Am I understanding correctly that the ‘nasty woman’ is the owner?
She’s a bully. And yes it’s a leap to say she could be skimming but it’s happened way too often (especially to nice guys who leave their business to others) to not at least entertain the possibility.
“Kill with kindness” only works if you don’t need anything from them. Then it’s a mental game where you gain imaginary points. I’ve had fun with this in fact
“Ignore them” can be good if you don’t need to interact with them to get your job done and are pretty sure they’re just “crabby” and not the vindictive type who will sabotage you.
I see the main problem here as you need access to info and you shouldn’t have to ask her for that info Especially as you are a bookkeeper her ability to “leave out” stuff makes you and the business vulnerable. Learn where records are, be able to access them for your work and ignore her from there on out. Then go enjoy the windows, the other employees and the extra money.
And lock your office.
And he’s nuts if he thinks it’s hard to replace her. If she’s answering phones it makes me wonder how much business he’s lost because of her.
@bhs1978 , she’s been bad mouthing me, too! He said something like, “I told her that you are new to give you a break”. About what I don’t know, but she was obviously trying to sour him on me. He said he’s never had to deal with her much until lately because the old partner, who is gone, worked with her. And I do find that the boss and others have started coming to me for things because I’m pleasant with them. I never see the boss go talk to her much, but he’ll come and sit right down and have conversations with me. My office is far from hers, so not sure she knows, but she knows. Who doesn’t want to be around pleasant people.
I wonder how much longer it will last. Part of me doesn’t want to let her win, but life’s too short anymore for that angst. The money’s been so nice, and my days are filled with purpose helping the owner. What a pity.
@busyparent , no she is not the owner.
@gouf78 , she’s the billing person, a lot of work in this industry. It’s not so easy to find someone to just walk in and fill those shoes. It took them awhile to find me. But you know…,what if she quit tomorrow? They’d have to deal with it.
It would be great if you could speak with her frankly and just tell her to back off. But that is likely to create more nastiness, at least in the short term, and that will bother you. Maybe tell her something like that just before you leave on a Friday, lol.
It seems the boss is still finding his way as a boss.
I had a job from the week after Thankgiving 2018 until the end of January this year – two whole months. It was supposed to be a three-to-six month interim gig while they looked for someone permanent. I left after only two months because of a particular person who was junior to me but sure didn’t act like it. The money was great and the employee discount was fabulous (they make women’s clothes), but I was waking up at 4:00 AM in a cold sweat because I knew I couldn’t confront this woman the way she needed. My husband pointed out that I didn’t need that job, in any sense of the word. So I gave a week’s notice and left.
I’m sad I couldn’t stick it out, but at this point in my life, I’m not trying to prove anything to anybody. I just want to be happy and enjoy my life!
@conmama: If you got this job, you’ll be able to get another one. And with luck that one will be a better environment.
@conmama I know exactly where you are and how you are feeling. I didn’t want to let my co worker win either but even though they knew she was the problem, she was also full time. They begged me to stay, but they just couldn’t let their full time position go because it’s a very hard job title to fill.
I realized that in retirement, I just wasn’t willing to put up with petty coworker issues, issues that early in my career I would have dealt with. Loved the job and most of the co workers but just one bad apple can spoil everything.
Good Luck to you in however this plays out for you!!!
@VeryHappy , thanks for your story. It makes me feel better to walk away after a few months if I decide to do that.
@bhs1978, everyone else is great, but she’s the one I need to interact with the most. My situation sounds exactly like yours and VeryHappy. I really like bookkeeping compared to accounting, but most of those job expect you to be proficient in Quickbooks and they pay $15 to $19 bucks an hour, and I’m making $25 here. I know, it doesn’t sound like much to those still in the midst of your careers, but it’s fine for this stage of my life. But I don’t want to work for any less than that.
Darn…it took so long to get this. He wants me to go FT and I keep reminding him I’m only doing this short term to help him catch up.
I can identify with this thought. It doesn’t seem fair that the bully can win. It just reinforces her behavior. But then, your boss is reinforcing her behavior by not confronting it.
I was wondering if she was badmouthing you behind your back, and you just confirmed that. That’s the part that would annoy me the most.
Unfortunately, the only solution I see is to quit.
My friend pointed out that once we reach our sixties, we just don’t want to put up with the crap anymore. But whatever you do, don’t ever let her see that her treatment of you upsets you. I once worked with someone who bullied me, and I finally learned to act super happy no matter what she did to me. I should have been given an Academy Award for my performance! I was consistent and she finally had no use for me.
If you agreed to go fulltime, would he be able to get rid of The Witch?
I don’t want to go FT. @FlyMeToTheMoon , his comment that he told her to give me a break I was new (not sure what about), confirms she was badmouthing me. I was just thinking about that. How undermining? And if she’s doing it him, she’s doing it to others. The best thing to do is be pleasant to all, and continue with my Good Morning greeting. You are right, that will annoy her. But when I leave, she knows she’s won.
“his comment that he told her to give me a break I was new”
I’m not really liking the boss’ response. It’s implying you are doing something wrong and contributing because you are “new”. Plus, he is badmouthing her to you, which really isn’t appropriate either unless he’s actually going to deal with her.
He might be nice but he sounds like a bad boss and spineless. I’d start looking around for a new job while you still have the current job.
Can you be separated into different workspaces? Can you work from home some of the time? Can you work different times (come in really early)? You said you have to work with her, but perhaps you can set certain meeting times when you can get all the info you need from her and then do the work alone.
Yes.
OP, if you leave for a better environment, you’ve also “won,” especially as you no longer have to put up with a toxic workplace a boss you are losing respect for.
It’s really your boss who should listen to this, but there are some helpful suggestions you can use too:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-office-without-a-holes/id1346314086?i=1000433927551
You can listen on Spotify if you don’t have Apple.
I have dealt with behavior at work for many years. When I finally retire. I will not put up with it again. Unless desperate.
I would like to do some sort of work. but who knows.
My health has been impacted by my work environment. In essence they win right? if that succeeds.
You are the winner when you make decisions that are right for YOU. You can only control you. Feeling that they win let’s them be winners—why do that? If you quit or move on to an environment you prefer, in my world, that’s a win for you. Remaining in a toxic situation is a loss.
I’d take the same approach recommended by dog trainers: positive reinforcement of good behavior; ignoring and disengaging from bad behavior. Every dog owner knows that killing with kindness or responding to snark with snark would only reinforce bad behaviors 
I would also take a more analytical or academic approach to dissect her responses to separate yourself from the situation. I never get mad at my dog when he misbehaves - he does not know any better, but he can be trained to improve.
There are two ways to deal with toxic bullies in the workplace if the boss does not want to lift a finger about it: swim with your feet forward (like floating down rapids trying to avoid collisions with boulders) or look for a way out. Looking for a way out is not a defeat, IMO. Sanity is worth a lot to me. BTDT. 