<p>My SO and I just today had a disagreement about health/medical appts. It was him giving ME a hard time though. The funny thing is that other than him, I go to the docs more than anyone I know. We did suss out that he feels that I only go for urgent acute stuff or after a <em>long</em> time on the lingering stuff–which is what this disagreement was about. His start point and finish point, which I am happy about, is I want us together and healthy for a long time. </p>
<p><<<<
It’s just like with evangelism of any kind: one person’s “sharing the good news” is another person’s “shoving it down my throat.” And they can both be right about their perception, which is what makes it difficult.
<<<<</p>
<p>@hunt</p>
<p>I see your point. One test you might try is asking yourself, “would most reasonable women be annoyed at the same thing,” and if the answer is, “probably,” then alter your behavior. For everything else, look at it on a case by case basis. </p>
<p>You havent provided any examples (are you scared to? lol ), but I would wager that most women prefer that their men not:
leave wet puddles/towels/clothes on the bathroom floor,
leave empty containers in the fridge,
take all the cash out of their purses without notice,
wear socks with sandals :gag:,
wear muddy shoes in the house,
eat the pie she just made to take to the potluck,
…believe me, I could go on all day…lol</p>
<p>In our house, we tend to obsess over weird little details, such as whether the light over the kitchen sink should be on while the other lights in the kitchen are on (I say yes, she says no). There are a few chronic problems, such as my inability to learn how to fold up certain clothing items properly.</p>
<p>"…leave wet puddles/towels/clothes on the bathroom floor,
leave empty containers in the fridge,
take all the cash out of their purses without notice,
wear socks with sandals :gag:,
wear muddy shoes in the house,
eat the pie she just made to take to the potluck,…"</p>
<p>OMG. I am so blessed that Mr B does none of those things (well, I had to work on the sandals/socks issue just a little bit)! He has his share of slightly annoying behaviors, just like I do, but we both tend not to sweat the minor stuff. </p>
<p>I think the BATNA strategy applies to spouses, not just business negotiations (which is what we practice in our house).</p>
<p>“leave wet puddles/towels/clothes on the bathroom floor
leave empty containers in the fridge,
wear muddy shoes in the house,”</p>
<p>[Joking]Aw, come on! After a long day/week of having to be stiff and tight at work, can’t a man relax when he gets home?[/Joking] </p>
<p>Seriously…what is he, 8?</p>
<p>“take all the cash out of their purses without notice,”</p>
<p>There are folks who actually raid their spouses’/SO’s purses/wallets for cash?!! Pardon my language, but ■■■? </p>
<p>Last I recalled from elementary school onwards, taking something…especially cash or valuable items without asking for permission beforehand is CONSIDERED STEALING and the offender should be treated as a thief.<br>
Worse…what if the spouse/someone is unaware and finds him/herself caught out without cash at the worst possible time? </p>
<p>Sorry, but I cannot defend anyone who pulls that. </p>
<p>“eat the pie she just made to take to the potluck,”</p>
<p>Maybe he’s getting back in touch with his “inner barbarian”. However, I’d have much more respect for him if he opted to raid a highly secured party/gala rather than an easy food target at home. IME, it’s also much more fun. :)</p>
<p>“wear socks with sandals :gag:,”</p>
<p>Like with all things which are a matter of taste…this is one thing friends and SOs sometimes need to pick one’s battles and overlook for the sake of the larger relationship. This is one situation where it might be best to “smile and wave” as some CCers have advised on other threads. :)</p>
<p>Well, you might want to roll back on that whole socks and sandals look…apparently they are trending in the fashion world as we speak. Your mate may have just become…gasp…a trend setter!</p>
<p><a href=“Socks with sandals as high fashion: seriously? | CBC News”>http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/socks-with-sandals-as-high-fashion-seriously-1.2675400</a></p>
<p>
Not married yet, are you, cobrat? It’s not taking the cash that’s the problem, or even doing it without permission, it’s not telling the spouse that you did it. It’s kind of like eating the last cookie. The one your spouse was saving for later.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Oh GOOD GRIEF. My money is his money, his money is mine. Taking money out of my wallet without letting me know would be inconsiderate, but it is NOT stealing, and he would NOT be treated as a thief. Are you for real? </p>
<p>Gosh, that would not be considered stealing unless there was some restraining order or something put in place! It is just rude and inconsiderate - that’s all. </p>
<p>Actually I do know some couples that keep finances separate and might just consider it stealing, although probably a forgivable theft. I could care less if my H takes $ out of my wallet since it is all the same in the end. He just needs to tell me so I know how much I have.</p>
<p>My H has become an avid golfer…plays Saturday and Sunday and watches it on television when he comes home. I also get a shot by shot explanation of each game to which I listen with rapt attention whilst most of my stories of the day elicit glazed eyes. This all happened once the kids were grown and the learning the dance moves analogy fits my life. It has been difficult at times because golf happens on public holidays as well as weekends and the afternoons are not then spent doing something nice together as he has to watch it on tv. A compromise we reached is that I get to travel for 2 weeks at a time every 2-3 months to visit friends and family. It’s good enough for me right now as H is still working and I am retired. </p>
<p>Bless you, Justforthis, I could not stand for more than a minute or two of golf conversation a day!!! </p>
<p>Why would you listen to shot by shot descriptions of a golf game with rapt attention if you are not interested? Is it not okay at your house to say, “I’m so glad you enjoyed your day but I really don’t need to relive it with you?” I sing in a chorus and would never subject anyone to a note by note description of our rehearsal because I’m aware that is fascinating only to me (or other people in the chorus.) </p>
<p>No Wellspring; I think saying what you suggest would be rude. I’m sure he doesn’t think his strokes are not fascinating 
</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I believe that even in a scenario where a married couple keeps separate finances, one spouse grabbing a 20 out of the other’s wallet to pick up some lunch, or milk or whatever, would still not be viewed as “stealing” with the spouse needing to be treated as a “thief.” There might be some words, but come on, I think those viewing it in such rigid and black/white terms as described by Cobrat would be very few and far between, and in my personal opinion, not really much of a “couple.”</p>
<p>His money is my money.
& if his patagonia fleece just happens to be my color, well…,</p>
<p>“There are a few chronic problems, such as my inability to learn how to fold up certain clothing items properly”</p>
<p>@Hunt - Are you folding her clothes wrong or yours? How about, if they are hers then she should fold them, If they are yours she shouldn’t care… Honestly only one of my sons folds his shirts properly and that’s because he watched a youtube video on how to do it. :> </p>
<p>^^^^^LOL.</p>
<p>I need to borrow DH’s car for the weekend to drive some furniture to our DD at college. DH is balking a little bit, not because it’s HIS car, but because he thinks he’s the only good driver on the roads. Forget the fact that I have not had so much as a parking ticket in over 25 years.</p>
<p>ETA: I have a luxury car with a license plate which reveals my alma mater (different from DH’s), and he just told me “I just don’t want to drive around with that %#$@g license plate!”</p>
<p>End result: I’m driving his car this weekend.</p>
<p>I think this thread also points out the various rhymes and rhythms of a variety of marriages and that same of people. Some of us would listen to the golf play by play, some would go bonkers doing that on a regular basis! That would be me. I don’t consider it rude unless I say I don’t want to listen in a rude way! Tell me about your day, but not minute by minute!!!</p>
<p>Really the rudeness, if any, is on the part of the person who thinks you would be interested in the minutia of his golf game.I mean, who is that unaware?</p>