“Just knowing how to read through a contract and anything legalize is a much needed skill set! :)”
That would also require one to maintain an active bar membership and deal with all that wonderful stuff called CLEs 
- or it will be practicing law without a license.
Most state bars have Emeritus Pro Bono Practice Rules that eliminate or lessen fees and CLEs. Retired lawyers do volunteer work all the time.
https://www.americanbar.org/groups/law_aging/resources/emeritus_pro_bono/
At every transition, there’s angst. Heading off to college. Getting a first job. Getting married. Having a baby. Changing jobs. The difficult portion of all this at this stage is that what lies ahead is very freeform. We get to shape it; there are no rules or templates. But we want someone to draw us a picture and tell us what to do.
@compmom Those jobs we loved in our 30’s-plus have often changed, are no longer what they were, if they even still exist. It’s a real factor in unease. What I did, that was so interesting and fulfilling, just isn’t the business model in my industry anymore. It exists, but no longer depends on one’s education and savvy/range of skills, etc, and has been replaced by more consumer focus. (This was my career before getting involved in several ways with the university.)
But I want to say, for all your challenges, compmom, I see the triumph in your words, your attitude. I love it.
I went through this angst 15 years ago in my early 50’s. DS was finishing high school, DH was getting ready to retire and commuting 90 minutes a way every day, and I was working a decent enough second career from home. But generally I was not happy in a fairly empty and friendless life in our upscale child oriented Chicago suburb.
Then one winter we drove to Florida over winter break, had lovely sunny weather in Fort Lauderdale, and arrived home in a blizzard. The next morning I woke up and had an epiphany - I didn’t have to live with winter for the rest of my life.
It took five years to convince DH that we should eventually move to a warm weather climate, then another five years to make it happen. During that time DS finished college, moved away to work, and eventually boomeranged home and got another job. DH retired and began consulting, including business trips to Russia and China. My job was discontinued when my boss was promoted. So there we were, the cat and me, home alone and sad.
In the end it took (1) my MIL passing away at age 99 and (2) me nearly having a nervous breakdown, to get DH to commit to moving. So over the years we researched the country, picked San Diego, sold our home to a developer, and kicked our birdie out of the nest for the second time. (After which the buyer knocked down the nest.)
Literally days after we moved, my mom passed away back home - we’d only had our furniture for five days. It was very surreal since I had no real support in our old community and knew no one here. Rough period, but working to get all her financial accounts transferred to my brother and myself, and sell her condo, and getting to know our new area kept me involved. And I slowly began making friends through a great MeetUp group - I now have the best support system I can ever remember.
Financially it would have been tight avoiding dipping into retirement accounts, but my parents had put their money into mutual funds (and cruising) so we’re in pretty comfortable shape. Health wise, my extremities are slowly getting arthritic, teeth have needed tons of work, eyes will eventually need cataract operation and eyelid lift. But other than Diabetes 2, internal body operation is fine. Our current house is adaptable to aging needs, much more than our old house.
If we hadn’t made that move…it would have been bad, let’s just say.
In my state, once an attorney turns 70 they no longer have to complete CLEs. Guess they know it all by then 
As for old(er) and retirement, this’ll be blunt. Most of what “interests” my retired friends just isn’t living life, to me. No offense intended to anyone, I may be the odd egg, but to me it isn’t about babysitting, or golf or mall walking, the condo board, etc. (Ok, that’s just one set of friends, truly very lovely folks.) Their preferred mode of travel or local choices is different; among these friends, their sense of adventure still colors within the lines. There is a wonderful set of MeetUp friends, but my favorite activities with them have evolved to just when we hang together, feet up.
There’s a set of grad school friends fanning out across the country, registering voters and other vital work, they’re impressive. (These are mostly former attorneys/judges. And very excited about the work.) Another set is the local non-profit volunteers. I do a lot with hospice, directly with the bereaved and families now losing a loved one But (like I’d imagine NAMI can be,) a challenging environment, constant flow of needs and fears and stresses. I find it fulfilling, but it can need balance.
And I’ll offer this, as a heads-up: life as a widow or widower is a major adjustment. Not the free will sorts of choices we think of when discussing retirement or down-sizing. Since I’ve worked with so many now, it’s not just the ways you can envision. It includes ways you never expect, eg, changing relationships with friends.
So a big part of successfully knowing what will work for you when you change lanes, is actively rediscovering who that you is. It can take some work. Yes, you can start that exploration any time- and with a spirit of adventure.
In ways, it’s sort of like our first job hunts, decades ago: what do we want to be?
I don’t feel old, but I have noticed that once I let my hair go gray, I am sort of “overlooked.” It’s kind of like people look through me, rather than at me. I mentioned this to some of my students when I was still working … they didn’t do it to me, I was just sharing my experiences with them. They assured me that they don’t consider me even close to “old.” But sometimes being ignored by those who don’t know me gets to me. I am a bit of an introvert, so I don’t typically light up a room when I walk in. Guess I will have to dust off my many-decades-forgotten sorority rush skills & start being more outgoing in new situations. Something to work on in the future.
I actually enjoy unscheduled time, and I have no doubt that I will put it to good use. I do want to travel more in the next few years, but my H doesn’t seem all that thrilled to do it. That surprises me, because we love going places together. There is so much I haven’t seen, and I want to do it while we are healthy. I suspect my H is reluctant right now because his parents are in their 90’s & “could “ need us at any time. I resent having to put our lives on hold when his mom will probably live forever. And mixed in is the guilt of not being there for my own parents as much as I wish I had been (I had kids, job … they lived a plane ride away). I want to be there for his parents, but I want my life to be more “fun” than it is right now. I just feel like we are always putting everything off … and I don’t want to do that anymore.
Really, I have a good life. And it will all work out for me. I just appreciate a chance to write what I feel. I would never just say it, because it’s honestly pretty whiny & silly.
I feel the same way about travel. We actually backed out of my dream trip because there was zero flexibility with dates/cancellation and flying home if there was an emergency would have been too difficult. With both of H and I dealing with aging parents, it wasn’t a risk we wanted to take.
We’ve been working hard at planning trips with more flexibility so we can still travel. They aren’t quite as exciting (at least to me) but it still gets us out and about.
@HImom retiring “to” is a wonderful concept, and I think that’s my problem at the moment. I actually enjoy lots of things about my work (not the long commute) and I’m having a hard time letting go of that part of my life. I need to either stumble over a giant pot of cash and begin travelling the world in style or figure out an economical compromise for the future.
In my profession I work with a lot of young people. I enjoy my interactions with them. They think I am bit nutty, but I keep them in line to get work done. It is fun when I can come up with a better technology solution than they do. They say I keep them on their toes. I think I would miss it when I retire. At the same time, like MOWC, I am really enjoying my two weeks off. I spent the first week with my family, but this week I am staying home by myself. I have been waking up late (7am ), having a leisure breakfast and catching up on some TV shows. I managed to get one errand done a day. D1 said, “getting a massage doesn’t count as an errand.” Well, I am not sure if I am in agreement.
I try to focus on what makes me happy now. I don’t really exercise and I used to feel guilty, but now I don’t. I go out for a walk when I want to and if I don’t do it one day I don’t feel bad about it.
I honestly have unease and angst over the entire holiday season. When my kids were little I handled it better, but it gets harder as I get older (now 49). Even with friends and family around me, holidays always make me blue. I don’t know what it is, but I have never enjoyed them. I don’t like hosting and we switch off hosting with our cousins ever other year. This year was our year and I literally went into my room and gave a little cheer once dinner was over–I’m just not confident in my hosting skills and I do not love to cook. When my parents are gone I think I’m going to plan to be away with my immediate family for Christmas.
So I was low key blue throughout most of December, but of course putting on my best happy face as I usually do (while eating copious amounts of sweets to deal with my angst–ugh). My FAVORITE time of the holidays is today when I take everything down and clean up all the holiday decorations. Clean start to the new year. It’s crazy I feel about 85% better now! Goodby holidays, goodby 2019! It’s amazing what taking down all the decorations can do.
Lots of people feel weird over the holidays because our real lives don’t match the Hallmark lives we all compare them to. And nothing “routine” is going on.
This thread is so satisfying. It’s like the “Say It” thread to a degree but we are allowed to respond. I appreciate all the honesty, heartfelt feelings and suggestions and support. Thank you @SouthernHope for starting the thread - even though it wasn’t started “joyfully” by you!
If your holiday routine isn’t working for you - or your everyday life for that matter - give yourself permission to change things - plan out action steps, even small ones, and make them happen. I realize not everything is changeable but a lot is.
Yikes, delaying travel because aging parents might need you…that could go on for 5, 10, 20 years, until you might be too old or infirm to travel yourselves.
I suggest travel insurance that covers that situation. That way if something dire happens, you can return if needed. As a parent, I wouldn’t be able to stand the thought of my kiddos putting their lives on hold for us, just in case.
@busdriver11 if you’re responding to me about delaying travel, I’m not doing that. I’m just saying that once my lovely, amazing parents are gone and we don’t have them coming for Christmas, I’ll plan to be somewhere warm with my immediate family of 4 for Christmas through New Years . It’s really those 4 plus my mom and dad that make Christmas for me. I really don’t feel compelled to spend that day with 10 other people besides them. But for now since they do like the holiday bigger family gathering at Christmas, I’ll do that. But when they’re gone, Bahamas, Hawaii or Mexico, here we come! I better start saving now ; )
Another thing I’ve decided to do to give my life more meaning is to start studying piano again seriously, after a hiatus of almost 30 years. We’re getting our Steinway restored and I already have an excellent teacher lined up. I almost majored in piano performance but decided to be practical and study engineering, instead. I am very excited about the thought of playing again! Just the discipline and structure of daily practice will be helpful, I think.
The response may be for me. H is having some trouble trying to deal with his parents going into assisted living, getting their house ready to sell (and we live 15 hours from them), and watching his dad’s health decline. I think he will be okay in a reasonable amount of time. The problem is, I really want to work again for a couple more years. This should be the time we go somewhere … but we are, I guess. We are going to clean out his parents’ house next week. Whoopee.
If you do not enjoy cooking/entertaining, consider having the meal catered. It is often cost about the same. When the food arrives, just put it in your own dishes, no need to tell anyone.
This year for our xmas eve dinner for 15+ people, we had it all catered and split the cost between all of us (we were at a rental house). I even had alcohol delivered. We spent a lot more time playing games and catching up.