<p>Ah…the plot thickens. What about you, VeryHappy? Do you like the husband? Or are you close with the wife and just get along with the husband? Is he a nice guy or not really? I’m wondering if he doesn’t want to come and this is the excuse he’s making her use and the reason her emails are so awkward is because that’s how she feels, writing them.</p>
<p>I find it’s hard to find couples where every person likes every other person equally.</p>
<p>If they bail, let me know. I love dogs and I’d love to see your house :)</p>
<p>Sounds like the poor woman is trying to stave off a temper tantrum by her obnoxious H. I predict that if you do drinks before dinner he will make a fuss throughout dinner about feeling as if he is “coming down with something.” It is also possible that he doesn’t like you either and was hoping to get out of going. But since he is probably a controlling jerk, he won’t just invent a last-minute cold and let his wife go alone, no, he has to prevent HER from going too. Best of all possible worlds: nice wife comes over and visits with you ALONE.</p>
<p>The wife called me and said that her husband “sometimes blows things out of proportion.” She said she shouldn’t have mentioned the dogs and the asthma at all. She said he’ll just have to deal with it. When I said I didn’t want to be responsible for his having to go the ER, she just said, “Oh, he’s not going to wind up in the ER.” She also said that if he had a bad reaction from the dogs, we’ll go out for dinner next time.</p>
<p>I let it be up to them and she still said they’re coming.</p>
<p>Not my problem anymore, right?</p>
<p>And to answer Classof2015’s question: No, I can’t stand the husband either. DH and I just tolerate him because she is wonderful. He’s an insecure jerk who has never amounted to anything – been fired from several low-level jobs, because he knows everything better than the managers – but he likes to pretend that he knows everything and everybody. She is the salt of the earth and their children have achieved some remarkable things – thanks to her wonderful guidance.</p>
<p>She sounds nice. Gives you some idea of the pressure she is put under at home, tiptoeing around him. Poor woman, indeed. </p>
<p>But yes, not your problem anymore! :)</p>
<p>ETA: I have a friend who has a deathly fear of dogs. Any dogs. I think it probably stemmed from some traumatic experiences in a civil war in his native country. If he were coming over, I would definitely put my dog in a bedroom for the duration, even though she is a completely inoffensive golden.</p>
<p>The ambiance at my house is slightly lacking when we lock out our 55# Australian Shepherd. You can hear his sobbing from inside and if you leave the laundry room door open we can see out to the backyard where he is alternately trying to knock down the back door and throwing himself onto the ground in protest.</p>
<p>VeryHappy – he sounds terribly controlling – not surprised you don’t like him either. Limiting her social activity is a classic sign of controlling behavior. I feel sorry for her. Glad she has you and your H as friends.</p>
<p>It sounds like it was solved VeryHappy. The thing about allergies is that they can change with time. Something you weren’t allergic to becomes an allergy, and allergies can get better over time. Another thing that happens is that as people age and if they were a smoker their lung capacity becomes smaller and it will cause breathing problems. In my experience former smokers will always deny that smoking caused any breathing problems and will blame everything on “allergies”. </p>
<p>So the H could have tolerated dogs in the past but not anymore. It also sounds like he’s a pain and his wife is between a rock and a hard place.</p>
<p>Edited to say that allergies can be worse even for non smokers. But if you ever had an asthma attack after being at someone’s house, you try and figure out what happened and try to change it. Asthma attacks are very scary and anymore you have medicine to prevent attacks when you have them they will cause a bit of a panic. I always said that the aniexty attack is worse than the actual asthma attack. I am so happy that I outgrew mine.</p>
<p>He is very controlling but she is a very strong woman and has told him through the years in no uncertain terms that she won’t put up with his <a href=“mailto:cr@p”>cr@p</a>. She *****es about him a lot to her friends but decided a long time ago to stick with him. Nevertheless, he’s a royal PITA.</p>
<p>He sounds like a lot of fun
This is a dilemma at our house when we have a party. My dogs are very social and love company, but I get that not everyone is as in love with them as we are.
We usually host a neighborhood gathering around Christmas . I put them in the garage ( seperate from the house ) for most of it…the fun stragglers like animals and don’t mind when they come back in</p>
<p>On the other hand, some dear friends of ours adopted a dog this year that my husband and I are uncomfortable with. They invite us over once a year for her dad to make us German food. The dog is protective. She was in their car this summer with the window down, right outside my office window. She growled and lunged at a passerby, teeth showing.
Our friend didn’t see it and I hesitated to say something about it…I would like her to put that dog away when we are there</p>
<p>I agree with others…if HIS dogs don’t cause allergy issues, your dogs shouldn’t cause them either. It would be one thing if their only pet was a goldfish…but their two dogs produce as much hair and dander as yours. Plus your house is spotless…right?</p>
<p>Very nice that you are willing to stick with the husband’s despite the annoying husband. My bet is she is totally looking forward to the night at your new home.</p>
<p>Too funny. I have the opposite problem. We have two sets of friends that always attempt to bring their dog when we invite them for the week-end. We have cats so we have to diplomatically tell them no. They hem and haw about maybe not being able to come. We respond that we can always re-schedule. They always show up without the dog(s).</p>
<p>I don’t know, but when someone extends an invitation to me, it would never occur to me to start the negotiating process. I either can go or I can’t. I don’t expect my hosts to re-arange their lives in any manner.</p>
<p>What everyone keeps saying - that if his dogs do not cause a problem, yours won’t either, isn’t necessarily true at all. Even within the same breed, dogs can differ in the amount of dander they produce. As I mentioned earlier, with exposure some people will overcome an allergy to the dog they live with. The trouble with getting a dog and expecting that to happen is that it is unpredictable. Some people go the other direction and get much worse, or develop asthma.</p>
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<p>I agree with that, most especially for a casual acquaintance. I don’t think there is anything wrong with explaining why I have to turn down the invitation, but I would not ask them to move their pet. Once they hear I can’t be in the same room, it’s on them to suggest moving the cat to another part of the house. Or not.</p>
<p>I agree that these particular dogs suggest the allergies are a pretext, but my sil is very allergic to cats and somewhat allergic to dogs. She loves dogs and they have a poodle which is much better for allergic people than most dogs. She’s had to go to the hospital after spending to long at parties with people with cats. I would never ever get a cat, because it would mean she could never visit, and I really like her.</p>
<p>I think her hubby didn’t really want to go to your house and she used the allergy thing in case he decided to back out. Some dogs do cause less reactions than others, but I think goldens would have plenty of dander spread about with all their shed hair. Is it possible that her house is hard wood floors and yours is carpet? The flooring can make a difference for allergy sufferers. </p>
<p>I have a yorkipoo. Yorkies and poodles are supposed to be non allergenic, or at least low. I have friends who are allergic to dogs who can spend an evening here with no reaction, but upon entering homes with “regular” dogs get symptoms very quickly. So there is some truth to the non allergenic claims about certain breeds, yorkie, poodle, ****zu and others. (Usually those with hair rather than fur, which doesn’t shed but keeps growing and growing and growing.) I spend more on my dogs hair than mine!</p>
<p>My son gets stuffy nose and itchy eyes after an afternoon at my brothers (3cats). Not sure there is anything brother can do to make it better for our visit when there are 3 of them. Perhaps I should tell son to stay off the sofa, the allergens are probably stronger there.</p>
<p>Allergies are tough. I always feel bad when somebody with allergies has a parent who gets a cat or dog once the “kids” move out. My friend can barely go home to visit because she is very allergic to cats. I think it’s kind of selfish by the parent. I guess I won’t be getting a cat when I get old or son will have excuse not to visit.</p>
<p>My BIL has a cat allergy. He never wants to go to my parents’ house because they have 2 cats. He does fine at my house, however, and we have a cat. He thinks it is due to the fact that we have hardwood floors all over, whereas my parents’ house is much smaller and is almost totally carpet. </p>
<p>I also think he prefers hanging out with us rather than with my parents, but that’s a different issue. :)</p>
It is also possible that he doesn’t like you either and was hoping to get out of going. But since he is probably a controlling jerk, he won’t just invent a last-minute cold and let his wife go alone, no, he has to prevent HER from going too. Best of all possible worlds: nice wife comes over and visits with you ALONE.</p>