<p>Arizonamom, Yes, my S is in 2nd year at USD. He changed his major, moved off campus (which I was not happy about) and is doing well! I was glad to read that your D persevered after her injury and found a good group of friends. I have always thought the kids we met at USD were very friendly and outgoing. Sometimes it just takes a little initiative and it sounds like she did everything right! </p>
<p>I was able to see my D at school last weekend. The obvious affection and camaraderie she is experiencing with her sponsor-group (great idea!) and other dormmates was very reassuring. Pomona did a wonderful job matching her with a roommate, too. She’s very tired (has always had a problem monitoring her need for sleep - too many other more important things to attend to) but incredibly happy.</p>
<p>She calls home every other day or so. Sometimes we call her to “bug” her, but overall, I find it harder to be sad when she’s so happy – which doesn’t mean I don’t tear up when I am setting the table and there’s one less plate. Or, break down and cry in front of the sugar-free jello at the grocery store since she’s the only one who eats it and I don’t have to buy that anymore! The things that set you off…</p>
<p>Hope to see you at one of the parents weekends! I do have 2 more at home S2 and D2, so I do have some reason to hang around, but they’re 2 and 4 years away from the crunch! So, I will probably see you in CC.</p>
<p>I’m interested to hear how your kids are experiencing USD. Our local hs sends lots of kids to USD–the school is very generous with financial aid and scholarships for our top kids and snags a number of great kids with their generosity and reputation for being a great school.</p>
<p>But we have had disturbing reports from members of the class of 2004 who have gone to USD (they would be starting their second year this year). They complained bitterly about the quality of the teaching there during their first year. I would have waved it off as one student’s sour grapes, but the same complaint came from more than one student. I volunteer in the high school’s College Center and the director of the Center was concerned, since the Center suggests USD as a school kids should look at. Any insight would be appreciated.</p>
<p>My D is quite happy with all her classes but she did switch out of one that was not very stimulating. All her current professors were rated quite highly in Rate my Professor . com. I will write you more details in a private e-mail. The problem with first semester is the school picks your classes based on your print out and information you supply . My D was able to switch 2 classes and as a result is quite satisfied. There are a lot of core classes though which can be good/bad depending on your perspective. I’ll send you a private e-mail.</p>
<p>My S is one of those students who is either passionate about a class or teacher or ambivalent. He has really high standards (wish he held himself to these same standards!) for teachers and when they clique, it’s wonderful. He has “cliqued” with some of the USD profs. One teacher in particular has ignited his interest – just as we had hoped would happen in college. They regularly email and S goes by to just “shoot the breeze”. There were a couple he was indifferent about, and one (who received rave reviews) that he didn’t like at all. He felt the teacher was egocentric, not as interested in provided information as pandering to the students for attention. While some may have been entertained, my S was disappointed because this was a prof who taught his major and he was interested in learning about the subject, not being entertained. It must have been mutual, because S eventually dropped the class and moved to another major. Our dealings with the administration, advisors, housing and health services, etc. have been wonderful. IMO, they are very attentive and committed to the students. I feel very good about him being there (in lieu of mom!). </p>
<p>A friend of his, however, felt that the classes were not as challenging as she had thought they would be. This was a first semester freshman, however, who had always taken the hardest classes available in a large urban high school. I haven’t heard any complaints from his other friends, but I haven’t inquired about their academic concerns either. If I get more specific information, I will pass it along.</p>
<p>Checking out Rate My Prof and asking questions from upperclassmen is always a good idea. In any institution, you will find bad mixed in with the good, and it pays to be informed.</p>
<p>Update. H and S went back east to a family wedding that I could not attend due to work commitments. D went too. I was afraid that the contact with family would remind her she was homesick. Well, after they dropped her off at the train station, I called her on her cell. I asked her when she would be getting back to school. She said, “I should be home by around 3:30.”</p>
<p>Alumother,
That’s funny, and I can identify. My daughter has two different AIM away messages she uses to let people know whether she’s “home” at college or, as she puts it (when she’s with us), “home home.” :)</p>
<p>While most of the posts on this thread are from mothers dealing with the departure of their kids, I am a father dealing with NEXT YEAR’S departure of my son. I dunno whether it’s a case of being in touch with the female side of myself, but I simply can’t imagine daily life without him. His mother is gung ho into the admissions process, and I just know he knows I’m already pouting, and resents me for it. It sure doesn’t help that I lost my job and he wonders where the money is going to come from. </p>
<p>Just when he starts to get interesting as a human being, he’s gone. That’s just not fair. What I don’t understand is why I never really thought much about this LOSS when I started this parenting thing. I suppose I could use a good therapist, but that will mean paying for the advice given here for free. This separation anxiety will only grow worse as NEXT YEAR approaches. This is unhealthy, for me and for my relationship with my not so little guy, but how do I get it under control? </p>
<p>Whom do I watch the game with?</p>
<p>Dad23</p>
<p>PS - I’m actually tearing as I type. Oh, God.</p>
<p>dad23,
You have good company. My husband was much more forlorn than I was at our son’s college departure. I have thought about this for the past few months, and in our case I think it’s a difference in preparation. In our house, father and son did some really fun things together over the years…camping, rocketry, fishing, target shooting, etc. But I was involved on a DAILY basis, through triumphs and disappointments, through homework, music and sports. I’ve spent 18 years preparing for this time, but I think it sort of crept up on my husband. Sure, I miss my son too, but my separation was more gradual while my husband’s was more sudden. Also, I have a good group of other mothers going through the same thing, while I’m not sure that dads usually have that support. ( I must admit, however, I still have a difficult time making dinner for three instead of four).</p>
<p>Just ventured to the Bay area to watch my D’s club team play their first scrimmage- it was sweet to be there and realise I had so sadly experienced that last HS game in May thinking I would not be seeing another for a long time. My D’s school does not have these mid-term breaks of which I’ve read and she was ready for some family time, or else wanted me to take her to Safeway. It is so fun to be here for the weekend with her and she is thrilled to give up parties & othrer events & just hang out;) What a kid! I’ll miss her more when I get back home.</p>
<p>Yay, Somemom! Glad to hear the visit went well. We won’t see S until Thanksgiving. I’ve found myself in recent days – with all this talk of Fall Breaks at other colleges – returning to the university website to look at the photos of campus and thinking to myself: S goes to this school! I guess I really miss him! (He, on the other hand, does not seem to be homesick or longing for us at all! He’s a very happy and busy camper so far, according to occasional phone calls and emails.)</p>
<p>My H is taking it the hardest, he is extremely sentimental and can barely walk in the kid’s rooms.</p>
<p>------------ This mom says her husband is taking the loss harder than she is. Another says her husband was missing their son horribly and was somewhat relieved when he broke down and wept. Both moms seem OK with the fact that their husbands are “extremely sentimental.” What happens when he is sentimental and she isn’t? </p>
<p>I’ve always believed that expressing (and feeling) emotions is HUMAN - not feminine. Now, it seems, I’m going to be the one who pays a price for NOT conforming to the stereotype, and the price will be higher because (1) my wife is not sentimental and (2) my son takes after his mom. What am I to do with my feelings that won’t have these two looking at me like I am, well, weak?</p>
<p>I hate to admit it, but this is all in ANTICIPATION of next year. And I would already call it suffering. I “helped” my guy with his college essay and resisted tempations to booby trap it. On the other hand, I occasionally remind him of the fact that we have a perfectly mediocre state school just a block away – though even I would feel guilty about sending him there. No, I’m not actively trying to convince him to commute to school, but I have hinted that his roommate may not want to watch as many New York Knicks games as he does and may even snore. My guy is a finnicky kid who is easily irritated by food not cooked or presented in precisely his way, other people’s natural decibel levels, etc. He must really hate living at home given the miniscule size of the freshman dorm rooms I have seen. I can’t imagine him living on top of someone else - ANYONE else. </p>
<p>Have I lost your respect yet? If not, I have more, and I expect to get even more resourceful as D-for-departure Day looms. Somebody stop me before he disinherits me! </p>
<p>Thanks to Cheers, BTW, for the cyberpat. Do keep the pats and hugs coming, but I fear my condition may require heavier medication. </p>
<p>Heavy medication is always something to look forward to ;)</p>
<p>No you have not lost my respect; I was just like you about 6 months ago-- suffering pre-departure angst. It has turned out to be much less awful for me in reality than what I was bracing myself for. In fact, maybe in part because I was processing the impending departure bit by bit, suffering piece by piece, I was more prepared than my H-- who was hit by a hammer.</p>
<p>It could turn out that you will be okay by next fall and your stoic wife will be blindsided. </p>
<p>My prescription would be to fess up and tell your boy how much you love him and how many mixed emotions you have to think of him leaving. Find many times to be together and give him your love. </p>
<p>One of the most cleansing things that happened over the summer was a stupid bickering argument I had with D that escalated for no real reason excpet the stress I was feeling-- and I knew that-- so I burst into tears and just fessed up how sad I was to lose her. We hugged for a long time and both cried.</p>
<p>If your S is a bit fussy then nothing could be better for him than sharing a room, dealing with dorm food, etc. </p>
<p>You need to acknowledge your grief and the loss but also continue to be a great dad by encouraging him forward and relishing the accomplishments he’ll have. (If he was a slacker content to Xbox all day and not go to college at all, I doubt you’d really be happier!)</p>
<p>One piece of advice, don’t make him feel guilty for going off to college or being excited to do so-- because people who lay guilt are people nobody wants to hang out with.</p>
<p>My H did not anticipate the loss well and the pain of it is growing, not diminishing. I expect another couple of years of hang dog sighs as S2 departs.</p>
<p>This subject came up at my dinner party last night–under the heading “Mid -life Crisis–Who is Having Them?” Interestingly, one spouse of each of the six pairs admitted. It was evenly divided between men and women. The consensus was that whoever staked out the crisis first was the one who got all the attention. the other spouse was too busy supporting to indulge in any crisis.</p>
<p>I was in your position. I’m the weak sentimental dad. Mom is all business and missed her calling as a drill sergeant. S is a combination of us but more resembles mom, like yours. I even knew what percentage of their precollege time was left, like 93.7%, bizarre I know but no one dreaded separation like I did…well you may have me beat but not by much.</p>
<p>You WILL be OK. It will not be as bad as you think, exactly as lfk725 said. After a week or 2 of grief, you’ll be fine. Knowing your kid is where he is supposed to be, is happy, hopefully challenged, meeting new friends…I think seeing mine in action during move-in helped me a lot to assuage my own sadness. You MUST have a life of your own. Get a hobby, find some friends. You will get to even enjoy the quiet. Hopefully your son will go to school where there’s a lot for you to do…there was a thread about this not too long ago. You’ll really appreciate the road trips, get to know the area: restaurants, theater, museums, shopping. I looked at those road trips as mini vacations, and they were.</p>