I'm a freshman and I think I'm not doing that well (TX resident)

Pre-College Topics High School Cafe
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I want to preface this by saying that my school has a very competitive environment. Not as competitive as some of the others in the same district, but most of the people I talk to have As or A+s. I have seen people get yelled at by parents for getting a 92 on an AP Physics test.

I’m a female freshman living in Texas. Asian, and parents don’t help with my mental stability.

My current coursework loadout is Chinese III, Choir I, Honors Chemistry, APHUG, APCSA, Honors English, and Honors Algebra II. I am enrolled in a program that requires me to take Honors in science and math classes and my mother would be extremely angry if I transferred to my zoned school. We run on a 100 point GPA system, +5 for Honors and +10 for APs. I am kind of stuck taking advanced in the two subjects I do the worst in.

I just think everyone else I know is doing better than I am. I look at their report cards online and I see straight A’s across the board, meanwhile I have two high A’s in two classes only and the rest are low As. And my Chem and Algebra II grades are both 85 and 83 respectively. I bombed a singular test in Algebra (got a 71) and it dragged my grade from 87 to 83.

I’m planning on going for TMEA All-State Choir all four years during my high school career, but I’m open to dropping it because I have to take the class to be able to audition. I’m also in a science club and SNHS as well as Debate. Threw out the idea of doing Multivariable Calculus, because you can’t double up on PreCalc, AB, and BC, you have to take them one at a time. Chinese was kind of unnecessary because I already had one language credit from middle school, and another one from APCSA. More concerned about Math SAT than anything because I consistently get above 600 during English practice test sessions, but I just closed off the Math practice test because I lost all my math knowledge in the summer. I was doing them for fun during the summer.

We also have a ranking system that kicks in during sophomore year and it I’m kind of scared already. I’ve heard horror stories of people giving others low grades during peer review sessions in an attempt to raise their own rank (we call it GPA gaming) and looking at the number of people who have a higher average than I do, I’m probably going to end up with bottom 50% during sophomore year. My mother wants me to get all 95’s next term solely because I didn’t do much work during a break week. Then. What’s the point of a break??? But I digress.

The most glaring issue I have right now is that I have absolutely no idea what degree I want to major in and that I’m kind of going through gifted kid syndrome. I’m on a math and science academy track so I have some options naturally available to me, but those fields are often extremely competitive from what I’ve heard. I just don’t feel interested in anything. I can’t even study enough for a test or quiz because they will throw out some question that completely blindsides me and drops my grade down to a B or C. And my work ethic is crashing and burning and planners do not help. I’ll study and by the time I look at the clock, it’s already eleven and I have no time to actually do the things I like doing, like drawing or just hopping on roblox for fifteen minutes or so. I’m so tired of it and I want to be able to have fun again, because there’s other people who are getting high A’s and still playing video games for an hour or so each day. And I’m here working for the entire night and still getting bad grades.

These aren’t probably horrendous grades by normal public school standards, but there is a lot of Asians at my school. People are ambitious and are sometimes willing to resort to GPA gaming if that means they can just get one extra point or move up one rank. Teachers are helpful if you reach out to them but their tutorials often conflict with choir rehearsals or club meetings, and I end up sending emails to them about academic inquiries which makes me feel kind of bad.

I also have. No friends at my new school. Zero. None whatsoever. All my friends are either online or people I have known since middle school. My classmates just talk about their ECs, complain about work/grades even if they’re doing very well, and are kind of boring people in general in my personal opinion. It’s been quite hard for me to make friends in general, because to some extent others lack empathy or the ability to just listen without interrupting. I do not want to be friends with someone who responds with “omg you’re so cooked. your mom is angermaxxing” when I tell them about my emotionally volatile mother and I am looking for actual advice or comfort. On the other hand, some people are just very academically oriented and while they are very nice people, I don’t interact with them if it’s not for tutoring or help with questions. I get that it’s kind of hypocritical to expect good grades while also trying to have fun in the day, but the point is that I can’t even take 30 minutes to play or draw anymore. I have to sleep and I do care about my sleep schedule to some extent, I usually get around six hours or so.

Sorry if that last paragraph was a bit of a vent, but the point is that I don’t have someone to help me through this. My other friends are wonderful people, but they’re also quite busy and have troubles of their own.

Ultimately I just want to make enough money to not worry about rent. My neighbor who recently graduated college just got a job and is making 100k-150k a year and my mother expects the same. That’s somewhat high but the economy is not doing too hot at the moment, my family is already kind of worried despite bringing in around 150k per year. Not sure about the specific amount because I never asked…probably should. Unfortunately I don’t really know what I want to major in and I do know that if I don’t find something I genuinely like quickly, I’m going to end up with a less than ideal major or suffer in a degree I don’t even like.

I just don’t really know what to do at this point. It’s only been two months and I hate this already, but I have to go through the four year crucible nonetheless. Please send help.

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I’m not sure how you see other people’s grades but they are irrelevant.

Take the right schedule for you. Challenge yourself but don’t strain yourself. I’m not sure why you are in APCSA as a 9th grader.

You don’t need to be stressed a month into high school. You need to enjoy your time.

There are colleges galore out there, great ones - and there will be one for you. Actually there will be many - but if you get panicked and then don’t enjoy school, you might not be interested.

Stop comparing yourself to others. You are you and have a lot of value to add.

Keep doing choir if you enjoy it and slow down your over the top expectations.

Best of luck.

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How do you study? Just (re-)reading notes? Or something else?

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I think you will benefit from cutting down the number of things you are doing and prioritizing. If you have too many things on your plate, it is like being in a traffic jam, and nothing moves. Some if it is just context switching costs – your brain finds it strenuous to juggle so many things at the same time, and you would be spending some of the time stressing about the work rather than just doing the work. You should also consider consciously adopting some time management techniques – making lists etc. Make sure you don’t drop all the fun stuff, and just keep the work – drop some of the work, and some of the fun stuff so that overall you have a manageable load. Try and get 7-8 hours of sleep. Not 6 – this will also help you become more efficient with what you need to do because you will be in a better state of mind and will become efficient. Cut down social media if you are spending a lot of time on it. And on the math stuff - studying is not reading the textbook; It is doing the problems. Just reading doesn’t stick – not sure if this is what you are doing, but it is a common habit. Don’t worry about 150k salaries at this point. That is far in the future, and it will all work out if you develop good working habits.

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You need to stop looking at what others are doing.

Stop talking to others about their grades and your grades.

If you are talking about what to major in for college…put that out of your mind too. At many colleges, you don’t declare a major until sophomore college year. And many students switch majors multiple times.

Your grades so far are not “bad grades”

Again…you do not need to pick your college major as a HS freshman.

Here are your jobs right now:

  1. It sounds like you need some time management help…so reach out to a trusted adult at school or somewhere and ask for some guidance.
  2. You need sufficient sleep every night so that needs to be on your schedule.
  3. Do YOUR personal best and forget about what others are doing. You will probably do better for yourself if you aren’t constantly comparing yourself to others.
  4. Find a recreation activity, sport or some other club that you like…and do that. You will find like minded folks there.
  5. Do you live within walking distance of a library? If so, maybe do some of your studying there.
  6. Forget about college for now. When the time comes, there will be colleges that will welcome you regardless of your grades.
  7. Find ways to enjoy high school and these years before college. Go to school activities, have some fun. You will never get these years back.
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Thank you for the advice. I usually read over it for half of the time and try to teach it to a plushie for the second half of studying, but maybe I should use blurting and doing more practice problems a bit more.

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In math, from my own experience, and that of my kids, a ratio like 80/20 or a 100/0 works best. Just doing problems helps clarify things in your head. It is also active learning.

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If you love singing, and enjoy Choir, don’t drop it. For many people, singing is good for the soul.

You’re already two years ahead of the standard math track. Do not accelerate more in math. Just follow the math track you are on - no doubling up in math.

Do not worry about the math SAT yet! First of all, you’ll have to review for it, when the time comes, because lots of people forget the math that they learned in middle school, when it comes time for the SAT. The summer before 11th grade, you can prep like crazy for the PSAT (given in the fall of 11th grade) because if you make National Merit, you can get a full ride at Alabama, and possibly elsewhere, and full tuition scholarships at several schools. You might not go to any of them, but it would be nice to have that option, plus you’ll be in great shape for the SAT then, after having prepped for the SAT. If anything, read a lot of literature, if at all possible, to develop the depth of vocab and comprehension for the English section. Yes, you’ll prep for that too, but it’s easier to review math than it is to make up for not having read enough.

Tutoring sessions are more important than club meetings. Go to them. If you stay in choir (which I hope you do), prioritize that, and don’t join anything else for the time being.

Stop looking at how other people are doing, and how much they are playing. Focus only on your own academics. There will always be someone who is doing better than you are, and who seems to do it effortlessly. You have no idea what they’re really doing.

You sound totally normal for your age! You talk about what you want to get from peers - you want them to listen to you, you want empathy from them, they just talk about their ECs and complain about work/grades, they’re boring. Someday, you’ll realize that you had more in common with them than you knew, back when you were 15!

Spend less time online (you really have no idea who those people are - might be 40 yr old fat hairy men in their elderly mom’s basements), and more time on in-person friendships. You have friends from middle school? Great! Keep those friendships up. Try to make new friends in choir (if that’s the one activity you keep up). Maybe suggest going to a free or cheap choral concert in town together, and out for a bite to eat before or afterwards, as a small group.

You’re not getting enough sleep. Part of why you’re feeling so down is that you’re tired. Please, consider trying to get to bed by 10PM. Yeah, you’re not going to get time to play on weeknights, but you should be able to get a little time to play on weekends.

From what you describe, you are doing just fine. Hang in there. Things tend to get better, as you get a little older. 9th and 10th grade can be as tough, emotionally, as middle school, but by 11th people start to grow up, you may find your peers emerging as people you really want to be friends with, by then - and hopefully, you’ll find like-minded people sooner than that. Academically, colleges like to see an upward trend - they’re less likely to hold a mediocre 9th grade against you, if they see better grades after that. So don’t stop trying to do your best, but don’t worry too much about this year’s grades.

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math is all about practice problems - chemistry too. You need to do all the problems in the book, or on the practice test, and if you’re getting any of them wrong, you go to the teacher for help.

BTW, check out a spaced repetition recall app called ANKI. This is a fantastic flash card tool that you can use on your phone and computer. It’s amazing for language study (would be a huge help for Chinese III), but it’s also good for science concepts, English vocab, history questions, just about anything other than math and chem computational problems. One of my kids used this in high school (and ever after) to master several foreign languages, which turned into a career, and another of my kids is using this to crush it in med school - and they say that had they known to use this in undergrad, they would have gotten a much higher MCAT score, too.

The thing about it is that when the other kids are on their phones on social media, you can “parallel play” by being on your phone - but you’re doing ANKI flash cards, while they’re on social media. You can use it on the school bus, during any down-time you have, to turn it into productive study/review time, and it’s in such little bite size pieces that it doesn’t feel like work. My kid in med school does it first thing in the morning, with morning coffee and breakfast, just about 365 days a year. They’re probably ranked first in their class, academically. ANKI really works - you’ve got to check it out. You don’t even have to assemble your own decks of flash cards - there are premade decks that people have donated, for just about every subject.

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Ninth grade can be a tough transition year for many people, so don’t worry about that ruining your life.

I also wanted to specifically address your concern about majors and careers. The idea you have to pick your major and your future career early in HS is, frankly, nonsense. Maybe in other countries this is more true, but not in the US.

In the US, there are many excellent college programs, including many of the most famous, which are intentionally on an exploratory model. What this means is you start taking classes as a first year, and then only decide on your major later, usually some time in sophomore year. Even then, you can potentially change it.

And then even once you graduate, many people go into careers without a strong relationship to their major. Sometimes this is because they do further education, and for many degrees your major does not particularly matter, including MDs, DOs, JDs, and so on. Other times it is because they go into the sort of career field where your specific knowledge is learned mostly through job training and experience, including many business careers but also various public interest careers.

OK, so seriously, you are far away from actually needing to decide on a major, let alone a career. I know HS peers, sometimes parents, and so on can have a different view, but I am confident they are wrong.

So what should you worry about? Well, again, the mere fact you are having a somewhat rough transition to HS is not a big deal, it is way too common for that to be true. However, you can be thinking about how to learn from these experiences and develop sustainable, successful habits.

Consistent with the above observations about majors and careers, ultimately a successful life is a marathon, not a sprint. In fact, you’ll eventually see that some of the people who seemed to start off the fastest don’t stay out front forever. To be honest, some do. But others end up having unsustainable habits, and they at some point experience a serious crisis.

And others don’t have a major crisis, but they find what worked for them while young eventually stops working so well–and indeed, often that happens in college. So, like, first years in college are also notoriously rough on some kids, including kids who were relatively high performers in high school, and went to a highly selective college full of such high performers, such that it was impossible for them to all stay relatively high performers in their new peer set.

Anyway, point being a successful and fulfilling life can’t be achieved just in HS, or in college for that matter, it requires a sustainable, lifelong process. And learning what works for you, what habits lead to success and fulfillment for you in a sustainable way, is really the single most important thing you can do as a younger person.

And that can involve some basic things otherwise smart and ambitious kids sometimes overly discount. Like, good sleep habits. Good nutrition habits. Regular exercise. Regular fun time with friends. Gradually challenging yourself to progess in terms of social skills, and creativity, and caring for others. Because these sorts of habits don’t immediately lead to “gold stars”, they can be treated as unimportant. But that’s a mistake, in fact developing good habits in all these areas will, in the long run, make it far easier for you to achieve the really important things that are still to come.

OK, so that’s a lot to think about, but hopefully it can help you reorient to a helpful way of thinking about all this. You do face challenges, but they truly are not of the form of needing to lock into a major and career path any time soon. They involve the process of learning sustainable habits that will be conducive to long-term success and fulfillment. And developing those habits probably won’t happen immediately, but that’s OK, you have time.

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You 100% do not need to know what you are going to major in as a 9th grader, or indeed, not even until you are a college sophomore. Please drop that worry at least.

Let’s do a reality check, because in reading your post, it is clear that you feel that at the age of 14 or 15, you need to work out your entire life plan, including your eventual job and salary. You are years away from needing to work out a life plan. In fact, you need to just let life happen for a bit, and you will figure out things as you gain experiences and mature. So back to the reality check:

  • You are not getting bad grades.
  • Many colleges, including elite ones, do not consider class rank.
  • It doesn’t matter if you have “heard” that science and math tracks are hard. If you like it, study it, and if you don’t like it, study what interests YOU.
  • You are far too concerned with others’ grades and others’ activities. Most of what you have written here is all about other people and what they are doing. You are you, not them. Don’t try to be someone you aren’t. What others do is beyond your control.
  • Drop the activities you have no real interest in. Join a club you ARE interested in. Do that club. You will meet likeminded people and can have fun.
  • You have YEARS AND YEARS before you need to worry about jobs and paying rent.
  • Have honest conversations with your mother now. Not in a year, or six months. Be brave, get an aunt or cousin or someone to be with you when you share what you have shared here.
  • Everything you are describing is not sustainable. Your #1 priority has to be your mental health. Get support from your guidance counselor or a trusted relative if you feel your parents are not going to understand, but you need to talk to them and explain.
  • Your parents need to understand that you will go to the best college for you. You can succeed at hundreds of colleges

This is not hypocritical. You are 14 or 15. It is normal to want to have fun. Having fun is 1000x better for you than being stressed and miserable. In fact, having fun is necessary, far more so than AP classes.

It’s good that you understand that the stress is getting to you. What you are worried about here all points to you needing to discuss this with your school guidance counselor. Tell them that this intense workload gives you no time to relax or doing anything outside academic interests. Ask for the guidance counselor’s support and have your parents come to school for a meeting with the guidance counselor so that you can build a manageable schedule as you move through high school.

Be brave and be proactive about your needs. THAT is how you will be successful in your life, not by trying to do what others do.

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Academics are important in high school and should take first priority. Algebra is a foundational subject in preparation for trigonometry, precalculus, & later on calculus. Chemistry is also important if you plan to eventually take AP Chemistry. Focus on improving your grades to 90, then 95, before aiming for 100.

The SAT shouldn’t even be a concern in 9th grade. You can take PSAT and/or PreACT next year for baseline scores.

This is a major pitfall or academy or magnet tracks. You think you like math & science at age 14 by then by age 21 you end up loving the arts, humanities, & literature! Would it be possible to switch to a different track within the same school for 10th grade if you have truly discovered that you aren’t really a math/science person? It’s okay to begin thinking about college & possible majors in a very general way & maybe a couple of in-state local public colleges & universities but no need to construct a full target list this early.

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This is a completely inappropriate concern or expectation for a 9th grader.

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A more diverse environment would be beneficial for your mental health.

Try to engage in physical exercise each day.

Comparison is the thief of joy. Be yourself and do what makes you happy.

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