No, @crknwk2000, I was responding to posts by kelsmom and momofsenior1. It sounds like they are spending so much time sacrificing for parents, that they don’t feel free to do what they want to. I would not want my kids to sacrifice like that, and travel insurance would give peace of mind that they could cancel/return from a trip without breaking the bank. Hopefully when things calm down, they can travel for fun, without guilt or worry.
Ha! I love being “old.” It’s deliciously liberating.
@oldfort you are my hero! Helpful advice.
My folks are 90 and 95. I generally try to pay for travel on my Chase Sapphire card, which has travel insurance included so we can get a refund if needed.
My H is approaching 80 and some of his friends are dead or no longer able to travel, so I want us to travel together happily while we can. We have been taking about 4 trips/year, mostly domestic. I want us to start doing an international trip a year as well. This year, I’m planning for me, H and our kids to go to Europe for about a month. I’m really looking forward to it.
@agreatstory great comment
@SouthernHope Thanks for starting this thread. Obviously, you struck a common chord…
I also feel uneasy about a number of aspects of my middle-aged life. This thread has made me think about why I feel this way, when any outside observer would say that I should feel fine.
I think a unifying theme to my un-ease is the difference between how I feel and how I “should” feel. The holidays brought this home for me.
My oldest was home from out-of-state, and my friends asked if I was happy to see her. Well, yes, but I was exhausted from working too much, and I needed a break. Her being home meant expectations that I was going to “host”, when I really just wanted to sleep and relax. I should feel excited to see her, but really I’m just tired. I should be excited that she’s getting married this summer, but really I’m uneasy about her situation and her relationship, but I can’t really discuss this with her.
I should be excited to be closer to retirement, but that only means I need to figure out what’s next after a long and exhausting career and raising kids.
So, I’ve decided to try not to listen to the “should” messages. Life is complicated. There are few absolutes. There is no one way I should feel or react. I need to accept that.
I’ve been following this thread with great interest, since I also feel a little blue.
@MomofWildChild said in #59
This struck a chord with me and I’ve been thinking about it for days now. I’ve finally come up with what I’ll consider my intention for 2020. Here goes!
“I’ll give it a whirl!”
Could be anything. A new recipe, movie, running route, book, Whatever. I feel like I’ve put myself in “safe mode” and it’s time to stop.
H retired last year and is enjoying it so much! The plan is for me to retire mid-2020. I am definitely looking forward to the “no work” part, but do need to give some thought to how I want to reinvent my life (I’ll be 55). H needs much less social interaction than me…so it’ll be important for me to figure that out. I find making/keeping friendships more difficult at this stage of life.
Your post reminds me of something H said over Thanksgiving.
He works long hours in hospitality in his mid-50s and he is TIRED.
Over the holiday, one of our kids came home and brought her young dog. One night she went out to visit a friend, “locked” the dog in our kitchen, and the dog was anxious, whining, and barking.
H blurted out, “I’m not going to have the patience if our kids have kids!!! I just want to go to bed!”
For sure he can relate to the mixed bag of happy to you visits plus exhaustion.
Both of us were looking forward to getting back to our normal routines after both holidays.
Mental & physical weariness is a thing.
@busdriver11 - Totally agree about trip insurance. My mom, if she were well, certainly would not want us to put our life on hold. My father, on the other hand, has always expected the world to revolve around him and wants everyone there at his beck and call (he’s the challenging one).
We book with travel cards where we can get our flights covered and have a hotel card for the same. Where we get caught up is looking at exotic/distant locations, and/or cruises, where it could take days to get home if there was an emergency. And unfortunately, there have been too many emergencies in the last two years that it gives us pause.
Now we’re looking at less remote places, on land, that we could fly home from in under a day. That still gives us plenty of places to visit. Hopefully we’ll have time for the exotics some day!
I invite everyone to take a look at the thread about 20 things to accomplish in 2020. It helped me look forward and identified for me that sometimes I am just lazy and need to get off my ass. For instance, I am not resistant to technology, but I often let dh, who always has been an early adopter, do the “techy” stuff, even if it’s handling Venmo. Why don’t I have my own? I’ll feel more self-sufficient, etc. I still feel youngish at 57 and not ready to not learn anymore.
@JustaMom5465 That’s a great phrase! I always get a wrap bracelet or a cuff with my “intention” engraved on it to wear during the year.
VeryHappy, I will be 72 in June.
For sure I know my path is not for many, but after years of different jobs of little significance, I spent five intense years caring for my dad and stepmother while my daughter was in middle and high school. I landed in therapy with an amazing woman who truly transformed my life. After my dad died and my daughter went away to college. I still had to deal with an acrimonious probate of my dad’s estate and the death of my youngest brother a year later. But then I was ready to do something big with my life, and I went to school to get my MSW, starting classes the same day my daughter started her senior year in college I graduated last May, a few weeks before my 71st birthday, got my LMSW license at the end of July, and started working as a therapist in a mental health clinic this past September. I love my job! I work 30 hours a week over 4 days. I do have some anxiety about the current political climate but (mostly) I am too busy to obsess over it.
I love the way the Internet facilitates this kind of intimate communication. I can’t imagine how I would have gotten through adoption from China, motherhood, my dad’s decline and death, and my newfound career without friends that I “know” but don’t know face to face.
My best to all who are feeling melancholy as the new year begins.
@oldmom4896 Becoming a therapist at age 71! That is surprising and wonderful and I would think that there would be great demand for your insights and wisdom. (any CC group discounts available?)
@oldmom4896 That is inspirational!
@SouthernHope I work at a clinic that takes any insurance including Medicaid. I will need to work here under supervision for three years (2-2/3 years left!) to become a licensed clinical social worker and go into private practice. But I love my job with a huge variety of clients, and no worries about billing and collecting beyond following the rules of my clinic.
I understand why most experienced therapists don’t take insurance, but I am happy for now to be working with whoever comes through the door at my clinic. I am old enough, lol, to remember when most everyone had health insurance that covered therapy with just a small copay but those days appear to be over. I don’t want to get more political than that except to say that although it is a great relief to have Medicare, people of all incomes should not have to wait until they are 65 to have affordable, comprehensive health insurance. I did without for years before I got to that birthday and it was terrifying.
sorry to be so off-topic.
@oldmom4896 , your story is awesome! Thanks for sharing!
That’s a great one!
Similarly, I’ve been operating the past few years with trying to say YES more often to things instead of finding reasons to say no. Often , it puts me outside my comfort zone but then I find out that, yes, I can tackle that thing, I’m good at that as well which results in personal growth or is helpful to others
I’ve been reading this thread daily and all of your sharing has given me food for thought. I think in a lot of ways I’ve already gone through this period of life and I’ve come out the other side happier.
My step dad, Dad and Mom all died when I was in my mid 40’s within 2 years of each other. I had a child who was having serious life and death issues and a couple of others who had heavy needs. Those years I just put one foot in front of the other and I’m not sure how I made it. I certainly wasn’t healthy mentally or physically but I couldn’t even see it.
Life got better. The ADHD kid some how made it through college and got a job. He was still impulsive and unreliable but I saw promise. My kid who hated HS, we made it through with a homeschool program. She had ups and downs through college but pushed through. My child who I feared for found her way to a healthier lifestyle. With all the worrying I didn’t have time to look at myself.
Fast forward about 8 years ago I started seriously looking at my life. I was involved in a program for families who had been affected by alcohol and other mental health issues. I worked through this program and was able to let go of a lot of feelings of responsibility for things that I learned weren’t mine. I learned I deserved to be happy and that my happiness was not based on my children, spouse or siblings being happy. I had grown up in a large family and I had no idea what I wanted or felt about things. I realized I had a lot of leftover baggage from my childhood. I found I did have wants and feelings and that was okay. I began to express those wants and my life got better. I like to say I became a grown up in my 50’s. I’m happier and a better communicator and I’m not afraid of the future. But one key takeaway was that I had a life to lead and if I wanted to live it I had to take responsibility for it. That meant having a healthy body so I could do the things I wanted to do. Saying what I feel even if it might not be what someone I love wants to hear.( still my biggest challenge) I’m 59 and I don’t feel old. In a lot of ways I feel the healthiest I’ve felt in my life.
I loved the 20 in 2020 thread because it helped me put into writing things I want to do with my life. If I want them to happen I need to take action. I also know that if it doesn’t all happen that’s okay to. I’ve learned to focus on what I have done versus what I didn’t do.
I appreciate everyone sharing as it all resonates.
Adding - A couple of years ago I made the commitment to just say Yes. My natural reaction to a lot of invitations or trying new things was no. It’s been a game changer.
@oldmom4896 , truly inspiring to me. I’m not working right now, but feel like I should. But I don’t want to do anymore accounting. Whenever I think that maybe I should go back to school and do something interesting I think who will hire me? Do I really want to study for tests, I hate studying with a passion, haha
But it’s people like you who give me some motivation to think differently.
Thank you, @conmama, and others who commented about me. I’m not gonna lie, it was HARD to go back to school. I graduated from college in 1971, when there was no internet and computers were so big that they filled buildings. I had a lot to learn about the mechanics of being a twenty-first-century student on top of everything else. And I am so glad that I will never need to write another paper, ever again, and I will never have the insecurity of knowing that I am not caught up. I did find that everyone was welcoming, in school and in the job hunt. But some of that may be the nature of the social work world. For sure the experiences I have had in life, especially being a parent, have helped me in my work. Again, something that may relate more to the field I chose.
I’m not the only CC parent who went back to school. In fact, there’s a thread:
http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/2003130-parents-going-back-to-college.html