@toomanyteens He’re what I think. Nix the boyfriend coming to drop off. Keep that in the family. It summer, so after you move in and whatever, take her to the gym, pool, or other college hot spot to view all those hard body boys. 
Since she was a competitive skater, she’ll be beating them off like flies I bet. She’ll get the hint real quick. Good luck.
@toomanyteens the SO probably was not happy but did not complain to me so it was not discussed. I think it was one of those situations where my DS needed me to be the decision maker. The fact that an overnight stay was involved helped make the decision difficult to argue with. The long ride home would have been super awkward if SO had come along. I had a hard enough time managing my emotions with privacy.
@yourmomma great strategy lol
@Cheeringsection I agree on the car ride! So are they still together or not so much? I do wonder which of mine is the one hanging one – the BF or the daughter – it is hard to tell
I would be one who says no significant other on move in day. I also am one who knows most HS relationships don’t last. Just hope they don’t breakup early the first semester. My 3rd’s GF and I were just talking about that and she got dumped the first week of college by her high school BF. She got s 4 pt gpa her freshman fall because she was miserable and stayed in her dorm room studying but overcame it to go on to a successful social life. If the BF is going to “stick” they will survive some time apart.
Yes the new college hook-up life is way better than the boy she/you know from back home. LOL You might want to rethink that a little. Or just watch MTV Spring Break.
There is always hope. https://www.amazon.com/My-Boyfriends-Back-Reconnecting-Long-Lost/dp/B000VYIMTQ
We started dating in 10th grade and went to different colleges four hours apart. Neither of us had a car so visits were limited and phone calls expensive.
We got married after college and our 33rd anniversary is this month.
My parents never said a word when we went off to college. I wouldn’t have listened anyway.
Yes they are still together. If it is meant to be it will be no matter how we all survive move-in day.
I’ve learned to stay out of it. I did tell my daughter that she was NOT allowed to spend all night talking to her hs boyfriend while she was at college and that I would find out and shut off the phone (the hs romance was long distance too). A miracle occurred and they broke up at the beginning of the summer after his father had put together this ridiculous cross country trip in the family RV and they didn’t make it out of Florida before my daughter realized that she couldn’t take it any more.
She did have another boyfriend in her college town and he wasn’t in school, so there was a lot of wasted time. Finally she has a boyfriend about her same age in school.
My other one has had one boyfriend since freshman year. He graduated 2 years before her, returned to school for his MBA for one year, they’ve spent a year apart, and he moves back to Florida and her tomorrow. Soon they’ll have a dog and life will be perfect.
@toomanyteens You mention that your daughter complained she didn’t have many high school friends - did she travel a lot for figure skating? Sometimes it is harder to find your crowd if you’re involved in a less traditional sport.
I’m sure the boyfriend (who definitely should not come for drop off) feels like a safety net, but I’ll bet she will find college offers a whole new world of friends and contacts. Most colleges organize a bunch of meet & greet, bonding kind of stuff for Freshman.
How did she get sucked in others’ abyss previously?
Is the current SO a problem himself, or just that his family is undesirable?
In the middle of freshman year I started dating a boy from back home whom I’d met in the summer, also one year behind me so still in high school. The next year, he started college farther away, and the next year I transferred to that college.
What were we THINKING??? Why didn’t our parents speak out???
I don’t know, but somehow we’re still incredibly happy together, have brought up two fine young adults, and are expecting our first grandchild.
Thank you to our parents, for not thinking they knew better than us.
LOL @garland. My parents met when she was in high school and he was in college. She went away to college, lasted a semester came home and got married and she attended the college where he waas now a senior. She ended up attending four different colleges before she got her degree. They’d been married over 60 years when my Dad passed away.
@twoinanddone While I don’t disagree with your tactic, I’m not sure how that qualifies as “staying out of it”. 
OP already nixed the idea of BF coming with on drop off. Good move. Next D will decide how to deal with the situation and her newly found independence. Hopefully she’ll make good choices, which may or may not include the young man that OP would prefer isn’t in the picture at all. Hopefully D doesn’t just dump him for another guy - if it were my D I’d be hoping she spends her time making friends. There’s plenty of time before she needs to find another BF.
I think the best you can do is share your thoughts, encourage her to consider multiple points of view, and then let her live her life. I wish someone would have told me to leave behind my HS boyfriend, but the reality is I wouldn’t have listened anyway. What I really wish is that someone would have encouraged me to reflect on just why I was so attached to the idea of him and the relationship and what I was so afraid of otherwise. I might have tucked some of that self-knowledge away. I had to go through many very painful life lessons as a result of a complete lack of self-reflection and immaturity. I was plenty ready for college academically at 17 but ridiculously unprepared for life in general.
I stayed out of it because I didn’t make them break up, allowed her to go on the ridiculous family vacation but she didn’t like it, like I knew she wouldn’t. All I said was that I’d cut off the phone if I saw she was spending all night talking to him (as she did in high school). He actually sent me an email after the break-up asking if I knew about the new boyfriend and how other boys had been pressuring her to date them in high school. I could honestly reply that I didn’t tell her to break up with him. We were all at a wedding 2 years ago and I was nicer to him than my daughter.
I stayed out of the second boyfriend disaster as she went to his town for the summer and made no money and left in July (my brother picked her up, not me) and she broke up with him later that fall. I actually liked him, but he didn’t have a lot of ambition or direction in life. New boyfriend? He’s okay but I don’t see what she likes about him, and he has guns at his house. Lots of guns. I don’t like that.
For a variety of reasons, I did not date in high school or college. Now I’m 27 and am in my first relationship. What has been very surprising to me is how easy it is to fall into the same traps my friends did in high school and seemed obvious to me at the time. Except I’m a decade older so making these mistakes is that much more harmful for me than it was for my friends in high school and college.
Your daughter is very young, and she has a lot of room to fail. Even if she spends her entire first year Skyping her boyfriend, she still has three more years to make friends in college, and the rest of her life afterwards. In fact I didn’t really get to know one of my closest friends in college until my junior year, because he spent his first two years only hanging out with his girlfriend.
From my perspective you are the parent. Forget the “she is becoming an adult stuff”… Sorry it’s still your child. I see parents taking that approach and their kids getting pregnant or doing drugs etc. No thanks. I had to drag my 18 year-old sister at the time with my dad (I am 2 years younger… 30 years ago) from a drug house situation after the police said they couldn’t do anything since she was 18… BS… She is 59 today and still thanks me.
What I see here is a larger problem. Please excuse me but from what is written here seems like your daughter has low self esteem. She is going with this boy who is not motivated and whose mother is a drug addict. I understand that if we as parents say don’t date him she will want to even more . I get this. If the mother has abuse issue well… At some point he might /will also. Sorry, but I don’t want my kids trying to save someone.
My advise is have her with you contact the social services at the school. You are paying for these resources with tuition. Use them. . Have her talk with someone about making friends etc. She can also discuss the boy back home. Have her get involved with clubs etc at school. She will find her people. Have her join a skating club since she likes that. She will meet girls and boys that are at the college intellectual level also. Then she can make a choice for her future. You can also talk to the RA of her dorm to make sure she is feeling good about going to the dorm activities so she gets socialized etc. A good RA will checkup on her. Lots of kids need help adjusting. Housing department can help you with this.
I agree that it sounds like your D could benefit from some on campus counseling. It is being paid for by tuition and fees and I’m sure they have lots of folks on campus using their services.
Good luck! Agree BF doesn’t belong at move-in.
It seems a little premature to suggest an incoming freshman that may or may not have low self esteem needs to reach out to the school’s counseling center. She’s likely to adapt very well to college life without any help at all. And if she does encounter difficulties making friends once things settle down, there’s plenty of time to decide what measures, if any, are warranted.