<p>I agree with the advice on not calling back. I just wish that my S would remember that he has left me hanging sometimes. He called me while I was at the gym working out to ask for a password that he needed. I wasn’t quite sure but came him the info that I thought was what he needed and asked him to let me know if it worked. That was 2 days ago. I guess if it didn’t work, that he would have called/texted me again. Knowing him, he will wait until this afternoon when I am back at the gym.</p>
<p>I don’t usually call/text DS unless I have a question or reminder. He pretty much does the same. Sometimes we are in touch several times in day and sometimes there’s nothing for a wekk or so. </p>
<p>According to DS, his GF is in contact with her mom daily even though she only lives 20 minutes away. </p>
<p>To each his own.</p>
<p>Freshman daughter has been at school for 10 days. We talked a lot about skyping/phone calls. So far, it’s been almost all texting. No skyping and 1 call. A friend of hers called me and said my daughter misses me so much, she thinks calling or skyping would be too hard. Any thoughts? How long will this last?</p>
<p>It always astounds me to hear how much parents are in touch with their college-age children. It will be so interesting to see how these kids turn out; already, at age 19-20, it seems that they’re much more timid than we were at their age. By the time we were college sophomores, we had scoped out all the neighborhoods of the mid-size city where I attended school. My sophomore son and his friends have barely left campus, and that’s not unusual. It’s like we’ve been telling them since they were toddlers that the world is a scary place and that their parents HAVE to be there to protect them 24/7 - and as they approach adulthood we are still sending them that message. Not doing them any favors IMHO. (We’re on the once-a-week 10 minute phonecall plan, BTW.)</p>
<p>gshahade, did your D ask the friend to call you, or was the friend concerned enough that she called on her own?</p>
<p>IMO you should initiate a call or skype with your D. It will be hard, for both of you, but I think you need to make contact. You might also want to urge her to stop by the college’s counselling center. They see alot of homesick freshmen, and can give her some coping strategies. They can also assess for depression.</p>
<p>mom483, interesting assessment. I find the opposite in my freshman d – although she does text me frequently, that’s the same pattern we’ve had for years – and they tend to be inside jokes or comments about the day. What’s been fun to receive are her texts of her adventures – within 2 days, she had learned to navigate the city bus system in a new place, had joined the swing dance club and found her way to a Japanese fusion restaurant she’d heard mentioned by a prof. She is loving the adventures, and many of her texts are the “look at, me, ma!” type as she embraces the new freedoms and adventures. </p>
<p>We may be in a somewhat different situation – she’s been “leaving” every summer since she was 12, to go to different ballet and theatre intensive programs in a variety of cities, gone 6 weeks or more. When she was a young one, we did pretty much enforce an “I need to know you’re still alive” policy of texting/calling, but as she got older, we moved more to a “tell us when something is cool or you need to touch base” policy. This weekend, she called from Target, with some questions about ingredients for cupcakes (her birthday is tomorrow, and she’s decided to take homemade cupcakes to her late class). I texted her to let her know the home football team won. She is curious to know how my cello lessons are going (and she made sure to tell her friends that she moved out and she was replaced by a cello – true enough – that empty bedroom is a great practice room!). </p>
<p>But I think what’s cool is that our pattern hasn’t really changed. We probably do touch base every day here at the beginning of her grand adventure…but not in a big “meaningful” way – more of a “Hallmark – hey – thought of you when I saw the shrubbery shaped like a frog!” way…with occasional important calls to find out if you can substitute applesauce for oil in cupcakes (yes).</p>
<p>I must admit that I am shocked by the dramatic shift in both my daughter’s and my attitude when she does call/text. Although she texts often, I would agree with mommafrog that it is typically to share growth and experiences, and not to ask for help or advice. I am a problem solver by nature, which can easily translate into helicopter parenting if I am not extremely mindful. Because I am so smart. And I have perfect solutions 
So far, I am successful at my “that’s nice dear - good luck with that!” and my not “following up” on problems she brings forward - my specialty in the past.<br>
And in terms of Mom483, I have always always made an effort to teach the opposite. One of the benefits of being forgetful (ADHD/senioritis/menopause - pick your excuse) is that I have always had LOTS of opportunities to demonstrate that people are generally kind and helpful in this ole world. Yes, there are some meanies, but they are few and far between. Don’t shape your life around them.</p>
<p>My relationship with S (yes, S) is like mommafrog’s relationship with her D. We had our first phone call yesterday, and he told us that he’d figured out these admin items, joined those clubs, and changed one of his classes for a more advanced one. Last week I texted him about something funny I overheard at work.</p>
<p>LasMa, Thank you for the thoughts. The person who called me was my daughters best friends mother. No, my daughter didn’t ask her. My daughter and I have a unique relationship. I’m her dad and raised her on my own for many years. We have been close, to say the least. I’m just trying to be patient.</p>
<p>I have had contact of some sort with my daughter almost every day. Sometimes we’re on facebook at the same time and she will either IM me or post something and I’ll reply and we’ll go back and forth. </p>
<p>Other days she calls. She’s been a bit stressed out, so I think hearing me tell her to chill out makes her feel better. </p>
<p>We’ve done the occasional email too. </p>
<p>Some contacts are just to say HI and guess where I am. Some are when she’s feeling blue.
Today was ‘what do hives look like?’</p>
<p>I didnt read a single post on this thread other than the OPs so if this has been said ignore or add it to the others. I don’t see any reason why a kid can’t call home or send a text. We are their parents and we love them. It takes seconds to text and hi Mom or Dad , things are going well been busy, I love you. If you ever looked at the ammount of texts they send in a day to their friends or phone calls they make, you will understand why I say this. It takes seconds to reach out to mom and dad who love you. I just don’t get the big deal about what these kids need to do. I am an adult and I would never go a day without calling my parents. I did it in college and when I moved to my first apartment in the city. Kids today are so darn “me centered” that they can’t understand anyone elses feeling but their own. We should all start letting our kids know the world is bigger than them, and it is time to act like real people…it worked for three of mine but not the forth.</p>
<p>Have had much more contact than expected w D1. She did come to Shore w us on Labor Day weekend and last Friday I had to drop off textbook she ordered on Amazon & inadvertently shipped home (one-click ship has since been modified!). </p>
<p>Also had a few FB chats about getting 2 extra tickets to Broadway show she needs to see for Theater Appreciation class. I never start these conversations.</p>
<p>My youngest is now a college junior! I can’t believe I’ve been an empty nester for so long, and to be honest, I want my babies back at home…but it’s not going to happen.</p>
<p>Contact with each kid has been different, and sometimes problematic.</p>
<p>But something each of the boys has told me over the years…they are not mindreaders!</p>
<p>I don’t like to intrude on them with too many calls or texts, etc., but there are just times I need or want to hear from them.</p>
<p>Their solution to my dilemma is that I just tell them so. I can text “Miss you!” or “just need to hear from you!” and I know I will get a prompt text back, and a call later that day or the next, depending on their schedules.</p>
<p>We talked about this…they know a lot of kids get homesick/miss their families once they are school. Why would it be considered odd for parents to miss their child? It’s not considered poor form for a student to call home to get a little TLC…it shouldn’t be for the parents, either. </p>
<p>The boys also sometimes appreciate a reminder to call good old dad…</p>
<p>gshahade, you’re a good dad. </p>
<p>I really think it’s OK to reach out and give her a call. It’s not like you’re intrusive – quite the opposite. Giving her space doesn’t mean never talking to her again. Call her. :)</p>
<p>When I was 18 I could not wait to go away to college to be away from my dad, stepmom (my mom died when I was 12) and my stepsister. I could not call home because phone was not available to students in the dorm and it did not bother me a bit. Then I studied abroad and lived overseas for years. I would write short letters to my dad but seldom called home because 1. the cost 2. I was independent. My father has passed. Now having my older S away for college and feeling the sadness of letting go, I wish I had contacted my dad more often during those years.</p>
<p>I have to say, I am pleasantly surprised at the amount of contact I have had with my freshman daughter. This is her third week away and we have fallen into our normal pattern of communication. Mostly texts, a phone call every few days and one Skype session so far. Much of it has been logistics, tracking of packages, discussing purchases, etc., but also talking about her classes, team and new friends. She has done her share of exploring her new city also and has learned to navigate the subway like a pro. I miss her very much, but am so proud of the way she is handling herself.</p>
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<p>My now sophomore son and I started doing this when he was in HS and have continued it through college. We text back and forth about 5 days a week. Often it’s just to share an inside joke or talk about a football game or an article one of us saw. An occasional reminder from me or a request for help from him but it’s usually very random or casual conversation (if you can call texting a ‘conversation’.) My hubby gets somewhat irritated since he doesn’t text and doesn’t understand why we communicate this way but it works well for us. I think it’s something both of us enjoy. Having said that, 95% of the time I have no idea what he’s doing and he’s learned to navigate college life quite well on his own.</p>
<p>Thank you. I will call her.</p>
<p>I finally sent a text and said “Are you alive”. He responded with several short sentences. LOL
We have since been communicating some through e-mail. Not often at all but enough.
That works pretty good. I suppose he does not feel the need to respond right off. I do not need much information…and I don’t get much.LOL</p>
<p>I’m a 41-year-old woman & I call my mom to talk to her every night, and we live 5 minutes apart from each other. (I always say a few words to my dad as well. 
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<p>I like talking to my kids, and they like talking to me. If they didn’t, I’d likely institute some sort of one-week requirement for them to have to respond when they’re in college just so I’d know they’re alive. I will always feel okay texting/calling to say “love you” even if it’s just for a moment. I don’t feel like overthinking the whole thing…college is a brief period in their lives, and I don’t think daily contact hampers the development of a college-aged child in any way. I don’t think less contact is a problem, either, as long as you know your child is alive. Basically, it’s a YMMV situation. :D</p>