<p>I am an equipment person when it comes to child rearing. When the potty training wasn’t going per expected plan, I bought different types of potty training devices. When the shoe lace tying wasn’t going as planned, I bought velcro. I had 6 varieties of tippy cups at one point. There is always an equipment solution!</p>
<p>When son #1 couldn’t get up in the morning I bought every alarm clock everyone recommended as the loudest one, the most obnoxious etc. Nothing worked, every morning had to wake him, and re-wake him.</p>
<p>When I decided he simply had to do this himself we talked about why he was finding it hard to get up…turns out that in addition to biology, it was also technology. He was staying up late in the computer room chatting, he was tired, and it was therefore hard for him to get up.</p>
<p>When we told him he was on his own for getting out of bed 2 things happened- both biology and technology came into alignment. Those alarm clocks were in fact plenty loud, so long as he had had a reasonable night of sleep…</p>
<p>I am the queen of “picking battles” with my kids. In a busy life there is no choice, particularly when you want to maintain a modicum of harmony good feelings. Nonetheless, limits and expectations tinged with benevolence and humor never are a bad idea…</p>
<p>Having said all this, my dear sister is having a horrible go at the moment with her son who is a sophmore. My son (senior) and I talked about it last night and he had interesting insights into why this boy was so hard to parent at the moment…I know, I know I have had it easy with my two. My #3 turned 10 today and last night, as she was going to sleep she said, “tomorrow I turn 10, but 3 years from tomorrow I turn 13”- a bit of a warning I believe. I might be eating my words in a few years, but hopefully I will still feel comfortable letting her make a few mistakes and feeling empowered to correct them…</p>
<p>Hi jym, I LOVED your story about the alarm clock for the hearing impaired, the horn, etc. S is not that bad, but he too has no memory of conversations we have when I try to wake him:
Me - OK, sleep 5 more minutes but then you are getting up.
S - Ok, ima (mom) I promise, just close the light and the door so I get good sleep.
When I return he is completely unaware he made any deal with me at all. If he is in a deeper sleep, he may kick or swing his arms, telling me to go away, which he also doesn’t remember and feels sheepish about afterwards. If I can get him talking enough and threaten to return with water, he usually manages to stumble out of bed. I too need to make sure he gets two feet on the floor. Once he is out of the shower, he is more awake. A loud radio/alarm clock, on the other side of the room, usually gets through to him at some point, but then he just stumbles over to hit the snooze and the cycle starts again. And it often degenerates (“Get up NOW!”), when I realize he is awake enough to get out of bed but just won’t, convinced that this morning he will be especially fast and can do all that needs doing in less time than usual. It never works that way.</p>
<p>When H and I were out of the country, he stayed for two weeks in the dorm at his school. I really worried about how he’d get up, but the kid whose room he shared had a stereo setup much like jamimom described. He liked it - it woke him up and he could sleep in later because there was no travel time to contend with. He claims that he can get up fine, as long as he is getting up to do something he likes - that it is getting up for school that is the problem.</p>
<p>Tabbyz, S is still undecided. He loves U of Miami where he got some merit money. We are waiting to hear from a few more places before final decisions, but I think that unless someone makes him an offer he can’t refuse, he will be a Hurricane.</p>
<p>Jamimom-
I knew I’d get some of the stories mixed up. It was wish<em>it</em>was_April who mentioned getting Merit money. I’ve learned the hard way, however, that if you back up to a previous page on cc to reread something you plan to reference in a post, you lose everything you were typing. Made that mistake twice (you’d think I’d have learned after the first time…) Is there a real possibility that if your s gets a “D” in calc that they’ll rescind their offer of admission?? Even if he does well on the AP exam?? That would be a crummy consequence, but if the worst happened, he’d still go to college. Or, Yale might require him to retake Calc. in a summer program (now there’s be a rotten consequence-- to have to go to summerschool after you’ve graduated HS as a condition of admission to college. I kinda like it ) I don’t think you are saying he won’t graduate. That said, if I were in your shoes, I’d probably nail his feet to the floor and <em>remind</em> him to get his priorities straight. He’s soooo close.</p>
<p>I LOVE the speakers story!! I hadn’t read that before. What a stitch, though I imagine your bro. didn’t find it too funny. Hope he didn’t have a coronary :)</p>
<p>Wish<em>it</em>was _April,
I understand your s’s terminology. I let “aba” wake up the boys . Here’s the link to the alarm clocks. I’m linking to the one that also has the flashing light (last year you had to buy an attachment to hook it to a strobe or to a lamp). We bought one called the “Sonic Boom” (great name) with the biggest bed vibrator, that also had a radio built in. Figured if the clock had some utility, it’s stand a better chance of not getting tossed across the room. <a href=“http://www.hearmore.com/store/prodView.asp?idproduct=453&idstore=1&idCategory=61[/url]”>Wake Assure Alarm Clock with Bed Shaker | Alarm Clocks - HearMore.com;
S has also commented, like your s. that sleeping in the dorm makes a BIG difference. He can stagger out of bed at 8:45 and still be in class by 9. In HS, he had to be on the road shortly after 7am, and handle the awful rush hour traffic. Its bad enough even for people who are awake and alert. </p>
<p>Robyrm-
A love technology! I also try creative solutions. We drew targets on pieces of toilet paper and “aimed” at them to get a bullseye. Also, back in the early day of cellphones, we would call our s. when he was on the potty and I would do my best imitation of Barney or BabyBob. We’d bring him the phone while he wa on the throne, and I’d say “Hello [name of kid]. This is Barney. I hear you’re on the potty! I am so proud of you”. That worked like a charm!!! He couldn’t wait to get on the can to get a phonecall. When younger bro. was toilet training, older b. played Barney or BabyBob on the phone. Again-- worked great!!!</p>
<p>I have another great toilet-training story, but that’s probably fodder for a different thread.</p>
<p>Right now we have a tutor for S, and if he does not get the grade up to a B, no senior trip. He really shouldn’t go anyways, as he has a lucrative offer at the local country club to be a singing waiter. He did this gig periodically as a fill in last summer, and now is being offered the job for whenever he is available. He thought it was a kick last summer, but would rather die than do it full time. But I think he should at least pay for the tutor, and offer to pay for some of the audition costs. Two weeks of singing and waitering will do the job, as the tips were terrific and if he wants to go into show business, he had better get used to these kind of jobs. He was really upset when I told him that I was calling his calc teacher for a grade before I released him for that trip over spring break, but I notice he has been cracking the calc book for the first time, and the calc tutor said all of the assignments were done this week. I don’t know how low he can go before acceptance is rescinded, and I am not about to post a query on the Yale board. He had better get a B in that course. He only has 3 courses other than his performing arts courses this year and his auditions were done by the first week in December, pressure off about college, what more does he want. I just hope he isn’t one of the 26-27 frosh who don’t return for sophomore year. He has been spoiled way beyond the other kids who did not have the monetary resources that we now have, and though they blame some of their problems on that, this one has not had a dime spared and he is dancing the same bottom feeder dance that they did. </p>
<p>I think when puberty hits, there is a streak of rebellion that goes with the testosterone and a strong desire to sleep all day and stay awake all night, like they are bitten by vampires. How to handle the rebellion is individual by family, parent involved and child. No one size fits all answer. But I am not sure what a parent can really do if a kid just refuses to do. Can’t beat him. Can’t really get physical at all. And if they walk out, you don’t want to lock them out or throw them out; that too can be a problem if they are under age. They are so stupid that they would cut off their noses to spite their faces, and you do not want to engage in that no win contest. Sure, you can win most of the time, but at the cost of damaging the kid who just might be going through a phase, and will be sorry later. My nephew is wonderful to me now, and can’t do enough, and I cannot repeat what he had called me 10 years ago when he was going through his problem years. He is grateful now, which did not help in the heat of the quarrels back then, when I came very close to telling child services to just take him. Calling the police to just take him. And I could have done it and shut him down. But he would not be anywhere near what he is today had I done so. </p>
<p>My brother hates sleeping in that room downstairs when he visits. Another time he made the mistake of picking up the talking Yoda on a shelf. Once you pick it up, it start yacking and it does not shut up unless you don’t touch it for a full 10 minutes which is a long time for an impatient person. And you can’t open the battery compartment without a phillips head screw driver. We all got a big laugh out of that one, cuz we found the Yoda on the kitchen table that morning after he gave up on making it quiet. He calls this the madhouse, and he is not far off.</p>
<p>When you post, if you scroll down you will see the posts in reverse order, under the part of the screen with additional options. I too find I need to go back and check things. My brain is getting too old…</p>
<p>Told my boys (H and S) about the alarm clock for the hearing impaired at dinner and we all enjoyed a good laugh. Sonic Boom, indeed!</p>
<p>I wish I could get H more involved - I seem to be the heavy in the morning. But I intend to maintain my new stance again tomorrow. S was indeed late today. We’ll see what happens next.</p>
<p>Jym,
When you start to post, and need to cross-reference other posts, click on the “Go Advanced” tab right below the message box, it gives all posts in the thread.
Alternatively, if you are in the middle of posting, and decide to look at page#2, and happen to click on #2, make sure to click on the back arrow at upper L.H.S. to return to your post each time.</p>
<p>Thank you W-I-W-A and Chocoholic. I will try the advanced thing as you describe, as my problem occurs if I am on p. 3 and want to read something on p 1 or 2. My typed stuff goes <em>poof</em> and the message box is blank when i return I’ll experiment when I write a short post, just in case…</p>
<p>W-I-W-A
Keep us posted of your son’s progress. And I’d recommend the air horn if your s. isn’t as impossible as mine… Just cover your ears! You can get them cheap at Party City or… I think Home Depot.</p>
<p>Chocoholic-
Love your name. We shall have to compare our decadent chocolate choices someday. Have you ever tried Nutella?? It’s meant to be a spread, but I eat it with a spoon right out of the jar!</p>
Yes, but minus the gooey toffee/caramel (or is it honey/almond?? not sure) stuff in some of the toblerone varieties. Just chocolate and hazlenut. Pure. Untainted.Plenty gooey on its own! I think I am gaining weight just thinking about it :(</p>
<p>My 5th grader sells nutella and marshmellow sandwiches in the lunch room. They apparently get quite a following. I don’t buy that marshmellow fluff so he does. I discovered almond butter which I really like but shouldn’t be eating. Ahhh, food. Going on that nasty Perricone diet next week, so this week I feast!</p>
<p>To the OP, I remember when our D was at the end of her senior year, and my H & I had some real doubts about whether or not she would be capable of even registering for classes in college. We were still waking her up every a.m., and she had a horrible habit of staying up until 3 or 4 a.m. to finish homework. She didn’t have a driver’s license, and she regularly turned off her cell phone when she went out so that we couldn’t contact her. Leaving a note to tell us where she went was inconceivable.<br>
Forget about turning off lights, locking the doors, or putting the dog in her crate before she left the house! Fill out a college app on her own? Have SAT scores or transcripts sent? Puhleeze…</p>
<p>We really, really didn’t know how she was going to make it in college, but we were so ready to get rid of her, the prospect of certain relief overpowered our doubts about her readiness. We were so close to launching her that we just did whatever was necessary to get her out the door. </p>
<p>She’s a sophomore now, Pre-Med, 4.0 student, Biology major since freshman year. Turns out she loves Physics so much and has done so well over the past 2 years that she’s going to declare a minor in Physics. She’s planning to apply to MD/Ph.D programs at San Diego, Stanford, and UCSF, among others. She’ll complete a student internship this year in health promotions, which has paid for her tuition. The workload from her internship is equivalent to a part-time job. She’s responsible for monthly meetings with the student health center volunteers, and she just finished making recommendations for the student practicum positions. All of the interns from each of the university’s depts. are required to take a year-long, 2-unit leadership class, in addition to their regular full load of classes. Next month, she’ll travel to Mexico with other students from her university to do community service and build houses. </p>
<p>This is a kid who couldn’t wake herself up in the morning during high school. Sometimes, the transformation can be dramatic once they are out and have to fly on their own. I think every parent has a sense of what their kid is capable of, and despite our doubts, we knew she had it in her. It’s pretty hard to judge what they’ll be like in college from the way they are in h/s.</p>
<p>I think my husband must be going through puberty again, because he has gotten as bad as the kids about getting up. When I go out of town, I literally have to call our house over and over again to make sure everybody, including DH (first time to use that abbr.) is up. I think my son is figuring that I will call him every morning to wake him up as well. I like the idea of the bed shaking. I will have to look into that!</p>
<p>sluggbugg-
Great story! Love happy endings (which I guess prevents me from seeing Million Dollar Baby). I believe, as much as our kids needed/hated/expected our prodding and structure, they learned from it. When it came time to make it on their own, they likely used the traits that we instilled in them. By virtue of the fact that we are on CC, it implies that we care about this stuff, and these values were probably internalized by our kids. THey solve their own problems, for the mostpart. They may just do it differentl;y than we would. And we have to let them.</p>
<p>I am a problem-solver by nature, any my older s. has become one as well. He’s come up with ingenious ways (in addition to the Sonic Alert Alarm Clock) to get himself up and going in the morning. I thought for a while that he was going to major in afternoon classes, but he’s got the intrinsic motivation to get what he wants, to follow his heart. I truly believe our kids are resilient. We just don’t always see it.
You, Jamimom and others have had your hands full, but, so far, so good. Give yourselves a giant pat on the back. You did good.</p>
<p>I have to tell you all that this morning on the Today Show, they had many different kinds of sleep aids for seniors…one was the Sonic Boom Alarm Clock that has been described in great detail in this thread… the Today Show was featuring it for the hearing impaired, how funny is that? I love it when such disparate threads in our lives come together like that… is it an omen? will I oversleep in the near future myself?? </p>
<p>Our school district recognized that the HS years are so important for sleep for kids so they actually changed the start time to 8:05am instead of 7:35 am … now the bus comes at 7:25 instead of 6:55 am… for both HS and MS students…and elementary schools start later also at 8:35 am…initially there was push back from parents but my view of the change is that it did meet the needs of the kids… </p>
<p>Our son actually considered not taking a specific needed math class this semester because it met so early…I did whisper that I thought his father would be really unhappy with that information/decision and ultimately he did realize he was on campus to get his education/degree… in our case, getting him up and out early has never ever been an issue. I think the freedom of college, the new, later hours all contributed to a time shift for sleep for him…luckily he “awoke” to his own laziness and is going to early morning math classes. </p>
<p>I love Sluggbug’s description of her daughter’s evolution…she sounds so accomplished, it is a delight to read of these scenarios… honestly, if we didn’t love our kids so much, we wouldn’t be CC lurkers, never mind posters. I did read the new thread started today about what our CC goals are… its almost like posting makes my child seem present or more real…sharing my parenting thoughts on the parents thread or cafe makes me still a parent?? </p>
<p>I wasn’t as worried about my child surviving college, or that we were throwing money down the toilet as much as I wanted to ensure we didn’t throw him to the wolves by having him end up in an environment where the competition was constant and fierce and there was little fun. I do sometimes hesitate to even post at all cause each issue or viewpoint is unique and what works for one won’t always work for another. But when my babies were little, I read every baby book. Spock, Leach, Brazelton, etc… no one source was enough… that is how I think of these threads… they all serve as a guide, consider the source…and use what you can… </p>
<p>The beauty is that when we fast forward, we can see that things do work out, like the Evil Robot recent post about how Vanderbilt was such a great decision for him and Sluggbugg’s daughter self-initiating a dual major, in physics none the less. Hooray!</p>
<p>Jym - when I’m afraid I might lose my post while I check out something else, I use the good old Control-C. That copies what I’ve got so far, and if I lose it, I can just Control-V on a new blank page.</p>
<p>choco, jym, SB and others - Just returned from San Diego where I went to the Chocolate exhibit at Museum of Art in Balboa Park (so cultured, aren’t I?) Among the tastings was Starbucks’ new Drinking Chocolate - so smooth, so rich, and just a small amount (warm) is all you need. Mmmmm, nectar of the gods.</p>
<p>Apparently, this was the original way to consume chocolate (think Montezuma) - see it was educational.</p>
<p>jmmom-
But of course- control v and control c – Simple, but elegant. I like it…</p>
<p>But I LOVE the idea of Starbucks liquid chocolate. Is it out yet?? When I was in college, we still had dining rooms in the dorms for the first two years (they then built a central dining hall, the All College Dining Center, affectionately called the ACDC). </p>
<p>Anyway, they used to make this hot chocolate in the morning-- it was in a large container, they ladeled it out into the cup. It was thick, warm, and like hot chocolate pudding had just a bit of a head on it-- It sounds nasty but it was soooo good. You could stagger down to breakfast in a robe and slippers, read the NY Times and sip on this hot chocolate. God it was good!!</p>
<p>My daughter–whose first word was chocolate–says the Starbucks liquid chocolate drink is “too much.” Too much what? too much chocolate, too much sugar.</p>
<p>Maineparent-
Too funny about the Sonic Alarms on the Today show this morning> Do you think perhaps someone from the show is a CC lurker??? Or better yet, perhaps one of our “well known” NY posters?? Eeehhh Sybbie??? Six degrees of separation…</p>
<p>You are lucky that your school system made the a school start time adjustment. Here,they considered it, but as funds are limited, the same bus drivers drive to all 3 schools-- First they pick up the Elementary kids, then back for the HSers and then for the middle school kids. Not sure why the do HS before middle school-- they could just reverse them I suppose, but it hasn’t happened.</p>
<p>Jym626
Our bus drivers make 2 trips each morning…HS and MS kids on the first run, then back for the elementary kids…our MS used to share the bldg with the HS and then we built a new HS next door to the MS…so we have 2 trips, not 3…but some kids were on the bus for over a half hour…so the rise and shine time was quite early… </p>
<p>For a while, we also went thru a delayed start one morning a week, so teachers could meet as a team to plan, discuss etc…that was much more controversial…and ultimately eliminated. But, the late start once a week served as an initial foray into change, so when the later start time was proposed for every day, it was easier to accept. </p>
<p>Gotta run…busy day, needed Sonic Alarm myself this am…</p>
) I don’t think you are saying he won’t graduate. That said, if I were in your shoes, I’d probably nail his feet to the floor and <em>remind</em> him to get his priorities straight. He’s soooo close.</p>
. Here’s the link to the alarm clocks. I’m linking to the one that also has the flashing light (last year you had to buy an attachment to hook it to a strobe or to a lamp). We bought one called the “Sonic Boom” (great name) with the biggest bed vibrator, that also had a radio built in. Figured if the clock had some utility, it’s stand a better chance of not getting tossed across the room. <a href=“
I’ll experiment when I write a short post, just in case…</p>