Haven’t read all of the 79 posts, but agree that if this family (where the student in question is a rising junior and things can change) wants to go to UCSB, first the UC schools have a specific list of HS course requirements. The student will need to be mindful of this if they want to meet basic requirements for consideration of admission to a UC school. As others have said, the student may not be admitted, so it may be a non issue, and also I agree that this is a decision for the family. Its unlikely one knows their financial situation that can impact the decisions they make. I’d stay out of it. Lastly, neither of my s’s went to school in CA, yet both work in Silicon Valley.
Adding to @jym626
One of my kids DID go to college in the Silicon Valley…and majored in engineering. She never intends to live there…and never intends to be an engineer.
<<<< @MOMANDBOYSTWO
In this thread, OP sounded like a number of people on CC who consistently advise kids to attend the in-state or OOS college which gives them the best merit/fin aid, to avoid loans and save for grad school. That is all very good advice, but it is not necessarily what everyone wants or does.
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@fallenchemist
But there is a world of difference in coming onto an anonymous internet forum and answering a question somebody actually asked, versus risking a friendship and/or coworker relationship by sticking ones nose in where it isn’t wanted. That is the crux of most people’s responses so far.
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FC is right. One thing dealing with friends/family and another dealing with strangers on the Internet who’ve asked a Q.
But…I know I’m guilty of dealing with strangers on the Internet who haven’t even asked THAT Q.
There are plenty of posts here from kids and parents who aren’t asking about cost, but are usually very naive above costs (thinking that they don’t want to consider cost at all, thinking that the student can get huge loans, thinking that an OOS public will give them huge aid, etc).
When I see posts that could be on the wrong path, I’ll ask questions. If the response indicates that they’re prepared to pay or they truly do qualify and will get the aid they need, then super. If the response is crazy, like, “I’m applying to 1000 scholarships,” "I’ve got a cosigner so I can borrow $160k as a film major, or “I have enough to pay for one year, then I hope my good grades will mean more money from the school,” then more advice will be forthcoming.
But these are strangers, so… No harm to my social circle. 
@fallenchemist Thanks for clarifying above - Although, those of us who read this thread from the beginning hopefully got that point quite clearly after posts #3 and #4, and very clearly now that we are up to post #82. Some of us were just extending the conversation beyond basically “Just mind your own business,” by discussing pros & cons of in-state, private and OOS, UCSB itself, various motivations behind college decisions, etc.
@mom2collegekids Thanks for your “confession” of “guilt.” It made me chuckle. I didn’t think I was imagining reading quite a bit of unsolicited advice about money on CC. Of course you and others are being good-hearted and helpful, and, as you say, there is never any harm in making people aware of the NPCs and suggesting that they think about finances. Honestly, I might not have known that NPCs existed if I hadn’t read about them on CC from people like you. I looked for a few, and they can be hard to find on college websites.
Like you do on CC, our son’s school college counselor definitely asked us, gently, if we had any hesitations about money before she went forward with college suggestions. Since both of our in-state flagships were going to be tuition-free to our son, my answer about other colleges was: “No, we can’t really afford $55K-$70K a year, but we will figure out a way to pay if we think a college is worth it.” (Husband was a little less confident in that answer, but that led to personal discussions at home…) The counselor did her job by at least raising the issue. For families who don’t have good school or private college counselors, people like you on CC provide a valuable source of advice. But, there may be no need to press too far if a parent answers your questions about money like I did.
It is not clear how the topic came up between the OP and friend. Presumably, if the friend brought it up in some conversation, the friend may be more receptive to some types of comments. In that case, the OP may just want to mention to the friend about checking costs and net price calculators before making any promises to fund college for the kid, without making any value judgement about whether the more expensive college is “worth it”.
nothing wrong in attending a highly ranked oos public or private for that matter. However, what seems to get lost all too often is that even attending (spending) on an IVY education does NOT in any way guarantee success professionally. Similarly , attending a top flight public like TCNJ (with its very highly ranked Business program for example) does not hold back anyone from obtaining wild success. It’s been shown that highly successful people will
most likely be highly successful regardless of where they goto school for an undergrad degree.
So far it seems as if everyone is only thinking about finances. Instead, more thought should be given to looking at good schools for CS. The CA school may be fine for CS but there may be many other, possible better, options. The lack of HS calculus may not be a problem- at UW-Madison (an at least top 20 in math and CS school) often start with first semester calculus because their courses cover a lot more than in the AP version and students struggle if skipping it. Having a firm foundation in precalc math before taking calculus serves a student better than just forging ahead as fast as possible.
Focus on the major, not the finances. I’m sure Google internships go to many from other colleges than the one his son is interested in. Being physically close does not mean Google favors that school. Students fly from coast to coast for REUs, internships et al. Suggest that the family look at good CS schools all over the country. Google (and other big name tech firms) does. By widening the search they will learn a lot more about the field and should come up with several academic and financial choices. The NY/NJ schools may not compare to some other options, but many other schools will be better than the one he has fixated on.
Off topic, but slightly related: I never ended up using a NPC, but that was only because I plunged directly into the FAFSA and CSS Profile (and other extra forms for various colleges) and I ran out of time to plug numbers into individual college NPCs. Son applied to too many colleges. I wanted son to apply for fin aid regardless of what the NPCs said anyway, because I didn’t want him to miss out on any merit scholarships that might be awarded only to kids who go through the painful process of applying for fin aid. I had heard a rumor that you have a better chance at merit scholarships if you apply for fin aid. In the end, son did not get fin aid anywhere, but he did become eligible to take out the federal $5,500 loan if he chooses and he did get significant merit scholarships at various colleges (where, unfortunately, he decided not to attend…) If I had done the NPCs first, I probably would have figured out earlier that he would receive no fin aid, but I still would not have known about the merit stuff.
Question: Do you think that son would have received merit scholarships at places like RPI, Bucknell, U of Miami, USC, Northeastern, WPI, etc if he had not applied for fin aid? Does anyone know? His stats were good but definitely not perfect.
I know some places (Miami of OH, Alabama, etc) award merit scholarships based simply test scores and GPAs. But, what about private colleges like the ones above? Will they offer merit scholarships to those who do NOT apply for fin aid? I never really got a straight answer on this topic, and probably didn’t ask enough direct questions of the individual colleges.
I don’t want to suggest to any friends that they should apply for fin aid to open the door for merit scholarships if that is inaccurate advice. Applying for fin aid is a cumbersome process. I would have done it anyway, because we are not wealthy. But, in hindsight, it was probably not worth it in the end if son could have gotten those merit scholarships without applying for fin aid. Your thoughts??
@stones3:
OP Here…ironically my youngest attends TCNJ and my oldest attended SUNY Binghamton, both, IMHO, super value schools if you are paying full price.
@MOMANDBOYSTWO my daughter received a half tuition scholarship plus a small science award to Lehigh and we did not complete the FA forms.
It varies by school. Some require FAFSA forms for merit consideration, others do not. You have to read the websites carefully.
^^ I think that’s why running the NPC is so important. You have to be strategic where this stuff is considered.
Also, to come to @bopper’s defense, I took the title of his post as the equivalent of a “thought balloon.” I’m assuming if he has a good relationship with his friend, he intends to be more diplomatic in what he actually SAYS and that the conversation is not one-sided.
I’d feel perfectly comfortable saying something like “You’ve guys have probably done your research but I was FLOORED that OOS public colleges can run upwards of $250k and most don’t even give merit aid.” And maybe a reference to CC.
OP here: OK, i just shared with him the 50 Best Public Colleges link
http://new.money.com/money/best-colleges/rankings/best-public-colleges/
and noted that UCSB is 38 and TCNJ is 39 (and would be half the price)
BUT also a link to the UC admission s requirements
and that there are Google internships, for example, in NYC.
I think also my friend went to Columbia back in the late 70’s and doesnt’ really realize how difficult it is to get in to places like that anymore.
UCSB is not on the top 20 list of schools with the most alumni working at Google.
@intparent Since I spend a lot of my time in my car, it feels like a second home sometimes! I just wish that home had Bluetooth and a better radio/speakers! Also – I did have someone in a nice, small neighborhood stop me one time when I was driving around looking at houses for sale. (We moved to a new state a few years ago.) I think she saw my old minivan and thought I was stalking her neighborhood to do a robbery or something - haha, but I am serious. I have to say I was a little insulted and made a much better investment in a different neighborhood!
@ucbalumnus I agree with you. My neighbors and friends discussed college issues quite frequently during our kids’ junior and senior years of HS. I can’t think of one friend, wealthy or poor, who would dismiss me from a social circle for mentioning the existence of NPCs or discussing the potentially high costs of privates and OOS publics, etc. It’s all good-spirited sharing of information, because most of us parents are interested in the same topics at the same time. People are usually private about finances, but, without prying, I think most parents would want to learning anything possible about this topic of college, as it often is a big investment, and it involves our most precious “possessions”: our children. I still remember being appreciative when one my friends introduced me to this CC website.
@toowonderful I am surprised that anyone would become less of a friend over college choices! A few of our friends have questioned my son’s decision to go to an expensive, freezing cold weather school, but that is always in fun (as lots of kids make similar decisions). I just banter back that I made the same silly choice when I was his age, and I learned quickly that I do prefer climates that are WARMER. So, college gave me at least some wisdom!
@stones3 You are so right. NO school guarantees financial success, and a smart, driven person can succeed from anywhere. I know a graduate of a little-known Baptist college who has made many millions since his start-up company recently went public. Now a whole building of one of our major hospitals is being named after him. In contrast, I went to a “lower Ivy,” as people on CC like to say, and I am now a mom at home wishing I had kept at least a part-time career going, so that college costs would not seem daunting (and maybe so that we could drive nicer cars and go on special vacations!) My resume is very dated and weak. A college degree anywhere only gets you so far. We have to take ourselves the rest of the way.
@wis75 You give good advice. Reading a lot about which schools are strong in computer engineering and comp sci is how we created the list of schools my second son should visit, since he said those were his academic areas of interest. Husband did comparison spreadsheets of numerous rankings, costs, population sizes, test scores, weather, etc. Son and I visited as many target public and private schools as we had time and money for. After doing this type of research process for two kids, I actually feel conversant about quite a few colleges nationwide and feel comfortable with my sons’ final decisions.
@bopper Your post has stimulated quite a bit of talk, at least on my part. This current addiction to CC is not helping me find a job!
My son did not apply for financial aid at RPI or WPI and got merit awards at both. RPI let him know he was going to get a merit award before Thanksgiving, though they did not actually tell him how much until the spring. Younger son (not a CS kid) got merit aid at American.
@bopper. Your neighbor is probably smart like you and will catch on to the college game fairly quickly, if he is not already on board. But, you are right that many people are outdated with respect to what they know about colleges these days. Example: my parents and brothers, who all went to highly ranked colleges but have not been involved in the college process since the 80s. They were all visibly unimpressed when I told them about my sons’ college acceptances. Since I personally love all of the schools my kids applied to, I was a little disappointed at their lack of enthusiasm and got immaturely defensive. I had way more fun talking with my friends about these college decisions than with my own family, because my friends understood the new environment. My brothers probably won’t really comprehend or care about the level of competition and how many colleges have changed in the past 30 years until they go through the college process with their own kids.
@LucieTheLakie and @TempeMom Thanks for your rational comments.