My Mom who does nothing financial online and still writes checks and mails them had a check intercepted and luckily the bank noticed fishy transactions. Her account had to be closed and re-opened with a new number.
Yes USPS has failed to really enforce the felony penalty with mail theft. I do mail out checks to charitable organizations. In our area, mail has been stolen out of mail boxes. I have seen where thieves will even rip off a large blue postal box - and USPS is trying to deal with that.
Our neighbor had their checking account compromised and had to re-open with a new number.
The level of these check thieves vary. Some are rather sophisticated with printing new checks; the lower level ones alter the intercepted check.
There also now are ink pens that are resistant to âcheck washingâ.
Letâs get back to the topic of retirement please
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I know many people are just thinking ahead when it comes to planning after death, but when Iâm thinking about my mom, it just gives me an icky feeling. Itâs counting other peopleâs money that always makes me uncomfortable. If it was my money, no problem.
My mom is well off, and me and my sister are her only heirs. Today my sister mentioned that maybe when my mother passes away, decades into the future (she is extremely healthy), that we could give her daughter the house, as a reward for taking care of her. That sounds nice, exceptâŠthere is another niece, they are close in age, and we always try to be completely equal because âunfairnessâ has been an issue in the past. The house now is worth probably over a million dollars, and I doubt the value will go down over time. The niece, at this point, hasnât been taking care of my mother. My mom is completely independent, and having the niece there has been absolutely wonderful, as far as social contact, reminding my mom to take better care of herself and having someone there for safety. She doesnât have to pay rent, so it is a perfect win/win scenario. But giving my niece a million+ dollars? I donât need the money, but I have children also, that I would pass an inheritance on to. Itâs one thing if the niece took care of my bedridden parent for many years, but this seems excessive, and certainly unfair to her sister and my kids. I feel uncomfortable even discussing my dear mothers assets. I really love them all, and I want everyone to be happy.
I agree that it seems unfair. Only your mom can decide what she wants to do with her money. If she brings up the idea of leaving the house to your niece (and it sounds like she has not done so), you should express your feelings honestly ⊠tell her that you do recognize that it is her money, but also tell her that since she asked ⊠and voice your concerns.
My mom doesnât deal with these things. Itâs an uncomfortable subject, and we donât discuss it at all. I even paid $250 so she could utilize my law service and draw up a will, and she didnât do it. The only thing that she has ever said about the house is that she knew me and my sister would inherit it. She has some weird idea that grandkids inherit the furniture, by law, and was afraid that after my dad died, the grandkids (who never ask for anything) could come and take her furniture. I assured her that was incorrect, and they didnât want her furniture anyways.
She would never give just one grandchild her house, but it would be a gift from the two of us. My niece has struggled with buying houses that were unaffordable, and this would provide her with a place to stay. Otherwise, I have no idea what she would do, if she would be able to afford rent in this area.
If there is no will, everything is split between the children (sounds like just you and your sister). It sounds like your sister expects you to be nice and give the house to her D? It doesnât work that way. If your sister brings it up, tell her that she is free to gift her half to her D, and you will be happy to sell your half to your niece at market value. Your sister has a lot of nerve - donât let her bully you into anything.
Adding this: My SIL used to ask H if they should fix up my in lawsâ house or sell it as a tear down when they inherited it. H always told her that they werenât dead yet, so he wasnât discussing it. As much as they vowed never to move to assisted living, they eventually decided that it was best to move. The house was sold while they were still living (neither fixed up first nor torn down afterwards), so it would have been a silly conversation, after all.
You have a point. Maybe I could offer to sell her my half at a discount, certainly as there is no realtor or selling fees. And then she could give the house to her daughter and do with the other daughter as she likes. I really do adore my sister and her daughters, I know sheâs just trying to figure out how to help her daughter, and definitely not demanding, just pondering.
Writing this down has helped clarify my thoughts. As what would I do if I had four kids, three financially stable and one struggling? Iâd give them equal shares of an inheritance, and then help the struggling one as needed. I wouldnât give one a huge bonus.
I hate even thinking about this, but I guess itâs better to do it now.
Another alternative is for you to get more other stuff, and 100% of the house goes to your sis. For example, letâs say mom has $2m in total assets, $1m home and $1m in equities/bonds/cash. If sis wants the house (to give to her D), you get the $1m in equites/bonds/cash. This way, both sibs get 50% of the $2m estate. (This is standard practice for Estate attorneys when illiquid assets are involved.)
I was thinking similarly. OP, you said that your mom is well off. Is she well off enough to give the one granddaughter the house and the others something of similar value? Perhaps the house for the one granddaughter makes sense if sheâs the only one who wants to live in the area.
Yeah, but I donât think my mom will be going to an estate attorney. She has mild dementia, and I donât think she ever understood any of this even before that. She never wants to talk about this kind of thing, nor death itself (unless sheâs making a comment about going to Heaven, and I refrain from reminding her that sheâs always been an atheist).
I think me and my sis will have to work things out, and we most assuredly will. Iâm completely aware of my motherâs finances and totally ethical. We will figure out something for my niece. One canât even count on if there will be anything left, anyways, you never know how life will go. I just donât think I want to take from three kids to give to one, it doesnât seem right.
She could give the grandkids each something of the same value as the house. However, no way am I getting her to write a will, and the reality is, who knows what is left when one dies? Do you really want to leave certain things in the will that may need to be sold off? My mother-in-law assigned a property to each of her six kids in her will, and is still living at age 96. I think it was a huge mistake. The properties are of completely different values, and sheâs afraid to sell any of them, because sheâs told each kid what they were getting, so how does she sell one kidâs inheritance off, even if she needs it? She should have just left in her will for everything to be divided equally upon death.
I am most certain that if my mother leaves us money and her home, that we will make sure all kiddos end up taken care of. I just think it should be equal.
That all makes perfect sense. I certainly wouldnât guarantee anything to your sister/niece, but I think that you could explain it to your sister just like you did above â âIâm sure youâd agree that we want all the kids to be treated equally. If at the end of momâs life there are enough assets so that (niece) can get the home and the other grandkids get assets of equal value, we absolutely could consider allowing (niece) to take her share of momâs estate in the form of the house. But, sis, this likely is decades into the future and who knows what may happen to change things (witness Mondayâs stock market decline). Iâm uncomfortable counting momâs money at this point.â
Does that sound reasonable to you? I think if no one else WANTS the house AND there are enough assets so that it can happen, is there a reason NOT to let the niece take her share of the assets in her preferred form? I get the sense that part of the rub is that your sister is inflating her daughterâs role and that you think that she is no more âdeservingâ of the house than anyone. That may be true. I get that. But it sounds like sheâs the only one who has lived in the house and so it makes sense that she may have more attachment to it than the other grandkids. And sheâs not paying rent to your mom, but Iâm assuming sheâs also not charging your mom for any caretaking roles she performs.
If by the time your mom passes and assets have shrunk, let the two nieces âgetâ the house and your sister can let them figure it out while your kids take cash or whatever. Anyway, thatâs what I would do â let sister know that you are open to the idea but that you arenât committing to anything because we canât possibly know what the landscape will look like when your mom passes.
The other issue would be if the niece could pay for taxes and upkeep on a pricy home?
It sounds like the house might be difficult to sell because of permitting issues but an empty lot in your area would be a large purchase.
And donât discount that now is different than later. Your niece might be in a completely different situation in the future.
My in laws home is worth >200k. Taxes are lowish. If a grandchild wanted to buy that house, they could afford the taxes. Different situation than a million dollar plus property
I wouldnât make ANY offers to your sister until the owner actually diesâŠand you own the property. Thatâs ZERO offers. And I would do market value.
This times 1000. My mother recently passed and as part of my âshareâ I am taking title to her house. It wasnât easy to get there and my mother had an estate plan.
Note that a new thread has been started to discuss estate planning/wills/inheritances: Helping family elders with estate planning, wills, inheritances etc