I think I have to let this go but am wondering how others would handle this.
I am lucky to live in a resort area and we have a few very nice restaurants that I usually wouldn’t go to. Right now is the off off season and so there are specials for the locals to come in. There is a very nice restaurant which is pricey and also very small, around a 50 seat restaurant. They are having a “restaurant week” for 2 weekends and you can get a 3 course meal for $25. Since entrees are in the $40-$60 range, it’s a pretty good deal. The restaurant sells out for this.
My H and I went last year, I brought it up to some neighbors and they indicated that it would be a fun thing to do. I asked and got a good response and made reservations.
Now some of the original people have conflicts and can’t make it. No problem I asked a few other couples. I did not ask one couple but they overhead us talking so I asked them. I got an email back saying that there is a conflict but to count them in, it might be cancelled (unlikely) but that they should know by 2 pm the day we are going.
I was uncomfortable with this because a) it’s a really small place and this event sells out and this night will probably sell out weeks in advance and b) the restaurant told me that we are a big party and they would call me at least the day before to confirm because they want a hard count. So I emailed the couple back and told them that unfortunately it wouldn’t work and that I needed to know if they were coming by the middle of the week.
I got this response back. Unless they charge for no-shows, which I highly doubt, count us in…for now.
I have no idea how to respond. I guess I will have to let it go but it really irks me. When they can’t make it and are no shows I will be the one who looks bad.
Sorry this is so long, but how do you deal with rude people like this? I am annoyed and quite frankly flummoxed by it.
Wow. Very nervy. I would not “count them in.” You told them that it would not work and they dismissed you.
You can just ignore it and stick with your plan, or you could email them once more, saying that when the restaurant calls to confirm the day before, if you don’t hear from them that they are definite, you will not include them in the count. It will probably really tick them off, but frankly, I wouldn’t let that bother me. They invited themselves in the first place and have put this all on you. Some people.
Sorry, but unless I hear from you by (Friday) when the restaurant calls to confirm, I can’t include you in the count.
I really hope you can make it! Let me know asap.
I suggest you count them in for now, and briefly explain to the restaurant (when they call to confirm) that there is some uncertainty regarding this particular couple. You can confirm the final number with the restaurant as soon as you hear from the couple (by 2 PM the day of the event).
Yes, it is annoying, but try to let it go and focus on what should be a fun evening with your friends. If they really do string you along until the last minute, then do your best to avoid inviting them to something like this in the future.
Call the restaurant and ask whether a decline from 8 to 6 would be a problem the day of. If the restaurant says, "Yes, it would be a problem," tell your friends the restaurant required a firm commitment so you took their response as a no. If the restaurant says, "No problem," then your problem is solved.
If you are not above a white lie, tell them you couldn't get a table for 8, but you hope to have dinner with them soon.
Thanks, I am a very conflict adverse person so this is hard for me. I am also very much a rule follower so I hate this.
It’s a group of 12 or 10 without them. When I called for reservations the chef told me that this is a large party for him and so it was important to confirm.
I will never invite them again, of that you can be positive.
I think I will call the restaurant to see how a last minute change will affect them. I shouldn’t have to and that irks me.
I would not want to go with these people. Perhaps tell them that there will be a charge for no shows…
I understand not wanting to make a fight but I would want to tell them - again- that unfortunately they can not be included this time because it must be a firm commitment.
I would just go back to her with a short email saying something like this: Thanks for getting back to me regarding our upcoming dinner plans. Hoping you and _____ can join us, it will be a fun evening. For large groups like ours the restaurant is “requiring” that I give them a definitive count by __. If your circumstances prevent commiting by then, let’s think about scheduling another evening for us to spend some time together. Let me know. Hoping to see you on. Best, deb922.
I would just make the reservation for the number of committed couples you have at the time the restaurant phones you. I would also give the hostess or reception desk a list of the couples I am expecting and perhaps ask him/her to check the list before bringing the couple to the table. Let any “extras” resolve the issues they have created with the restaurant staff themselves. Just because you made the reservation, do not feel responsible.
I really have little patience for people who conduct themselves in this manner. So self-absorbed. Unfortunately there doesn’t seem to be a shortage of them.
I think it is better to tell them you’ve already counted them as a no rather than inviting further dialog. “The restaurant required a firm commitment so I had to count you as a no” is better than another round of “Give me a firm answer.”
If you want to soften the message, you could always add: “If your plans firm up, let me know and I’ll check to see if we can add two to our reservation.” Or, more snarkily, “I’ll let you know by 2 pm on the day of the event whether the restaurant can add you to our reservation.” (Just kidding on the last part.)
Also, keep in mind that no one can force you to act unethically. If you personally believe that it would be unethical to confirm 12 when only 10 are confirmed, these people whom you don’t even like cannot force you to violate your own ethical code.
And if you end up not hearing from her until the “day of”, I would very politely tell her to call the restaurant herself and see if she can negotiate another couple into the reservation.
No one has suggested asking the restaurant if going from 10 people to 12 people on the day of the dinner would be a problem. If I were you, I’d make a reservation for 10 and try to change it to 12 if that becomes necessary. And if it can’t be done, too bad for the rude couple.
deb922- some people don’t get it. It is all about them. They have put you, a conflict averse person, in a situation where you either stand up to them now or risk facing the restaurant personnel with a smaller party on a hectic night, when they have already stated it is not trivial for them to host such a large table. I agree with others: no more dialogue, just a catch you another time. This is an opportunity to stir yourself into the equation. Don’t make calls or arrangements that you resent or are uncomfortable implementing. You have already given this couple too much time and it is a shame to have that over-shadow the fun ahead. People who behave like this only can continue to do so with help from those of us who hesitate to speak up.
Of course you don’t have to let it go. I’d email these nervy people and tell them that you won’t be able to accommodate them. You could give them the contact info. of the restaurant, if you’re feeling generous, and suggest they make reservations for themselves if their current plans fall through.
I’m having to deal with someone like this. They are usually pretty persistent at walking over others, so if you don’t want that to happen to you, you have to be repetitive and clear.
I have to keep restating that I need this by this time, and if I don’t, then this is what’s gonna happen.
Then follow through.
I am getting so tired of people with bad manners.
A friend who lives in BC was planning to visit in a couple weeks for an annual special event.
Her ex husband is moving into a new house that weekend with his fiancé.
He " just" found out, that this landlord won’t allow more than one dog, so he wants her to not only take THREE of his dogs, but cancel her visit so she can do so.
Just because someone vaguely looks like Eddie Vedder is not justification to let them work you.
When we allow bad behavior, we increase the likelihood of it occurring again.
As a fellow conflict-averse rule-follower, I sympathize with the OP!
Although I do wish the OP didn’t have to be involved in this uncomfortable situation, I would hesitate to let the non-committal couple handle communication with the restaurant because they seem to lack tact and sensitivity. If I were the OP, I would worry that they would be rude on the phone, and I’d be concerned that this would make the situation more of a headache for the restaurant personnel – and reflect poorly on me, since the reservation is in “my” name.
Maybe just go back with the telephone number of the restaurant and the name of the person you spoke to and tell her to work it out the best she can. I would NOT assume the role of “social secretary” for this woman. And at this point I would not even want them there so would do nothing to make it work for them.