<p>mafool and 1moremom–I’m so with you on those points! I didn’t let my kids watch any TV at all til they were 2.5-3, and then it was a rare treat, not a daily marathon. PBS, short age-appropriate movies. </p>
<p>When my older child was about 1 or so, I was watching something and she toddled in the room. She then sat and stared. I’d never seen her go so still and vacant looking. That’s when I decided TV couldn’t be good for kids. I researched and found quite a bit to back that up.</p>
<p>I don’t care how ‘educational’ a computer game or TV show is, there’s nothing more fun than rolling out play-doh or working in the garden or singing a song with your little one. If you rely on technology to entertain them, they will not learn to entertain themselves or to be at peace without a constant barrage of visual stimulation. </p>
<p>It can SEEM to be more work not to let the TV or computer entertain them, but in the long run I think they are happier and healthier for it. And that means you can’t veg in front of the TV, either. I hardly watched TV at all for about 12 years and don’t feel I missed too much!</p>
<p>I read an interesting commentary a while back regarding the influence of cell phones on language development. When our kids were young and we pushed them in the stroller there wasn’t much else to do other than “conversing” wih them about the weather, the changing leaves and the neighborhood dogs. Likewise when they were in the grocery cart (should we get romaine or butter lettuce?). Now many of the parent/child conversations have been replaced by the parents’ cell phone conversations. Convenient, but at what cost?</p>
<p>paperplane, I never checked the research, but I am glad that your research confirms my gut feeling! I just thought that our brains evolved long before the TV screen, and that healthy development would occur through direct interaction with people and things.</p>
<p>1moremom, I know that it is easy to make these pronouncements from my distance from babies and toddlers, but I would hope that I would consider it to be a form of, I don’t know, “rudeness” to be having lengthy cell phone conversations while walking or shopping with my young child. I wouldn’t do it if I were with another adult…I hope I would want to be at least as “present” for my child.</p>
<p>I guess I should add a good “harrumph!” to my rant.</p>
<p>I’ve noticed that w/ parents in my neighborhood–I get that sometimes maybe you have to make/take a call, but if I’m walking behind them I can hear & often they are those ‘what are you up to?’ long-rambly kinds of calls. I do think that is sad.</p>
<p>I want to grab those parents and say ‘don’t you know how fast this will go? Talk to your baby, make the call when they are napping!’</p>
<p>I’m with you. Unfortunately, I see many people who don’t seem to think it’s rude to carry on a conversation when in the company of another adult so I’m not too optimistic about their response when the companion is a little person.</p>
<p>We expected good manners in public, considerateness of other people, honesty. We tried to support them their passions and had high, but not immoderate, expectations re: school. We talked to them like adults from the beginning. We seem to have raised two very articulate, kind young men who have never gotten into any trouble whatsoever. They were allowed to watch anything they wanted on TV as long as they got their homework done, they could see any movies they wanted. S2 even played Grand Theft Auto. I watched with him once, and we both agreed if you were borderline psycho, it could push you over the edge, but he thought it was good fun. </p>
<p>A professor of mine once told that parents have far more influence over their children than they can imagine but no control over what that influence is. Do as I say not as I do?</p>
<p>Haven’t had a chance to read teh whols thread but glad to see you, legendofmax! My suggestion-- love your kids unconditionally, but be their parent, not their friend. They will ultimately really appreciate you for it.</p>
<p>Babies are easy…feed, burp, change, sleep, love, love, and more love. The are so easy to love…</p>
<p>Remember, when they are ornery teens, they need that same sense of consistency and routine. Another gem which spoke to me in the tough times…a wise teacher once told me that the ones that are toughest to love, need it the most. Teens need it the most, yet aren’t always receptive. Love them through it.</p>
<p>And fwiw, I was so scared of having teens. So many people really struggle with this age group. I LOVED the teen years! Getting a peak at who this young person is becoming is just so neat.</p>
<p>If you put in the time from birth to age 10, the teen years aren’t nearly as difficult and you really do get to enjoy them.</p>
<p>Some may believe a woman that is just a housewife is worthless. Personally, I do not believe a woman that chooses not to have a career outside the home is “just a housewife” and I do not believe those who make such a choice are worthless. Adults can choose different divisions of labor, and can still have worth. Contributions to support a household means more than just a weekly paycheck. When an adult couple choose for one to work outside the home and the other to work inside the home, that is the choice they make to support the household. A child, however that often does little more than go to school and take out the trash is doing what he’s supposed to do as a child, but is not supporting the household. I may be swayed by today’s thinking rather than 1950’s thinking, but I believe a homemaker is helping to support the household.
Imo, those who feel the only form of support is handing over a paycheck have too limited definition of support.</p>
<p>I’ve been reading all the messages and while there are tons of good suggestions, I think it’s natural to associate the young adults who grew into very successful young adults to what we did while parenting them.
In reality, like someone else pointed out, we never know how things are going to turn out no matter what we do.</p>
<p>There are quite a few mentions about reading to your children. I’ve done that with my son for many years, we read together before his bedtime, probably read hundreds of books, I used to spend hours scouring the internet for the best books. Well, now he is almost 17 and he doesn’t really read that much. He has an amazing vocabulary but he spends more time on facebook than he does reading.</p>
<p>Another point mentioned is to limit the TV exposure when the kids are young - I’ve done that too, he never had any video games and so what - he spends way too much time on facebook.</p>
<p>I always used to think that if you do X with your children, you’ll get Y result. No, doesn’t work that way. So my way of looking at it now is that people whose children turned out really well are just very fortunate and that those kids were born with certain personality traits and characteristics that allowed them to thrive and succeed.</p>
<p>^thats so true…No one really knows how their kid is going to turn out. All any parent can do is their best and beyond that they are their own people.</p>
<p>*Limit the influence of “popular culture” as much as you can when your children are young. *</p>
<p>This is true…I had to limit my kids watching shows on Nickelodeon when I heard how sassy the young actors were to the adults on the shows. And, there was this common theme - the adults are idiots and the kids know more. I thought Nickelodeon was “safe” - not. </p>
<p>*I cringe at this phrase. Parenting often means one adult downsizing his or her career in favor of childrearing duties, and perhaps not being part of the workforce during some periods of time. During those periods, that individual is not a self-supporting adult, but in thoughtful families, he or she is regarded as an equal contributor to the partnership. *</p>
<p>Yes…a parent can say, “When you have your own home,” or similar. That’s not to say if Granny has to come live with her adult children then she isn’t a “full adult”…she’s earned her right to be a full adult. Kids who’ve always been supported and have never had full adult responsibilities are not “full adults”.</p>
<p>Here is something I read recently that I thought was profound:
Prepare your child for the path, not the path for the child.</p>
<p>Each child needs to find his/her place in the world, as it is. Do not raise your child to think he is so special, so important, such a gift to the world. (To his parents, yes.) </p>
<p>To the OP: you are wise to think of the first three years as critical, but don’t lose perspective. It’s not really that hard in general (unless you have a child with special needs) and you won’t lose critical time if you do your best. </p>
<p>Another profound thing I read: strive to create a “Mr. Roger’s world” for young children. Safe, secure, pleasant attitude, predictable, interesting experiences, full of music and make-believe, emotionally supportive, loving, tolerant, calm. That’s what babies and toddlers thrive on. </p>
<p>I agree with tons of books and reading, lots of talking and discussion. As little TV as possible. Limit the popular culture influences. Fewer toys. Safe, secure, simple.</p>
<p>1) Don’t compare your child to others (favorably or unfavorably). Just because friend’s child isn’t talking much at age 2 doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with him. And your child may not walk at 12 months.</p>
<p>2) Don’t prevent your child from taking the “little hurts”…it teaches them how to avoid the big hurts.</p>
<p>3) Don’t make a big deal when they fall and get a little “boo boo.” Remain calm, even if there’s blood. Actually, remain calm even if it’s a big boo boo.</p>