<p>DH and I have two wonderful Australian Shepherd dogs – very long-hair and fluffy. One is 11 1/2 years old and the other is 6. </p>
<p>We have some acquaintances whom we invited for dinner. This is what the wife said in her email response to my invitation:</p>
<p>“[Husband] had some difficulty with his asthma when we had dinner at your house ages ago. Maybe 2 Australian sheep dogs threw him over the edge or maybe he was already cooking something. We could try again and see what happens.”</p>
<p>In her next email, she said:</p>
<p>“It might not be the dogs but that he was getting something anyway. He just seems to remember getting an asthma attack. Maybe he can take some allergy meds and the dogs could be in a different room.”</p>
<p>Obviously if my dogs present a significant health risk, I wouldn’t want to expose anyone to that. However, if her husband is that concerned, he can choose not to come. Right?? </p>
<p>We have an “open concept” house and there are no doors at all downstairs. I’m not willing to lock my dogs in an upstairs bedroom; they are very social canines. Besides, I also strongly suspect that putting the dogs somewhere else won’t make one iota of difference, since their dander is all over the house.</p>
<p>It would be one thing for me to put my dog in a secluded room/area for a couple of hours (even that would be weird) but I would not do it for an extended period. You’re right - dander is already all over the house! Maybe they can stay at a local hotel and come over for meals. :)</p>
<p>Some people are simply not “into” dogs, and some dog owners consider their dogs part of the family and are “love me, love my dog” about it.</p>
<p>These people seem not into your dogs, whether for valid health reasons or using health as an excuse.</p>
<p>Depending on how much you want to socialize with these people, you may want to do so outside of your home. You are entitled to run your home as you wish.</p>
<p>If they are the only people invited for that evening, perhaps switch the venue or make other plans (going to a movie, coffee house, etc.) If it is a larger gathering, explain the situation (including that locking the dogs in a bedroom is unlikely to solve the problem) and leave it up to them whether to attend.</p>
<p>I would keep the dogs away as best I could. I would explain to them that we still have the dogs, their fur etc. is around the house but I would do my best to make it as fur free as possible and I would do just that. If they were worried that those precautions were not enough, then suggest we can instead go out together some time. </p>
<p>I get that the dogs are your “family” and it is “their house too” but if I really wanted these people to come and spend an evening I would try to accommodate them too. If the wife emailed you and said, we would love to come, but I wanted to let you know that I have a severe seafood allergy, would you serve salmon for dinner?</p>
<p>A note for those entertaining dog/cat allergic folks…don’t vacuum right before guests’ arrival. It tosses all the microscopic bits of dander into the air. Do it a couple days before, and gently sweep before arrival. It’s not perfect, but for less than severe pet allergies, it might just work. We had friends who, bless their very well-intentioned hearts, would vacuum everything right before D’s arrival, only to find out it made the reaction so much worse!</p>
<p>I would suggest that you meet at a restaurant. I’m not sure I could enjoy an evening at my home knowing that one of my guests might suffer an asthma attack because of my animals. I think your friend is trying to be diplomatic, but she obviously is concerned.
Don’t take it personally.
I wouldn’t lock my dog up, either. He would just cry and whine if he knew we were home in another room. Go out.</p>
<p>Many people I know do shut their dogs away for a party, but its your prerogative not to. If it’s just dinner with the two of them, I’d switch the invitation to dinner out. If it’s a whole party, I’d warn them that the dogs will be around and you will totally understand if they feel they can’t attend.</p>
<p>Of course not. But in that case, I have a choice as to what to serve. In this case, I have no choice. My dogs live here.</p>
<p>I think I’ll suggest we have drinks here and then go out for dinner.</p>
<p>(One of the purposes of the gathering is to show everyone our new house, so I do want to have them here.)</p>
<p>ETA: This couple has had, and still has, dogs themselves – a golden retriever [read: very fluffy] for many years, and now some sort of spaniel mix [not that fluffy]. The husband is a royal curmudgeon – either somewhat mentally ill or maybe just plain not nice – while the wife (and the other couple we’ve also invited) is delightful. If it were just him without her, we’d never be in touch.</p>
<p>“The more I think about this, the more concerned I feel for your husband’s health. Even if the dogs are in the basement during dinner, there certainly will be doggie allergens throughout the other parts of the house. Why don’t we take a raincheck until you and I can sit down together and come up with a better plan? If outdoor allergies aren’t an issue, we could have a picnic at Big Lake Park in the spring.”</p>
<p>I think she should have just said, 'my H has pet allergies so can we meet at a restaurant for dinner."</p>
<p>If you want to show them your home, then have them come for a brief tour before or after eating. The H could wear a breathing mask if needed. I know that may sound odd, but my son’s GF does that when she needs to briefly go into a pet home.</p>
<p>Shellz, with newer bagless vacuums I would think that recent vacuuming would be OK. Am I wrong? I can’t handle dog dander, but if someone cleaned well and kept the dogs out of the room, it would be far better than having them come up to me. But I will say that having those allergic reactions can ruin a day, so perhaps meeting in a restaurant would be better for the guy.</p>
<p>I love dogs, but I don’t enjoy visiting a home and having their dogs be a distraction at a dinner party or other gathering unless dogs are to be the focus.
( example an outdoor barbeque, where there are lots of pet)
I agree with going out.</p>
<p>I think your friend is being pretty brave…she could have just said no thank you, they have other plans. </p>
<p>I would suggest meeting at a restaurant, too, but as the host, I think you would be expected to pick up the tab, which might be above your budget for the dinner. </p>
<p>One way to control it would be to suggest the restaurant…near us we have a very budget friendly taco/burrito place with a liquor license and a fun atmosphere - whatever they ordered wouldn’t break the bank. Or, you could always switch the invitation to a coffee house.</p>
<p>Good question Treetopleaf. The bag less varieties are great, and do send less debris into the air. The problem is that dander is pervasive, and so so difficult to eradicate. Vacuuming disrupts the fine particles that you didn’t even realize were there. And they float about about for hours afterwards, with every gust from an opening door/ window. A good thing to use is an air purifier, coupled with a good pet hair vac. But really, if you are not allergic, are you really going to go to such lengths for an occasional guest? Probably not. My vote is to go out :)</p>
<p>I can’t fathom how someone could be more allergic to an australian shepherd than a golden retreiver or a spaniel, so the fact that I think they are not being quite honest about the situation colors my reaction. They are obviously looking for you to offer to do something, if you are willing to keep the dogs in another room and vacuum what you can I would offer, but if you’re not I would just plainly say that you’re sorry he has such severe allergies and suggest going someplace else-- or drinks at your place and move on like you said. That sounded like the perfect reaction to me. I wouldn’t feel bad about not being willing to shut the dogs in another room. For some dogs that is really unkind, and I think they are pulling your leg anyway.</p>
<p>I think the only wrong you can do in this situation is to be upset that the person wants to avoid your dogs. I have a friend that is deathly allergic and has made it plain she wont set foot in my house again once we get a dog-- the most appropriate thing for me to do is to not be offended in the least and be willing to see her elsewhere. I have a mild cat allergy and appreciate it when my FMIL vacuums before I come over, it does make a difference if I’ve forgotten to take my claritin, but I also think the onus is on me to remember to take my medicine… if it were a more life threatening allergy the only thing FMIL could do that would faze me is insist I come over anyway and not be willing to visit with us in a safer environment. I don’t know anybody who would dream of doing that.</p>
<p>If someone is allergic there are things that can be done to minimize exposure. If that doesn’t work for you, it is fine, no judgement here. I don’t think the people who are allergic believe that you can completely eliminate the allergen, but there are ways to minimize it. If that won’t work because of your layout or preferences then so be it. No excuses needed. I was just saying, if there is a way to accommodate people, I would do my best to do that, and let them know the situation. Then it is on them to make the call.</p>
<p>It seems the point of your invite is to show them you new house rather then spend the time in your house with them. Like you said meet at your place for a drink, show them the house then head elsewhere.</p>
<p>All of this being said, your latest update that they actually have a fluffy dog makes me wonder if there isn’t some other issue going on besides the allergies.</p>
<p>I always proactively offered to put my dog in another room if people were allergic or had kids who were afraid of dogs. If your dogs would get very anxious, bark incessantly or tear the room up, then that’s obviously not going to be a good solution. In that case, I’d second the suggestion of going out. </p>
<p>It is certainly possible to be a lot more reactive to a pet in the same immediate vicinity. For instance, I’ve developed a moderate cat allergy. As long as I’ve taken allergy meds, I can generally last an evening if there is a cat in another part of a house. If s/he is in the same room, it is much worse. </p>
<p>Also, people can develop a tolerance through exposure to the animals they live with, while continuing to react to other dogs, so as unpleasant as he may be, it is possible that the man is telling the truth there.</p>
<p>But if after explaining my limitations to someone they didn’t offer on their own to put the pet in another room, I wouldn’t press the issue, I’d just suggest alternatives for getting together, then or another time.</p>