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I can’t imagine my kids ever having a lock and set of keys for their bedroom. If they did, I would certainly be suspicious of what they were trying to hide.</p>
<p>Change the locks, don’t hand over the keys. Simple.</p>
<p>All the internal doors in our home can be locked be turning the knob but unlocked by putting a screwdriver in the lock and simply turning as if it were a key (we have no other keys). It has worked fine for all of us. No one locks or closes doors in thus home when they leave the house, but do at night not to disturb others who may be trying to sleep. </p>
<p>I have always put laundry in drawers or on the bed. Don’t actively search their rooms, but notice things I. Plain view or after they have flown off, especially if it was something they were supposed to have taken with them. ;)</p>
<p>I’d think changing locks without the permission of homeowner may cause much larger problems than it solves. I know I’d be very unhappy and upset if either of my kids did that. Having a locked strongbox or locked file cabinet would be OK, guess, tho that hadn’t happened. </p>
<p>S1 is getting ready to move back home after graduating from college and I am determined to show him the courtesy I was never shown as a young adult living at home and going to graduate school. I might as well have been 12 years old. That said, I expect courtesy in return - a phone call when he won’t be home for dinner, etc. As for snooping, I’ve learned from past experience that unless is involves a dangerous or illegal situation, sometimes one just doesn’t want to know. </p>
<p>Shame on those shaming this person for having sex toys. I don’t snoop, but the bedrooms in my home don’t have locks and there are occasions I might go in for some reason. I certainly would pretend I didn’t see any sex toys if they were out. </p>
<p>Who did that? The OP seems to want to be treated as an anonymous adult renter in the family home and he doesn’t pay rent, btw. That’s not realistic. And, I don’t even why we’re talking about snooping since he failed to even put his toys away. </p>
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<p>I don’t think most people are shaming the OP for having sex toys. I think most posters are shaming OP for leaving sex toys out on the bed while living in their parents’ house (especially when the OP doesn’t seem to have a very good relationship with their parents to begin with), and I agree that that was perhaps a lapse of judgement.</p>
<p>Eh. If I found sex toys on top of one of my daughters beds, I wouldn’t. You know? I’d just keep on moving.</p>
<p>But, that said, if one of my kids was staying in my house and was locking the door when they left, I’d be a little wierded out by that. So, you and your parents have a different dynamic then we do here. </p>
<p>When my kids were in high school, the rule was that we could search their rooms, (Our rooms) if we felt it necessary. But, we always did it with them present. We never went through their stuff unless we had a reason, and the older they got the bigger the reason needed to be, but we also let them be there while we did it. I think I had to do it once with the oldest and three times with the youngest. I didn’t find anything egregious. </p>
<p>But, in our state, if a kid got drunk or used drugs at your house and something happened to them, you, as the adult, were liable and could be in criminal legal trouble. So… the laws really drove our behavior more than anything in that case.</p>
<p>As everyone here has said, keep your private stuff in your underwear drawer like the rest of us. </p>
<p>I agree that no one is “shaming” the OP but as a parent myself it would be an awkward situation to confront. It was understood by OP that her parents had keys to her room and that they had a tendency to go into the room. So it would be incumbent on OP to put those sorts of very personal items away. I would not want to find myself in that situation as a parent, it would be uncomfortable.</p>
<p>You can go back in his post history and see what his perspective, complaints and judgments are about his parents. </p>
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<p>I consider these comments to be shaming. Just wanted to follow up to clarify what I was referring to in my post. </p>
<p>I knew you included me. I think the thread is odd. I didn’t judge his use. I have read his other threads and think his complaints about his parents are suspect, that he does not have a reasonable perspective. He was supposed to grad in August. A lot of: my parents are awful and I’m just an honest 23 y.o. college kid struggling to keep up with their unfair demands and complaints. </p>
<p>Let’s not get into an argument about who’s shaming whom.</p>
<p>^^^^
So then is OP a “he”? I am a little confused then or showing my naivete’!</p>
<p>A few recommendations based on how a few friends with similar issues with parents from 18-25:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Put up with the current situation and remind yourself there is light at the end of the tunnel…graduation in a short period. That is the endgoal you should be focused on as one friend did when she focused until she moved out of her parents’ place at 20 and never looked back.</p></li>
<li><p>Get a bunch of toy soldiers, GI Joe Action figures, or better yet, Transformer/Macross/Gundam models and orient them towards the front door. My HS math teacher actually did this when he was living at home while doing grad school in Math and Education culminating in a Math PhD from NYU. </p></li>
<li><p>Make your room so cluttered/messy that your parents won’t desire/be able to get into your room. Knew countless young adults…especially men who did this with varying levels of success. Granted, this is also a high risk option as it can backfire spectacularly when the parents use it as grounds to evict. </p></li>
<li><p>Go the complete opposite to #3 and make your room the model of minimalism to such an extreme it’s too boring/empty for your parents to maintain enough interest to be in there longer than necessary. Not sure about its effectiveness as this is something I thought up…but never knew anyone to attempt to ensure privacy from parents in their home. </p></li>
</ol>
<p>Well, maybe OP is female, but I don’t think it changes much. I know there are demanding and volatile parents, but also that some posters are set in ‘glass half empty.’ Every attempt to make positive suggestions - and to “remind yourself there is light at the end of the tunnel” - seems to be met by why he/she can’t and escalation on how bad the parents are. 2+2 doesn’t add up, for me. Just saying.</p>
<p>I live in NYC. Some leases here allow the landlord to come in without notice to make sure you’re in compliance with certain rules. When I was young and married, we lived in a two story house with absentee owners. Periodically, they would show up and come into our home with no notice. Most public housing in the US has lease provisions allowing access when you are not there, and yes, if you’ve got pot or something else in your home, the housing authorities will check. </p>
<p>All this to say that if the OP does get his/her own place, it’s still possible that the lease will let the landlord access it without notice. </p>
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<p>Well, we are going to disagree on what constitutes shaming. I think it is beyond ridiculous to be so careless with such items when you live in your parent’s house, but then I grew up in an era where you kept your business to yourself.</p>
<p>No one said, “OP, you are a stupid*%$# for doing that and will never amount to anything.” Merely consternation at his/her disregard for his parents’ known conservative values was expressed. Some things are simply reserved for when you have moved out of your parents’ home. </p>
<p>Those comments weren’t about forgetting to put them away, they were about owning them. </p>
<p>Give it up.
I think OP has some maturing to do. To me, changing the theme to sex toys doesn’t mask the ardent dislike, over several threads, for the parents and the seeming insistence OP is the clear victim here. It could have been cracker crumbs, for all I care. OP needs some perspective and that often comes from interactions with peers. This thread doesn’t need to morph into one poster’s complaints about other posters’ older comments. That said, OP has left the building.</p>
<p>No worries, I’ve proved the point I was making. </p>
<p>I am just curious about this:</p>
<p>If your S or D lives on campus at an OOS school, and he or she starts to have a GF/BF, how soon will he or she let you know about her/him? “To know” means that you are made aware of it; it does not mean that you actually meet her/him in person.</p>