<p>You think after 20 years, I would have figured it out, but I haven’t yet…let me give you an example of what I mean:</p>
<p>I’m getting hungry, it’s noonish and I’m running errands. I see chick-fil-a so I stop there and grab lunch. Close to dinner time (when he is out of town), I’ll look thru the freezer and pantry and find some chicken or something to thaw out for dinner with a bottled sauce of some type and a can of veggies to doctor up to go with it.</p>
<p>H has just had Saturday bfast at around 9:30. At 11 he starts asking what are my plans for the day, can we run some errands now and plan to stop at xxx restaurant to get xxx for lunch and then maybe stop by the grocery to get xxx to fix for dinner (which usually ends up being cheaper to just go out someplace)?</p>
<p>We are both overweight and tend to usually just eat out for dinner - basically because I don’t really care what I eat and he does. It drives him bonkers that I don’t have opinions about where to go for dinner -but if I happen to have a craving for Chinese and he doesn’t that evening, then it won’t matter that I want to go there…so why have an opinion.</p>
<p>food is rarely just perfect or hot enough for him, so it stresses me out just to cook for him - knowing that something will be cold or need something, etc. He’s not mean about it or anything, I just hate that look of disappointment or frustration on his face! I can have dinner ready and if a friend calls or I get busy with something, it can sit there for 15 minutes and I can eat it room temp or nuke it…not H!</p>
<p>Anyone else have a spouse with completely different views on food and/or tastes…and/or suggestions for how to live in harmony?</p>
<p>kerrbo, my BF is a complete foodie and I’m a semi picky eater partial foodie. He’ll eat practically anything… but I’m a lot more picky about my food. Not how perfect or how hot it is, but how much I like it… haha. He used to be a chef at a restaurant and everything he cooks is perfect, so when I cook I try to be original and make something new or something that he wouldn’t think to make. We have a pretty good system. He makes me try everything that he makes at least once because he says I can’t say I don’t like it until I try it. After I make an icky face he knows not to do that one again. I think it might bug him a little bit that I don’t like all of his weird foods however we have enough foods in common that we eat pretty heartily, believe me. </p>
<p>We both have a bunch of common foods in our kitchens (broths, sauces, onions, garlic, etc), so when it’s time to cook a meal we usually just have to go out and purchase the variables to our meal - chicken, carrots, potatoes, etc. For what we eat, it’s usually much much cheaper to cook at home (and usually tastes pretty darn good too). If we know we’re going to be cooking something big or something out of the ordinary, we just buy the extra things when we do our weekly or every other week shopping trips. We had another couple over for dinner the other week and he cooked chicken bryan, I cooked up a batch of spicy potatoes, made my own bruchetta mix to go with a loaf of italian bread, and picked up a bottle of wine for dinner. All in all it cost me about 30 dollars for the groceries… that being said, there is no way the four of us could have eaten what we did at a resteraunt for even double that. Chicken Bryan by itself is about 17 dollars a plate.</p>
<p>I think a lot of couples have different views of food. People’s eating patterns can be highly individualized. My husband eats very little all day but wants a big dinner complete with meat, 2-3 veggies and a starch. He likes to eat later (7 or later). I prefer to spread my food consumption throughout the day and by dinner, I would be happy with a bag of popcorn or a bowl of cereal (something small) and I want to eat early (6pm). We have spent the last twenty plus years struggling with this. It use to cause huge problems when we traveled because he wouldn’t want to stop for meals and if I don’t eat regularly I start to feel jittery and sick. Now I just say, “I need to eat now” and he will stop. Now that we have an empty nest if he’s not home by 6:30pm I frequently go ahead and eat without him (he gets very annoyed but oh well). I’m at a point in my life where I need to make sure my needs are being met.</p>
<p>Like you, I don’t really care all that much about what I eat. Really, I just get tired with having to think about it all the time.</p>
<p>My husband also hates to microwave certain food (like canned veggies - go figure!) and wants everything heated in separate bowls (no making a plate and nuking it).</p>
<p>I have a friend who’s husband loves to eat a big breakfast and then not eat the rest of the day. I have another friend whose husband refuses to eat casseroles - anything with a lot of ingredients mixed together.</p>
<p>This is a good example of a perpetual issue in a marriage that never get resolved. Everyone has them. I think meals are often a big one for couples. I don’t have any suggestions for fixing it other than to try and make sure each person gets their way at least some of the time.</p>
<p>My husband only wants to use the best ingredient, table always need to be sit, and we all have to eat together. I, on the other hand, could care less, as long as I am not hungary. But when I want to eat out, I want it to be excellent or I feel I have wasted my time/money.</p>
<p>Since I don’t care about food as much, and H does, I just let him cook. I let H take care of all food related issues. When he buys grocery (he’ll go to 3 different places to get the freshest whatever). I’ll eat anything put in front of me, and when it works for H. It’s peace in our household.</p>
<p>Our girls are real foodies because of their dad. They’ll ask what kind of ice cream a restaurant serves before they order. They know what each kind of oyster tastes like. No package cake mix for them. D1 saves up money to try out different new restaurants in NYC.</p>
<p>I am fine as long as I don’t have to do anything.</p>
<p>If it matters to him what he eats, then maybe he could be more involved in the planning (and ideally the execution) of the meals. At the very least, he can give you a few suggestions of what he’d like to eat for the week. Maybe your execution of the meals won’t be completely up to his standards, but he would still have a stake in what gets prepared so at least he can’t be disappointed on that account.</p>
<p>I also think the planning ahead (and the planning together) is a way for you both to eat at home more, and maybe even for you to get more excited about cooking.</p>
<p>Okay, I should probably put this on the brag thread, but I’m a really, really good cook, to the point where we have good friends who are michelin rated chefs who want to come and eat at our house. We take our kids to places like Trotters or Tru and the kids say, “Mom you do this better.”</p>
<p>My husband will not cook for me and I don’t blame him. If your husband is stressful to cook for, he should cook. My youngest will cook for us. She is spectacular and is considering culinary school, but I want her to really realize what a brutal life that really can be. A chef’s life is simply not their own.</p>
<p>No, a foodie should do the cooking, for sure. It’s like somebody walking around the house criticizing somebody’s cleaning. No way.</p>
<p>My husband and I are pretty similar in our eating styles…but he does one thing that makes me nuts. I ask him if he’s hungry and he comes back with ‘what time is it?’ What the **** does that have to do with whether or not he’s hungry? </p>
<p>I’m happiest with a small breakfast, a big lunch and a small dinner. A sandwich is fine. He’s slowly come around to this, as he gets older, but for a long time dinner had to be meat, starch (what an unappetizing word for an innocent potato!) and a vegetable. And no earlier than 7 pm. That went by the wayside once we had our kid. </p>
<p>We are not foodies. Anything too complex – ingredients for ingredients’ sake – is going to get a funny look. We’ll try it but if it’s too mysterious we won’t like it. Our D, however, has gone from being one of the pickiest children in history, to becoming very interested in cooking and cooking well. I hope it stays a hobby for the reasons poetgirl mentions. Being a chef is a really hard life.</p>
<p>My household is much like MomLive’s. I need to eat throughout the day and DH doesn’t. He comes home late from work and is then ready for his one big meal of the day. I cook for him, but I do get stressed about it. When the kids are home, DH likes different things than they do and it ends up being a lot of cooking if I want to please everyone (some nights I just make what my DH likes and I feel that my young adult children can cook and clean for themselves). </p>
<p>DH is quite picky, as he does not like any meat on a bone (he won’t eat it if he sees a bone), does not want to see any fish scales or the gray flesh near the scales on a fish. He does not like anything with a shell on it either, and so on. He also requests that his meals are low carbohydrate, so it gets quite complicated. </p>
<p>When I put a fair amount of time into cooking a meal, I really do want to get at least 2 dinners out of it. I need to remind DH of this, or it all gets consumed in one sitting. </p>
<p>I also run out of ideas as to what to fix for dinner, and at times I find the whole process tiring.</p>
<p>I’m so glad that for the most part dh and I are on the same page regarding food. He has put more carbs than I have on the do not eat list so I make a point of eating pasta when we go out since he won’t eat it any more. (We are both foodies by the way.)</p>
<p>At any rate to the OP my first thought was that your husband needs to learn to cook. Maybe you could give him a gourmet cooking class as a present? Or do it together? I’m not sure what to do about your eating out question. That sounds like a marriage counseling issue. He wants your opinion, but if you give it he disses it? </p>
<p>northeast mom, I find the best way to ensure that something lasts for two nights is to put the food on serving platters leaving tomorrow’s dinner in the kitchen where it won’t tempt anyone.</p>
<p>DH & I are both foodies in totally different ways, he likes to eat and likes to cook and says he will eat anything, which he will, but he wants that big meal, not haute cuisine tidbit portions. One of us prefers potatoes, one rice; one loves pasta, one thinks it is all the same. One of us likes meat, one is not really into it. One will make big pot roast, meat in gravy meals, one would prefer cereal to that. One of us has to eat often & small amounts, one wants big meals. </p>
<p>A lifetime ago I worked in the evenings and DH eventually began to cook. After listening to him whine about how much I spent at the grocery store we’ve eventually adapted to him shopping most of the time and cooking most of the time. I do all the big holiday meals, but we also do stuff together. I am a crankier cook, if you come in and start messing with my meal, then as far as I am concerned you took over, so take it and go, not angry, I just don’t want him to come in and change up my plan and then dump it back on me.</p>
<p>I realized a few years ago that eating to get along had been a cause of some weight gain, so I began eating what I want when I want and both lost 20# and feel much better.</p>
<p>Novelisto…my husband is the same…I will say are you ready for lunch and he will say what time is it?..Really? I love all food…he has very bland tastes…and I cook to those. Now that all 3 kids are away at uni, I cook for him and add some sides with spark for myself.</p>
<p>DH drives me crazy.<br>
DH: What are you making for dinner?
Me: What are you hungry for?
DH: Doesn’t matter
Me: That doesn’t tell me anything
DH: It’s up to you
Me: Ok, I’ll make _____________
DH: Um, I really don’t want that
Me: Well, then, what do you want?
DH: Whatever you make…
Me: grrrr.</p>
<p>The other one is on a Saturday he will ask what are you making for lunch? Excuse me!? Who is making MY lunch? I want to say, make your own, but I don’t.</p>
<p>My trouble is trying to cook for only 2 now that the kids are out of the house and my kitchen is being redone. Makes it a real challenge.</p>
<p>All these sound so familiar at my house. DH usually doesn’t eat lunch but looks forward to a big meal for dinner. He used to call before he left work to ask “What’s for dinner tonight?” , somehow I find that very irritating so I finally told him if he asks that question again, there won’t be any dinner ready for him. Then he resorted to calling and ask “What is (my kid’s name) having for dinner tonight?” :(</p>
<p>Now that we have the empty nest, I also have to remind him that one cooked meal has to last two nights. There are three things I like that he won’t eat, eggs, shrimp and mushrooms. He loves fish but won’t eat shrimp, go figure.
I do a lot of takeouts, I call the neighborhood Chinese restaurant my second kitchen.</p>
<p>laxmom, you are so nice. I never ask what other people want to eat. I cook. You can eat it or make yourself something else.</p>
<p>Once, when the kids were small, and freinds came for dinner and brought their kids and they were shocked that the kids were eating what we were eating. “Really? Are you sure? Do you think the kids will eat that?”</p>
<p>It had never occured to me that the kids wouldn’t eat something. I don’t think it had ever occured to my kids that they wouldn’t eat something. So, their kids sat down and ate dinner and ate everything. The parents looked surprised. </p>
<p>Though, I will say I’m convinced the younger one started to cook because she wanted to decide what was for dinner some nights. :)</p>
<p>cbreeze, your husband sounds kind of like me. Those three things are on my list of no flippin’ way as well! And I do eat fish!! I also can’t stand broccoli and I don’t eat hamburgers. Everyone thinks that one is weird. I used to eat them when I was a kid till I had a bad experience with one and it made me sick. Ever since then, I can’t stand the taste of them. I try them every once and awhile just to make sure. Funny thing is I do like tacos and other meals that include hamburger meat… but usually only when it’s seasoned enough that it no longer tastes like an actual hamburger does!</p>
<p>poetgrl, your post made me laugh because one thing my parents never ate were salads. They eat pretty much anything else, so I guess they just don’t like salads…but anyway, my whole life I had never eaten a salad. My BF and I were out at a restaurant a few years ago that had a salad come with our meal and I looked at it like it was from another planet. Anyway, he made me eat it, and it was delicious! My parents took me out to a restaurant where we got a salad with our meal and they brushed theirs aside and I ate mine. They looked at me like I had just been taken over by an alien!</p>
<p>H is the one who eats whatever is put before him with a smile. He rarely remembers what he ordered at restaurants and more than once I have had to stop him from eating someone else’s meal that was served to us accidentally. He’s a good sport and will eat leftovers, stops eating when full, helps cook meals (relying heavily on cans) and is happy to dine out or eat at home.</p>
<p>I’m allergic to some shellfish & S is allergic to green beans (really–makes him wheeze), so we can eat most things. I am pretty good about creating stir fry out of whatever we have available and we will all eat pretty much whatever I buy. D is somewhat more adventurous about eating than S, especially RE veggies & ethnic foods. All in all, I consider myself very fortunate.</p>
<p>Have never cooked separate food for my kids (or asked anyone else to do so). If they didn’t like what is served, they could scrounge around in the fridge or make themselves peanut butter sandwiches or eat tofu & rice (if there was any about–I did let them ask their grandparents if they could make themselves a peanut butter sandwich, which they did twice in their lives). They are generally grateful to have someone else prepare meals but are able to fend for themselves for food in college. D even would get invited to eat at her friend’s house when they ate venison stew & other game that had been hunted & served up. She found it fun & tasty.</p>
<p>I got busy after I posted this and just now had a chance to check back - SO NICE to know I am not alone! I often feel that way…seems like no other couples we know “argue” about food-related or meal-related issues.</p>
<p>Laxmom (I’m one of those too!) - that could be a conversation at our house! Probably one of the reasons I just never give suggestions anymore.</p>
<p>Poetgrl - Every so often I get a bug in my bonnet and just cook without asking for input. I cook, you eat or cook yourself, but then it’s kinda sad to spend all that effort cooking for just me! </p>
<p>H will cook, and is a good cook, but hates to cook unless the kitchen is spotless first and everything is just so (necessary equipment, time, space, ingredients, etc) so he won’t often take the time to cook. To cook dinner on a saturday, he would have to start early saturday morning getting the kitchen just right and then shop for ingredients and then take a nap to prepare to spend time cooking, etc… Ok, maybe not that bad - but…</p>
<p>fendergirl - I guess upbringing has a lot to do with it. H’s family was larger and more well-to-do than mine. My MIL is a gourmet cook (really!) and cooked elaborate meals and with a large family there were not leftovers. FIL was military so meals were served at the same time every day and everyone was expected to be at the table at that time to eat it when it was hot and fresh or you didn’t eat.</p>
<p>My family was poor, we ate from our garden and and our part of the meat in the freezer when the extended family would chip in to pay to have a steer from the farm butchered. We were a busy family (school, church, community service) and dinner was whatever was quick and easy and if one person had to warm a plate up later that was just the way it was. We ate leftovers often and learned to conserve - if there was really only enough food for 2 but had to feed 4 we made do.</p>
<p>I guess I should be happy that this is one of the few areas we bicker about and get over it, huh! Thanks for some of the other suggestions too - I’ll share some with him and maybe we can find a happy medium…after I posted the original post, we worked together and found a couple things in the freezer to eat for lunch so… :-)</p>
<p>My kids didn’t eat lots of things, but that didn’t stop me from cooking a fair number of them anyway - though because I always cook enough for leftovers, often they would eat a different meal they liked better.</p>
<p>Funny story about my younger son. We were visiting my brother and my sil who is a fishatarian (pescavore?) said how was fish for dinner. My S2 nicely said okay, though at home the only fish he eats willingly is swordfish with a rosemary lemon butter. She goes off to get fish and whatever she had in mind isn’t available, but there was sushi grade tuna so she comes home with sushi fixings. I thought “Oh boy”, but didn’t say anything. We make sushi, lots of spicy tuna rolls and some other stuff too. S2 sits down and after a horrified look proceeds to try everything. At the end of the meal, when my sil is out of hearing S2 says to me, “Well it seems I now like sushi.” But then he added, “But that doesn’t mean you should take this as an invitation to serve it to me.” Anyway I am happy he likes sushi, it’s a useful thing to like. :)</p>
<p>We started feeding son sushi when he was 3…to this day, it is one of his favorite things to eat. We’ve even learned to make it at home. He’s never been a very picky eater and I’ve always wondered if it was because we didn’t make him separate ‘kid’ meals coupled with the fact that we introduced him to ‘exotic’ foods when he was very young. He’s actually turned into quite the foodie and wants to take cooking lessons.</p>