<p>Forget that. If we are all worried about the first stages of life (and 2 !/2 years in and the effects we have on the developing psyche we ARE DOOMED!) and any practicing parent knows it…
Better edit: God gives you a window to (shall we say) get “over” it.</p>
<p>The lack of experience is why it’s important to bond with other parents- sometimes, you hate the way they do things (learning experience!) Other times, you get a great idea, small or large. Just as the kids shouldn’t be isolated, neither should parents.</p>
<p>I like the “get out of the way” advice. I also am not a fan of those expensive “Read at 2!!!” programs. If you read to them, they’ll learn.</p>
<p>One of their favorite toys when they were little was a broken down air-hockey table someone left on the side of the road. We took it home and filled it with water, and the boys spenf HOURS at a time floating things in there, making bubbles, etc. Totally free thing that allowed them to explore all sorts of scientific concepts. Same goes with spoons and boxes and all kinds of thing. Don’t buy your kid lots of “things” they don’t need.</p>
<p>And if this all fails…go back to your animal instincts and eat your young. Works everytime.</p>
<p>Listen to other parents who seem to have successes.</p>
<p>When S1 had a binky, a friend told me that it’s easiest to get a baby “off the binky” if you remove it before they are 8months (she got the advice from her pediatrician who had 6 kids). I followed her advice with both kids and it worked like a charm.</p>
<p>This is key: never miss a chance to give kisses and cuddles. Before you know it, they will turn their noses up at you. So get the goods while the going is good!</p>
<p>Heed my advice, my children are very close to perfect excelling in sports, leadership, scholarly endeavors, and, of course, class. Now you say, sure Stats, but much of that parenting success stems from your perfection, and that is partly true. My ex-wife, however, is mostly imperfect; a former exotic dancer, parts of her were perfect, for a period of time, while others were flawed from the start. Some modest effort was in fact required and made. I even recall once missing a tee time, although I must admit that the weather looked a bit iffy that day.</p>
<p>Remember that fair does not always mean exactly equal, and that no two children are the same. My boys are all entirely different from each other and each needed to be dealt with in the way that best worked with him…for example, we had an inflexible rule about homework being done well and on time. One child had to do his homework right when he got home while he was still in school mode…later in the day or evening he just didn’t cope well. Another son could not do homework right when he got home from school…he really needed to burn off energy until dinner, then he would shower and get in cozy clothes to switch gears, and then sit down and do his homework peacefully.</p>
<p>Always hold a baby who wants to be held…it’s how he establishes trust. Give your child a strong foundation and roots, and he will grown strong wings and have the strength to be independent.</p>
<p>And remember mistakes (yours, your spouse’s, your children’s) are just that and very very rarely ruin a life.</p>
<p>On Creativity: If you buy them a toy in a big cardboard box, don’t throw away the box. It’s often more fun than the toy.</p>
<p>A cardboard box in the middle of a living room, flanked by 2 chairs and a sheet over all can make for some great memories. Pirate ship, space capsule…they’ll figure it out if you let them.</p>
<p>I wish I had kept a journal when the kids were little beccause the years just went by too quickly. We had a great time since they were born. We had four kids in three years and we lived in Manhattan with all four sharing one bedroom. Those three years were great!!! I wouldn’t trade that for time for anything because they had everything they needed which was love and we had everything we wanted which was children. We spent our time walking and talking and exploring. By the time we moved to New Jersey our kids thought we had moved to a mansion because they had so much more space. We went away often for weekends and when we did’nt we spent time going back to the city. We introduced them to skiing and our winter weekends included us all on the slopes. We hiked, we read, we planted gardens. We did everything as a family and we enjoyed every minute of the insanity of having four kids in three years. They had each other and that was one of the best gifts we gave them because they always had each other in addition to a big circle of friends. Our home in the suburbs was the gathering place for the neighborhood kids and it remained that way all through school. We never served alcohol and we never went away weekends and left our kids at home…NEVER. We always had discussions and encouraged them to find their own interests. That meant alot of running around at times but we always insisted on our family time before a sport or any other extra curricular. We were lucky in that respect because our kids sport was one that we were able to participate in together. Even my husband a non skiier enjoyed being with all of us when we headed out to the slopes.</p>
<p>I think the most important thing any set of parents could do is enjoy your kids. Make everything you do with them an adventure because it is all new for them. I think my sons all love the outdoors because of some of the crazy things we did when they were little. When money is tight be willing to make fun on a shoestring…my kids have no clue that we cooked on a stove on the lake because we couldn’t afford to go to a restaurant and feed all 6 of us. They still talk about the eggs, sizzling bacon, and smell of coffee brewing as the fog lifted off the lake. We did that at least twice a year with all 6 of us crammed into one cabin and aero beds all over the floor. Such great memories and I wish I could do it all over again.</p>
<p>paying3tuitions is right—it’s all about the card board box.</p>
<p>Favorite maxim: by the time your daughter knows YOU are right, she has a daughter old enough to tell her SHE is wrong.</p>
<p>In a hurry, but I would watch a number of Nanny 911 episodes. You get an idea of what works and how screwed up parents can be. With luck, you’ll never be on TV.</p>
<p>Let your babies stretch. I hate seeing babies cooped up in carseats that go from car to stroller to car to house. Give them time to just play. Don’t overdo the scheduled activities and play date stuff. My own probably watched more TV than most would recommend, didn’t hurt their SAT scores one bit, and added to their ability to answer pop culture trivia questions. We rarely did the all of us around the dinner table at the same time thing. Lots of conversation at other times. When they’re older, really get to know their friends. I so value being close to their friends and knowing my kids are close with other parents. Sometimes kids need adults who aren’t their parents. I’ve loved the baby/toddler and teen years best. Middle school, not so much, but time marches on.</p>
<p>My Dad always used to say that when he was a teen, how dumb his Dad was. But he was amazed at how his Dad got smarter as he(my Dad) got older. I knew just what he meant.</p>
<p>To answer som Pm’s- Yes. We had the talk about “self-supporting adult” phrase more than once, and during calm times, and before he was even a teenager. I explained I had the privileges I had because I was a sef-supporting adult- NOT because I had turned 18. I also pointed out freedoms I was permitted legally, that I could not actually exercise because of respect and obligations to wife, family, job, etc.</p>
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<p>I cringe at this phrase. Parenting often means one adult downsizing his or her career in favor of childrearing duties, and perhaps not being part of the workforce during some periods of time. During those periods, that individual is not a self-supporting adult, but in thoughtful families, he or she is regarded as an equal contributor to the partnership. </p>
<p>Saying that only self-supporting adults have certain privileges diminishes the contributions of (and respect due to) the stay-at-home mom or dad.</p>
<p>There has to be a better way to convey the concept.</p>
<p>Be consistent. Set reasonable expectations for behavior, and reasonable responses to bad behavior. ie, when my kids were little and got whiny, I would calmly state “I cannot understand you when you speak that way.” They soon stopped whining. I would not engage with them when they whined. I did not negotiate, or cajole.</p>
<p>Be prepared to do what you say you will do–in other words, think hard about threats like, ie if you two keep bickering, we’re turning the car around and going home! Because, if you are not prepared to do just that, it shows them you don’t follow through. </p>
<p>Be the parent, not the best friend. You can still have lots of fun–just don’t get sucked into the trap I see so often where the kid(s) rule the household.</p>
<p>Read. Read. Read. Play, play, play. Go outside! Limit TV and computer stuff til they are older. Little kids need to experience the world with all their senses, not sit and stare at flat screens.</p>
<p>I am not going back to read what others have said, but I offer one suggestion from my experience-- Limit the influence of “popular culture” as much as you can when your children are young. My boys were not exposed to commercial television when they were young; it was PBS, videos or nothing. They never lusted for Pokemon cards or sugary cereals. (They thought those cereals were only available at their aunt’s grocery store and that Oreos were a regional specialty in the OBX. I never denied them that sort of thng, just did my best to limit availability.) They went to a private school where their hummus lunches and lack of prepackaged treats was not unusual or worthy of comment. When they were preschoolers (and up) we kept Christmas magical by not taking them to the mall (etc.) in October or November. It was not easy, but for my children Christmas was a short but awesome holiday. The tree did not go up until they were asleep on Christmas Eve and words cannot describe their delight on Christmas morning when they awoke to a living room that was transformed. They have grown up to be readers who turn on the television when there is something special on that is worth watching and consumers who have little interest in name brands or acquisition in general. I view all this as a good thing.</p>
<p>I just read paperplane’s post. My own mother’s principle caveat was to avoid “promise without delivery”. Do not say you are leaving the store if they don;t stop whining unless you are truly prepared to do just that, even if it means another trip back to the store at ten p.m., when the kids are home in bed.</p>
<p>about those first 2 1/2 years of life:</p>
<p>I believe that we are wired to develop through observing and interacting with people and the physical world. There was no TV or other screen device in our son’s life when he was very young: I’m guessing for the first 3 years.</p>