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<p>I agree! As long as people are well intentioned, that’s all I’d care about, personally. But when you are the one planning an event like this, it’s not such a bad idea to be aware of these kind of things to avoid stepping on toes or hurting feelings. In zoosermom’s situation, if the other side wanted to throw a big bash, I’d say more power to them! If I were the future in laws, I’d wait on the parents of the bride. </p>
<p>Trying on gowns seems rather a personal thing to be doing. I would have felt VERY odd trying on gowns with my future MIL around. She was happy to be present at the tasting dinner, showers and other events but I really don’t believe she was hurt not to come along gown shopping for me or my bridesmaids. My MIL and I had a very friendly and close relationship.</p>
<p>If the future MIL wants to come gown shopping, I’m not sure how the future bride would feel or the mom of the bride. It is a bittersweet bonding time for the mom and bride, I think. I never considered inviting my fMIL. It was a nice time with my mom and my sisters (bridesmaids) and I.</p>
<p>^The only good thing I can say about the silly rules and protocols is that when people start from the same basic set of assumptions, there is less possibility of misunderstanding between well intentioned individuals. </p>
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I think it would be beautiful for her to come to a fitting. But not to influence the choice.</p>
<p>Interesting…in my peer group it is very common for the Mother of the groom to be invited along for the dress selection. Then again we met one son’s GF’ s parents very soon after they began dating. She wanted very much for all of us to get along. They are lovely people. Not surprising though since they have a lovely daughter.</p>
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I might be the first in my peer group to have a child get married. Wow, I hadn’t realized that. My daughter very much wants for all of us to get along, as well, but she believes, as do I, that some things are private and this is one of them. If my D wanted to have only her future MIL come to a fitting and then go out to lunch together, I would applaud that. If she wanted to do that with both mothers, that would be great. But I don’t think that taking something special away from us that we have dreamed of for years would truly benefit his mother. Her older son got married and I know that she didn’t dress shop for that one, either, and I don’t think there were any hard feelings. She seems to be an exuberant and warm person who isn’t quick to offend. I hope she has the most special way of making a private memory with her son, and I hope that my daughter will be gracious enough (I think she will) to let them do whatever that is alone.</p>
<p>A VERY close family friend is getting soon. All female Ellebuds were invited to shop for the gown. I was honored to be invited. We all oohed and aahed. But the truth? The bride would have looked stunning in a brown bag. For her “final” appointment there were15 to 20 of us. (And yes, I’m sure that say yes to the dress would have loved to watch us. Even the family dog was there. She will look gorgeous. You can invited people to the dress shopping. You just have to know the audience.</p>
<p>As far as a groom’s gift…the bride really didn’t have extra money to give him what he might like in a watch. We (as a family) gave her a diamond necklace. (not a big deal necklace, just three diamonds. </p>
<p>OK ladies, think 21st century. Cross-country dress shopping-- that’s why they created facetime and skype! I have been sent text photos of the top 4 dress choices and funny photos of her trying on several dresses. Not having girls, I really do appreciate being included, even if only technologically.</p>
<p>I have boys and never expected to go wedding dress shopping, but I happened to be in town when my nephew’s fiancee went dress shopping, and she included me. It was wonderful, and, of course, I knew my place and just oohed and aahed and didn’t give any real opinions. This bride is gorgeous and has a rockin’ body and would look beautiful in anything. I think it helped that she had really strong opinions about what looked good and didn’t and so she wasn’t going to let me or anyone hold a lot of sway. She found a wonderful dress off the rack and had lots of alterations done. Whole thing cost about $200. Amazing. We all went to a late lunch afterward, about eight of us. I’ll never forget it.</p>
<p>Would I like to be included in my sons’ fiancees’ dress shopping? I guess so, if the girls and I have that kind of relationship. But I would not expect to be included, and my feelings wouldn’t be hurt if I wasn’t. I would love to be surprised seeing her walk down the aisle in whatever she chose.</p>
<p>Or, they could elope. ;)</p>
<p>I had the same experience, jym. FDIL sent me photos of the dress she chose. I live 4 hours away, so I wasn’t invited. She shared the experience with her mother and 3 sisters, which was fine with me. I did have to promise not to show S1 the photos, a promise I have kept.</p>
<p>Honestly, it wouldn’t occur to me to go wedding dress shopping with anyone other than my actual daughter. </p>
<p>Zoosermom, I don’t think there is any strict rules regarding wedding. The posts here indicate a lot is cultural or regional or dependent on economics.
My D had tried out a few gowns with her bridesmaids and me present in Manhattan. She actually bought her gown in CA with me. It made sense because her wedding was in CA. We had 200 guests and about 75% were from out of town, people coming all the way from Europe and Asia as well. Same at my son’s bigger wedding in NYC. Half of the guests had to fly in. One friend across the country, flew in and out in 18 hours. My D and her H attended 7 weddings this year; she was in 3, all but one involved plane rides.
My S also married an Italian girl and there wasn’t any purse going around collecting envelopes. There was a box for envelopes, same as at my daughter’s wedding in CA. As I said, all customs vary.
You don’t have to do anything you feel absolutely uncomfortable.</p>
<p>I did some dress shopping on my own, when I was trying to just get a regular retail dress. Eventually I went to the Bridal Building in NYC with one friend, and found the dress I bought. I couldn’t imagine taking a big group, and certainly not my MIL. (She would have made snarky remarks about anything that didn’t come from Penney’s. 
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<p>Our D and our wonderful future SIL were engaged earlier this year. His parents live about six hours away. The six of us had a celebratory dinner together a few months after the engagement when they came to our home town. They insisted on hosting, as we had hosted our first meal together. Future SIL’s parent’s friends are hosting an engagement party (dinner for thirty plus) soon in their home town. H and I will attend. We will bring a hostess gift and I will write a lovely thank you note. SIL’s mother has several friends that also insist on hosting a bridal shower. Again, I will attend to honor my dear daughter. </p>
<p>I hope that D and SIL will be blessed with children. SIL’s parents, H, and I will then share grandchildren. We will be warm and friendly when we are together, but I don’t think we would see each other unless it is at an event including D and SIL. We adore our D and her future husband. We will do whatever we can to support them and their family. </p>
<p>As for wedding dress shopping, D and I went together, just the two of us, several times. When she was making the final decision, she invited H to join us. I’m sure that is not the way many people do it, but D wanted him to come along. H is a very warm and loving dad and he D are very close. I have been feeling a little bad that we didn’t invite my best friend to join us. She is the mother of two unmarried sons. She has always been very supportive of D. Thanks for the great idea to include her in the dress fitting.</p>
<p>I went dress shopping with my D–she saw something she really, really liked at the first bridal shop. It was the first dress she put on. She tried quite a few at that shop. We had an appointment to visit another shop a week later. A few days after D saw the first dress, D asked her best friend and her sister to go with her to see that first dress. After that visit–she cancelled other appointments and ordered the first dress. She figured that she knew what she wanted and didn’t want to look anymore. It was a beautiful dress and she looked great. I don’t think my D would have invited her future mother-in-law. MIL doesn’t like shopping at all and wouldn’t have been the least bit interested.</p>
<p>Future DIL’s mom just posted something on my fbk pg. I guess we are the new generation future inlaws :)</p>
<p>And like shellfell, I was honored to have photos of the dress shopping sent to me. We didnt do facetime/skype yet, but talked about it. I was so honored to be included in the first round of dress shopping (and no, haven’t shared and wont, any photos with DS). I don’t have girls so would never have otherwise been able to participate in this. The nice thing is we are all very gracious and generous. If this thread lasts long enough, I might spill a little of the honeymoon plans. Its actually pretty interesting/entertaining.</p>
<p>I think we know their plans, jym. ;)</p>
<p>Lol, its not that… they’ve been living together for 2 years already…</p>
<p>"Would I like to be included in my sons’ fiancees’ dress shopping? I guess so, if the girls and I have that kind of relationship. But I would not expect to be included, and my feelings wouldn’t be hurt if I wasn’t. I would love to be surprised seeing her walk down the aisle in whatever she chose.</p>
<p>Or, they could elope. "</p>
<p>^^^^This^^^^</p>
<p>I was delighted to see DIL walk down the aisle last year. She IS fashion; I’m comfort, I wouldn’t have been any help on that shopping trip.
Then, in the spring, I was one of 4 (bride, groom, MOG, and me-MOB) who headed to City Hall for DD’s wedding/elopement. She shopped online for her dress.
Both events were perfect for their principals!</p>
<p>Hey Jym, they may have been living together for two years, but I still hope it is part of the honeymoon plans! 
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