<p>I’m not much help on the “event” part of the celebration, although DH & I rent a large house at a resort near my parents every few years and invite the extended family. The golfers golf, gardeners tour gardens, etc. etc. It seems to fit everyone from the hyperactive teens to the home bodies.</p>
<p>For my dad’s 80th I gathered photos from anyone and everyone and had them printed in a hard-bound book. I used Costco’s service, but there are many other good places to do this. I wrote fun captions and had pictures from before he was born to the present day, chronicling his life, and the families of the kids. I put a ton of time into it, presented it as a family gift, and it was very appreciated.</p>
<p>The Greenbrier is beautiful. Has a casino, art colony, bunker tour,places to sit and play games like bridge, swimming pools for the toddler,shops,etc.Has a children’s program but not sure if the toddler is old enough(although I’m sure if he isn’t they would have babysitting available). The Bedford Springs Resort in Pennsylvania is very nice as is Nemacolin (as someone has already mentioned).</p>
<p>This problem has intrigued me and I love research! What about a weekend in Philadelphia? I’m not sure it would end up cheaper than brunch for 100 but is certainly something that could involve all three generations. Can’t even begin to list all the possibilities, but there is so much history and art that you should be able to put together a set of activities that wouldn’t tire the youngest and oldest. The toddler and parents could split off if necessary. There are certainly excellent restaurants. Maybe there would even be an event or concert at Longwood Gardens that would be meaningful to your mother. In a city, bad weather should not be a huge negative impact. (I’m assuming your mother would blame you for the weather.)</p>
<p>I haven’t been to a resort in the Catskills in about 40 years (I did meet Jenny Grossinger’s grandson when I was a teenager!) but it looks like there should be some possibilities; for example, don’t know how expensive but this one seems to get great reviews: [Sunny</a> Hill Resort and Golf Course - A New York Catskills, Hudson Valley Family Golf Resort](<a href=“http://www.sunnyhill.com/]Sunny”>http://www.sunnyhill.com/)</p>
<p>I am so excited about your 80th birthday! Brother and I want to celebrate in style. Here are three ideas and our budget. Let me know what you want me to arrange.</p>
<p>No matter what you decide I know we will all have a great time!"</p>
<p>It’s like planning a wedding. Let her know the options, your budget and then do lots of deep breathing.</p>
<p>We just had my dad’s 80th B-day party on Sunday.</p>
<p>My back yard- about 60 family and friends. BBQ’d chicken kebabs/sausage with various trimmings. My brother and sister and I put the thing on—a cruise theme, as my parents were supposed to go on an Alaskan cruise on Aug 2. My dad became ill in early July–so no go for the cruise—but the cruise party still went on ( we had all the decorations!)!</p>
<p>My dad was a big camper for many years—loves Yosemite—so our cruise directors (my sister and myself) took all the guests on an imaginary campfire evening. We told camp stories and sang camp songs. Everyone joined in hearing the old tales! </p>
<p>All in all a very fun afternoon—and not to expensive! Most important—Dad loved it!</p>
<p>ilovedcollege, that sounds lovely. It would not work for us, but it really sounds like a special party! I am so sorry that they could not take the cruise. Best wishes to your dad!</p>
<p>For my mom’s 80th birthday we had a small at home party with all of her children and grandchildren. I hired an photographer and had many different portraits made for her. She seemed to enjoy it.</p>
<p>Would she take a class? I’m thinking of the birthday gift, rather than the celebration. Anyway, this folk school is incredible…painting, blacksmithing, cooking, pottery, jewelry-making, quilting, basketry, writing, music, more…offers great variety.</p>
<p>Northeastmom,It might help in making suggestions if you advised what your budget really is for this. For instance,I mentioned The Greenbrier a few posts back because it has a casino now(but different atmosphere than the Atlantic City casinos), art colony, lots of space to run around and swimming pools for the toddler,etc, but is fairly expensive. Also, meets your criteria of being within an 8 hour drive. No sense us making suggestions for resorts like Greenbrier, Bedford Springs, Nemacolin, etc. if you do not want to pay this kind of money. It sounds like you’re implying your mom is rather difficult, which makes it tougher. I think Busyparent has a great idea of just throwing out some suggestions to her within your budget and seeing what sticks. She may surprise you. As people start hitting 80 +, sometimes the most important things start to be just having quality time with family and friends. My mother and inlaws for their 80th’s just enjoyed small parties at home with family and a few close friends and neighbors. Doesn’t sound like your mom’s cup of tea . Could you and your brother just ask her point blank how she would like to celebrate this milestone?</p>
<p>We had a lovely surprise BD party for my folks every 5 years or so. We had the advantage that there are 7 of us sibs, so splitting the bill was easier for each of us. Sorry, its so tough for you to work this out. My dad always wants parties, so that’s mostly what we do. </p>
<p>We have been to some nice resorts with the extended family for one or two nights (we booked one night for everyone & a few of us stayed a 2nd night). It was fun & memorable & not too expensive. Mostly we walked around, played in the sand (remember we’re in HI), looked at the stars, walked around the grounds of the resort & enjoyed some meals together. We did this a few times & our kids have the memories to prove it!</p>
<p>It’s tough when there is only you & sib & mom wants things beyond your budget. Some colleges cook good food in their culinary arts program for good prices & sometimes catering is pretty reasonable, if you can find a nice place to hold the celebration–maybe at a nearby church hall, park or community center? Something with sentimental attachments?</p>
<p>HImom, I can’t imagine that coordinating with 6 other siblings would be easier! Bill splitting , yes, but agreeing on things, logistics,etc. would seem to be much more
complicated. I think that is great that you could work it out so well(sounds like your dad was easy too, a blessing). I only had to work things out with my sister in terms of my mom and husband had 2 siblings to work things out with . That was enough! Father in law started talking about country club stuff, open bar, etc. for joint 80th -kids quickly nipped that in the bud- inlaws had no hard feelings and we had a lovely at home party. Like anything in life, you have to set boundaries (what you will do, what you will pay,etc) , even with our elderly parents at some point.</p>
<p>My husband’s uncle got this gift for his 80th birthday: starting on his birthday, a call each night from a different friend or relative for 80 days. His kids set this up together.</p>
<p>You have two competing forces and one is going to have to bend. Your mother who won’t be satisfied with something simple, and a toddler. You are trying to combine the two and it’s breaking my heart just reading it…you can’t satisfy both. My honest suggestion is to pass the planning duties to your sib and sil. They can weigh the decision. If they choose something more family friendly to include the toddler, that’s their choice (and theirs to explain if mom isn’t thrilled). If they choose something more adult and find childcare, that’s their choice.
You want to please everyone. How about letting ‘everyone’ else plan this. Let them know you are the most flexible and want to be respectful of what they would like. That’s best done by letting the parents of little ones make the plans.</p>
<p>Geomom, Those are the kinds of gifts that are so important at that age. My father in law went to college with a guy who owned a glass business. I tracked down things with it and had them do an engraved vase for my inlaws joint 80th birthday. It was a surprise but they could tell immediately when they opened the gift that it was the work of the college roommate’s company as they had collected some pieces over the years. Lots of genuine emotion from them and friends as they opened it as they knew we had made a special effort to get something personally significant to them. The roommate ( 80 himself) called father in law during the party to wish him Happy Birthday.(Didn’t know that was going to happen but there were tears all around.) Look for things , relationships, that were meaningful to your mom. Who knows, it may cost less for you and your brother to do something local and include some of mom’s friends than going to a resort (brunch, tea, etc).
P.S. Just read the post from Blueiguana and agree-you can put the issues with a toddler in the mix only so much-decisions should be made about how much everyone else involved wants to/needs to involve the toddler issues. Only the family can decide on that.</p>
<p>By the way… I had been dreading one of these large events for literally 20+ years. What would we do, how could we possibly afford an event that would pass the acceptability rating.
The planets must have lined properly (or someone spiked the punch), but we got off so lucky. My in-laws are taking the family on a cruise for their 50th anniversary. Truth be told, I can’t stand cruises, but I’m so relieved I’m not looking for a band and having invitations printed that I don’t care what we’re doing!</p>
<p>We all know that if we really CARE about whatever is being suggested, we have to step up & convince the others or do the planning. Whoever cares the most will step forward and the event gets rolling. Dad cares a lot and we like him to be happy, so everyone does their part. Personally, many of us aren’t all that into these large gatherings but are glad it makes dad happy & mom is just happy to have the extended family.</p>
<p>I agree that it is useful to pass off the planning to whomever makes it challenging, in this case sib & SIL with toddler. Offer to donate whatever amount you can contribute toward the event and your home, if that’s on the table, but set limits you are comfortable with.</p>
<p>Going forward, the extended family is talking about a cruise. It will be interesting to see if it actually comes to pass, as my kids & several others are getting older & harder to involve in these trips (they have jobs and other plans that aren’t too flexible any more). We don’t have strong feelings so will see how it evolves.</p>
<p>geomom, love the phone call idea for the right 80 year old. I wouldn’t try it, because with my luck she’ll fall by running to answer the phone! </p>
<p>servmom, frankly, we have not set a budget, but I am trying to keep the bill as low as I can keep it and still make my mother happy. The way we look at this is if this takes the place of a weekend DH and I might have taken alone, we can spend a little more. We are not going to fly anywhere because of cost, and the fact that my mother does not like to fly. </p>
<p>blueiguana, I don’t mind passing the buck to my brother and SIL either. I think that they are willing. My SIL’s idea was making a party in my home. The problem with this is that what would make my mother happier is to go out somewhere. My brother initially called me to get this going. I think that he was hoping to just throw money at it, so that he would not be stressed needing to take his small child somewhere and make my mother happy. He wanted to buy a trip to Europe for 2 (for mom and friend). Yes, my mother would like that but we can’t afford to do that for her.</p>
Some colleges cook good food in their culinary arts program for good prices & sometimes catering is pretty reasonable, if you can find a nice place to hold the celebration–maybe at a nearby church hall, park or community center? Something with sentimental attachments?</p>