I dislike my university. Thoughts?

College Life
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I am coming up on my second quarter of my freshman year. I attend a small university (~6000 undergraduate students) in the pacific northwest attached to a bigger university system and do not like my life at this university.

During the first quarter, I didn’t have a positive nor negative experience at this school and made 1 close friend and tried to put myself out there as best as I can. I’ve tried my best to like this school but coming back from winter break, and hearing my high school friends are actually excited to go back to school while i was dreading the fact.

I wanted to go to an (any size) school in a city or a large university in a small town. my school however is overwhelmingly suburban. There is nothing to do in a walking distance, and the closest thing to do in a reasonable driving distance is a cinema.

The size of this campus is extremely small, in comparison to the biggest campus in the system, It’s about 18% in acre size. and the campus is also shared with a community college.

The university itself is pretty diverse, but within the the different races it lacks ethnic diversity. I am african-american & south indian. The black community on this campus is overwhelmingly east african and have yet to met a black person who is not a 1st or 2nd generation african (all parts) in america, even though we might like the same type of media, it is very clique-ish. The asian community on this campus is an overwhelmingly indian, but majority of the indians on this campus is from the northern or eastern part of india. This is a personal preference, but I do not like interacting with indian communities in the US not related to my subethnicity or ones closely related as I personally get a standoffish vibe by everyone else and find those communities generally toxic. I don’t like to party and don’t do recreational drugs except cannabis (only in the comfort of my home) and it’s a well known fact that this campus is socially dead.

During the first quarter, my roommate and I had a decent relationship. After coming back from winter break, I feel they have become more distant and less understanding when it comes to my wants & needs that I bring up. I have brought this to an RA but this has not changed and I am currently very unhappy in my living environment. I have also developed insomnia due to our different schedules along with frequent mindgrains (2-3 times during the week). My school is a commuter campus & the 2 out of the 3 friends I have made this school are commuters, and my other friend already has a larger friend group they are apart of.

I enjoy 1 out of the 3 of my classes, and don’t find myself focusing on the field that I want to study as they do not have many classes focused on a certain area. I do not have a social life, and generally just go to my class and come back to my dorm rather than interacting with others. I look forward to going home on the weekends. I’m debating withdrawing and going to a community college the spring quarter, as commuting to this school long-term is not beneficial and time consuming for me (1.5 to 2hrs/day) even if I get out of my dorm lease and commute.

If you are reading this. What are your thoughts?

Ignore grammatical errors, i’ve written this in a state of irritation.

2

Get involved, get a job, etc.

Some kids take a year to adjust. For others it’s not right for them and it’s ok to leave.

It’s ok to put in apps elsewhere. Then after you get your offers, you can visit and see if the campus area works better for you.

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Trust, I am. I have a part time job at a target near my school and I am also in 5 different clubs & interval soccer. :hugs:

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First things first. Do you have meds that work for your migraines? If not, that’s your priority.

Have you spoken with your roommate about how to improve your living situation and relationship? Is the living situation working for them? You don’t have to be friends, but you do have to get along as people who live together. I would also encourage you to continue to develop relationships with others and prioritize a social life…you will have to put yourself out there at any school you attend.

If you want to transfer, you certainly can. Maybe the first step that could work is the local CC as you said. Also consider the other colleges that accepted you last year. Are any of those a possibility for transfer? I assume since you are a commuter, that you would be applying for need based aid?

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OP is not a commuter based on the information shared in the starting post in this thread.

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My thought is that being at a commuter college is a bad fit for you. Most campus fun happens at weekends. That’s how people really get to know others. If you’re all going home at the weekend, it’s hard to go beyond superificial relationships.

But you also seem incredibly picky about who you want to hang out with. It’s hard to imagine there’s a large community of students just like you at any college in the US. Maybe consider tranferring to an HBCU.

You go home at wekekends, and it seems large numbers of others do also, so it seems you are at a suitcase, or commuter, school. Those schools aren’t the best for people who really want an active campus life. Do a bit of research to find colleges where the majority of students live on campus full time. It’s straightforward to find that information.

Re your major, you’re only a freshmen and there is plenty of time to get classes related to your major. Many colleges have gen eds. I would not factor that in too much. It seems your main issue is a lack of social life. However, you need to consider if your credits will transfer to other schools that aren’t in your public U system.

I personally think you need more time to settle in too. Unless you’re withdrawing early, which i would advise against, it’s very important for you to finish the semester strongly, even if you do transfer to CC.

Finally, please understand that not all your friends are having a great time at college. Everyone is always putting on a brave face, but a huge number of college freshmen struggle in their first year. You can’t judge your experience by the experieince of others, pretending everything is great to the outside world, when they are also struggling in secret.

Attend CC next year if yiu like, but it is also really important to realize that a lot of your friends might be moving on with their lives, meeting new people and establishing new friend groups. If you are thinking that by moving back home, thigns might be like they were in high school, you might be disappointed.

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OP appears to be a residential student at a mostly commuter university – not the best situation for campus-based social life.

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The problem is your negative outlook on everything that you discussed in the thread starting post. Reread your post OP. Count the negative thoughts expressed and then count your positive comments.

Do you engage in exercise daily ? If not, that might help you to view life in a more positive fashion. Of course, marijuana usage may affect your desire to exercise. Do you use marijuana as a way to cope with migraine headaches ? If so, maybe a different type of medication should be considered.

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Since you are soliciting thoughts, this all sounds like fairly typical freshman year adjustment issues to me. The roommate issue is tough, but keep communicating your concerns with the RA and most importantly, your roommate. Maybe the RA can assist in putting together a mutual written agreement of sorts. Regarding your preferences for interacting with certain minority groups of a specific origin, that is a tough standard to meet anywhere. You will have to adjust your expectations as well and maybe be open to interacting with other groups. This is all an “intro” to real life - things will not always be optimal and you will have to adapt and keep moving forward.

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So on the one hand, I think it is fine to transfer when you end up at a college that is not suitable for you, and a much more suitable college would be comfortably affordable.

On the other, the grass is not always greener, meaning some of the issues some people have when transitioning to college are not always easily fixed with a transfer.

Not actually knowing you, I can’t really tell you what to do. But if you have actually identified some colleges that seem much more promising in terms of setting, academic program, and student body mix, then I wouldn’t discourage giving them a serious look. Just understand that some of other issues you identified might not be as easy to address, and there might in fact be new issues at any new school.

Or you could go the community college route. That’s fine too. Or possibly even take a pause on school in general. Again, I don’t know you well enough to say this is true of you in particular, but I think many kids are not really in a good place to go straight to college after secondary school, but they sort of get pushed into it because it is the expected next step in their family, among peers, or so on. In cases like that, I think sometimes the best thing is to take a pause, maybe quite a long pause.

Because college is not going anywhere, and sometimes after a pause people come back to college with a renewed focus, meaning a good idea of exactly what they need out of college to advance their plans, which makes it easy for them to choose and complete the right sort of program. And sometimes, people discover they don’t actually need college at all, which is fine too.

But again, these are all just options. My real point is to think holistically about the issues you are encountering, which might not all be specific to this one college, and then think with an open mind about possible next steps.

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first, I can take advil if I catch a mindgrain early enough but if i can’t recognize it, there’s no stopping the mindgrain for me.

yes i’ve brought this up with my RA but things have still not changed. i try my best to initiate social interactions with others but from what i’m getting back it’s more these interactions for other people are of convenience rather than actually wanting.

my parents make enough to pay in-state tuition fully so basic aid is not needed.

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i’m not picky, and if other commenters are reading this listen up as i explained in my original post, I never had a problem interacting or becoming friends with east african folks at all. they just generally don’t let me into their spaces when I have tried to become friends with them. I’ve expressed to them that we have the same interest and everything and have tried my best to initiate contact.

as for the indians, i stand by that. though, if they want to initiate friendship i’m not opposed at all, as I have tried in the beginning. it just doesn’t seem to happen. I have no problem stopping becoming friends with people of many difference races either. I’m just tired of trying that’s all.

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It’s good that Advil works for your migraines (that’s the proper spelling.) If I were your parent I would encourage you to see a physician since you are having 3 migraines per week. Do you have a pediatrician/primary care doc you like?

Have you spoken with your roommate too? Is it an option for you to change rooms for second semester? Living with someone who is not necessarily a friend takes a lot of give and take for everyone (even when you live with friends things can be challenging.) Good luck.

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i go to the gym daily (or when i can), and do soccer club on campus every wednesday.

marijuana i don’t even do at school or in dorms, I do it at my home and not that frequently. only like once or twice a month and usually with a relative or friend.

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i mean i’m not picky on who i become friends with specific to any ethnic group. I just mentioned them because I feel excluded from these groups that “look like me.” half of my black friends back in my hometown are of east african descent and had no problem making them. as for indians, idc i stand by that.

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I hear how unhappy you are. I’m sorry your first year isn’t going as well as you’d hoped.

I see you’re on the quarter system so you’re probably just ramping up on winter quarter. One good thing about quarter systems is that you’re not stuck in classes you don’t like for very long. So, if you got a couple classes you don’t love, spend some time reflecting on what it is you like and don’t like so you can at least take away something useful for the future. And then make the best of it.

I agree with others that say there’s no harm in looking into other schools that offer more of the social life and environment you’re seeking. How did you end up at the school you’re at when it seems like it wasn’t what you were after (school in a city or large school in a small college town)? What constraints led to your current situation? Are they still a problem now?

While you’re doing that external research and reflection, you’re going to need to do the same thing internally. There’s a cliche that goes something like, “wherever you go, there you are.” You may well carry some of the same behaviors and mindsets into your new environment. Consider how you have contributed to the situation you feel you’re in. Put yourself in your roommate’s shoes, look at your choices and actions with a critical lens. Is there anything you’d want to do differently if given a new opportunity at a new place? Is there anything you can do differently right now that might give you a fresh perspective?

This reflection may help you get clear on what the right next move is, and it will most definitely help you show up with more intention and confidence wherever that may be. Hang in there, you will find your way.

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I’m not picky on who I hang out with or become friends with, I just brought up the ethnicity of the folks who “look like me”, and I most wanted to hang out with during my time at college as i didn’t have that experience in high school on a large scale. My 3 friends at this university are of hispanic and east african (2) background.

i applied and got into all the HBCU i applied for, regarding that fact all the schools were to expensive and my parents make too much to qualify for financial aid, but don’t make enough to drop that much money to pay it a year. nor did they want me to take out loans for that matter.

I personally enjoy my major but there are no specific focuses, it’s hard to do a concentration especially as a liberal arts major because there are not a lot of classes.

i don’t expect moving back home to be like high school nor do i want to relive those memories. truly horrendous times for me. :new_moon_face: I would generally just get a job and finish my schooling for 1 year and a quarter at the community college before transferring and focus on myself.

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Wow you know a lot about people’s backgrounds. I am Hispanic and I went to a private college, which was about the same size as your school, but I had no idea about the student ethnic diversity within them.

We spoke about our high schools, likes/dislikes, where they were from, siblings, travel, hobbies, relationships, media, foods, etc. I could tell you what town or city they were from, but I never knew their diverse ethnic make up. We actually played board games, cards and thought of ways or tricks to study a lot of information in little time. We developed study groups.

I question whether or not you know how to carry on a conversation that isn’t about someone’s ethnic background?

Also, the way to stop feeling sorry for yourself is to get involved in the community and volunteer. You can find something to do on campus that helps out the community. This is where you find your people. Coming together for a cause helps you, by helping others.

If you transfer to another school, how do you know you won’t face the same issues?

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I don’t know if you have ever been in black spaces but ethnicity comes up almost always especially amongst africans, caribbeans and african americans, i’ve never initiated conversation about ethnicity as i do not care for such. if i cared that much about ethnicity, my closest friends at this school wouldn’t be hispanic, white, cambodian or ethiopian and wouldn’t have friends.

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is it wrong to want to feel represented in the spaces you are in?