That is from my college freshman son. He is not a partier. He is not overextended. He’s struggling to motivate himself to do the simplest of classroom tasks. Everything is “so boring.” After chatting he revealed the act of studying seems physically impossible. He now realizes he never really studied in high school. He knows he needs to now, but even when he “tries” it feels impossible to push through and do it. So, he will spend several hours at the library doing practically nothing.
His school should have some kind of center where kids can go to learn study skills and get tutoring. Your son is not the only student to have this problem! I would encourage him to get help NOW, before it’s too late.
Studying is to a certain extent like starting to run…you just do it–fake it, till you make it. Once you pick up momentum, you can pick up traits/tips for smarter methods to study, but in the beginning, you need to force yourself with just the practice of it…
Sounds like he is paralyzed with fear and anxiety. Could be as simple as making him go to the tutoring center and get help. But if he is not capable to doing that, he may need to speak with a counselor to help him get past this wall of fear.
There is still time in the semester to learn some new study skills, set up a routine for classes, homework time, exercise, and connect with others for study group. If he is not responding to your advice, you may consider traveling to his campus. Get a hotel if you have to, interview and hire a tutor/life coach, walk him to the student health center (or a private counselor in college town).
This situation could go either way. Quick and simple fixes, arrange for tutors and some accountability, and keep encouraging him. Or he may not be ready for the pressure he is facing in the college setting. The main priority is accessing his mental and physical health. If you are convinced he is okay to push forward, then help him set up the supports he can access at his school.
If you had said he used to study hard but now can’t bring himself to, I would think depression or being overwhelmed. But given his history it may be just as likely he’s lazy. I say this as a very lazy person. I’m not as smart as I suspect your son is and it caught up with me earlier. He probably could get away with being lazy in HS because he’s so smart.
When you are lazy like me it’s very hard to make yourself do things you don’t want. I had to learn “tricks” to deal with my laziness. The first is to set very short term goal and rewards. Just study for 30 minutes and then get to look at buzfeed or play a game or whatever fir 20 minutes. Write one paragraph and then get to get up and get a water from the vending machine or look out the window. Etc.
As another poster said sometimes ( often even) the momentum will kick in and I will work longer than I set as my goal. And as time goes on I could set longer work vs reward time. But the first start of the day is so hard you need to make the ratio really appealing.
I STILL need to do this as a working adult. (Looking at CC is often my reward. Lol!! )
What almost everyone else said, plus this: Considering that libraries are archival halls, and as such keep lights and tones dimmed, if he is indeed experiencing SAD, the lights and mood in the library, may be exacerbating his inability to pep up and dig in to the books.
I must say that learning to do now what other kids have always done (having to study, and schedule study often) is an unfortunate, big new type of skill to develop so much later than others. I have seen this in my son. I told him I was happy for him, that he finally got to experience what other kids had always known. I asked him if it was uncomfortable, and if it was scary. He said “yes.” Then he smiled, and really leaned into that with a kind of musical, epiphanic, “Yeeaahhh…”
After that he (metaphorically) started kindergarten, and that helped.
What is your son’s major? Is he having difficulty studying all subjects or only ones in certain areas? During undergraduate school, I had a similar problem. I got moderately high grades in high school but test scores way above what was expected. I rarely studied and reached college not knowing how to study. I loved my college, was definitely not depressed, but would become extremely sleepy when faced with a textbook full of reading. If I went to the library, after five minutes, I would put my head down on a table and go to sleep. Staying in my room was worse because I would just climb in bed. I don’t even know if my college had a learning center (small LAC in the late sixties). I struggled, lost my merit scholarship, but managed to graduate.
By my second masters, I had figured out a few things about my learning style. I need to engage more of my senses so I write as I read. Sometimes I read things aloud. I use behavior modification tricks like maya54 (post7), starting small–outline 1page and then reward. In the early days, I would use food as a reward, now I use exercise. I also learned that caffeine might work in the short term but being chemically sensitive, I could not learn finance while bouncing off the walls.
If he didn’t need to work hard in high school, he needs to learn the skill of studying. Hopefully, the college learning center can help him find what works best for him.
Like @lotsofquests and your son, I didn’t have to study much in high school so I never learned how to study. This didn’t matter until I hit college. I did much the same as your son. I read and stared. Nothing happened. People around me were reading, engaged, their books and papers, and taking notes. I was truly stumped in the humanities and social sciences. I wish I had used the learning/tutoring centers. Instead, I also just limped along until I graduated.
He doesn’t have any study skills or habits! It’s something he has to learn. Tell him to use the tutoring center to learn how to outline notes and study. Maybe joining a study group will help.
I would suggest to him to imagine he had to teach the material he just learned. Write out a lesson plan and actually go through the motions of delivering the lecture, in his head or if he has a private place to study, out loud. This will keep him actively engaged, even if the material is boring to him.
Not to be over literal, but I’d suggest that he leave his laptop at home. There’s very little that can’t be done better with pen and paper, especially for someone prone to distraction.
How did his midterm grades look? I often found that my kids would contact me in the depths of despair, get me worked up, and then the next day, as I’m running through all the interventions in my head, be totally fine!
If he really doesn’t know how to study, send him to whatever the equivalent of the campus learning center is. They have the techniques to help him.
I (and my younger daughter) are similar to @maya54 , where I will do all sorts of ridiculous procrastination stuff to avoid doing things I find boring or onerous.
Two techniques that help me (and D) are the Pomodoro method (it’s an app), and “chunking” (look it up on ted talks).
It breaks up onerous tasks into timed activities, and you get to reward yourself in between. For starburst, non-linear thinkers it can be a godsend for getting through pedestrian, non-creative stuff.
He might need more structure. Perhaps a list of study questions (often found at the back of a chapter) to bullet through would help. It also helps to read these questions before doing the reading, so that you know what to focus on and notice important things as they pop out at you. If he can answer all the questions after this type of exercise, he studied. If he can get comfortable with this he can move on to more difficult approaches. I think studying is like muscle memory–if you do it enough it will become natural, but it’s really hard to get yourself to move a certain way when you’ve never done it before. Everyone has to start somewhere.
I always found it easier to study in a crowded, noisy coffeehouse or all-night diner, than the library. I did occasionally study in the library, but it was often too quiet for me. I also used to study in the dorm cafeteria, after I ate and everyone else left.
I know others who plopped down in the middle of the student union lobby…
What also helped me was getting someone else to go with me to study - someone you know who will encourage you to study and not encourage you to goof off… forming a small, informal study group among dorm/class mates may help, too.
I second leaving the laptop at home. My D says she is more productive when she leaves her electronics, incl. the laptop, at home; and just uses pencil and paper to take notes. I also think the act of writing with a pen or pencil has calming, focusing effect, I don’t know why…
Unless he needs to compose a paper or essay, or turn an assignment in online, it could be more distracting than it’s worth to take it along.
However, someone said this up thread which gave me pause:
“If he is not responding to your advice, you may consider traveling to his campus. Get a hotel if you have to, interview and hire a tutor/life coach, walk him to the student health center (or a private counselor in college town).
This situation could go either way. Quick and simple fixes, arrange for tutors and some accountability, and keep encouraging him. Or he may not be ready for the pressure he is facing in the college setting. The main priority is accessing his mental and physical health. If you are convinced he is okay to push forward, then help him set up the supports he can access at his school.”
Isn’t this the kind of helicopter parenting we are all warned against? On the one hand, you want to do everything possible for your child, but on the other, could you possibly be making the situation worse by not allowing your student to own the process and deal with the consequences of his actions?
It gets even trickier if you think there may be mental health issues involved.
This is a problem I had in college. School was always easy. I could do very little in high school and get “A’s.” Then came college and you just couldn’t get away with that in every subject. I found I had no concept of what my learning style was. I had no idea how to learn something that didn’t come to me by instinct. I also had no self-motivation. There were some rough moments because of it and while I got better (thanks to lots of visits to professors offices,) I can’t say I don’t still have some of the same issues today. Thankfully, the experience altered my approach with my kids. I always made sure that in some way, they were being challenged and had to fight a bit to keep their head above water. When I hear parents brag “he’s getting A’s” and he doesn’t even study" I cringe. That’s not a good thing! However, had I not lived my own life I wouldn’t have been pro-active about it!
As to your son, I suggest he reach out and find some study groups. They don’t even need to be taking the same classes. Even if they all just reserve a study room and sit silently working on their own stuff, that can be enough to force some focus. I agree to ditch the laptop. Pen and paper is less distracting and can be more mentally engaging. The act of rewriting your notes in itself can solidify things more. Suggest he get up and move every 30 minutes. I had a professor suggest keeping a jump rope in your dorm room and jumping 20 times every 15 minutes for best focus. It actually helped a lot and kept you from floating away to daydream land. Take advantage of professor office hours. They know this is an issue for tons of their students and many have some great ideas on how to master their own fields. Your son will figure it out, his classes will become more interesting and he’ll have to focus more to keep up.