As a parent who homeschooled I find this offensive. The only control I desired was over the curriculum I sought out to provide them with a stellar education. No doubt there are some bad apples (and in this thread we are only getting one side of the story), but I’ve never met any homeschooling parent who was doing it to control their children.
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Appreciate your thoughts and yes, there are typically three sides to every story. OP noted the parents thought readiness was an issue.
At the same time, OP, not the parents, posted so you trust and try to help guide OP based on info shared.
I wonder who paid the app fee ($75) for OP? Did the parents sign off (by paying) and the change of heart came later ?
I’m not a fan personally of home schooling (or private schooling) but all have a preference and no doubt like in any situation, most everyone is making decisions that they feel are in the best interest of the child.
I learn as much as anyone in these threads. I think we can bury the “declare yourself independent” myth.
One other thing @nathan0707: I would not count on being able to pay back loans with a CS degree. New grads are having more trouble now than in the past, getting well-paid jobs, due to AI. In fact the number of CS majors is declining slightly already.
You have a long road ahead and there is a lot of support for you here. I hope you can find it in real life too!
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As mentioned above, you can only secure $27k in loans over 4 years. You can’t get private loans for the rest without someone co-signing (which affects their credit). Having a lot in loans, no matter what your degree in, severely limits your options.
You can’t count on a “high paying career” and “connections”. That is not a good financial strategy.
It is possible your parents are trying to control you. It is also possible, they can’t afford $33k a year. It is possible that they feel that you need a little more time to mature (honestly, you sound a little immature and naive to me). Regardless, $132,000 is a lot of money! And tuition goes up every year (scholarship money does not). And $132k is a lot for an “experience”.
A common way to attend college is to work part time, go to school part (or full) time, and live at home.
He sounds like a normal 18 y/o to me.
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Yes, often immature and naive. 
And not recognizing how much money $100K is, or the limits debt places on your future, and that parents are controlling.
It is not as simple or easy as “I will get a part time job and make X dollars”. It is not as simple as “I will get a high paying career and make connections”.
@nathan0707 - remember that if you get $27k in loans, it is actually much more than that with the interest. And that interest racks up very quickly!
According to a student load calculator, a $27k loan over 10 years at 6% is:
- $379/month
- $27k principal
- $18,502 interest
- $45,502 total to repay
Imagine repaying a $100k loan!
And when you get $100K, as an example, you won’t net $100k - because a percentage will go to upfront fees.
I feel for the student. The situation isn’t tenable but I don’t think advice that says, I had to leave and had nothing and nowhere to go but I made it - is realistic too. For the few that are able to fight through, how many end up wrecked financially for a long time, if not life.
And in this case, completing a college degree probably has longer odds to begin with. So many drop out due to finances.
Nathan has grit and hustle and I appreciate that and I’m conservative but I just don’t see how “take a chance with no backing” is appropriate advice. Perhaps it’s better than the alternative but I’m guessing not.
@circuitrider I’m guessing Nathan isn’t a normal 18 year old because normal 18 years olds don’t work the schedule and keep up grades like he has. But I do think Nathan is not yet matured into the realities of what life costs and the ability to meet those costs - as most any 18 year old who hasn’t yet experienced that would be. And perhaps that’s what @RookieCollegeMom means.
Move the conversation forward please. Talk to the OP, not each other.
And to be clear on concept, addressing the OP does not mean including a defense of previous posts
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This is a good example. I’ll give you 2 real life examples, my kids.
One borrowed about $15k. She’s an engineer and did easily pay it back. She also had 2 big advantages, which was her interest rates were between 3-4% the years she was borrowing, (2015-18) and during covid she had her interest stayed.
So yes, with a high earning career, it can be okay to end college with a little debt (and a lot of luck with the the pause on interest during covid).
Other daughter borrowed about $22k. We paid off $2k quickly (it was a type of loan no longer available), and I also gave her $3k that I earned working in Teach for America (there is a grant I could give her). She also had a pause in interest during covid. But she still owes money and pays about $225/mo and has been paying that for years. She’s a teacher, makes very little (but has a husband who pays for all their living expenses, so she’s lucky there)
Honestly, repaying student loans is NO FUN. Both my kids graduated in 2018 (the teacher went back for a masters degree but during covid so payments were paused anyway). and here it is 8 years later and one is still repaying loans. They have no kids, they have little other debt, and it is still a grind to make those payments.
But sometimes you need to take loans to go to college. You do what you need to do. Do stay within the $27k max allowed in the federal student loan program. Don’t even think about borrowing $100k.
How can you do that? Go to community college or a college where you have a big grant/scholarship for at least 2 years. Work work work. When you get to college, do try to get a job with housing (as an RA, or maybe an apartment as a maintenance person, house boy at a sorority).
It can be done but you do have to sacrifice. If you have relative willing to give you housing, great. If you have to go to a college that is less well known, do it. If you have to go part time and work full time, it’s not ideal but it is okay to take 5-8 years to graduate.
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I know you’re trying really hard to get your education and to get heard and seen as yourself, but I see this situation as being really expensive.
I know you’re trying to get out of a bad situation and getting your education, but one of the issues with FAFSA is that you need your parents cooperation and I don’t think you’re going get that.
FAFSA is an application. If you qualify for federal funding, the application and information is forwarded to your educational choices, but the funding is very limited. It’s based on you and your parents income.
Being under 24, the government automatically assumes that you’ll be getting financial support from your parents. You won’t be considered independent for a while, so you can’t assume that the federal loans are going to cover you at a CC because your parents have to be willing to fill out the information.
I am saddened that your parents do not recognize who you are, and that you want to become an educated person. You are a hard-working individual who wants to complete a necessary education. Your sexual identity is only a part of who you are. I wish that you, and other young people, would not have to battle just to be yourself.
I think your priority should be to get out of your house and work full-time for a year and maybe go part-time to classes at a community college, later. You need savings; you need transportation, but mostly you need people who are going to treat you well and to be kind to you, regardless of who you are and what your identity is. You’re going to need to find strength by having a supportive environment. You’re going to need housing and a way to support yourself.
All I can say is that you’re not the first to have this battle but others have done it. If we could reach through this website and give you a hug, I’m sure many people here would be more than happy to do that. Just remember that people before you, have found strength through the support of others.
Please keep us updated. We’re feeling your frustration and struggle.
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OP - I can’t agree more. The most important thing is to achieve some degree of agency whether or not you ever set foot on a college campus; everything else flows from that. Earning money, paying bills, keeping a car in good repair - “learning the value of a dollar” - all go a long way towards allaying all the b.s. about you being immature and naive. Never mind your parents - your grandparents know what I’m talking about.
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Thank you all for your input. I am going to talk to my financial advisor about my situation to see if they can change my dependency status. I have supportive relatives, so I could stay with them during the summer. And to those who said I am immature, that is not the reason my parents are wanting me to stay. I am very responsible and my parents praise me for that. I am successfully managing a 24 hour a week job, 12 dual credit hours, farm chores, and my high school classes, all with good outcomes. The reason is only because I’m gay, and they have said that themselves. Also, I realize the weight of debt, that is why I created this thread in the first place.
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Worth looking into Berea College?
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You are amazing!
Please do lean on the CC community (a few posters notwithstanding). I have seen tremendous support and guidance offered, possibly even life-changing. Use us!
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Berea has an income limit.
However, you might look into Warren Wilson College in NC. It is also a work college, does not have an income limit, and has the bonus of being super gay. It is not free but they do offer some scholarships and I think would be sympathetic to your story. I don’t know if they could offer you a full ride, but it might be worth applying and reaching out to them. https://www.warren-wilson.edu I don’t want to give you false hope about Warren Wilson, because it’s a tricky situation from their perspective too – right now you have parents that could pay for college, but are choosing not to. They are very kind folks, though, and it might be worth talking to them and maybe they could find a workaround that would make it more affordable for you.
Another school to consider is Western Carolina. It is not super gay, but I’m sure there are a few LGBTQ folks. It has lower tuition than most schools, though.
The main other option I see for you is to move out of your parents’ home and work full time and establish yourself as independent. It is tough, though. My daughter is 22 and living with her girlfriend and working 20 hours a week at $16/hr and going to school full time. We are supportive and give her about $1000 a month to split the rent and utilities with her girlfriend and buy groceries and she still barely saves anything because she has to pay for gas and other incidentals.
I wish you all the best!
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Thank you for the advice! I’ll look into that!
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Do you have access to a public library, cc library or space, where your computer usage/history will not be checked?
Have you been able to reach out to LGBTQ support networks (online or on campus)? Do you need links to websites or names of places you can then access online from somewhere other than your phone if need be?
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You have other relatives you can stay with? Can I suggest moving in with them? Keep your job if you can. Save money. Meanwhile, get as many general ed courses out of the way as you can by getting CLEP credits. The exams are very reasonably priced. You could potentially knock a whole year off college, which will obviously save you a lot of money. https://clep.collegeboard.org/
Or plan to work for a year and save that money. Take CLEP exams and whatever AP exams you feel you could do well with. At many public U’s, you can bypass 100-level courses if you get a good enough score on an AP. However, you can’t take AP exams once you actually start college.
Start at CC while living with relatives and transfer.
I think it’s possible you could start college with sophomore standing just with CLEP credits alone, but you need to look at the link and see which public U’s accept the credits. Each college has its own rules about accepting CLEP (generally only public U’s) and allowing AP exams for credit or placement.
Good luck to you. Please know that you are not alone. I hope there is a time soon where these stories become an unpleasant relic of the past.
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