<p>Boy, I really had no idea there was such animosity towards onlies and their parents. I guess - since we were older parents, people assumed we couldnt have more. </p>
<p>D is an only and she probably has some of the negative characteristics associated with only children but not - selfishness or the inability to get along with others. In fact, she has always been overly generous and still has a sweet naiveté that makes it difficult for her to detect when someone is being insincere or has an ulterior motive. </p>
<p>Unlike when I was a kid growing up (50s and 60s) where onlies were a rarity, there were a number of onlies in Ds class. As with most things in life, being an only has pros and cons. D is who she is with many factors shaping her personality. </p>
<p>I am not offended by MD moms assertion that onlies make poor spouses, I disagree but respect her feelings.</p>
<p>I am not an only, although I also did not grow up with cousins or aunts/uncles as my mother was an only child & while my father did have two half sisters, one spent 40 years of her adult life in India, only coming back to Seattle for short visits every 4 years or so, & the other had suffered brain damage at birth so she didn’t have any children ( although she did marry).</p>
<p>I had a childhood friend who was an only, & she was pretty neglected/spoiled- but that I blame on her mother, who was quite outspoken about only wanting one child. ( She previously had an infant son who died before my friend was conceived & she complained about the toll that being a mother took on her body )</p>
<p>Some parents of only children- seem to want a child as an accessory, & they perhaps leave a bad taste in the mouth when others consider small families- which negates those who make a choice to have a small family for other reasons.</p>
<p>I had my 2nd 8 years after my first, so for years we had an only child, and I had resigned myself to not having anymore. However, I do admit I am very happy that I did.</p>
<p>Just want to point out that onlies are not alone in hearing rude comments. We have adopteds in our family- kids and adults have asked them prying questions and dropped cracks about “real” families. A few years ago, even on CC, there were bold statements that daycare or early pre-school kids weren’t the same as kids who had “real” mothering through those years. We can all point to idiots and their idiocies.</p>
<p>I know lots of parents who treat their children as accessories, and this is not limited to parents of one.</p>
<p>And I agree with lookingforward that there are many ways in which people criticize and offend other “different” family configurations, especially ones with adopted children or involving gay parents, I’m sure. Just so rude, arrogant and ignorant.</p>
<p>Love my only D – would have loved to have had more but not to be – she is very generous and learned to be social at an early age. Yet she has also always been able to entertain herself. A pleasure – wish I had more!</p>
<p>My sister gets a lot of comments and “advice” from complete strangers in public for having five children. I don’t think you can win no matter what your family looks like, some people are just judgmental and are out looking for reasons to be nasty to people.</p>
<p>So I’m kind of curious. I’ve read many times that when there’s a certain number of years between children, they are often considered onlies. I am the youngest by nine years, with two other brothers 13 and 16 years older than me. Yes, a lot of people considered me spoiled, but I think it was mostly because I was the only girl, and baby of the family. Do you view people who have this kind of age discrepancy between siblings as onlies?</p>
<p>I know someone whose sister is 16 years older (they are 62 and 78). Their parents died when the younger sister was 3 and 15. In conversation with her younger sister, the 78-year-old refers to their parents as “my mother” and “my father.” It hurts my friend, especially given the losses she has suffered. So her sister seems to see herself as an only child. My first H was the youngest by 10 or 11 years, and his parents treated him like an inconvenience, which was terrible. So it all depends on the family.</p>
<p>My only son has two half-sisters, my H’s adult daughters. He is not close to them, and I doubt he ever will be. He is truly my only child, but my H has three children. In the context of our family unit, though, we think of ourselves as having an only child. They have a mother, and it isn’t me. It’s complicated. In their minds, our son is “spoiled” because he has had their father 100% of the time for his entire life, and they didn’t. It’s true, he has–but it’s not his fault. It’s a depressing family dynamic, to be honest. But that’s a subject for another thread!</p>
<p>P.S. I hope my son meets someone like SplashMom’s daughter someday!</p>
<p>In general, a lot of people can be rude for a host of reasons.</p>
<p>No onlies in my family and no prejudice one way or the other on my part.</p>
<p>My S’s close friend of 12 years is an only, the youngest of his cousins and a joy. For about 7 years he spent a week with us each summer with my extended family. Let me tell you, the look on his face when one of my nieces would have a conversation with him while she was a 3 yr old sitting on the potty with the bathroom door ajar while he was trying to play xbox in the adjacent room - priceless. His mom loved that he could share in the interaction, especially with my D who was 3 yrs younger than the boys and was not the least bit intimidated. </p>
<p>But we are fortunate in my family in that we get along. My brother and his wife are 2 of my best friends. My H has siblings that range from lovely to barely tolerable. You never know what you will get.</p>
<p>Geezermom, maybe time and life experience will allow your blended family to grow closer. I think as a child and teen it would be so difficult to see another child/teen spend more time with YOUR parent than you can. BUT - maybe as adults they will appreciate the parent relationship they do have instead of resenting the one they didn’t.</p>
<p>I am waiting to hear from ANY parent who will admit that THEIR child is entitled and spoiled. ;)</p>
<p>Guilty as charged, unfortunately. :o S is an only child. One Christmas he received 42 presents from my family, my ex’s family, and my husband’s family! Yes, he counted them…</p>
<p>rom828, thanks for the encouraging thought–but his half sisters are in their 40s now! In all fairness, they do love him. We’re still waiting for them to see the cup as half full.</p>
<p>I invited all our neighbors, friends, and family to our son’s first birthday party. I saw it as an occasion to have a party. I don’t know why I didn’t realize they’d all bring gifts. It was embarrassing. But we didn’t have to buy toys or clothes for quite a while.</p>
<p>I think our son thinks he is entitled to a say in whether we sell our house. Hope he can qualify for a mortgage when that day comes.</p>
<p>HATE the stereotypes about only children. Come on! My son has always been able to share. He has never been a wretched spoiled entitled brat. He is able to get along with most people and has a wide variety of friends AND he can relate really well to adults. </p>
<p>He is a honor roll student with high SAT scores. He is in all sorts of honor societies. He does a lot of volunteer work and is an officer in many clubs at his school. I have never had a teacher or coach or another parent ever say that my child was ill behaved or spoiled. In fact most comment on how mature & well spoken he is and how much they enjoy having him around!</p>
<p>Not sure if I will ever know how being an only child has affected my child because I will never know what it would be like to raise him with siblings! Sure, as he gets older and we face senior year as well as the reality that four years of college are right around the corner, I wish I had another one or two BUT I am delighted and so happy with my only child “lot” in life! </p>
<p>WOW - this thread really makes me so mad! While the idea of an only child being different or spoiled is not new it is seriously narrow minded. Everone has circumstances in their life and everyone has things from their childhood that were not ideal or picture perfect but things are what they are and you deal with them. Same with being an only child! It is my son’s only reality - it is his normal and that is exactly how it should be!</p>
<p>There are plenty of weirdo people out there who have multiple children and guess what they raise weirdo children! There are plenty of ill mannered, borish, foolish people out there who have multiple children and guess what they raise ill mannered, borish, foolish children!</p>
<p>Been dealing with the only child subject since my son was about three - this has struck a nerve!</p>
<p>Oh - and MD MOM - my son will make one heck of a husband one day! Your narrow minded, generalized advice to your children is twisted! WOW! A whole smple of two people and you come up with this advice -
“And this will sound AWFUL, but based on my experience with people who were an only child, I have told both of my children to tread carefully if they meet one they would like to date.”
If you have daughters I hope that my son never encounters them!</p>
<p>I am an “only”, but choose to have three children. I am also from a very small family. I certainly wasn’t spoiled. But I think that children with siblings navigate the world with greater ease. I definitely feel that they, as children, do better give and take which translates better into adulthood.</p>
<p>But in the end, when my parents got old I was solely responsible for their care. When they died all shared memories died with them. There is no one for me to say, “Remember when we…?” </p>
<p>There are many families where there is no choice to have another child. But to quote my mother, (and these are her feelings and observation), “When you have a child…you have a child. When you have two children, you have a family.”</p>
<p>So far, it seems nearly all have said their only kid is just fine. But, it also seems, (maybe I’m wrong,) that only one parent has mentioned an only child who is not still at home. ?<br>
Part of OP’s question was how your only seems “to you.” But, it’s logical to also ask how your only is evolving as a young adult. It would be interesting to hear how they are doing as roommates and partners, away from the everyday life with parents. I’m not sure we can always predict how our kids will do, just based on their life with us.</p>
<p>This is so fascinating to me. I’m the middle of five and my dad was the oldest of eight and my mom was one of twelve (!) and I have like 1290832 cousins so the idea of having only one child (for whatever reason) is so foreign and interesting to me.</p>
<p>Just today my first cousin and I were talking about our dads (brothers) and the relationships they have with their siblings. I’m so blessed (well, 90% of the time, the other 10% I want to choke them all) to have so many siblings and aunts and uncles and cousins. </p>
<p>I like only have a first cousin who is an only child but it’s because his dad died shortly after he was born and his mom hasn’t remarried yet (it’s been 10 years).
I’ve read allll the responses to this thread and love reading about the different types of families. It interests me a lot for some reason. :)</p>
<p>I have to take exception to ellebud’s characterization as a one child not being a “family”. Ouch. In my family it is just H, S and I and we consider ourselves very much a family. My first son died before my second was born so we have always functioned as a one child family. We are close, S seems very well adjusted to me. He is well liked and respected by people his own age as well as our friends, his teachers, bosses, etc…</p>
<p>S and I just had a discussion regarding whether or not he is spoiled, I said no and he laughed and pointed out how much stuff he has. I had to conceed that point, but he is appreciative and gracious. He keeps his room clean, I was told he had the neatest room in his freshman dorm at boarding school. We’ve always had a housekeeper but we still expected him to be responsible for his own messes. He does dishes without even thinking about it, picks up dog poop, is painting the porch risers while H and I are away, etc…He doesn’t like to share his dinner entree in restaurants but other then that he is fairly generous. Oh he has some negatives, trust me. What person doesn’t? </p>
<p>He seems older then almost 20 to a lot of people because he is pretty responsible and likes to lead, he is pretty comfortable being in charge, dorm prefect in BS, team captain, head tour guide. He is pretty much immune to peer pressure and he doesn’t believe in being self conscious. I wish I had those traits! </p>
<p>I have dealt with the "why ony one child?’ questions for years. “It works for us.” Is all I can say.</p>