How to Deal with Parent who watches Fox news nonstop

Parent Cafe
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<p>It was my birthday yesterday and my mother and stepfather came over to help celebrate. It was nice of them to bring some ice cream and a small gift, and I do appreciate it. But as usual, after fifteen minutes, my mother brought up her recent rant, which is immigration. She proceeded with a half hour of hateful speech about “those people” who cross the border and then a) commit vast numbers of crimes b)don’t have health insurance, so use emergency rooms and cost us all lots of $$. She was particularly incensed about “16 or 17-year old Mexican boys jumping over border fences.”</p>

<p>Now I have some fairly recent experience with 16-year old males, and my impression is that they generally love to eat, hang with their friends, sleep, and veg out. Methinks that any kid willing to leave his family and friends to go to a country where he doesn’t know the language and will not be looked on kindly, to do menial work, must be leaving a fairly desperate home situation. </p>

<p>But is there any compassion or empathy in this woman, who reads the Bible daily? Not that I can see.</p>

<p>The question I have is: How can I stop having my buttons pushed by this hateful person who gets all her information from Fox news, and happens to be my mother? I am taking a 4-day trip with the two of them later this month, and my feelings now are DREAD.</p>

<p>Thank you for any advice, CC folks!</p>

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<p>Two words - I Pod. ;)</p>

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<p>Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt. I’ve tried debating, I’ve tried anger, I’ve tried everything. I can usually change the subject by talking about my kids (they are grandparents, after all). Otherwise I just tune them out. Agree with Curmudgeon – for a long trip, iPod or books on CD are your best friend.</p>

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<p>How biased of you - blaming it all on fox news.</p>

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<p>Give yourself a break by not staying at her house. Stay at a hotel. Tell her that you’re doing that to make it easy on her. Truth is, that will give you a chance to get away and settle your nerves. That’s what I used to do with my mother. She acted like she was disappointed, but I think that she was secretly relieved.</p>

<p>Also look for excuses to “help out” by running errands for her – without her. Help out, too, by doing noisy yard work or anything that will allow you to be helpful while not having to hear her.</p>

<p>Consider, too, making a point of having briefer visits.Yes, she’ll complain, but the shorter your visits are, the more you’ll be able to not snap at her when she says things that you don’t agree with.</p>

<p>I know this is hard, and I wish you well.</p>

<p>Cavalier302,
This is a parents’ forum in which in general, parents want advice from other adults. While students are welcome to post here, it is just as inappropriate for students to use this forum as a place to chide parents as it is for parents to use the College Confidential cafe forum as a place to chide teens.</p>

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<p>So sorry for the grave offense, NSM.</p>

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<p>Divorce her. No one should have to endure a relative with bad politics.</p>

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<p>If you can’t ignore it another minute, you could also try offering a few pithy, sage Bible phrases-- “turn the other cheek” etc…</p>

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<p>1) Be aware of the situation (which you already are)
2) Resolve to accept that this is how your mother is, and ignore what you can, but try to set limits. For instance, rather than allowing yourself to be subjected to a 30-minute rant, cut her off at the start by changing the subject… this can be done in a direct or indirect manner.
3) Prepare a list of topic-changing subjects in advance to use as needed
4) Figure out how direct or confrontational you want to be or are able to be. Some people respond to sugar and some only respond to heat.
5) Good luck.</p>

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<p>I’m a little put off by anyone referring to their own mother as “this hateful person.” Even if true–that is, your mother actually is a foul and hateful human being, deserving of being publicly denounced as such by her own son in this forum–my guess is that her views were formed long before she ever saw Fox News or any other alternative to the hum-drum delicacies of the soft-left press. </p>

<p>I would have a hard time imagining a person who was politically conservative—even one who watched the mentally corrupting and morally debilitating Fox News, which, it should be said, I don’t…just in case–referring to their own mother as hateful simply because she preferred the angst of Dan Rather to the hurrumping of Bill O’Rielly…at least I haven’t encountered any amongst my friends and family.</p>

<p>Sorry for posting NSM:</p>

<p>even though this is a “Parent’s Café” I assume many adults posting here are in fact not “parents,” like Xiggi and Aries, but rather prefer the mature dialogue and views of the “parents” and therefore engage them…no matter their political views.
I rather doubt there would have been an objection if the offending whipper-snapper would have supported the idea that someone’s mother is hateful because they watch and espouse similar views to Faux Gnuess…as they say in these parts. </p>

<p>As it is, I’m guessing your censure has more to do with Cavalier’s views than his youthful age…though only you know that for sure.</p>

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<p>In my experience…sometimes it just needs to reach the breaking point to which you have to say “I respect what you believe, but I believe something different, so lets talk about something else”!</p>

<p>My father watches FoxNews 24/7, whenever I visit home, it is always on the tv (quite loud I might add…even though he says he has ‘perfect’ hearing). Debating is of no use, he considers FoxNews “fair and balanced” and won’t allow me to watch the other news networks such as CNN or the likes without getting harassed about the liberal lean of the network.</p>

<p>My whole family has to deal with this on a more consistent basis than myself (since I no longer live in the area), but they just have to ignore him. Trying to change the ways of your parents (or anyone for that matter) can be a lost cause, especially if both parties are exceptionally bull-headed.</p>

<p>For the trip, I also suggest the Ipod or a book (if you can read in the car).</p>

<p>Another suggestion for the acutal trip itself (not the car ride) is to find a game that you can enjoy as a family. My family recently found the game Apples to Apples, its a fun game that everyone can enjoy and have a laugh over! Also, my family also enjoys to play texas hold-em.</p>

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<p>Whippersnappers! Boy can I identify with this thread…Let’s see I live 8000 miles away. But, I’m moving back…got to.</p>

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<p>My two words were going to be Ear Plugs. But I Pod is so much more <em>stealth.</em> </p>

<p>Truly, I think letting it go in one ear and out the other is all you can do. Were she a “friend,” you could stop seeing her. As she’s your mother, coping mechanisms are the only hope.</p>

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<p>"even though this is a “Parent’s Café” I assume many adults posting here are in fact not “parents,” like Xiggi and Aries, but rather prefer the mature dialogue and views of the “parents” and therefore engage them…no matter their political views.
I rather doubt there would have been an objection if the offending whipper-snapper would have supported the idea that someone’s mother is hateful because they watch and espouse similar views to Faux Gnuess…as they say in these parts. "</p>

<ol>
<li>I interpreted “hateful” as meaning that her mother is filled with hate toward people like illegal immigrants. I saw no evidence that the OP hated her mother. Indeed, this is what the OP wrote:
"She proceeded with a half hour of hateful speech about “those people” who cross the border … "</li>
</ol>

<p>An adult who is going out of her way to schedule a 4-day visit with her mother doesn’t sound like someone who hates their mother.</p>

<ol>
<li>I think it’s inappropriate for teens to come on the parents boards to censure parents. The same is true for parents who go into the teen CC spaces like the other cafe to censure teens. </li>
</ol>

<p>I also think that for the kind of situation that the OP posted – a situation involving an adult’s problems with their mother – the wisdom of other adults probably would be most helpful. The issues that most mature adults have with their parents tend to be very different than the issues that teens have with parents.</p>

<p>For instance, teens often become angry at parents when parents are acting appropriately, such as setting limits that the teens lack the world experience to understand. Often, however, when mature adults have problems with their parents, it’s because their parents are doing things that really are inappropriate. </p>

<p>Anyway, the OP posted an adult concern on an adult board, and I think that it’s not the kind of concern that a teen would have the life experience to provide much help with. However, if a teen (or anyone else for that matter), wishes to offer advice, it would be far better to offer real advice instead of chastizing the OP.</p>

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<p>We need a group, like Al-Anon. Rush-Anon or Fox-Anon.</p>

<p>My 72 year old mother says my 75 year old father has been poisoned by Rush Limbaugh. He is addicted to Rush and Fox News even though it drives his one friend from the house (“I notice your mother leaves the house when I turn Rush on!”). </p>

<p>A lonely man, he is unable to take part in significant conversations because the venom and fury of those programs stick at the back of his throat, all day, every day. His six children, some of them Republican and conservative, avoid any mention of any topic which might ignite his uncontrollable anxiety and anger, aka The Rush Cocktail.</p>

<p>One of the most spiritual men I know has lost most of his charity, a substantial loss. We spent our childhoods doing truly good works at his side. Sad as it is to say, it is nauseating to see a man so blessed by life, so rich in every way, spitting on other human beings the way he now does. It wasn’t always so.</p>

<p>Fortunately, my mother retained her magnificent charity. Though her politics have grown more conservative, they do not limit her intellectual or emotional life. She avoids listening to Rush by any means.</p>

<p>There is no need to punish or chastise these addicts. Avoidance is the only solution. If your mother is anything like my father, she has imprisoned herself on an island of loneliness.</p>

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<p>I went to dinner the othernight, and this “man” was at the table. He and I totally disagreed on politics, and he was a bully. He basically yelled at all of us about the FACT that there was no such thing as global warming. After he put down teachers, my H took away all the sharp implements. I stood up for teachers, said global warming is happening, and vowed to never see that person again if I could help it. He was a bully, loud and rude. And just overtalked us all, because speaking loadly was his way of shutting us up. </p>

<p>You are now an adult You have every right to tell your mother you disagree, if she is mad, so what? </p>

<p>Seriouslly, some people with certain views, on the left or the right, bully others into silence. Do not let her. So what if she is your mom. If you believe you know what you are talking about, tell her so. </p>

<p>And you have the right to tell her you will not listen to her speak hate. Walk out of the room. Its okay</p>

<p>On another thread, a young man was dealig with difficult parents in another area, and I told him that not all parents are nice people
And people you would want to be friends with.</p>

<p>Its okay to create some distance with parents who are people you can’t be around, and to say, mother, when you speak like that, it makes me want to cry, it is so cruel. SO she gets mad. She doesn’t care about your views, and she should.</p>

<p>you don’t have to be rude, you say, mom, we will never agree on politics and social issues, and sometimes what you say, I just don’t get, so, it would be easier if we make a pact to not discuss politics and certain issues. I just can’t. If she has any kind of a sense of humor, have a code word</p>

<p>In our house, if my mom starts “giving advice” and it is pushing my buttons, I say a code word to let her know I can’t hear any more at the moment, but I love her, we don’t have to do it much anymore, but when she firt moved in, we did…no hurt feelings, just a way of saying, please stop with a bit of humor</p>

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<p>

I wrote: “I’m a little put off by anyone referring to their own mother as “this hateful person.”” </p>

<p>NSM,
I have no idea what emotions the op feels towards his mother–as a ‘mother’, only that he believes her to be “a hateful person”–as a person, in his post. I hope that came across. If not, I hope I clarified it here. </p>

<p>To your other point, telling someone they should not speak, rather than taking exception to what they have said having done so is, I believe, a difference in kind, not degree.</p>

<p>

I agree whole-heartedly, which is why I offered no advice to the politically aggrieved op in my post. I merely noted that I was “a little put off by anyone referring to their own mother as “this hateful person”. I felt it was at least an overly-harsh thing to say of one’s own mother, publicly. As this is a parent’s café, I would think such a comment to be appropriate and in keeping with the theme of the place.</p>

<p>Perhaps I was wrong to suggest this. If so, I apologize to all those who hold similar views about their mothers–to be clear, I mean as persons, not mothers.</p>

<p>Moreover, within this cyber-real-estate I found the following thread edifying and appropriate (I read it in the first go-round), no matter where it was pasted or by whom, because it was true and sincere. I only hope to occasionally offer the same elsewhere…even here, while it is tolerated.
Of course, publicly dissing your own mother does not rise nearly to this level but may be, nonetheless, worth considering…even by mature adults/parents.</p>

<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?p=1980511#post1980511[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?p=1980511#post1980511&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>NSM, I always enjoy your well thought-out and wizened posts, I just felt you were needlessly harsh on Cavalier in this instance…as I felt another poser was needlessly harsh on their mother whom they obviously love—as you pointed out.</p>

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<p>“Though her politics have grown more conservative, they do not limit her intellectual or emotional life.”</p>

<p>What exactly is that supposed to mean?</p>

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<p>I have no problem with someone calling their mom hateful, some moms are. It is true. </p>

<p>Some parents are not nice people, some parents are mean, crude, nasty, bullies, and don’t care about the feelings of their child, only about their own </p>

<p>I know some kids my Ds are friends whoses parents I could never tolerate in anyway, but do because of the kids involved.</p>

<p>Some kids can not wait to get away from a parent, I can’t blame them-it may not always be politics, either</p>

<p>THe OP may love his mom, but he may not like her very much sometimes. And that is okay, believe it or not. That is okay.</p>

<p>He does not need to be cruel, he does not need to pick a fight, but he has every right to stand up for what he believes, tell her he disagrees with her beliefs, or to tell her he doesn’t want to hear her hateful talk.</p>

<p>Some people are very difficult personalities and just hard to be around…as a grown child, you have every right to your own mind, and if a child needs to emotionally distance themselves from a parent- or even physically do so, that is fine, and often healthy.</p>

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<p>While it may seem “hateful” to you there is plenty of room for reasonable people to disagree on illegal immigration. The fact that many want to come here does not make it legal or even right. You can argue the numbers both ways bit the fact is it is illegal to come here without proper documentation at this time. Neither side of the argument wants unlimited legal immigration. So we are trying to deal with a real knotty problem here. No easy answers.</p>