Saw this on the news the other day. That sounds like a fun group of seniors and a fun community:
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Totally agree.
My mom had a fall that moved up her decision to move to independent living. She was thinking of moving right before that but it was a decision that she was reluctant to make. Should she stay in the community she had been in since retirement? Should she move near her family? She even could have moved to the community where we were raised and one that she moved away from 25+ years ago.
My in laws on the other hand will only move when thereâs a crisis. My mil has said that, sheâs not ready. For them I think it might be harder because there are 2 of them and they are limping towards the finish line. Together
My dad had passed away a decade before. So she had more responsibility and had to do everything on her own.
But time is undefeated unfortunately. And as stubborn as you can be, you canât stop it.
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Re: when to relocate. Do it when you are still young enough to build friendships and a sense of community. My in-laws were close to 80 when they moved. They never formed any friendships, became part of a church, found hobbies, etc. They didnât even take part in the many varied activities offered in their CC Community.
If we relocate, or move, it will be within the next few years.
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Relocating when less than 80 is definitely a good argument. The problem is where to?
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Just recently started to slow down a bit. At 102.
I want those genes.
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That looks like an interesting place. Quite close to me. Iâll definitely check it out for my mom if she ever decides to move out of her home.
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Making headway with DD2 âfinancial educationâ. Her company presentation by a financial person really steered people towards âtargetedâ funds - which actually, her targeted fund (Target Date 2065) has been performing OK. At her initial sign up, she went 100% with that target fund. Now that she has been at home for a while (working online while she is finishing a piece of furniture with her dad in his workshop), she had me do my analysis on the funds. I made suggestions last night, and today we discussed some more and had her changed future distributions, so some with this target fund, while the rest going to Fidelity 500 Index (FXAIX) and an AB fund that is traded but IDK what the ticker ID is, Alliance Bernstein US Large Cap CIT W Series Class MSG. Limited info on her 401ks site, but this AB fund inception date was 11/17/2022 so limited history. Since DHâs 401k also has the Fidelity 500 Index (FXAIX), we have long term history on it. Her target fund was also relatively newly formed with company 401k. IDK if they had a prior 401k, but this was company roll-out with DD2 able to participate. DD2 complained about âwill not have SS when it is time for me to retireâ, but I pointed out to her she has correct info with term insurance (DH and I had stumbled around and actually have money in other insurance, which we are not paying premiums as dividends are paying â but we didnât have exposure to term insurance policies and good prices on term insurance). DD2 is benefiting from financial advice that we had years of learning, and has a good path with following our footsteps. DD2 complained that getting into her own purchased home is more difficult, but again, when the time is right - she will most likely get some help from us.
DD1 (married with kids) has the dual income situation going, but until they know âfor sureâ they will be staying in their current city, it is best for them to continue to rent their almost new constructed house which has a great layout for their family.
My retirement perspective has kids/grandkids in mind - for any change in our home location, and use of our time and resources. Right now I travel a bit more by flight to DD1/SIL/Gkids to âhelp outâ, and it seems we will have an annual trip by car over Christmas/New Yearâs as we did last year. That is a help with taking things there for gifts, as well as bringing things DD1 wants me to bring. Right now I have to look through storage to bring wooden puzzles (I know about 6 or 7 are all in one box) - I found one puzzle separately. Also to go through other boxes of stuff and ask DD1 about various things to bring or get rid of.
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Why a large cap fund when those are the stocks that have outperformed the most during the last few years? Wouldnât a broader index capture more of the upside (or limit the downside) in any rebalancing away from tech stocks? And whatâs the difference in holdings between a 2065 target date fund and an S&P 500 fund? Just more overseas exposure?
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Honestly her 401k has very limited information on several of the investment choices â including what is in the target fund holdings. So for example, w/o seeing what makes up that large cap fund unsure about the specifics on their investments - but I see the returns, as I said, limited with inception date of 11/17/2022 anyway; but the target fund was begun 3/27/2020 and I cannot see what makes up that target fund either. We left her current invested money in the target fund and only changed future investments. She will see better returns IMHO on short run and long run. She is 28.
The Fidelity 500 Indexed fund has done better during the periods of info than her 2065 target fund (and I have yearly performance data on it from 2014 due to having the ticker ID and it is in DHâs 401k holdings) â and very good returns for 1 yr/3 yr/5 yr/10 yr or since inception which was 5-4-2011), and the AB Large Cap growth has done the best out of these 3 âtopâ choices, with short term data. Yes we expect some volatility with the large cap funds, but overall have found the funds with the best track record on performance over time, even with some down quarters or even year loss does the best on the long run.
DH currently has money in 3 investment choices in his 401k portfolio and has a large cap growth JP Morgan Growth Advantage R6 fund (JGVVX) which had a slight loss in 2015 (-0.8%) a loss in 2018 (-7.83%) and a 2022 loss of (-15.37%), but great 1 yr/3 yr/ 5 yr/ and 10 yr or since inception data (inception 12/23/2013). This has been outperforming the Fidelity 500 Index account which also holds a portion of his large cap funds. The small-cap growth choice we had in DHâs account has gotten beaten up in 2022 returns (-30.22%) and negative YTD (-3.52), and this is the most volatile of his holdings, at 30% of his 401k. But this fundâs 10 year/since inception return is higher than Fidelityâs (inception of 6-28-2006). Donât want to dump it when it has a lot of room to go up, and in earlier years was really âhotâ with good returns. But in the future, if the returns donât live up to our expectations (fund managers do change, and paradigm changes everywhere) and we can do better in another fund, we will do so. Years ago we were in 4 funds, heavier in 2 than the other 2 based on less draw down (while having similar up ticks). Then went to 3 funds. DHâs 401k company plan moved from Prudential to Empower a year ago - and we dropped two funds and added the Fidelity 500 Index offering based on fund analysis. I specifically asked if they (Empower) had a tool that Prudential had (and they donât) - it allowed a side-by-side âCompare Fundsâ on one sheet of paper (so could see side-by-side performance periods, as well as expenses). They do have a âtrendâ comparison which gives a lined diagram of performance over time (different colors for the different funds chosen).
DH and I have no pensions.
Looking at DD2âs 401k also had me âcatch upâ my review of DHâs 401k. When DHâs 401k grows too much, we have purchased IRA annuities if that has made financial sense. We have ânon-penaltyâ income off of the annuities after 1 year, and have different terms of 4 annuities (ranging in amounts from $92,980 - $250,000), 7 year, 10 year, and two 12 year with different maturity dates. I have one annuity paid for from my IRA funds.
I was SAHM for 18 years and also fought aggressive cancer at age 53 (when DDs were in 8th and 10th grades); had sunset career for 5 years before turning 65 - and actually had earned 401k and matching, with two funds that did great (top 2 funds of their selections through the Fidelity 401k plan).
The best gains have been with my management of DHâs 401k and our other investments that we did consolidate and converted what we could do to Roth IRAs. Choosing the right Financial Advisor (working with his firm since 2013) and the purchasing of our annuities, has our retirement working well. We did have two annuities close to maturity and did purchase two âreplacementâ annuities with the funds from the first two.
On the question of moving soon enough, my in-laws who were/are very well-to-do rented a house in Florida in large part because I did not want to freeze my butt off in the winter vacations in Canada. After a few years there, my MIL bought a house in Sanibel. They started by spending a month or six weeks in FL and ended up with 5-6 months and built a community of friends. As FIL became weaker and then later evidenced liver cancer (he had been a serious drinker) at about 69 (Iâm guessing), they spent six months there and he was so much happier and healthier in Florida. He died at 72. She is now 92 and goes down for five months or so and neighbors will pick up groceries for her etc. If they had waited until he was frail, they probably wouldnât have built the community and been so happy there.
MIL is now 92 and has declined quite notably since February. She is cognitively fine but gets too tired to think after about 10 AM. She insists on spending her time in Canada at her farm (beautiful 115 acre spot). We hired her a helper who is great but she only comes 3 mornings a week. They drive to shopping, go for short walks. Kids visit on the weekends. The helper cooks. If she falls, her Apple watch is supposed to call for help, but it is not clear it is working or that she always puts in on. Not clear if she will need more help than we can hire.
OTOH, with my parents, my F died when she was 78, I think. We found a nice condo at an affordable but high price in the center of town-- elevator, one floor living, walk to supermarket and at the time her doctorâs office. But she wasnât ready for that for a few years. When it became clear that she had to sell the other stuff 5 huge BR, 5 large BR, three story house on over an acre (she was only going up the stairs once a day and the property tax was $29K a year), there was nothing available.
At that point, we tried to interest her in a very high-end CCRC in the town next door where many of her friends from the Jewish community were moving. I could not get her to visit or put down a deposit. Instead she rented a mediocre apt that was not in walking distance to things. When she did not want to renew that lease, my sister persuaded her to move near her (a move from NJ to Memphis) to a very nice, caring high-end CCRC but not many Jews â it was very close to sisterâs house and she still had kids in middle and high school. I believe she moved at age 94 or 95 and was miserable for a year, just started making a few friends, and then Covid hit and she was lonely and miserable as the CCRC decided their priority was to keep people alive and so everyone was basically shut in their rooms and could walk the hall and go outside. They kept everyone alive. At age 97, she moved to assisted living from IL and then in the last month to hospice, where she basically died of old age. If we could have persuaded her to move sooner to a CCRC, I think she might have been a little happier or at least a little less miserable. You canât teach an old dog new tricks at age 95.
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This is a pretty interesting article although we already use lots of Virtual Assisted Living tech already. Google Home for music, recipes, doorbell, lights, etc. Even calls, though we donât use often. We used Instacart for Costco shopping during the Pandemic and Amazon visits us a lot (Chinese condiments, Egyptian cotton sheets, a vacuum cleaner, etc.). We occasionally use DoorDash or UberEats but we like cooking. We have an door locks, an alarm system, Nest thermostats, Roombas, etc. that can be initiated and monitored remotely. Iâm a techie at heart but I think ShawD could take this over if I were to lose cognitive capacity (my mother forgot how to use her computer to get email at age 96 or 97).
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You definitely have some family longevity on both sides of the family. DH has it on his family â on his dadâs side â GGGM lived to be 83 and died in 1917. Great Aunts lived to 107, 106, 105, and 101. Grandfather died in 1990 at age 97. Great Aunt Sister Anne (living to age 106 and 10 months, died in 2012) was part of the âNun Studyâ on aging/Alzheimer. I donât subscribe to Chicago Tribute, but they had a nice article in their archives about some of her work with inner city women (work she started up when in her 90âs with two other nuns), helping mothers just out of prison or those never had any parenting skills - having a home kind of setting and teaching home skills. This is a link to some of the nun study information and two clips with Sister Anne. When in the nursing home as a resident, she would go around to âcheer the old folks upâ and she was the oldest resident. Education - The Nun Study - Sister Anne Mayer - Sturdy Roots
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Ding, ding, ding - you hit the nail on the head!
My parents recently moved to a retirement community (with independent, assisted, and skilled nursing). But they should have moved there 5+ years ago when they could have taken advantage of all the amenities and the social.
They are independent now, but my mother is declining and my 87 year old dad is her caretaker (he wonât accept any help outside of us âkidsâ). He wonât be able to keep it up too much longer. So even if their home of 60 years had been updated to age in place, it would have been an issue for them.
While my parents were very organized, getting their financials in a better place was a challenge do to my dad being older/not as sharp and my mom not being able to participate at all (and the financial power of atty my sibling has does not work everywhere. Practically every bank required their own version). It was much more challenging and time-consuming than if they had updated their legal stuff and had involved their kids in it and the financial stuff sooner.
We asked my parents about 3 years ago, âso whatâs the plan?â Which, of course, was a very vague âWeâd like to stay in the house. But if something happens, I guess weâll move to Xâ. Them mom was diagnosed with Parkinsons and it still took them almost 3 years to move to X. Dadâs cognitive abilities declined with the stress of my momâs situation and it took a long time for things to get through to him/for him to accept things.
So plan for the possibility that it will take a long time for parents to come to terms with the fact that they are âoldâ and may not be able to stay in their house forever. And if they want to do it their way/want to have options/have a âsayâ, start the conversation early with them. We actually started the convo with, we want to respect and comply with your wishes⊠We should have had it earlier though.
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I have a friend who feels she (and sibs) talked their parents into relocating from FL house to a progressive / buy-in facility just in the nick of time. They are in their early 80s, in the independent living section but benefiting from family help on medical issues.
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As weâve been talking about retirement and our parents, I wanted to add that if you do have Power of Attorney for your parents, itâs essential to check with your parentâs financial institutions, insurance company, creditors, utilities, etc. that a POA is sufficient for maintaining or taking over the accounts. Many places will have their own requirements!
For example, Vanguard requires some specific paperwork on their end to become an âauthorized agentâ - a POA doesnât cut it with them.
So whether youâre getting ducks in a row for your parents, or youâre getting ducks in a row for your adult children to assist you - double check that a POA will be all thatâs needed for your different companies.
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Itâs also not a bad idea to ensure they have all their passwords somewhere you can find them if they use internet banking or other online services.
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My mother at age 85 started feeling insecure living by herself. She was still functional by herself, like driving, cooking and cleaning. But increasingly she was skipping social events because she was too tired or didnât feel like driving. She also ended up in emergency rooms a few times because she felt dizzy - with no apparent problems.
We decided to move her to an apartment close by me (half a block from me). The rent is high and she doesnât have her friends nearby. At the same time, she gets to see her kids and grandchildren more often, and she feels a lot more secure with me close by. She is going to a local elderly center to have some social life. I am also encouraging her to take Ubers to see her old friends. Itâs a lot easier for me to have her close by me, instead of having to travel to NJ to visit her. I am lucky that my mom will generally listen us.
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So much to be educated on with retiring, possibly having responsibilities with older family members or friends, and guiding or financially helping the offspring or grandkids - be it getting into a home, college expenses, passing on âwisdomâ gained with time/experiences/financial expertise.
Keeping informed/alert. Something on many peopleâs minds right now has been the growing costs of homeowner insurance (or being able to purchase âtraditionalâ homeownerâs insurance w/o high deductible or high costs). Part of a recent post on insurance thread " It will then be 5 years without a claim and according to our agent, we can shop around for a better price."
I canât find the article right now, but there is a criminal way to take over someoneâs cell phone with SIM data - and highjack that individualâs financial accounts. Working to close that ability, but one way had to do with paying off employees of cell phone companies to be able to hack in - and other criminals purchased this access. Once hacked in, the person (victim) could not get their phone to work. The criminals changed passwords and drained accounts as soon as they could access. IMHO, have to be very careful with use of cell phone in populated areas, and especially with going on foreign travel. The victim cited in the article put their phone on âairplane modeâ and then could not get it working again. In hotel, made all kinds of phone calls to lock down financial accounts.
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For that reason, I never use my phone to access financial accounts, and do not have any bank/brokerage apps on my phone.
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I donât either! Young people do everything with their cell phone. DDâs BF laughed about me paying our credit cards via land line phone and using credit card 800 #.