<p>Actually, I’d bet PoIH left it all to his wife because in his view it is ‘women’s work’ to make a home a pleasant place. Real men don’t care about curtains. </p>
<p>Poor Ol’ PoIH…there is something to be said for a guy who doesn’t know when he’s lost.</p>
<p>I hope POIH’s wife got a condo with a pool in the complex. She really wanted a pool and that would nice. Glad that all worked out.</p>
<p>More likely DW whould have had to report back with an itemized list of planned purchases and it would bhave been analyzed to death and sent back for revisions, under the guise of a “discussion”</p>
<p>*We bought an apartment near her mom place and she went back recently to get the possession and furnished it. She is very creative and I respect all her decisions in that area. She spent around $20K on furnishing the apartment without any question other than discussing pros and cons of some of the appliances.
*</p>
<p>Oh, but didn’t you tell us that ALL options should be discussed? Hmmmm…let me see…yep, you did…</p>
<p>I think spouses should discuss all options</p>
<p>You see, that’s what I mean. Spouses don’t discuss every option (not enough hours in the day). And, it would be VERY WRONG for you to go to that house and then
b!tch about something that she picked out that you don’t like since you left that job up to her. </p>
<p>*I think a marriage works when both H and W are not counting marbles. There is no win or loss in a relationship. That’s why I insisted on why criticizing is a problem? When you are in a relation, you should be open to criticism. Listening point of view of the other person will take the relation a long way. But if you go on counting marbles the relationship will never work because you will always be stressing about the lost marbles.</p>
<p>DW criticism about Harvard was one time thing because I listened, went through the exercise of what could have been done better but also was able to point out during the course of discussion that DD is happy with the end result and it’s her application process and we should be supportive of her decisions.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>POIH, in most of your posts, you have made it quite clear that you think of yourself as someone who possesses a lot of marbles. Therefore, you may not have those struggles in your household. </p>
<p>Your wife’s criticisms were worthless since you don’t have any other children. It’s not like you can say, “yes, with our next kid, I will do XXXXX differently.” And, again, even if you did have other kids, the time to “criticize” is not when the rejection occurred with the first child, it would be at a non-emotional time later…when it will be received as helpful suggestions. </p>
<p>BTW…I feel for Darling D when she’s in the job search process. If she doesn’t get an interview/job offer with every prospect, she’s going to get flak from her two (fill in the blank) parents who will think they are being helpful by criticizing her and telling her it’s her fault that each prospect didn’t result in a fat offer.</p>
<p>Wait wait MOM2…if POIH Daughter doesn’t get a job, wouldn’t it be HER PARENTS’ fault? Surely they should be doing all they can to assure that she has a job.</p>
<p>Well, they are doing all, with the big monthly allowance, to be sure she is dressed well for the interviews</p>
<p>POIH should be praised for “just tryin’ to keep the conversation lively”. He is talking pure fantasy of “what he wished he could say to DW”. Shoot, I do believe he is having fun hearing what DW would say . . . and trying to figure out another tactic.</p>
<p>But dear POIH, therein lies your problem: You are still thinking “tactics” . . . instead of “strategy”. So, let me help you out here ('cause I’m damn sure no tactical VP), just simply say THANK YOU to DW!. THEN, ask:</p>
<p>“How can I help you . . . I know I’ve left a lot on your shoulders . . . you know what I mean . . . our family is not a business . . . we depend on you . . . what can I do to relieve the stress we’ve been putting you through?” THEN SHUT UP AND LET HER CLOSE THE DEAL!!!</p>
<p>Just sayin’.</p>
<p>POIH, you are missing the point, completely. The S did not want to apply ED because he already had great options in the honors programs of certain schools and did not want to give up his shot at some of his reaches. The rank of the school was not as important to him, as fit and flexibility. Nobody, not the OP, not the S and not the H , who certainly had all the information he needed in order to question his son about the ED option, could have known for sure he’d be waitlisted and it didn’t matter to the son, in any case, because he would have made the same decision back then, regardless. I don’t see what part of this you don’t understand. </p>
<p>If the son’s stats are really that far above the 75th percentile, there is a good chance that these schools felt he was using it for a safety and denied him thinking he’d get into higher ranked schools. So this waitlist is not necessarily a bad sign of things to come. And if the S had gone ED to the match school and gotten in? The H would probably have accused the OP of short changing the kid by not allowing him to have a chance at his reaches. </p>
<p>Breathedeeply, If your son is at this point having second thoughts and would take an offer of acceptance from the waitlist school, I would urge him to contact the regional rep and make it clear that if offered a spot at that school he wlll definitely attend. If that is not the case, then he’ll be in no worse position than before - great options with chances at the reaches intact.</p>
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<p>She came back for DD spring break and when asked said “she can’t wait to go back to her new apartment”.</p>
<p>Well that response of your wife’s makes perfect sense to us here reading this thread, but that wasn’t the question posed to you. The question posed to you to ask her was: “POIH, I ask this question with genuine sincerity, If you were to ask your wife if she believes your relationship is an equal partnership, what would she say?”</p>
<p>"when asked said “she can’t wait to go back to her new apartment”.
Well,THAT is a very telling response…
No question in my mind what that means.</p>
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<p>She’ll certainly indicates that it tilts in my favor just because her thinking of DD’s future doesn’t coincide with DD’s thinking. She is of the opinion that DD’s thinking is influenced by me. So if we take out the influence on DD’s life, the relationship is an equal partnership.</p>
<p>POIH…how far is the new apartment from your home? Maybe you should join your wife there and enjoy the place with her. If it’s close to your home, it will still be close to your work.</p>
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<p>It’s too far from our home but certainly, I’ll be able to join her once a year over the christmas break but she should be able to visit more frequently. We decided to go with this because we can maintain it without renting.</p>
<p>You are only going to see your wife at Christmas? Wow.</p>
<p>^^^: No, I think you got me wrong. She is living here but will be visiting MIL 2-3 times a year and if she decide to go over the winter break too then I’ll also go with her.</p>
<p>The statement she can’t wait to go back is due to the fact that she enjoy there more because she was born, raised and went to college/university there. I thought people will see the pun intended …</p>
<p>It’s just there is no way for me to accompany her so many times. So She might go there more frequently alone.</p>
<p>Thanks for the clarification.</p>
<p>I’m pretty sure the new apartment is in another country, but are there really enough miles…</p>
<p>You seem pretty confident POIH, so I’m not worried that you think we are ganging up on you. Please don’t think I’m taking my frustrations with a domineering husband out on you either…but what you said is really remarkable. You said that when you asked your wife, she said that your influence on your daughter’s decision making takes your equal relationship out of kilter. You then quickly followed with, “But if you take that out of the equation, our relationship is equal.” WHAT? Are you really alright with knowing that you have a nearly adult daughter who is still worried about what Daddy thinks? You don’t see a future problem ahead for you, your daughter and your perfect family unit? It’s time to cut the cord and let her fly.</p>
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<p>No, again I think you got it wrong.</p>
<p>What DW think is her perception of what DD choices ended up in her life. Today if DD had chosen Stanford over MIT and pre-med over EECS even then I would not have said the same thing. Because for me it was more important what DD wants to pursue over what I wanted her to do.</p>
<p>Now, I don’t even look at DD’s grade or what company she should choose for summer internship. I only discuss with her my point of view when she ask me but it happens more often than not that she calls me first when ever she is confused or need some help. But then that’s why parent are for.</p>