<p>coureur , you fees are far to low for your service.</p>
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<p>I completely disagree with you POIH. Isn’t it wonderful that you think the husband could take a “passive role and provide financial support” only. That is absurd. </p>
<p>First…it is NOT the parents’ faults that this student was placed on ANY waitlist. College admissions at many places are unpredictable. The student did applications that GOT him accepted to a number of other places. It’s just the waitlist school that spawned this criticism from the father…and shame on him for criticizing.</p>
<p>Second. How do YOU know what them mom did and didn’t do to help this kid in the college process? It sounds like she did PLENTY.</p>
<p>Third. Shame on the father for taking a passive role and thinking financial support is ALL that matters. And shame on you for supporting that notion. But I guess it’s easier to blame someone else (the mom) when you (the father) has NOTHING to do with the application process except to write a check here and there.</p>
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<p>This post was a few pages back, but one of my observations about Naviance is that it does not indicate hooks that may/may not impact admissions. At DD’s school, for example, many lower stat athletes got into bigger name schools.</p>
<p>Does the parent also take all the credit if the kid gets into a good school? Wow-- talk about helicopter parenting. Visions of a big gorilla pounding on his chest are flashing through my mind.</p>
<p>First of all, congratulations to your son on his acceptances to honors colleges with merit. These can provide a fantastic education and great opportunities.</p>
<p>I think that some people, many of them men, act like your husband when THEY feel inadequate in some way. Could it be that your husband actually feels like a failure himself, and is displacing this onto you? The roots of these feelings could be many, including over-identifying with your son (your husband might feel like HE was the one who was rejected or waitlisted), feeling like he was not involved enough in either the college process or your son’s life, or other things relating to his role as a father or husband.
Could it be that building his confidence in some other area, which could be as simple as saying “that’s a good idea” when he has an idea (or when you lead him to thinking that your idea is really his idea, as many people seem to need in order to accept an idea), could improve this pattern of behavior?</p>
<p>The most productive way solving the problem is to talk to him face to face. None of us in this virtual world (CC discussion board) will be able to solve your problem. At the end, it is a matter between the Husband and the Wife. We are not the fly on your wall. There may be a lot of background information we are not privy to that holds the answer…Without knowing everything involved, we are just a sounding board for you to vent. Nothing more than that.</p>
<p>POIH - If she wants to, great. But if she is only calling out of guilt or to avoid a nasty scene later, not so great. But as we say in Internet, YMMV. (Your Mileage May Vary).</p>
<p>Agree, novelisto. In the ideal world, kids should call because they want to, not because they have to.</p>
<p>MMQ
Monday Morning Quarterbacking.
Easy to criticize decisions made last fall.
Low blow on his part.
You assess his penalty.</p>
<p>"When faced with a problem, men like to SOLVE.</p>
<p>If they can’t solve, they… BLAME."</p>
<p>As probably the only male who got past post #1 on this thread, let me say that I agree. But it’s also true that some of us who are more evolved emotionally and/or went to Catholic schools or colleges modify it a bit:</p>
<p>When faced with a problem, men like to SOLVE.</p>
<p>If they can’t solve, they… drink beer.</p>
<p>I am really really bad at building and fixing things, and I feel really unmanly when I can’t do something that other males can do easily. My immediate physiological reaction to having trouble assembling a bookshelf or fixing a dripping faucet is that I feel hot all over and start sweating. If it gets worse, I get so hot that I take off my shirt. Mrs. Schmaltz loves telling people about the time I assembled a fairly large cabinet and mounted it on the wall in the laundry room. By the time I was done with that project I was covered with sweat and was wearing only my boxer shorts.</p>
<p>^^^^depending on the actual image she has emblazoned in her memory, Mrs. Schmaltz may enjoy telling the story :p</p>
<p>Depending on the actual image, I think it might be Mrs. Schmaltz that is drinking the beer! ;)</p>
<p>OP:</p>
<p>You love your husband, I’m sure. He said something stupid and cruel. He made two mistakes; he needs to correct both errors.</p>
<p>The stupid one should not be too expensive for him. Make him read a book on the subject of college admissions – In front of DS!</p>
<p>The cruel mistake should be expensive for him. Calculate the number of hours you put into your research, multiply by $50 per hour. That out to do it, it’s only fair.</p>
<p>Your husband needs to understand that admission to every school is not necessarily the ideal outcome. With very few exceptions, it probably means you were not trying hard enough. Let’s say instead you get a couple of reach rejections, a waitlist from a 3rd reach, a couple of merit offers from “match” schools, and a safety offer. That would indicate a very good job of assessing your chances. Chances are, no amount of harder charging would have gotten you through to the next most selective school after the one that WL’ed you.</p>
<p>TK21769: How in the HELL can you type with a straight face that a MOM “did not try hard enough”?</p>
<p>Yeah, the OP’s H did say something stupid and cruel…and yes if it were I, he’d be getting an actual invoice for the “work provided”…put alittle business context around the situation. The OP has much more restraint than I do, if it were me and my H would have thrown that ***** in my face it would have been an all out war. Interestingly my H is now an early retired SAHD for a number of years…I would bit my tongue in half before I would ever value my job and cash income over his contributions. But I must say I have heard similar comments from working spouses to non working spouses of both sexes and it’s a pretty passive agressive sucker punch.</p>
<p>Schmaltz if you finish the job you are a hero in my eyes even in boxers. I’m married to one who can do anything absolutely anything around the house but never completes anything. I live in constant chaos since I’m a forward moving, production minded completer married to a absolute non-completer. For example, if he shovels the driveway he will always…and I mean always…leave a small section somewhere unshoveled. He will wash a load of clothes but never, ever move them from washer to dryer. 5 years for a fireplace surround. 7 years for a screened porch. After 25 years it is now hilarious…not so hilarious in years 1 through 5. I guess that is what “breath deeply” really means.</p>
<p>"Depending on the actual image, I think it might be Mrs. Schmaltz that is drinking the beer! "</p>
<p>All’s I have to say is my neighbors better hope I don’t get bored with my back yard and decide to build a patio. If one of my neighbors has a video camera, it would probably be quickly followed by a viral internet video called “Naked guy has painful accident while fitting two bricks together.”</p>
<p>The one word that’s pops into my head to describe your husband sounds like a “D” word that rhymes with “Pick”.</p>
<p>At least in this particular situation. Maybe not everyday or all the time. We all screw up and say something mean/wrong/inappropriate from time to time. But if he hasn’t backpeddled and sincerely apologized, shame on him. </p>
<p>Congratulations on having what sounds like a fine son with great options and for doing all the groundwork and research to help get him to those options.</p>
<p>What the OP’s husband did was not only passive-aggressive and cruel, but also completely wrong in my book. </p>
<p>If there is any responsibility/blame for the waitlist, it rests solely with the applicant as he was the one who was responsible for earning high school grades, SAT scores, participated in ECs, completed the application/essays, etc. Even then, that blame is limited by the chancy nature of college admissions. </p>
<p>Count me in as another person who completed his college apps with no parental involvement whatsoever at 16-17. Only notable exceptions was Dad suggesting I apply to UW-Madison and expressing concerns about whether I could handle the academic rigor at my LAC after I was accepted with a near-full ride scholarship there because of my mediocre high school record. </p>
<p>The parents didn’t even read my college app essays before I sent them out. My situation wasn’t unique among my HS classmates as the vast majority did their college apps without parental assistance due to language/cultural/educational barriers and/or not having time due to working long hours/multiple jobs. If anything, we regarded the minority of classmates whose parents were involved in the college selection/application process as peculiar at the time. </p>
<p>Internet access was also uncommon during our HS days so there was no CC to consult for advice.</p>