<p>Would have LOVED to have many, since both H and I grew up in very big families and credit that for our generally flexible/ humor laden/ patient (usually)/ “it could always be worse” style with each other and our kids…
but the decision was easy to stop at 2.
We knew our insane work schedules were/are hard enough on the great kids we have, and it simply would have been selfish to have more.</p>
<p>I hope I get loads and loads of grandkids!</p>
<p>I have two daughters, 5 years apart. If I could do life over, I would have two daughters, 4 years apart.</p>
<p>[I guess that puts me in the “pretty much satisfied with the way things are” category.]</p>
<p>I am so pleased with the way my 4 are turning out, I <em>sort of</em> wish we had had more. IF someone else would take care of them until they slept through the night and were potty trained! (I must be getting old.)</p>
<p>I wasnt sure I wanted kids, hedged all discussions with my then-fiance, and told myself I’d think about it after I got married (he very much wanted them). Good thing I changed my mind. I tried the full-time working mother thing for awhile (ugh) and could never see past having two. Now as an empty-nester I’m loving my free time, but looking back, I think I’d go for a third. Interestingly, a 25-year old young man from North Africa has come into our lives – we were good friends with his parents when they studied here back in the early 1980s. He is becoming close to all of us and as an immigrant he has many needs. My friends are starting to refer to him as our foster son. Perhaps he’s meant to be our third!</p>
<p>I can’t imagine being any happier than we are with the one we have. We didn’t plan for just one, but ectopic pregnancy and emergency surgery prevented more. DD’s best friend since birth has been like a sibling over the past 18 years, which is very nice. Quite honestly, after the college admissions process last year, I am thrilled we’ll never have to experience that again!</p>
<p>Hmmm…I have a question for zoosermom, if she comes back here. How old is too old for biological parents, in your opinon? Because as the oldest child of two old-er (late 30’s when I was born…not sure if that constitutes old in your mind or not), I would say that I feel my parents’ age is an advantage for my brother (born when my parents were 41) and I. Our family is very financially stable, and my parents are pretty mellow as a result of their more advanced years. As an aside, it wasn’t really their choice for us to be born so relatively late (my dad says that if nature alone cooperated, I would probably be 10 years older!), and I would imagine that especially in the upcoming years, as fertility treatments increase in popularity, that many older parents will be in that same category. I will say that right now I am a little bit of an odd case–there are other kids whose parents are the same age as mine, but they are not the oldest child. </p>
<p>Personally, I love only having one sibling–it seems like a closer relationship. But I’m not a parent…who knows what my parents would say, if they could have had their way!</p>
<p>Zooser mom, I can relate, I have 3 Ds and my OB still recalls thinking he would run screaming from the room if #1 was a boy, I totally wanted girls!</p>
<p>My 3rd was supposed to be twins, all the way until 18 weeks I was having twins, at the end it was just one and they suspected the other “twin” had died and been resorbed early on. Many times, dealing with “three girls” issues, I wished that other twin was still around, but no more pregnancies for me, not after 7 months in bed! :eek: </p>
<p>Three girls, even today, they vye for the attention of one and neglect one, the victim and the the prize is an always changing person, but the tension can be annoying. I mainly notice it by seeing how differently they interacted once one went away to university, everything is so much simpler when any two of the three are there.</p>
<p>We had two, leaving a smaller footprint on the planet, just our personal philosophy…we are thrilled with them, and love their friends</p>
<p>They are two years apart and no way would I have wanted another, just to keep us company</p>
<p>Sure I miss them being little, but that is part of life, watching them leave</p>
<p>So, we adopted some dogs that needed homes…guess they will be the ones to keep us company </p>
<p>I just never got the attraction, and I am not judging at all, but to ME, never saw the attraction of huge families…for us, there are other ways to fill that space</p>
<p>We have two girls 5 years apart. It was a hard decision to have the first one and it was even harder to have the second one because we didn’t think we could possibly love the second one as much as the first one. The girls are our biggest joy and accomplishment in life. We didn’t want to have more kids because we were afraid we wouldn’t have enought time and resource for them. We are very happy with our decision because we have given everything to our girls for the last 18 years and we are looking forward to when our second daughter is out of our house for us to start the next phase of our life. For the last 18 years we have revolved our lifes around our kids. My husband and I juggled our business trips to make sure someone was always home, we revolved our vacation time around their school holidays and summer camps, we had nanny/drivers to get them to ECs everyday. We would do it all over again because they have brought so much to our life, but I think we are also looking forward to “all about me” life again.</p>
<p>
Ellen~</p>
<p>I somehow missed your post until just now, but I wanted to say that I agree with you a BAJILLION percent! Although our house is the place where everyone usually hangs out, nearly all of my children have a quieter haven with some very special friends! For example, D2K3 has a best friend down the street whose two older sisters are out of college and married now. So, her friend, who was 12 years younger than her next oldest sister, is now like an only child. My D <strong><em>LOVES</em></strong> hanging out there and accompanying her family on all kinds of outings. The family loves having my D along so that their D can have a “sister.” My D has gone to NYC, skiing in Colorado, and to Boston twice with this family. These are things we could NEVER have afforded with our large family, and we feel so very honored that they think of our D as their own, just as we think of their D as ours. Most of my other kids have wonderful families such as this also, families who have embraced them the way that we embrace their children. </p>
<p>
And we would have ADORED having her! :D</p>
<p>~berurah</p>
<p>
SpringfieldMom~</p>
<p>This must have been terrifying for all of you. I also had PIH, with both my first pregnancy and my last. I spent 7 weeks on bedrest with my oldest, but he still suffered IUGR and was only 5 lbs. 6 oz. at full term. Thank G-d he was healthy though. With my youngest, the PIH didn’t set in until after 38 weeks, and the doc induced at 39 weeks. PIH is very scary, though…I’m sorry that you had to go through that. </p>
<p>~berurah</p>
<p>Two of my cousins were abandoned by their first wives. They both were gems and married amazing women for the second go. Both second wives remained childless but mothered their step-children into brilliant adult lives. Grandchildren are arriving now–and you’ve never seen more ecstatic grammas.</p>
<p>If you long for children, keep your eyes open for unexpected opportunities.</p>
<p>They say you should give a little break between children. I had my first two 15 mons. apart and second two 13 months apart. It was the greatest ! They got on so well together! The second pair are boys and they never were overly competitive with each other.It always worked well! The only slight problem is the college education and fact they are so close. But even that is working out fine.I never considered Ivy or too expensive colleges and the kids took the hint. It has worked out so well. !</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>It takes a village. :)</p>
<p>We have three children. After the first two (2 years, 3 months apart) I kept feeling the need for a third even though it made no sense. We had a boy and a girl, they fit perfectly in the car (each had a window seat) traveled well (a parents hand for each child), food was perfectly proportioned (serves 4) and with just two there was enough attention for all. But I still longed for a third child. I had one miscarriage and then had #3 when the oldest were 8 and 6 and I was 35. I also spent the last 5 weeks in the hospital on bedrest with placenta previa. Boring for me, hectic at home for husband and kids.</p>
<p>Thank goodness for big sisters because my daughter truely helped me raise my youngest with unconditional love. Now that the older two are in college I love seeing our youngest come into his own.</p>
<p>“I have a question for zoosermom, if she comes back here. How old is too old for biological parents, in your opinon?”</p>
<p>My personal opinion is around 40-ish. Give or take. My parents were 44 and 48 when I was born and that is and was too old. Both parents were educated, exercising, non-smoking people who have been ill to incapacitated for pretty much as long as I can remember. My father from the time I was about 9 years old and my mother from my middle teens. The burden, the uncertainty and the stress that this places on a child is unthinkable. Of course, not all people start to have health issues in the middle to late 50s, but many do and the likelihood is much greater for people at that age than for younger people. There’s also the extreme generation gap. My father came of age in the late 1930s and I in the 1980s. He is a good man, but there has never been a smidgeon of common ground between us. There really can’t be. Parents that age are older, wiser and often less patient with the mistakes that kids make. It gives new meaning to the expression “been there, done that.” I respect the fact that other parents can make their own choices, but I think this is a terrible one. I can’t tell you the bad decisions I’ve made in my own life as a result of consequences of my parents’ age. A friend of mine is a very successful and well-known woman in her field (you would recognize the name/title) who is now 43 and divorced. She is obsessed with having a baby and asked me what I thought. I told her that she had a wonderful life and had made other choices and should leave this one behind. She was furious, but if she didn’t want to know, she shouldn’t have asked.</p>
<p>
A guy I dated in h.s./college is just now having his first baby. He’s 48 and his wife is almost 44. I hope it works out for them, but I share some of your concerns. That said, however, I was 39 and my dh was 44 when our youngest was born.</p>
<p>“A guy I dated in h.s./college is just now having his first baby. He’s 48 and his wife is almost 44. I hope it works out for them, but I share some of your concerns. That said, however, I was 39 and my dh was 44 when our youngest was born.”</p>
<p>I think your situation may work out a little bit better because you have the older kids to possibly keep an eye on the younger if necessary. I was also the youngest, but there was a 12 year gap between me and my next sibling, so we weren’t really siblings at all. If the subject ever comes up, (perhaps it already has) it might be good if you mentioned to the older ones that it would be good if they made a conscious effort to be in contact with and keep an eye on the baby. That said, I think your friend’s child’s situation will be a lot like mine, and I see it as the worst case scenario for kids of older parents. It just takes something fundamental away from the child. I respect everyone’s right to make their own choices but I still think that is a bad one.</p>
<p>My h’s father was almost 50 when my h. was born. My fa in law outlived my mo in law (she died 20 yrs ago), and at 98 he is doing remarkably well. I realize this is the exception, not the rule, but he and my h are quite happy with their relationship. My fa in law was never very athletic (at any age) but spent time teaching my h about finances and investments, and fortunately this has been quite beneficial for us. I am sorry zoosermom had a bad experience and a rough life, but that doesn’t mean the same is true for others. Health problems can happen at any age, and yes, we sandwich generatin folks are taking care of our parents and our kids (though it sounds like zoosermom was parenting her parents form a young age-- and that is no easy task. My hat is off to you).</p>
<p>As for the question posed by her famous friend, I suspect her friend was asking for support, not her true opinion. Oh well, I guess you shouldn’t ask a question if you don’t want to hear the answer.</p>
<p>As for me, I’ve got 2 boys. had them at 33 and 37. I had 2 miscarriages, one between the 2 boys and one after. That last pregnancy wasn’t planned, and I was ambivalent about it, I admit. I have always joked that you shouldn’t have more kids than hands. (please, no flames – I am just being honest). That said, I do find myself occasionally wondering what it would have been like if I had 3 kids, and perhaps a girl. I never really wanted 3, but I do let my mind wander from time to time, since younger s is a HS junior. If the last miscarriage hadn’t happened, would the last one have been healthy or possibly disabled/impaired (I was 40 when I got pregnant). What would our life had been like if we were raising a handicapped child? On the other side, what would life have been like if I was now juggling a perfectly fine almost-13 yr old? I must admit, while I very much enjoyed planning and hosting 2 Bar Mitzvah’s, I am VERY happy that I am not in the middle of that again right now!!</p>
<p>I found out when I was 23 that I had infertility issues, so we started trying earlier than we might have otherwise (at 27). DS1 was born a month before I turned 30, after four months of bedrest. DS2 followed 15 months later, without benefit of fertility drugs. My OB/GYN swears it was because I was nursing – it was the only time my hormones were ever in sync. </p>
<p>It was a wild and crazy time, but as the oldest of five, it never really fazed me. I’m used to chaos! 
DH is one of two kids, 12 years apart. He grew up as a de facto only child. I would not have minded a third, but DH was not into the idea and the infertility issues made it clear that wasn’t going to happen. Probably for the best, anyway…</p>
<p>When I was 41, I was diagnosed with a life-threatening illness, and one of my first thoughts was “at least the kids aren’t little any more.” They were 10 & 11. Still young, but old enough to understand and process – they were eager to ask questions and talk about my illness, which made it IMMENSELY easier for me to deal with my feelings of guilt and panic and worry.</p>
<p>Both of my kids want children…so I guess we haven’t totally scared them away from parenthood!</p>