If you quit, the person who will lose most is the boss. And as nice as he may be, he deserves this loss since he’s avoiding all responsibility for this situation. You really have no leverage over what she does, but he could have that leverage if he would only use it. It’s his business, after all.
You should of course do what seems best for you and your home situation. And your mental health and pocketbook.
But I have to say, it seems like I’d have butterflies or a pit in my stomach each day working into work knowing the roadblocks and uncomfortableness there. I want to walk into work feeling pretty confident of what is ahead of me and not know I’ll be avoiding or facing conflict dailyl.
I’d still keep a little eye on job openings. This one came up and was a good fit task and $$ wise…it might be worth it to even make a little less but be a whole lot happier.
I’m pretty sure I saw this one on the Lifetime Movie Network… the good news is that it ends well - for you anyway.
Sucks to be in this position since you like the job.
BUT You are in the drivers seat.
You don’t NEED this job which is the BEST possible position. Heaven forbid you are tied to this situation to live.
I’m guessing that nothing will change on the surface.
1). Get as many paychecks as you can collect before you go nuts. Look for another part time job if you want one. Change your focus to the satisfying parts of your job. Those extra dollars can be great for dinners out but not if you spend the time complaining about work.
2). Quit now.
3). Just look for another job. Your boss can find a better employee to replace this loser and you can find a better position. Both take some extra effort but are worth it.
You can also go with the freedom to be honest route, which is what I would do. It’s liberating.
Next time she’s snappy when you politely ask for something, like tomorrow. Lol.
“Excuse me, Alfilba, we need to talk for a minute. Just to be clear I’m only here for a short while. In that short amount of time, I need to help this company work.
I’m not sure what your issue is with me but I actually don’t care. I need information and you have that information. If you want to be difficult, play that game with someone else. Because I have the benefit of not giving a sh$t.
I’ve worked for a long time to have the freedom to not care if you like me or not.
So why don’t we cut the bs, help each other out and I’ll be your biggest advocate. What do you think works best for you!”
Just going to say again that your options do not include training this person to be nice.
Love #84!
Some people are just psycho and no amount of kindness, snark, or positive/negative reinforcement will change their behavior. I worked for a while with someone who I swear was a sociopath, and pretty much everybody who’d ever worked with her agreed. At the end of the year I told my manager that if it was a job requirement in the following year to work with the psycho, then I’d be looking for another job. So the psycho got foisted off on some other poor sap but at least I was free and clear.
In one funny incident, my manager had to cover for me while I was out on vacation. Which meant she got to work with the psycho. When I came back she said, “OMG Anomander, I’d heard the stories but never really believed them! Now I know it’s all true!”
@abasket , yes, I have those butterflies and I don’t like it one bit. It’s starting to actually make me feel angry and, well stronger. I’m not a confrontational person IRL, so it’s very wearing.
I can’t recall who said the boss is the real loser in all this. You know, they are right. He has spend my salary for 2 months as I get up to speed. Plus, he hired a turnaround accountant at $185 an hour and she’s been the one coming in training me, plus all the money he’s spent on her before I even got there. We are not finished training on everything I have to do. Yes, he’s much further along, but now he’ll have to find someone else, which may take some time.
It will be interesting to see how it all plays out, but I think I sort of already know. It a “not if, but when” scenario.
Kindness doesn’t mean being nice. Sometimes it means setting boundaries. I might try saying something like, “I want you to understand that I am not going to take over your job. We have separate jobs here, and Boss needs us both. But this means we will have to interact to do our jobs well, and I expect you to treat me respectfully.”
Then walk away. Every time she comes at you rudely, call her on it. Hold up a stop hand and shake your head. Respond pleasantly when she behaves.
If you plan to stay, you need to train her to behave better by setting boundaries. This could help her in all of her relationships, and this would indeed be kind.
The other thing is this sounds like a pretty small office. Maybe you and her are the main “office staff”??? That makes it extra tough. Probably lots of offices have a woman/man with this demeanor - but because your office is so small it makes it more difficult - no one to share your misery with, no others to build you up, no one to have work fun with even in the course of a day!
What do you do with a whirling dervish? Let it whirl.
A relative experienced a similar situation which involved a much more complex series of relationships. The absentee owners were very powerful, wealthy folks in the state including the Chief Justice of the State Supreme Court. Nevertheless, the only answer was for the relative to resign this well paying position.
In your case @conmama , you need to resign before being pushed beyond your limits & saying or doing something that you will regret or which may get you in trouble.
I still don’t think there is anything wrong with telling the office bully that her behavior is unacceptable. I think I’d tell her the only person she’s hurting is the boss if she runs off everyone who threatens her. I just wouldn’t go silently into the night.
No need to lower yourself to the level of this difficult coworker.
It seems obvious that this impolite & difficult person is very important to the business, and a very trusted employee as she opens the business each workday.
OP, unfortunately, it is time to move on.
My boss speaks ill of me to other people and is rude to my face. It’s very demoralizing.
I work in a dysfunctional business with quite a cast of characters. Luckily, I have a lot of autonomy & work from home most of the time. Otherwise, I’d have to get out of the zoo & look for another job.
Well, I quit. The owner is a terrible business man. He jumped banks on a dime this week, and there are all sorts of autopays and stuff he has no idea of what goes on. He’s trying to leave just minimal in the account and things are overdrafted each day. I’ve not even learned how to use the online system that well and have balanced the monthly statement yet. That was on my list with the turnaround accountant. He barely has any money in his account, yet he’s going golfing today.
I called him when I found out and he’s calling me, wanting this and that, I have no idea how to do it yet. Then he almost yelled, don’t you know how to balance a checkbook and was acting really annoyed because he was in a hurry to get out the door. I’m sure I could have figured it out, but not in 5 minutes. My DH said he would have quit right then.
Then I said “I can’t access that yet”, and he replied, “you mean get it yet” a bit sarcastically, as if “access” was a big word and I was being uppity to use it. This is the type I’m dealing with. He’s never been like that before with me, but I see him with others. That told me it was going downhill, and with the office gal…just too much. I left this morning because systems were down and he told me to just take the day off. Really, i think he was just going to throw $5k into the old checking account and then go golfing. I came home, wrote my resignation letter (very professional telling him where things were and what files meant), threw in the keys and overnighted it to be there by 10:30 in the morning.
He will be calling and calling, he pesters people like that.
Thank you all these past couple days, I wouldn’t have had to courage to do this without your stories, insights and opinions. I feel so much better, but bummed as I worked so hard and enjoyed that money! I’m not going to look for work for the rest of the summer. I need to decompress and enjoy DS being home.
Relax and enjoy! You left behind a lot of dysfunction and toxicity. Embrace peace and enjoy your family!
? Good for you!