Nathan, by now I think you have a pretty good idea of the lay of the land.
Chances of attending TAMU next Fall are -0-.
Chances of attending any 4-year college as a first-year student are not great, but still possible (you may have to matriculate as a 19 y/o.)
A lot depends on what are the actual red lines that exist for your parents (do they really think you’re “immature”, or is that a “low-hanging” proxy for your being LGBTQ?) You can change the former but not the latter.
It would be a good idea to begin accumulating college credits any way you can (online courses; in-person college courses open to high schoolers that can be used for advanced placement; community college, etc.) If it’s easier to do this while living with your parents, it’s well worth giving it a try, but that’s not something any of us can really judge.
Thank you all for the great advice and support (and hugs too lol)! So I talked with some of my adult friends (late 50’s) about my situation and they gave me some advice (they are millionaires, so they are very educated on how to handle money). They asked what my risk tolerance was, or how much debt was I willing to accrue for college, which I said under 50k after the 4 years. They said that if I want to do this it is possible but I would have to work hard. I would need to get waiter experience right now, so when I go to college, I could get a job at a place like H-E-B and a job at Texas Roadhouse. At the roadhouse, if i worked 3 days a week making $200 a night in tips easy, that would be 28k a year. If I worked at least 13 hours a week at H-E-B, it would cover all costs. This plan was made two days ago and still needs to account for the minimal taxes and other quirks, but they said it is definitely possible. One of them had to pay for college himself, and did something similar and succeeded. I am already well liked at my current job, and if I get a waiter job, that should speed things up.
Also, I could do jobs like data entry that would not require me to drive anywhere too. Tamu allows the dorm to be open during break, so we accounted for that extra cost as well.
I actually encouraged my kids to start getting restaurant experience in HS, girls usually start as hostesses, guys busboys or dishwashers. Most don’t start as servers. My 3 daughters ended up waitressing in college, and one lucked out and eventually trained as a bartender, you can make even more money once you can get on busy shifts.
The issue with this plan is that it doesn’t take into account 1/ taking classes and doing well enough in them to keep a B average (not easy in college) 2/ taxes 3/ change in tuition and daily life costs since the late 80s/early 90s when your friends went to college.
In 1988, when your friends attended college, instate tuition&fees, full time, for a full year, was about $1,000 (total) at TAMU. You COULD work 15-20 hours minimum wage and handle that, perhaps not as easily as those whose parents paid the $500/semester for them but it was possible.
Nowadays even a full time minimum wage job doesn’t cover tuition. Cost of living has skyrocketed on top of it.
Please go back to them and review specific numbers for all possible colleges that admitted you - ask to see what your take home pay is going to be (probably 1/3 is taxed), run the NPCs/use your scholarship letters (if any).
Keep in mind research has shown that 15hours is the threshold at which grades start to suffer for college students, so that freshmen are recommended 8-10 and older students 15. Let’s say you are used to working a job and can handle 20hours even as a freshman: that’s not going to be enough to fund your expenses (college tuition&fees, housing..) You won’t have the direct costs ready to pay at the end of July. And of course you can’t work full time hours AND go to college full time: not enough hours in a day.
You could work full time and attend part time: is that a possibility for you? If so you need to research how that would work.
HEB+Texas Roadhouse are good plans but you need to see how it’s work practically. (I also don’t see how you can do both and go to school full time).
Getting waitressing experience starting now is a great idea though.
You have to plan everything with many different realistic scenarios.
Paying your own way at TAMU by working full time, while managing a full time course load, is not one of them.
It’s good you accounted for the full year dorms , just in case (hopefully it won’t be).
While true, the probability of this happening for the OP in the near term is close to zero. Although one can bartend (or work as a cocktail server) at 18, most establishments won’t hire someone under 21 for liability (and other) reasons unless they’re desperate. And if they’re desperate, it’s probably not an establishment that one can count on for steady tips. And one isn’t going to get a good bartending job without bartending experience.
The more likely route is getting hired as a barback, which doesn’t pay as well, or working the busser/host –> waiter route.
Busser/host-> waiter route, starting now, can be a good start regardless of what OP does next. That wasn’t a bad idea and could yield useful experience for another (perhaps better paying) job at college.
However 2jobs/full time hours aren’t compatible with full time college.
OP really needs to plan carefully, and multiple plans from everything goes well to things go wrong, not just follow a rosy scenario (which is what aim worries about in the scenario discussed with his older friends.)
I think it would be great to get a well paying job, but I don’t think that will get you to school in the fall. You need to be able to pay for fall semester up front in July or August usually – so if you take the TAMU example you are looking at paying out $16,500 by the middle of the summer. You can’t take out $16,500 in federal loans and the FAFSA requires your parents’ income unless you are independent anyway. A private lender is unlikely to loan that kind of money to you and any that would loan money to you would likely sock you with incredible interest amounts. I guess you could see if your millionaire friends are willing to, but I don’t think it’s the best plan.
The college costs your late 50s friends faced were nothing like it is now. Do your friends have kids in college? If not then I don’t think their advice is that great. The college landscape is very very very very different from how it was 40 years ago.
I really think compromising with your parents is the way to go. Sure, get another job if you can swing it. Save as much money as you can. But if you can reach an agreement with your parents that is going to be so much easier on everyone going forward. Your relationship with your parents will not be hurt as much if you can find a compromise. Ask them to give a little and you have to give a little too. That might look like picking a smaller college closer to home, or living with a relative and going to a nearby college, or even living at home and doing another year of community college.
If that is really really off the table for you and you want to completely blow up your relationship with your parents then leave, find a room or a cheap apartment with a roommate and support yourself for a year. Then reapply as an independent student.
@nathan0707
What would it take for your parents to sign your FAFSA and let you attend a college (you mentioned Austin CC and a college near relatives). Have they told you what it’d take for them to support your going away and is it possible for you to negotiate (ie., if you give up TAMU does that advance your situation. If TAMU is non negotiable for you, would they support you going part time while working full time?) Is their position seemingly unmovable and can s.o they respect talk to them to defend your case?
Before you start, learn how to negotiate. What you can or cannot give up, what you can or cannot ask for, and how. Practice. Don’t jump into it. Choose a time when they’re relaxed, not hurried, not focused on something else.
You need to have MANY scenarios and plans in place. Keep your best case scenario in mind and map out a way to get there but also plan for all sorts of contingencies.
Btw you won’t be able to apply to college as an independent until you’re 24.
Those are good things to keep in mind. But we did analyze the tuition for today, not from the 80’s. About the grades, that is true I need to be sure that those don’t suffer. But, they did work many jobs and did well, but it is really hard for sure. About my age, I am going to have to look into that for sure. I asked my parents that if I go to church and don’t date would they be able to help pay for college. They said they would talk about it.
An independent student meets certain legal requirements to receive federal financial aid to pay for college based on the student’s ability to pay. A dependent student’s ability to pay, by contrast, is determined by reviewing information provided by both the student and one or both parents.
To be considered independent on the FAFSA without meeting the age requirement, an associate or bachelor’s degree student must be at least one of the following: married; a U.S. veteran; in active duty military service other than training purposes; an emancipated minor; a recently homeless youth or self-supporting and at risk for homelessness; a parent who provides more than half of the financial support for a child who lives with him or her; or someone who has been in foster care, been an orphan or a dependent or ward of the court for any period of time after the age of 13.
At any time on or after July 1, 2025, were you unaccompanied and either (1) homeless or (2) self-supporting and at risk of being homeless?**
**You’ll be allowed to fill out the FAFSA form as an independent student if you indicate that you are unaccompanied and homeless or at risk of being homeless on the FAFSA form. If you don’t have a determination from an individual at an eligible agency, the financial aid office at your college or career school is required to make a determination of your status based on a written statement from you or a documented interview with you. Contact your school’s financial aid office to complete this process.
Oh they are friends with my friends by the way. I didn’t mean to sound snobby either, sorry. I was just trying to show credentials but that might have come off wrong.
That is true. I called tamu and they asked if my relationship with my parents is toxic. I didn’t give much details, but they booked me an interview to review this and see if I can get more aid.
My daughter started bartending her last year of college, and when she got to Boston for grad school, bartending paid her rent and groceries (it can take years of waitressing to get a bartending opportunity). She started as a hostess in HS, did cashier and then server in college.
, just in case (hopefully it won’t be).