For those uneasy about retirement, I just want to chime in and say it is great!! So much you can do. Don’t be wary!
I guess I’m fortunate in a weird way to have been forced into advocacy for my mentally ill son. As a result, I’ve gotten involved with NAMI. I speak around the state, serve on the state board of directors, and teach classes for family members. It’s given me a sense of purpose to be able to help other people who are in the same boat I am. I think I will be doing this for many years.
I would encourage folks to find a cause you can be passionate about and dive in. I have been shocked at the difference one person can make. There are so many people who need help!
I think that retirement is like your kids going away to college. It’s what you want for your kids (imagine the alternative) but it’s unknown! You dread and dread it. But then after a little while, it becomes the norm and it’s great. The kids are thriving, you find other things to do and it’s a new normal.
I didn’t have that sadness when the kids went to college. I felt like the luckiest person, I wanted that experience for them. I am lucky to have a good, happy marriage which I know many don’t have. It was harder when they graduated from college, neither is near and limited vacation time. But that worked out too. The kids have great jobs, great lives and great significant others. I’ve won the lottery with my kids.
I’ve found other things in my life. We live in a great place and I have interests. I’m more of an introvert and think I depend on my husband too much as we have friends but not a big network of good friends. I’ve had to reinvent myself.
I think as we go into yet another phase of life, it’s normal to feel unsettled.
@doschicos has it right!
A friend of mine retired a year or so ago, which shocked me. She always said she would never retire…she definitely had an identity job (large animal vet). Now when I see her, she says she is very happy, doing all sorts of projects and creating things. She considers being a vet as something that she used to do, and now when people ask her to go to horse shows, she says NO, because she’s not remotely interested. She definitely has it all figured out.
We had a great retirement thread going here on CC not too long ago. One that dealt with the pros and cons more than the financials…BUT I think it’s worth saying that retirement isn’t a walk in the park for everyone -mentally or financially. For many retirement means really cutting back. Income will not be near the same. That is the reality for a good chunk of people.
On the other hand, the mental part…I guess you can’t know if retirement is for you until you try it.
More on the purpose of this thread, I’ll admit that I shy away from the idea of retirement because mentally for me, retirement = old. Hate that. Yet I am seeing it all around me. That gets me down.
One thing that might apply to some here, as far as that uneasy, uncomfortable feeling…it might not be psychological, it might be low hormone levels.
At the beginning of this summer, I was feeling great, hormone levels were up. Then I went through a couple of health scares and long periods of inactivity, with high levels of stress. Thought I was feeling bad because of that, but when the doctor measured my hormone levels, they were in the toilet. I went completely through menopause over the summer, without knowing it. I am now taking estrogen and they are trying to raise my hormone levels, which does make me feel better, but I’m definitely not there yet. One thing that seems to make a huge amount of difference, is that when my testosterone levels are down (as they are for most women my age, without supplementation), that feeling of well being completely disappears. Exercising does raise testosterone levels, and I’m thinking that and extra supplementation might help. We’ll see!
Just something for the ladies to consider, hormone levels make a big difference.
One thing that has helped H and me is to retire TO something you enjoy. He retired and is happy doing a ton of little projects around the house. I retired from my part time job to start and run a nonprofit. It’s a lot of challenge AND fun! I meet and stay in touch with interesting people all over the US.
I’ve been reading a long with this thread and want to send big cyber hugs for all who are struggling.
I related to so much of what has been posted, but in the last decade, as I was facing turning 40. I was really struggling with my decision to be a stay at home mom vs returning to the work, if I was setting a good example for my D, being productive “enough”, etc…
Now that I’m a decade older, I’ve let a lot of that angst go. I tell people I’m a “retired stay at home mom.” I write novels for my own enjoyment (at least for now), managed an extensive house remodel, I have picked up new hobbies - gardening and baking, and I’m joining a philanthropy group next week and will get active with volunteering again. I exercise every day, run all of my errands on foot, and overall feel more content than I have in a long time. We have an active social life and travel often.
I’m mostly happily married (we certainly have our ups and downs) and our politics are mostly divergent now which causes more tension than I’d like but H is a keeper.
I don’t worry about dying, especially now that D is a young adult and I feel like she’s on the right path. We have a son who died who will be waiting for me on the other side.
My biggest struggle is with my aging parents. I have to fly to see them 5-6 times/year and managing their care and issues long distance isn’t easy. There are a long, complicated dysfunctional family issues that make things emotionally more difficult than they could be but I’m slowly working through those with the help of Al Anon.
Overall, I feel like my life has been a series of ups and down. Some points were much more difficult than others, and I’m sure I’ll have more downs to come. I think that is really normal. I don’t know anyone who has had it easy all the time. That’s just a fairytale.
Sure, the financial part can be challenging for some and they might have to continue working either full or part time to increase assets. My previous post was mainly directed to the comments here by those who have the means but still fear retirement.
As far as the emotional and mental angle, that’s within one’s control and mindset. If you equate retirement = old, change that mindset. I know many folks that are a couple decades older than me that I have met through my volunteer and political efforts. They are very active and engaged - the ones without health issues are extremely active with biking, hiking, tennis,camping, etc. All of them are very actively engaging their minds - volunteer work (your skill sets are greatly needed!), political work, taking continuing ed classes, big readers - none of this requires big bucks. None of these people act old, IMO, and serve as great role models. I’m impressed by their energy and engagement. We can control our mindsets. If you are bored in retirement, to be blunt, you (collective you not anyone here personally) lack creativity and imagination.
Menopause, retirement, and The Grim Reaper. I smell an Onion article, “Boomers Aghast to Find They’re Aging.” I think trying to maintain a sense of humor while avoiding mirrors and dodging invitations from the shrouded one is key. Really, what’s the alternative?
I second @doschicos’s comments about retirement and mindset, but I think this thread is more about the fact that, at some point, each of us posting here has passed some artificial line that has us thinking thoughts that either never occurred to us before or that we never dwelled on before. These are not young thoughts. Perhaps I am aghast that I am no longer unencumbered by youth. I know I need to get over this, but it’s OK to dwell here for a time while moving into my new skin and mental house.
Keep posting everyone. We’re all in this together and being honest about our aging thoughts is helpful.
^^^ I don’t disagree with this - but, if the people in your everyday life are of the mindset of retirement = old then that is hard to have in your face daily. I’ll admit that my H is sort of this way - it’s a real negative for me. 
The key I think is “reinventing”. Perhaps that should be a buzz word for many of us - CC posters, is that a word for you?!
Give yourself permission to “reinvent” yourself in one facet of your life or another.
I will admit to lacking creativity and imagination. I don’t have (or want) grandchildren. I don’t do crafts or garden. I run, read, watch sports and TV, engage in social media, love on my pets and work. I encounter so much crazy and interesting stuff in my job that friends actually ask me to tell work stories. I’m really considering what is going to fill the space of this job. Plus- what about all my clothes? ?
Really excellent thread that I have enjoyed reading. Thank you!
Can’t do anything about getting old and dying (and I always dodge mirrors), but you can definitely control your hormone levels. It’s not a fact of life that one must accept…I have been on bio-identical hormones for years, and hopefully will never have to stop them.
I’m with MOWC on the lack of creativity and imagination. Have absolutely none of those things.
@MomofWildChild Lots of non-profits would love to have your lawyerly skills. Retirement doesn’t have to be the stereotypical crafts, gardening, grandchildren, church women’s group kind of stuff.
However, if you are loving your job and all the monetary and non-monetary benefits that come along with it, nothing wrong with continuing to work. I know you stated you can’t make it part-time but I’d speculate you probably could. Given your skills and years of experience, I would bet your company would rather have you part-time than not at all.
If you do retire, I’m sure some org that helps women get back on their feet would love a donation from your work wardrobe. 
I’ll just say this. I love the time we live in now and that we feel that we have choices (for the most part lol).
We can work if we want, we can retire if we want. We can yearn for grandchildren. Or no. Or be ambivalent about it if that’s your jam (probably mine).
We can be whoever or whatever we want. We just have to want to do it. But do something, whatever that is.
Believe it or not, my lawyer skills don’t really translate into non-profit areas. I’m sort of taking it a month at a time. We shall see… It has been nice being home for the last two weeks, even though some work things had to be addressed. I liked sleeping later and not having to be at work all day. I probably don’t need more time to get into arguments on social media, though!
Just knowing how to read through a contract and anything legalize is a much needed skill set! 
Well…I’m always a bit melancholy this time of year and this year is no exception. I just got off the phone with a friend. I called to wish her a Happy New Year and during our phone call it seemed she twisted everything I said. I think she was just feeling down herself, but it didn’t help my mood.
And yes, as one of the older posters, I have a growing sense of my own mortality.