that never happens, you can see how this quickly becomes a problem. </p>
<p>Also, even if you delete ‘save files’ off his computer, all the data is stored online. You can only disable his ability to play at some other computer by disabling the account [I’m not sure how to do this] or changing his password. If you change the password, be aware that he can request a forgotten password through email. You’ll have to change the email address linked to the account too (just make it some gibberish). If he shows enough improvement, you can give him the password in the future. If I had to guess, based on his sudden outbreak following his willingness for you to uninstall it, I’d say that he’s just been playing it at another location and is angry that he can’t play it while at home.</p>
<p>One last thing – How many [close] friends does he have? It’s important that he has solid alternatives to playing online.</p>
<p>I know plenty of people who do play who still pull off great grades in school and are active on campus, so the game itself is not the only factor in causing this behavior. I can’t tell you why certain people react so strongly, but I don’t believe banning games outright is the solution. (Although I understand your frustration.) Let me know if you have any game-specific questions, these are my views as an ex-gamer.</p>
<p>Those are some good insights! Thanks. I talk to many kids about these “MMOLG” or whatever, and some seem able to try it and walk away, others not so much. I’m curious about XBox live. My son spends a lot of time on this, but it doesn’t seem to have the same reputation.</p>
<p>"[MMORPG](<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MMORPG]MMORPG[/url]“>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MMORPG)</a>” stands for Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game. Games such as World of Warcraft and Everquest fall under this genre. The link above is an interesting read for parents who wonder what the appeal of these games is.</p>
<p>Xbox Live is multiplayer and online, but generally games only last for twenty minutes or so. This allows for bursts of playing time rather than a solid six hour sit down. Of course, there are always kids who take it too far, but the same can be said of anything. Some kids study too much, have no social life, and suffer for it.</p>
<p>Games like Halo, Halo 2 and Halo 3 for the Xbox and Xbox 360 have become very popular. Actually, Halo has become sort of a culture in itself. For some it becomes a master status, such as “Jock” or “Preppie” or “Halo player.” The same is true of World of Warcraft [WoW]. There are often tournaments held on campuses. Overall, I’d say it’s less ‘insidious,’ (I use this term a little tongue-in-cheek) and probably not worth worrying about unless the student becomes generally apathetic and grades fall.</p>
<p>The problem, if I had to sum it up, is that these games are just more *fun<a href=“and%20who%20doesn’t%20like%20to%20have%20fun?”>/i</a> than studying, writing essays and going to class. I know a kid who [semi-jokingly] said that WoW was his primary life, and “real life” was his backup for when he got bored with WoW. For some people this is probably more true than they are willing to admit.</p>
<p>Online games also are competitive. It can be very satisfying to beat out your friends, or even trash-talking strangers. I’ve seen people’s blood pressure to go 200, bloodshot eyes, red in the face, throw controllers at the TV or the wall, etc. when defeated in these games by someone they may not even know. There is an element of pride to it, although it means little in the “real world.”</p>
<p>Ctmom, have you talked to your son’s doctor? I’m wondering if an anti-depressant type drug might help him through the “withdrawal” phase of this addiction. I remember reading that many smokers end up taking anti-depressants for 6 months - 2 years or so after they quit - it’s quite common that about 4 - 6 months after quitting that people become depressed. I wouldn’t want to trade one addiction for another, but something that might help him through this phase… I’m convinced there’s a physiological element to all additions, including social ones like gambling or online games.</p>